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Sophisticated lady
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Published Friday, September 30, 2011 @ 5:24 AM EDT
Sep 30 2011

My granddaughter Leanna's new eyeglasses emphasize her exquisite taste and help project a certain je ne sais quoi uncommon in a third grader.

Of course, she's wearing them primarily to begin establishing the secret identity she'll need when she becomes a fearless superhero.

What hath Tina Fey wrought?


Categories: KGB Family, Photo of the day


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Quotes of the day
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Published Thursday, September 29, 2011 @ 12:17 AM EDT
Sep 29 2011

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

Can't anyone here play this game?

Being with a woman all night never hurt no professional baseball player. It's staying up all night looking for a woman that does him in.

The secret of successful managing is to keep the five guys who hate you away from the four guys who haven't made up their minds.

There comes a time in every man's life and I've had many of them.

They say you can't do it, but remember they aren't always right.

Two hundred million Americans, and there ain't two good catchers among 'em.

Without losers, where would the winners be?

Casey Stengel, July 30, 1890 – September 29, 1975


Categories: Quotes of the day


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Why is the angry lady from Court TV trying to breastfeed my children?
(permalink)

Published Wednesday, September 28, 2011 @ 11:01 AM EDT
Sep 28 2011

"You had your shot, guys. For one shining moment, you weren't the biggest boobs on television."

(The Daily Show video: Nancy's wardrobe malfunction, Fox and Friends' seventh grade hazing of Chaz Bono continues.)


Categories: Daily Show, Jon Stewart, Video


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‎"The governments don't rule the world. Goldman Sachs rules the world."
(permalink)

Published Tuesday, September 27, 2011 @ 2:24 PM EDT
Sep 27 2011

(YouTube video of trader predicting European economic collapese.)


Categories: Video, YouTube


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Stop Forwarding That Crap To Me
(permalink)

Published Monday, September 26, 2011 @ 6:29 AM EDT
Sep 26 2011

(YouTube video: Weird Al Yankovic's "Stop Forwarding That Crap To Me")

Oh the sand keeps falling through the hourglass
And there's no way you're going to slow it down
You say we gotta treasure each moment
Who knows how long we're gonna be around

Yeah you keep on telling me life is short
And its hard to disagree with what you say
But if time is so precious why ya wasting mine
'Cause I'm always reading, always deleting
Every useless piece of garbage that you send my way

Every stupid hoax
All those corny jokes
Stop forwarding that crap to me
Well I don't need tons of cringe-inducing puns
Stop forwarding that crap to me

No it isn't okay if you brighten my day 
With some cut-and-pasted hackneyed Hallmark poetry
And I didn't request a personality test
Stop forwarding that crap to me

Ahhhh...
You're sending virus-laden bandwidth-hogging attachments 
To every single person you know
You're passing around a link to some dumb thing on YouTube
That everybody else already saw three years ago
And wacky badly Photoshopped billboards 
Were never that amusing to me
And I just can't believe you believe those urban legends
But I have high hopes 
Someone will point you toward Snopes
And debunk that crazy junk you're spewing constantly

No I don't want a bowl of Chicken Soup for the Soul
Stop forwarding that crap to me
Send more top 10 lists and I'll slash my wrists
Please stop forwarding that crap to me

Well I'm sorry i can't accept your paranoid rant
And I don't want the Neiman Marcus cookie recipe

Won't you kindly refrain 'cause it's hurting my brain
Stop forwarding... that crap to me

Like glittery hearts and unicorns 
And pictures of somebody's cat
Now tell me, in what alternate reality 
Would I care about something like that?

And by the way, your quotes from George Carlin 
Aren't really George Carlin
Mr. Rogers never fought the Viet Cong
And Bill Gates is never gonna give me somethin' for nothin'
And I really doubt some dead girl is gonna kill me 
If I don't pass her letter along

Well now I know you're wishin'
I'll sign your petition
But stop forwarding that crap to me
And I don't want to read your series 
Of conspiracy theories
Just stop forwarding that crap to me

And your two million loser friends
All have my address now, 
'Cause you never figured out the way to BCC

Now I gotta insist
Take me off of your list
Stop forwarding that crap to me
(Stop forwarding that crap to me)
(Stop forwarding that crap to me)
(Stop forwarding that crap to me)

(Stop forwarding that crap to me)
Just stop it now
(Stop forwarding that crap to me)
Oh, no
(Stop forwarding that crap to me) 
Ohhh...

(Stop forwarding that crap to me)
I can't take it
(Stop forwarding that crap to me)
Aw, please
(Stop forwarding that crap to me)

(Stop forwarding that crap to me)
You gotta stop
(Stop forwarding that crap to me)
Right now
(Stop forwarding that crap to me)

(Stop forwarding that crap to me)
I'm not kidding!
(Stop forwarding that crap to me)
At the risk of being slightly repetitious 
Gonna ask you now to stop! (Stop!)
Sending me that... (Crap!)
I don't want it!
Don't send it to me
Now don't send it to me!

(Stop forwarding that crap to me)
Just stop! 
(Stop forwarding that crap to me)
Ohh...
Stop forwarding that crap to me
To me

Categories: Music, Video, YouTube


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Quote of the day
(permalink)

Published Sunday, September 25, 2011 @ 12:03 AM EDT
Sep 25 2011

I often refer to Abe Lincoln, who said, "When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. And that is my religion." I think we all have a little voice inside us that will guide us. It may be God, I don't know. But I think that if we shut out all the noise and clutter from our lives and listen to that voice, it will tell us the right thing to do. The Unitarian believes that God is good, and believes that God believes that man is good. Inherently. The Unitarian God is not a God of vengeance. And that is something I can appreciate.
-Christopher Reeve (September 25, 1952 - October 10, 2004)


Categories: Quotes of the day, Unitarianism


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Quote of the day
(permalink)

Published Saturday, September 24, 2011 @ 10:07 AM EDT
Sep 24 2011

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
-Unattributed


Categories: Quotes of the day


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Literally speaking
(permalink)

Published Saturday, September 24, 2011 @ 12:23 AM EDT
Sep 24 2011

(YouTube video)


Categories: Video, YouTube


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Facebook grammar
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Published Friday, September 23, 2011 @ 8:47 AM EDT
Sep 23 2011

One of the "improvements" planned in the revamp of Facebook is enhanced user expression.

As one tech reviewer explained, ‎"You don’t have to just Like something- now you can [verb] any [noun]."

Great! Hey, Zuckerberg... verb my noun.


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Bye Bye Bob
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Published Friday, September 23, 2011 @ 4:23 AM EDT
Sep 23 2011

You can't think of Bob Fosse (June 23, 1927 – September 23, 1987) and not remember "Bye Bye Life," the spectacular ending of his semi-autobiographical All That Jazz (1979).

(YouTube video of the "Bye Bye Life" finale. Warning: contains brief nudity.)

When it's time to shuffle off this mortal coil, most just limp into an ill-defined tunnel with a light at its end. Fosse's Joe Gideon character does it with a Palme d'Or-winning Broadway finale.

The ending is abrupt and unsettling. Only Fosse could blend body bags and Ethel Merman and make it work.


Categories: Music, Video, YouTube


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A matter of perspective
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Published Thursday, September 22, 2011 @ 7:43 AM EDT
Sep 22 2011

Only $200,000 a year for food? The threatened extinction of Subway, Bill O'Reilly and the super rich.

("Moneybrawl" clip from "The Daily Show")

Perhaps a different, more direct perspective is needed:

(Clip from an Elizabeth Warren speech in Andover, MA.)

There is nobody in this country who got rich on his own. Nobody.

You built a factory out there- good for you! But I want to be clear.

You moved your goods to market on the roads the rest of us paid for.

You hired workers the rest of us paid to educate.

You were safe in your factory because of police forces and fire forces that the rest of us paid for.

You didn’t have to worry that maurauding bands would come and seize everything at your factory, and hire someone to protect against this, because of the work the rest of us did.

Now look, you built a factory and it turned into something terrific, or a great idea- God bless. Keep a big hunk of it.

But part of the underlying social contract is you take a hunk of that and pay forward for the next kid who comes along.


Categories: Daily Show, Jon Stewart


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Quote of the day
(permalink)

Published Thursday, September 22, 2011 @ 7:25 AM EDT
Sep 22 2011

A new book claims Sarah Palin had sex with NBA star Glen Rice. That’s where she got the phrase, "Drill, Baby, Drill."
-Conan O'Brien


Categories: Quotes of the day


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Quote of the day
(permalink)

Published Wednesday, September 21, 2011 @ 6:59 AM EDT
Sep 21 2011

I refuse to believe that corporations are people until Texas executes one.
-Katie Thomas (via Lloyd Cunningham)


Categories: Quotes of the day


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Science on your side
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Published Tuesday, September 20, 2011 @ 6:51 AM EDT
Sep 20 2011

NASA experts calculate the odds of being struck this Friday by the bus-sized, de-orbiting Upper Atmosphere Research Satellite are 3,200 to 1. The odds of being struck -while wearing the KGB Orbital Shield Tin-Foil Hat- are astronomical, if you'll pardon the pun. Why take the chance? Just $9.99.


Categories: KGB, WTF?


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A typical Republican voter (some strong language)
(permalink)

Published Monday, September 19, 2011 @ 7:37 AM EDT
Sep 19 2011

Trying to get today's Republican to accept basic facts is like trying to get your dog to take a pill. You have to give them the truth wrapped in a piece of baloney, hold their snouts shut, and stroke their throats. And even then, just when you think they’ve swallowed it, they spit it out on the linoleum.

(YouTube video in which Bill Maher and Keith Olbermann explain the density of Republicans.)


Categories: New Rules, Video, YouTube


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Déjà
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Published Sunday, September 18, 2011 @ 7:04 AM EDT
Sep 18 2011

Déjà
February 15, 1997 - September 18, 2011

She possessed beauty without vanity;
dignity without pretentiousness;
intelligence without conceit;
strength without insolence;
loyalty without condition;
courage without ferocity;
love without reservation;
the virtues of humans
without their vices.

(Adapted from Lord Byron's epitaph for his dog)


Categories: Animals, Dogs, KGB Family, Passages


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Political jokes of the week
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Published Saturday, September 17, 2011 @ 4:17 AM EDT
Sep 17 2011

Recent late-night political jokes, from Daniel Kurtzman's Political Humor Blog on About.com.

Dick Cheney was grilled by the women of 'The View.' So apparently he's willing to undergo torture himself to prove a point.
-Jay Leno

President Obama's re-election campaign is doing a contest where contributors can win a chance to have dinner with the president. Or, if you come in second place, a mid-afternoon Hot Pocket with Joe Biden.
-Conan O'Brien

A law signed by Arnold Schwarzenegger will soon release thousands of female prisoners. The man’s a genius. Soon thousands of women who haven’t been with a man for years will be free and thinking they owe Arnold a favor.
-Conan O'Brien

A Republican is going to be filling Anthony Weiner’s Congressional seat, but not before thoroughly wiping it down.
-Jimmy Kimmel

President Obama is determined to help the unemployed because it's looking increasingly likely that in a year, he'll be one of them.
-Jimmy Kimmel

If I was president, I'd freeze everyone in carbonite until the job market improves. It worked for Han Solo.
-Jimmy Kimmel

According to a new book, Sarah Palin slept with a black NBA player, Glen Rice, a year before she got married. I think technically this makes her a Kardashian sister. I think Sarah and Glen would make a great couple. He’d shoot 3-pointers. She'd shoot everything else.
-Jimmy Kimmel

People are blaming President Obama for Republicans winning a Congressional seat in New York, but I say, like the face of a guy who passes out at a frat party, this one has Weiner written all over it.
-Jimmy Fallon

Some Tea Party members at the Republican debate cheered the idea of a sick uninsured person being left to die. In fairness, the person in question was one of the moms from 'Toddlers & Tiaras.'
-Conan O'Brien

The U.S. Census Bureau reports that American homes are 650 square feet larger today than they were in 1980. Unfortunately, so are most Americans.
-Conan O'Brien

Threatening messages were posted on the White House Facebook page. Secret Service takes this very seriously and they're warning that whoever is responsible runs the risk of being unfriended.
-Jay Leno

There was another Republican debate on CNN. The big winner: Monday night football on ESPN.
-Jay Leno

President Obama wants to get Americans back to what we do best. He wants teachers teaching, police policing, firemen fighting fires, and the rest of us checking Facebook.
-Jimmy Kimmel

Obama says the jobs bill will be paid for. I don't like this focus on paying for things. That's what future generations are for.
-Jimmy Kimmel

My guest tonight is Al Gore, unless the Supreme Court decides it should be someone else.
-Stephen Colbert

People are saying that Anderson Cooper could be the new Oprah. And then these people are struck by lightning.
-Craig Ferguson

President Obama described himself as an eternal optimist. He then explained that he's the kind of person that sees the country as 'half employed.'
-Conan O'Brien

A man wearing an Obama mask robbed a bank. Either that or Obama has an exciting new plan to reduce the deficit.
-Conan O'Brien

Tim Pawlenty endorsed Mitt Romney, calling him a 'bedrock conservative.' When he heard this, John McCain said, 'I grew up in Bedrock, and I don't remember seeing him.'
-Conan O'Brien

In England a dominatrix is saying a prominent politician used to hire her for services. Of course, a dominatrix in England is someone who ties you down and then flosses you.
-Conan O'Brien

Mitt Romney said that President Obama does not understand that the president doesn't create jobs. Then Romney went on to explain his plan to create jobs once he's elected president.
-Jay Leno

Since Rick Perry has been governor of Texas, 234 criminals have been executed. That's the difference between Texas and California: In California, those criminals would have been given tryouts for the Raiders.
-Jay Leno

If the Tea Party cared about us they wouldn't have scheduled their debate against the opening night of football, especially the Patriots. That's something Kenyans would do.
-Jimmy Kimmel

The moderators were Wolf Blitzer and Larry the Cable Guy. Rick Santorum won the swimsuit competition. Michele Bachmann won Miss Crazyality.
-Jimmy Kimmel

According to a new poll, only 55 percent of Americans think President Obama is intelligent. Yeah, that may not sound impressive, but it's up 55 percent over the last president.
-Jimmy Fallon

His New York district is having a special election to replace Anthony Wiener. I was going to make a joke, but it's just so hard at this point …
-Jimmy Fallon

Michele Bachmann said she would do away with the Department of Education if elected president. In fact, if there's no Department of Education, it would make it easier for her to be elected.
-Jay Leno

Did you see all the Republican candidates lined up at the Reagan Library the other night? Didn't they look like it was part of Disney's 'Hall of Never-Will-Be-Presidents?'
-Jay Leno

In his speech, President Obama introduced a $400 billion plan called the 'American Jobs Act.' They would have had a more creative name, but the guy that comes up with names got laid off six months ago.
-Jimmy Fallon

President Obama said 'No single individual built America on their own.' When she heard that, Sarah Palin was like, 'Hello? Paul Bunyan?'
-Jimmy Fallon

The World Economic Forum, which ranks economies, moved the United States down to 5th place. But we're still the fattest, so that's good.
-Jimmy Kimmel

The virus in the movie 'Contagion' is based on the bird flu which came out of nowhere back in 2008. Everyone thought it was going to change the way we live and it just faded away. Wait a minute, I'm talking about President Obama.
-Craig Ferguson

Michele Bachmann is for people who find Sarah Palin too intellectual. She is pure. She is always completely fact-free. She said the Founding Fathers worked tirelessly until they got rid of slavery. So from now on Thomas Jefferson’s slaves will be known as friends with benefits.
-Bill Maher, on Jay Leno

The candidates at the Republican debate looked like a town council that was outlawing dancing.
-David Letterman

They looked like a board of directors that was lying about poisoning a river.
-David Letterman

I tried to TiVo the debate and my TiVo fell asleep.
-David Letterman

You could smell Rick Perry's cologne through the TV.
-David Letterman

Tomorrow is Bring Your Son or Daughter to the Unemployment Office Day.
-David Letterman

Rick Perry said he understands healthcare because his wife is a nurse. He also says he understands terrorism because he watched all the seasons of '24.'
-Conan O'Brien

Ultraconservative Rick Santorum said he is the son of an Italian immigrant. Immediately after the comment, Santorum had his dad deported.
-Conan O'Brien

Rick Perry and Mitt Romney squared off at the Republican debate. The only thing they agreed on was 'shampoo, rinse, and repeat.'
-Jay Leno

Don't they look like two guys waiting to audition for the same part in a soap opera?
-Jay Leno

Actually, history was made at the Reagan Library last night. I believe it was the first time Michele Bachmann has ever been in a library.
-Jay Leno

Perry used to be a Democrat. But then again, Barack Obama used to be a Democrat too.
-Jay Leno

Michele Bachmann said that she can get us back to two dollar gas. Please! The only place you can get two dollar gas is Taco Bell.
-Jay Leno

According to the latest L.A. Times poll, 75% of Californians believe the country is headed in the wrong direction. And 60% of Californians are so disillusioned, they're thinking about moving back to Mexico.
-Jay Leno

The president said we need more products stamped 'Made in America.' OK, let's get the Chinese to get a stamp that says 'Made in America.'
-Jimmy Kimmel

Tonight was President Obama's jobs speech and the NFL season opener. Which explains why Biden got confused and dumped Gatorade on President Obama.
-Jimmy Fallon

The Libyan rebels say they have Khadafy trapped within a 40-mile radius. Or as that’s also called, not trapped.
-Jimmy Fallon


Categories: Craig Ferguson, Founding Fathers, Star Wars, Stephen Colbert, Supreme Court


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Quote of the day
(permalink)

Published Friday, September 16, 2011 @ 11:32 AM EDT
Sep 16 2011

‎Rick Perry is qualified to be President in the same way that Olive Garden is qualified to be Italy.
-Andy Borowitz


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Jazz for cows
(permalink)

Published Thursday, September 15, 2011 @ 3:47 PM EDT
Sep 15 2011

Needs more cowbell.


Categories: Animals, Music, Video, YouTube


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Sympathy for the Devil
(permalink)

Published Thursday, September 15, 2011 @ 5:18 AM EDT
Sep 15 2011

Former Vice President Dick Cheney garners sympathy from an unusual source: The Daily Show's Jon Stewart.

("The Daily Show" clip: citing Obi-Wan.)


Categories: Daily Show, Jon Stewart, Star Wars, Video


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Potential t-shirt of the day
(permalink)

Published Wednesday, September 14, 2011 @ 7:21 AM EDT
Sep 14 2011

Republicans: They'll Take Care of You 'Til the Day You're Born.
-Elayne Boosler


Categories: Elayne Boosler, T-shirt of the day


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Remembering 9/13
(permalink)

Published Tuesday, September 13, 2011 @ 8:23 AM EDT
Sep 13 2011

The Daily Show remembers 9/13... the day we started forgetting...


Categories: Church and State, Daily Show, First Amendment, Hypocrisy, Jon Stewart, U.S. Constitution, Video, WTF?


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Birthday reflections
(permalink)

Published Monday, September 12, 2011 @ 7:16 AM EDT
Sep 12 2011

I turned 57 yesterday. My favorite birthday-related quotation:

The older you get, the better you get. Unless you're a banana.


Categories: KGB Family, Quotes of the day


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Earle
(permalink)

Published Sunday, September 11, 2011 @ 7:05 AM EDT
Sep 11 2011


Earle V. Wittpenn

(Originally published on September 10, 2010.)

Earle Wittpenn died last year on my birthday. I've tried to write about him a dozen times since then.

I've failed miserably.

The problem is that I can't talk about Earle without talking about myself. What should be a tribute to the man who rescued me from potential oblivion and gave my life drive and direction, ends up sounding like self-aggrandizing drivel.

I had graduated from high school at 16 as class salutatorian and was scheduled to enter Duquesne University's journalism school in the fall. It was an exciting time. I had something most of my contemporaries appeared to lack- an actual career goal- and a clear path to achieve it.

It was not to be.

My parents' personal demons made another of their cyclical visits. I found myself with no way to pay for college and no job prospects. My paternal grandparents, who always took me in when my mother and father found themselves incapable or unwilling to shoulder their parental responsibilities, again provided shelter and encouragement.

The mother of my high school english teacher, Mrs. H., was incensed when she heard a family member of mine say "He'll never amount to anything without college." She coerced one of her relatives to give me a job as a veterinary assistant.

On the day of what should have been my first semester in journalism school, I was restraining dogs and cats and checking stool speciments for worm eggs. I actually enjoyed the work and learned a great deal. It kept me busy, provided a minimum wage income, and, as Mrs. H. noted, "it'll keep you floating until your ship comes by again."

During one of our conversations, Mrs. H. said she had seen a classified ad in the Daily Messenger for a reporter/photographer. I dismissed it out of hand. "I'm not qualified for that," I told her. "You should apply anyway," she said. "They'll probably say no. They might say yes. It's worth asking."

My interview was with Ralph, the city editor, and I could tell he was less than impressed by my meager resume. My journalism background consisted of being editor of the high school newspaper and having three articles published in Model Rocketry magazine.

I'd also written a weekly high school news column for the Messenger during my senior year, for which I received ten cents per column inch and $2 per photo. I showed the check stubs to Ralph. "Technically, I've already written for the Messenger," I said, "so I do have daily newspaper experience."

I swear I heard crickets in the ten seconds of silence that followed.

Ralph was exceedingly friendly, thanked me for coming, and promised he'd get back to me. Even at 17, I was perceptive enough to know that my immediate future would still involve furry mammals and centrifuged feces.

On the way down the Messenger's seemingly endless flight of steps I bumped into the paper's editor, Earle Wittpenn. "Mr. Barkes!" he said, "How the hell are you? How's Duquesne?" I was stunned he remembered my name, let alone my college choice.

Earle had taken me to lunch at the H&H Restaurant on Eighth Avenue in Homestead shortly before my graduation. He thanked me for writing the high school news column. He said he was impressed that I was the only high school contributor who had never missed a deadline, and that I had always submitted at least two usable photos every week.

He was also amused that I managed to include the high school honor roll in my column, which was submitted two days before the paper received the official list from the district. "How'd you manage that?" he asked. "I have contacts," I replied, in my best pre-Woodward and Bernstein conspiratorial tone.

He laughed, and said he didn't mind paying me ten cents an inch for a list of names he could get for free a few days later. "We scooped The Daily News", he chuckled. "That's worth two bucks."

As Earle paid the check, I boldly asked if there were any part-time openings at the paper. He put his hand on my shoulder, shook my hand, and told me that at 16, I was a bit too young. "See me in a year," he said.

Anyway, I told Earle about my situation and that I had just put in my application with Ralph. "How old are you?" Earle asked. "Seventeen," I replied, somewhat timidly.

"Well, I started when I was 17 and it worked out ok," he laughed. "Give Ralph a call and let him know when you can come in."

The rest, as they say, is history.

One very important lesson Earle taught me was recognizing one's limitations. "There's always someone better than you," he said. "Someone who comes up with the right words for a situation. If you can't do better yourself, then use what that person wrote, but be sure to give them the credit."

At the memorial service, Earle's nephew, Matt Phillips, ended his transcendent eulogy with the lyrics from "For Good", a song written by Stephen Schwartz for the musical Wicked. His words are far better than any I could cobble together:

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you.

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend.

As usual, Earle was right.


Categories: Earle V. Wittpenn, KGB Family, KGB Opinion


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Political jokes of the week
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Published Saturday, September 10, 2011 @ 6:54 AM EDT
Sep 10 2011

Recent late-night political jokes, from Daniel Kurtzman's Political Humor Blog on About.com.

(YouTube video: The Republican debate in 45 seconds.)

The Republican presidential candidates will have a debate at the Reagan Library. They were going to have it at the George W. Bush Library but they couldn't fit all eight of them in the bouncy house.
-Conan O'Brien

People are saying that Rick Perry is really tough because he has executed over 200 people. And that was just while he was on vacation in Florida.
-Conan O'Brien

The oil industry said if they were allowed to drill more, they could create over a million new jobs. Of course most of those jobs would be cleaning oil off ducks.
-Conan O'Brien

To give an idea of how bad the economy is, the NFL had to borrow the quarter for the coin toss from China. And they want it back.
-Conan O'Brien

In Iowa Sarah Palin ran a half marathon and came in second place. Of course no one saw her do it, because she refused to tell anyone she was running.
-Conan O'Brien

Dick Cheney says Hillary Clinton would have made a better president than Barack Obama. Then he got back in his coffin.
-David Letterman

The Republican debate was on earlier tonight. Side effects may include nausea, vomiting and sexual dysfunction.
-David Letterman

Michele Bachmann is dropping rapidly in the polls. If she loses three more points she goes on 'Dancing with the Stars.'
-David Letterman

Homeland Security is saying you may no longer have to remove your shoes when you fly. Welcome to the golden age of travel. I just hope they don’t stop wanding my inner thighs.
-David Letterman

During the Republican debate, every time they mentioned Ronald Reagan, I ate a jelly bean. And now I have type two diabetes.
-Jimmy Kimmel

This is the first debate Rick Perry has participated in since he announced his candidacy. Perry is a mix between George W. Bush and Yosemite W. Sam.
-Jimmy Kimmel

Sarah Palin ran an unannounced half marathon in Iowa. Wait, did she run a half marathon or run half a marathon and quit? Is there anything Sarah Palin can’t do half of?
-Jimmy Kimmel

The Republican debate got pretty heated. They spent most of their time arguing over who God called first.
-Jay Leno

Michele Bachmann said that if she is elected president, she would consider eliminating the Department of Education because "the states could do a gooder job."
-Jay Leno

Ford is building a new plant that will create 5,000 jobs in India. Or as Obama put it, "You've got to be kidding me!"
–Jimmy Fallon

Sunday is the 10th anniversary of 9/11, which means it can only be another five years before we discover Saddam Hussein’s WMDs.
-Stephen Colbert


Categories: Animals, Craig Ferguson, Political Jokes of the Week, Stephen Colbert, WTF?


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Remembering Hoyt Curtin
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Published Friday, September 09, 2011 @ 7:19 AM EDT
Sep 09 2011

You may not know his name, but you've heard his music.

Hoyt Curtin (9/9/1922-12/3/2000) wrote most of the now-iconic music for all of the Hanna-Barbera cartoon series from Ruff and Ready in the 50s through The Smurfs in the 70s- 145 themes in all.

Curtin is perhaps most remembered for his themes to The Flintstones and The Jetsons, but his music for Jonny Quest is perhaps the best example of great 60s jazz:


Categories: Cartoons, Music, Video, YouTube


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Divine intervention
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Published Thursday, September 08, 2011 @ 6:33 PM EDT
Sep 08 2011


Categories: Photo of the day


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Happy anniversary!
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Published Thursday, September 08, 2011 @ 12:01 AM EDT
Sep 08 2011

Star Trek is 45 today. William Shatner's toupee is 48.


Categories: Star Trek, William Shatner


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I can't prove it...
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Published Wednesday, September 07, 2011 @ 9:39 AM EDT
Sep 07 2011

..but I'm pretty certain the "you can't wear white after Labor Day" meme didn't become widespread until Kathleen Turner killed Patty Hearst(!?) for committing the offense in John Waters' 1994 cult favorite, "Serial Mom:"

(YouTube video: "Serial Mom" excerpt)


Categories: Video, YouTube


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At some point, you gotta look up...
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Published Wednesday, September 07, 2011 @ 2:24 AM EDT
Sep 07 2011

(Neil deGrasse Tyson on NASA and what kids want to be when they grow up.)


Categories: Neil deGrasse Tyson


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George Lucas, you've gone too far...
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Published Tuesday, September 06, 2011 @ 2:00 PM EDT
Sep 06 2011

These Blu-Ray modifications must stop.


Categories: Photo of the day, Star Wars, WTF?


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Quote of the day
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Published Tuesday, September 06, 2011 @ 8:41 AM EDT
Sep 06 2011

This isn't life in the fast lane, it's life in the oncoming traffic.
-Terry Pratchett


Categories: Quotes of the day


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Quote of the day
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Published Monday, September 05, 2011 @ 9:55 AM EDT
Sep 05 2011

‎If one [political] party declared that the earth was flat, the headlines would read "Views Differ on Shape of Planet."
-Paul Krugman


Categories: Quotes of the day


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Hi, Bob...
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Published Monday, September 05, 2011 @ 12:22 AM EDT
Sep 05 2011

Happy 82nd birthday to the incomparable Bob Newhart.

(YouTube video of Bob Newhart and Dean Martin in "The Hairpiece Sketch.")

I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means "put down."
-Bob Newhart


Categories: Quotes of the day, Video, YouTube


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T-shirt of the day
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Published Sunday, September 04, 2011 @ 7:13 AM EDT
Sep 04 2011

Come to the nerd side. We have pi.


Categories: T-shirt of the day


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Quote of the day
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Published Saturday, September 03, 2011 @ 10:47 AM EDT
Sep 03 2011

If cigarette packs are required to have pictures of diseased lungs, college brochures should be required to have pictures of graduates working at Starbucks.
-Daniel Lin


Categories: Quotes of the day


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We can't make it here any more.
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Published Friday, September 02, 2011 @ 8:53 AM EDT
Sep 02 2011

(You Tube video)

Vietnam Vet with a cardboard sign
Sitting there by the left turn line
Flag on the wheelchair flapping in the breeze
One leg missing, both hands free
No one's paying much mind to him
The V.A. budget's stretched so thin
And there's more comin' home from the Mideast war
We can't make it here anymore

That big ol' building was the textile mill
It fed our kids and it paid our bills
But they turned us out and they closed the doors
We can't make it here anymore

See all those pallets piled up on the loading dock?
They're just gonna sit there till they rot
'Cause there's nothing to ship, nothing to pack
Just busted concrete and rusted tracks
Empty storefronts around the square
There's a needle in the gutter and glass everywhere
You don't come down here 'less you're looking to score
We can't make it here anymore

The bar's still open but man it's slow
The tip jar's light and the register's low
The bartender don't have much to say
The regular crowd gets thinner each day

Some have maxed out all their credit cards
Some are working two jobs and living in cars
Minimum wage won't pay for a roof, won't pay for a drink
If you gotta have proof just try it yourself Mr. CEO
See how far five fifteen an hour will go
Take a part time job at one of your stores
Bet you can't make it here anymore

High school girl with a bourgeois dream
Just like the pictures in the magazine
She found on the floor of the laundromat
A woman with kids can forget all that
If she comes up pregnant what'll she do?
Forget the career, forget about school
Can she live on faith? live on hope?
High on Jesus or hooked on dope
When it's way too late to just say no
You can't make it here anymore

Now I'm stocking shirts in the Wal-Mart store
Just like the ones we made before
'Cept this one came from Singapore
I guess we can't make it here anymore

Should I hate a people for the shade of their skin
Or the shape of their eyes or the shape I'm in?
Should I hate 'em for having our jobs today?
No I hate the men sent the jobs away
I can see them all now, they haunt my dreams
All lily white and squeaky clean
They've never known want, they'll never know need
Their shit don't stink and their kids won't bleed
Their kids won't bleed in the damn little war
And we can't make it here anymore

Will work for food
Will die for oil
Will kill for power and to us the spoils
The billionaires get to pay less tax
The working poor get to fall through the cracks
Let 'em eat jellybeans let 'em eat cake
Let 'em eat shit, whatever it takes
They can join the Air Force, or join the Corps
If they can't make it here anymore

And that's how it is
That's what we got
If the president wants to admit it or not
You can read it in the paper
Read it on the wall
Hear it on the wind
If you're listening at all
Get out of that limo
Look us in the eye
Call us on the cell phone
Tell us all why

In Dayton, Ohio
Or Portland, Maine
Or a cotton gin out on the great high plains
That's done closed down along with the school
And the hospital and the swimming pool
Dust devils dance in the noonday heat
There's rats in the alley
And trash in the street
Gang graffiti on a boxcar door
We can't make it here anymore

Music and lyrics © 2004 by James McMurtry


Categories: Music, Signs of the Apocalypse, Video, YouTube


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Amen.
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Published Thursday, September 01, 2011 @ 10:59 AM EDT
Sep 01 2011

"Pet peeve time: for the contingent out there who sneer at heroes like Superman and Wonder Woman and Captain America, those icons who still, at their core, represent selfless sacrifice for the greater good, and who justify their contempt by saying, oh, it’s so unrealistic, no one would ever be so noble... grow up. Seriously. Cynicism is not maturity, do not mistake the one for the other. If you truly cannot accept a story where someone does the right thing because it’s the right thing to do, that says far more about who you are than these characters."
-Greg Rucka


Categories: Superman


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Quotes of the day
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Published Thursday, September 01, 2011 @ 7:59 AM EDT
Sep 01 2011

Lily Tomlin (b. September 1, 1939)

A sobering thought: what if, at this very moment, I am living up to my full potential?

Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.

For fast acting relief, try slowing down.

I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle it's much too confining.

I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.

I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.

If evolution was worth its salt, it should've evolved something better than "survival of the fittest" I think a better idea would be "survival of the wittiest." At least, that way, creatures that didn't survive could've died laughing.

If I'd known what it would be like to have it all, I might have been willing to settle for less.

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.

No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.

Remember, we're all in this alone.

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.

Thank God kids never mean well.

The best mind-altering drug is truth.

The fifties was the most sexually frustrated decades ever: ten years of foreplay. And the Sixties, well, the Sixties was like coitus interruptus. The only thing we didn't pull out of was Vietnam.

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

Truth is, I've always been selling out. The difference is that in the past, I looked like I had integrity because there were no buyers.

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic.


Categories: Quotes of the day


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Third grade
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Published Thursday, September 01, 2011 @ 7:48 AM EDT
Sep 01 2011

Granddaughter Leanna says goodbye to Bella as she heads off for her first day of the new school year.


Categories: KGB Family, Photo of the day


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