It took an hour, mild sedation, three Milk Bones, my beard trimmer, two adults and an oven mitt, but we finally trimmed the hair around the eyes of the small, dog-like creature (aka Pixie the Shih Tzu).
Observations by and for the vaguely disenchanted.
Risking the wrath of the whatever
from high atop the thing.
It took an hour, mild sedation, three Milk Bones, my beard trimmer, two adults and an oven mitt, but we finally trimmed the hair around the eyes of the small, dog-like creature (aka Pixie the Shih Tzu).
The idea of Daylight Saving time is like trying to be taller by cutting
off your head and standing on it.
I was thinking about the hypothesis that our universe is a computer simulation. It would explain a lot of things, like quantum physics. Programmers often take short cuts. In cgi-generated motion pictures, distant subjects lack the detail of foreground objects. Why spend the time programming the texture of every stone in a castle wall when it's going to appear to be a mile away? Maybe the programmer who wrote the code for our simulated universe got to the subatomic level and figured the typical simulated life forms that would develop here would never reach the point where they'd start poking around at the level of quantum states, so no one would ever see the bug that made it impossible to simultaneously determine the position and momentum of subatomic particles. And the division by zero errors responsible for those pesky black holes? That'll be fixed in the next release.
Be willing to die for your beliefs, or computer printouts of your
-Don DeLillo (via Sareesa Boyd)
The best way to get the right answer on the Internet is not to ask a
question, it's to post the wrong answer.
Stephen Hawking with nine guys dressed as Bananaman.
The Swiss must've been pretty confident in their chances of victory if
they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
-@ChevyChase (parody account)
-----This week the Russian government gave all 44 of its Olympic medalists a new Mercedes. When asked what happened to the athletes who didn't medal, Putin said, 'Do not open trunk.'
Pope Francis told the press today that the Catholic Church could
tolerate same-sex civil unions. You know, I think lately when people
say, 'Is the Pope Catholic?' they're actually asking.
Russia is threatening to invade Ukraine, and the U.S. is stepping in. In
fact, just yesterday the U.S. gave a billion dollars to Ukraine to help
stabilize the region. Then Detroit said, 'Hey, can WE go to war with
The last time a Republican was elected president without a Nixon or Bush on the ticket was 1928.
Maximum number of dildos a Texan may legally own: 5
Hockey is more enjoyable if you pretend they're fighting over the
world's last Oreo.
-@BillMurray (parody account)
This is appalling. And tremendous.
(YouTube video: Debut Criminal Defense Commercial
from Pittsburgh's Criminal Defense Rookie of the Year)
Radio Shack is closing 1,100 stores so you will have to go to Wal Mart
if you need a universal remote that breaks in a month.
March is National Kidney Month! Fun Fact: There are actually two kidney
months, but you only need one.
The world's most expensive place to live is Singapore. For the world's
cheapest place, check your clothing label.
Good thing George W. Bush isn't President or we'd already be at war with
the people who make Cremora.
Conservatives love Sarah Palin because she pisses off liberals, which is
like eating rubber cement because everyone tells you not to.
Newsmax is starting their own channel, hoping to poach Fox News’s
younger viewers, the coveted 72 to 86 demographic.
And... the desktop is clean.
I'm giving up giving up things for Lent for Lent.
-Kevin G. Barkes
Pumpkin turns 17 today and retains the title of oldest non-human mammal in the house.
Her nickname for the longest time was "Demon Cat From Hell." She does not suffer fools gladly, and she pretty much considers herself to be surrounded by fools.
Fortunately, she's mellowed somewhat in her old age. Treat her with respect, and you'll get it in return.
As long as you feed her.
George Burns (January 20, 1896 – March 9, 1996), born Nathan Birnbaum, was an American comedian, actor and writer. He was one of the few entertainers whose career successfully spanned vaudeville, film, radio, and television. His arched eyebrow and cigar smoke punctuation became familiar trademarks for over three-quarters of a century. At the age of 79, Burns' career was resurrected as an amiable, beloved and unusually active old comedian in the 1975 film The Sunshine Boys, for which he won the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor. He continued to work until shortly before his death, in 1996, at the age of 100. (Click here for full Wikipedia article)
By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house.
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
For forty years my act consisted of one joke. And then she died.
(from Gracie: A Love Story)
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family- in another city.
How can I die? I'm booked.
I can do everything now that I could do when I was 18. I was pretty pathetic at 18.
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
I'd go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than be a success at something I hate.
If I'd taken my doctor's advice and quit smoking when he advised me to, I wouldn't have lived to go to his funeral.
If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it
If you live to be a hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.
It's good to be here. At my age, it's good to be anywhere.
Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and have the two as close together as possible.
The secret of acting is sincerity. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I'm labeled senile.
You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
Gene Fowler (March 8, 1890 - July 2, 1960), born Eugene Devlan, was a writer and actor, known for The Mighty Barnum (1934), What Price Hollywood? (1932) and Billy the Kid (1941). (Click here for full Wikipedia article)
A book is never finished; it's abandoned.
An editor should have a pimp for a brother so he'd have someone to look up to.
Duty largely consists of pretending that the trivial is critical.
Everyone needs a warm personal enemy or two to keep him free from rust in the movable parts of his mind.
For books are more than books, they are the life, the very heart and core of ages past, the reason why men lived and worked and died, the essence and quintessence of their lives.
He has a profound respect for old age. Especially when it's bottled.
Hollywood is a place where you either ride in a Rolls Royce or are run over by one.
If they haven't heard it before, it's original.
It is easier to believe than to doubt.
Love and memory last and will so endure till the game is called because of darkness.
Men are not against you; they are merely for themselves.
Never thank anybody for anything, except a drink of water in the desert- and then make it brief.
News is history shot on the wing. The huntsmen from the Fourth Estate seek to bag only the peacock or the eagle of the swifting day.
Perhaps no mightier conflict of mind occurs ever again in a lifetime than that first decision to unseat one's own tooth.
Psychoanalysts seem to be long on information and short on application.
The best way to become a successful writer is to read good writing, remember it, and then forget where you remember it from.
They that will not be counseled, cannot be helped. If you do not hear reason she will rap you on the knuckles.
What is success? It is a toy balloon among children armed with pins.
Whatever one believes to be true either is true or becomes true in one's mind.
Whatever one wishes to say, there is one noun only by which to express it, one verb only to give it life, one adjective only which will describe it. One must search until one has discovered them, this noun, this verb, this adjective, and never rest content with approximations, never resort to trickery, however happy, or to vulgarisms, in order to dodge the difficulty.
Writing is easy; all you do is sit staring at a blank sheet of paper until the drops of blood form on your forehead.
Stanley Kubrick (July 26, 1928 - March 7, 1999) was an American film director, screenwriter, producer, cinematographer, and editor who did most of his work as an expatriate in the United Kingdom. He is regarded by many as one of the greatest filmmakers of all time. His films, typically adaptations of novels or short stories, are noted for their "dazzling" and unique cinematography, attention to detail in the service of realism, and the evocative use of music. Kubrick's films covered a variety of genres, including war, crime, romantic and black comedies, horror, epic and science fiction. (Click here for full Wikipedia article)
All great nations have always acted like gangsters, and the small nations like prostitutes.
Any time you take a chance you better be sure the rewards are worth the risk because they can put you away just as fast for a ten dollar heist as they can for a million dollar job.
Do we lose our humanity if we are deprived of the choice between good and evil?
Hitler loved good music and many top Nazis were cultured and sophisticated men but it didn't do them, or anyone else, much good.
However vast the darkness, we must supply our own light.
I don't like doing interviews. There is always the problem of being misquoted or, what's even worse, of being quoted exactly.
If it can be written or thought, it can be filmed.
If you can talk brilliantly about a problem, it can create the consoling illusion that it has been mastered.
Include utter banalities.
It's a mistake to confuse pity with love.
It's intimidating, especially at a time like this, to think of how many books you should read and never will.
Modern science seems to be very dangerous because it has given us the power to destroy ourselves before we know how to handle it. On the other hand, it is foolish to blame science for its discoveries, and in any case, we cannot control science. Who would do it, anyway?
More people read books about the Nazis than about the UN. Newspapers headline bad news. The bad characters in a story can often be more interesting than the good ones.
Never, ever go near power. Don't become friends with anyone who has real power. It's dangerous.
No philosophy based on an incorrect view of the nature of man is likely to produce social good.
One man writes a novel. One man writes a symphony. It is essential that one man make a film.
People can misinterpret almost anything so that it coincides with views they already hold.
The most memorable scenes in the best films are those which are built predominantly of images and music.
The most terrifying fact about the universe is not that it is hostile but that it is indifferent.
The power and authority of the State should be optimized and exercized only to the extent that is required to keep things civilized.
The very meaninglessness of life forces man to create his own meaning.
There has always been violence in art. There is violence in the Bible, violence in Homer, violence in Shakespeare, and many psychiatrists believe that it serves as a catharsis rather than a model.
There's something in the human personality which resents things that are clear, and conversely, something which is attracted to puzzles, enigmas, and allegories.
This shattering recognition of our mortality is at the root of far more mental illness than I suspect even psychiatrists are aware.
What chess teaches you is that you must sit there calmly and think about whether it’s really a good idea and whether there are other, better ideas.
Ringgold Wilmer Lardner (March 6, 1885 - September 25, 1933) was an American sports columnist and short story writer best known for his satirical takes on the sports world, marriage, and the theatre. (Click here for full Wikipedia article)
A good many young writers make the mistake of enclosing a stamped, self-addressed envelope, big enough for the manuscript to come back in. This is too much of a temptation to the editor.
An optimist is a girl who mistakes a bulge for a curve.
'Are you lost, Daddy?' I asked tenderly. 'Shut up,' he explained.
He gave her a look you could have poured on a waffle.
He looked at me as if I were a side dish he hadn't ordered.
How can you write if you can't cry?
No one, ever, wrote anything as well even after one drink as he would have done without it.
The family you come from isn't as important as the family you're going to have.
There isn't anything on earth as depressing as an old sportswriter.
They gave each other a smile with a future in it.
Where do they get that stuff about me being a satirist? I just listen.
A mission statement is defined as 'a long awkward sentence that
demonstrates management's inability to think clearly.' All good
companies have one.
All good work is done in defiance of management.
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, but management won't
pay a penny for it.
Bank failures are caused by depositors who don't deposit enough money to
cover losses due to mismanagement.
Catching people doing things right is a powerful management concept.
Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder
aloud what the country could do under first-class management.
Eighty percent of good management is hiring the right people. The other
20 percent is getting out of their way.
Engineering without management is art.
Every layer of management exists for the sole purpose of warning us
about the layer above.
I fire staff regularly, sometimes for no reason at all. Terror is a
marvelous, often underutilized management tool.
-(From the magazine Forbes FYI)
I learned about stress management from my kids. Every night after work,
I drink some chocolate milk, eat sugary cereal straight from the box,
then run around the house in my underwear screaming like a monkey.
I tell you, sir, the only safeguard of order and discipline in the
modern world is a standardized worker with interchangeable parts. That
would solve the entire problem of management.
If at first you don't succeed, try management.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of management.
It's a lot easier to fake good management than to fake good code.
It's vital for employees to accept the 'buy-in' process. That way
management has someone to blame when things go wrong.
Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.
-Frank McKinney (Kin) Hubbard
Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.
Management is efficiency in climbing the ladder of success; leadership
determines whether the ladder is leaning against the right wall.
Put an underdog on top and it makes no difference whether his name is
Russian, Jewish, Negro, Management, Labor, Mormon, Baptist he goes
haywire. I've found very, very few who remember their past condition
when prosperity comes.
-Harry S. Truman
So much of what we call management consists in making it difficult for
people to work.
Sometimes when I get direction from management I have to stop, take a
deep breath, and ask myself, 'What would MacGyver do in a situation like
The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of
management is that success equals skill.
The trick of management is finding people with the right demons.
When people stare at you in disbelief, do you repeat what you just said,
only louder and slower? Good, you're management material.
You cannot manage a man into combat; you must lead him. You manage
things, you lead people. We went overboard on management and forgot
-Admiral Grace Murray Hopper
Forget the Oscars. This is the best version.
(YouTube video: Jimmy Fallon, Idina Menzel and The Roots perform "Let It Go" on classroom instruments!)
The song as it appears in the film was undoubtedly assembled from
multiple takes and enhanced electronically- a necessity when you're
planning to exhibit it in huge IMAX venues with several thousands watts
of audio amplification.
(YouTube video: Idina Menzel performs "Let It Go" in "Frozen.")
Frankly, her Oscar performance wasn't her best... having John Travolta mangle her name didn't help. Think about it- you're following Bette Midler, you're the last musical performer of the night, singing what everyone expects to win the Oscar for Best Song, the live orchestra is in a recording studio over a mile away, and "Let It Go" (which its authors say was specifically written to be "Idina's Badass Song") is the Power Ballad from Hell, ranging from F3 to E♭5.
Go ahead... follow along...
(YouTube video: Let It Go arranged by Larry Moore)
Anyway, it was nice to see her actually enjoying herself with Fallon and The Roots.
Robert Orben (b. March 4, 1927) is best known as an American professional comedy writer, though he also worked as a speechwriter for Gerald R. Ford and as a magician. He has written multiple books on comedy, mostly collections of gags and 'one-liners' originally written for his newsletter, Orben's Current Comedy, and he has also written books for magicians. (Click here for full Wikipedia article)
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that individuality is the key to success.
Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?
Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?
Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get published.
Do your kids a favor- don't have any.
Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success.
Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't.
I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?'
If you can get someone to laugh with you, they will be more willing to identify with you, listen to you. It parts the waters.
Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson... you find the present tense and the past perfect.
Old people shouldn't eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.
Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.
Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.
Summit meetings tend to be like panda matings. The expectations are always high, and the results usually disappointing.
There are only two kinds of people in this world. The realists and the dreamers. The realists know where they are going and the dreamers have already been there.
These detective series on TV always end at precisely the right moment-after the criminal is arrested and before the court turns him loose.
Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.
It's Scotty's birthday, which is a major holiday around these parts.
See you tomorrow.
Hollywood is a factory. You have to realize that you are working in a
factory and you're part of the mechanism. If you break down, you'll be
Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a
kiss, and 50 cents for your soul.
Hollywood is a place where you either ride in a Rolls Royce or are run
over by one.
Hollywood is full of genius. And all it lacks is talent.
Hollywood is Hollywood. There's nothing you can say about it that isn't
true, good or bad. And if you get into it, you have no right to be
bitter- you're the one who sat down, and joined the game.
Hollywood is loneliness beside the swimming pool.
Hollywood is making, because of costs, fewer interesting films. So,
basically you end up with a lot of explosions.
Hollywood is the kind of town where they stick a knife in your back and
then arrest you for carrying a concealed weapon.
Hollywood is where they write the alibis before they write the story.
Hollywood is wonderful. Anyone who doesn't like it is either crazy or
Hollywood's a great place to live... if you're a grapefruit.
Hollywood, where the stars are in the sidewalk and the dirt is in the
Hollywood: that's where they give Academy Awards to Charlton Heston for
Hollywood: They only know one word of more than one syllable there, and
that is 'fillum.'
Categories: Quotes on a topic
Kentucky is fighting same-sex marriage tooth and nail, just as it fought
Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer today reflected on her decision to veto the
state's anti-gay law: "The decision was a no-brainer, which is why I was
capable of making it."
Why I canceled my 20+ year subscription to The Wall Street Journal
after it was purchased by Rupert Murdoch, in one photo:
It's a bit odd that when you ask certain conservatives to Love Thy
Neighbor they feel their religious freedom is at risk.
Dutch police have begun using rats to detect drugs and guns in suspects'
clothing, so next time you smoke weed in Amsterdam, try not to get
paranoid about the Hyper-Intelligent Police Rats.
Losing to Canada in hockey is like losing to France in cowardice.
Hi, I'm a guy who supported the Iraq war and is outraged Putin would
invade a smaller country that hasn't attacked him.
Granddaughter Joelle has the official Star Fleet wardrobe, is working on the Vulcan salute...
YouTube video: 3,965-day-old Leanna and 296-day-old Joelle hang out.
Categories: KGB Family
Thomas Kennerly "Tom" Wolfe, Jr. (b. March 2, 1931) is an American author and journalist, best known for his association and influence over the New Journalism literary movement in which literary techniques are used in objective, even-handed journalism. Beginning his career as a reporter he soon became one of the most culturally significant figures of the sixties after the publication of books such as The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test, a highly experimental account of Ken Kesey and the Merry Pranksters, and his collections of articles and essays, Radical Chic & Mau-Mauing the Flak Catchers and The Kandy-Kolored Tangerine-Flake Streamline Baby. His first novel entitled The Bonfire of the Vanities, released in 1987, was met with critical acclaim and was a great commercial success. (Click here for full Wikipedia article)
A cult is a religion with no political power.
A lie may fool someone else, but it tells you the truth: you're weak.
Criminal law is a thing unto itself, because the stakes are not money but human life and human freedom, and I tell you, that sets off a lot of crazy emotions.
Culture is the arts elevated to a set of beliefs.
Don't confuse the water with the pump.
For the debut of Las Vegas as a resort in 1946, Bugsy Siegel hired Abbot and Costello, and there, in a way, you have it all.
Frankly, these days, without a theory to go with it, I can't see a painting.
I never forget. I never forgive. I can wait. I find it very easy to harbor a grudge. I have scores to settle.
I'd rather be a lightning rod than a seismograph.
If a conservative is a liberal who's been mugged, a liberal is a conservative who's been arrested.
If you label it this, then it can't be that.
It is very comforting to believe that leaders who do terrible things are, in fact, mad. That way, all we have to do is make sure we don't put psychotics in high places and we've got the problem solved.
Perhaps this is our strange and haunting paradox here in America- that we are fixed and certain only when we are in movement.
Sometimes we don't even realize what we really care about, because we get so distracted by the symbols.
That's mostly what the Internet is, just passing the time. But unfortunately you are dealing with words that can have meaning.
The attitude is we live and let live. This is actually an amazing change in values in a rather short time and it's an example of freedom from religion.
The dark night of fascism is always descending in the United States and yet lands only in Europe.
The surest cure for vanity is loneliness.
We are always acting on what has just finished happening. It happened at least 1/30th of a second ago. We think we're in the present, but we aren't. The present we know is only a movie of the past.
You can be denounced from the heavens, and it only makes people interested.
You never realize how much of your background is sewn into the lining of your clothes.
You're either on the bus or off the bus.