Kevin George Barkes (b. September 11, 1954) is the publisher of this
blog and its prior print incarnation, and is a daabase publishing consultant and author.
An autodidact, he graduated from Homestead High School in 1971 at age 16
and has worked as: a veterinary assistant; daily newspaper reporter and
photographer; city editor; county government service center
administrator; typesetter, print/typesetting production supervisor,
computer systems manager of a legal/financial printing company; and as a columnist
and contributing editor for two national computer trade magazines. Prior
to joining Datalogics, he owned KGB Consulting, a computer consulting,
facilities management, and database publishing company.
Born in Homestead,
PA, he has mostly resided in South
Park Township, PA since 1984.
He has been married to his current wife, Cynthia, since 2009. He has two
children from a previous marriage, two grandchildren, two Shetland
Sheepdogs, two cats, and a small, insane, dog-like creature referred to
as a Shih Tzu.
Any sufficiently advanced parody is indistinguishable from reality.
Arcane knowledge can be useful, even though its acquisition can seem
pointless. That funny-looking key you picked up a few years ago might
eventually unlock a door leading to a totally unexpected opportunity.
Aside from production values, the only difference between an Al Qaeda
terrorist video and the 700 Club is that Al Qaeda doesn't ask for
Democrats get impeached for having sex. Republicans get impeached for
undermining the integrity of the Republic.
Every Sunday I give thanks that there's nothing in Leviticus about
liking show tunes.
Filing for bankruptcy is sort of like winning the lotto, except you
still have to search under the couch cushions for loose change.
Hitting the delete key and changing the channel are satisfying but
ineffective methods of denying reality.
I don't need electronic devices to locate my cats. I have hairballs.
I never throw anything away, which is irrelevant because I can never
remember where I put anything.
I'm in pretty good shape for someone in the shape I'm in.
I'm never going to be rich and influential. I took an oath only to use
my powers for good.
I've come to the realization that gray is the mature form of blond.
I referred to second Gulf War as Desert Storm 2.0, since it reminded me
of a Microsoft upgrade: it was expensive, most people didn't want it,
and it didn't work.
If Windows was a person, it'd be a real pale kid with pink eyes and a
In software design, 'building a foundation for future development' can
result in digging a bottomless pit.
It's a delusion of grandeur only if you can't pull it off.
It's amazing the number of persons intimidated by mere competence.
It's called 'sodomy' because it's easier to pronounce than 'gomorrahry.'
Just keep in mind that most men who chat with you on the Internet look
Life is a recursive plunge.
Manhattan's a mosh pit. You jump into it in the morning, close your
eyes, grit your teeth, and hope you're still breathing when it tosses
you out at the end of the day.
Never become an expert in anything you didn't create.
Never negotiate with terrorists or children.
No problem is unsolvable, but there are some that just aren't worth the
Now medical experts are saying that it's not coffee, booze or cigarettes
that cause heart attacks, but sustained hostile emotional attitudes.
Maybe we have hostile emotional attitudes because you made us give up
the freaking coffee, booze and cigarettes, you clueless white-frocked
Presbyterians believe they're predestined to have free will.
Republicans are sore losers even when they win.
Saying Windows 10 is the most powerful and secure operating system in
the Microsoft family is like saying Moe was the smart Stooge.
Some days those bridge abutments at the side of the road look pretty
The conservatives' preoccupation with the burning of American flags can
be attributed to the amount of time they spend wrapped in them.
The difference between investing in Internet stock and Beanie Babies is
that with Internet stock you don't get Beanie Babies.
The Internet is run by a guy named Heisenberg, and his principles are
The laserdisc was the 8-track of the 90s.
The only good thing about turning fifty is that I no longer have to
worry about dying young.
The problem learning something new at my age is the nagging suspicion
it's actually just something I forgot.
The problem with lawyers is that they don't believe in divine
The realization that your existence isn't going to change the course of
western civilization makes sleeping in a lot more enjoyable.
The U.S. Constitution and the Bible have a lot in common. Few people
have read them in their entirety; they are quoted out of context and
cherry-picked; their official interpreters wear robes and issue
pronouncements that sometimes benefit an entitled few or discriminate
against women and minorities; and their decrees and commandments are
simply ignored when they interfere with the interests of those in power.
There is no 'I' in team. There is, however, a 'U' in sucker.
True, everyone lies, but there's a difference between 'No, those pants
don't make your ass look fat, and 'No, there's nothing incriminating in
those unreleased tax returns.'
We're supposed to prepare for a non-specific terrorist attack of a
spectacular nature? What the hell does that mean? Why don't they just
put Tom Ridge in a Jedi robe, push him out in front of the cameras, and
have him declare he senses a disturbance in The Force?
What I really need is a reality-altering substance.
Why are the sizes of unnatural growths described in terms of sports
equipment for men, and citrus fruit for women?
(September 11 is also the birthday of D.H.
Quotes of the day
Support KGB Report through our Amazon Affiliate page.
Become my patron... support me on Patreon.
Older entries, Archives and Categories
Top of page
Like KGB Report on
and follow us on