Sir Pelham Grenville Wodehouse, KBE (October 15, 1881 – February 14,
1975) was an English humorist whose body of work includes novels, short
stories, plays, poems, song lyrics and numerous pieces of journalism. He
enjoyed enormous popular success during a career that lasted more than
seventy years, and his many writings continue to be widely read. Despite
the political and social upheavals that occurred during his life, much
of which was spent in France and the United States, Wodehouse's main
canvas remained that of a pre– and post–World War I English upper class
society, reflecting his birth, education, and youthful writing career. (Click
here for full Wikipedia article)
A girl who bonnets a policeman with an ashcan full of bottles is
obviously good wife-and-mother timber.
A man who has spent most of his adult life trying out a series of patent
medicines is always an optimist.
At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability
to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to
achieve somewhere in the later seventies.
Boyhood, like measles, is one of those complaints which a man should
catch young and have done with, for when it comes in middle life it is
apt to be serious.
Chumps always make the best husbands... All the unhappy marriages come
from the husbands having brains.
Dedication: To my daughter Leonora without whose never-failing sympathy
and encouragement this book would have been finished in half the time.
Every author really wants to have letters printed in the papers. Unable
to make the grade, he drops down a rung of the ladder and writes books.
Golf is the infallible test. The man who can go into a patch of rough
alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his
ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well.
He felt like a man who, chasing rainbows, has had one of them suddenly
turn and bite him in the leg.
He groaned slightly and winced like Prometheus watching his vulture
dropping in for lunch.
He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted
to eat, but certainly no more.
He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life and found a dead
beetle at the bottom.
He was a tubby little chap who looked as if he had been poured into his
clothes and had forgotten to say when.
He was white and shaken, like a dry martini.
I always advise people never to give advice.
I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being
I'd always thought her half-baked, but now I think they didn't even put
her in the oven.
I'm not absolutely certain of the facts, but I rather fancy it's
Shakespeare who says that it's always just when a fellow is feeling
particularly braced with things in general that Fate sneaks up behind
him with the bit of lead piping.
It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people
do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.
It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance
and a ray of sunshine.
It is true of course, that I have a will of iron, but it can be switched
off if the circumstances seem to demand it.
It was one of those parties where you cough twice before you speak, and
then decide not to say it after all.
Love has had a lot of press-agenting from the oldest times; but there
are higher, nobler things than love.
Many a man may look respectable, and yet be able to hide at will behind
a spiral staircase.
Marriage is not a process for prolonging the life of love, sir. It
merely mummifies its corpse.
Mere abuse is no criticism.
Never put anything on paper, my boy, and never trust a man with a small
One of the drawbacks to life is that it contains moments when one is
compelled to tell the truth.
Red hair, sir, in my opinion, is dangerous.
She had more curves than a scenic railway.
Slice him where you like, a hellhound is always a hellhound.
Some minds are like soup in a poor restaurant- better left unstirred.
The drowsy stillness of the afternoon was shattered by what sounded to
his strained senses like G.K. Chesterton falling on a sheet of tin.
The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether
you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.
There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you
need the money; the second, that you have something to say that you
think the world should know; the third is that you can't think what to
do with the long winter evenings.
There is only one cure for grey hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It
is called the guillotine.
To my daughter Leonora without whose never failing sympathy and
encouragement this book would have been completed in half the time.
Unseen in the background, Fate was quietly slipping lead into the
Whatever may be said in favor of the Victorians, it is pretty generally
admitted that few of them were to be trusted within reach of a trowel
and a pile of bricks.
When it comes to letting the world in on the secrets of his heart, he
has about as much shrinking reticence as a steam calliope.
When you have been just told that the girl you love is definitely
betrothed to another, you begin to understand how Anarchists must feel
when the bomb goes off too soon.
Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.
You can't go by what a girl says, when she's giving you hell for making
a chump of yourself. It's like Shakespeare. Sounds well but doesn't mean
(October 15 is also the birthday of Friedrich
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