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Published Monday, April 30, 2012 @ 1:52 AM EDT
Apr 30 2012

One thing I've learned from years of traveling is never unpack everything until you know the room is ok.

By "ok," I mean it has no unusual odors, unidentifiable organic-appearing substances on any surfaces, working electrical outlets, functional plumbing and HVAC systems.

Just because you're staying in a hotel with a name and reputation doesn't mean everything's going to be satisfactory.

The hotel here in Rockville, Maryland is nice, but I couldn't get the room temperature below 75°, which is far too warm for my comfort. Engineering gave me instructions to reset the unit. I did, napped for a few hours, and awoke to... 76°. This was not trending well.

A call to the front desk, and I was instantly assigned to another room with a functional air conditioner. All I had to do was throw the laptop and battery into my backpack because I hadn't unpacked anything else. Sometimes it takes a few hours for a room's flaws to reveal themselves.

Of course, as you can tell from the time of this post, today is going to be a long day.

I think I'll begin it with a nap.

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Obama slays (again) at Correspondents' Dinner

Published Sunday, April 29, 2012 @ 6:24 AM EDT
Apr 29 2012

Kimmel wasn't bad, either...

Two YouTube videos with some of the best political jokes of the year.

Categories: Barack Obama, Jimmy Kimmel, Video, White House Correspondents Dinner, YouTube

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Quotes of the day

Published Saturday, April 28, 2012 @ 6:25 AM EDT
Apr 28 2012

Terry Pratchett (b. April 28, 1948):

A European says: I can't understand this, what's wrong with me? An American says: I can't understand this, what's wrong with him?

All bastards are bastards, but some bastards is bastards.

Belief was never mentioned at home, but right actions were taught by daily example.

Changing was necessary. Change was right. He was all in favor of change. What he was dead against was things not staying the same.

Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.

Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.

Consider the situation. There you are, forehead like a set of balconies, worrying about the long-term effects of all this new 'fire' stuff on the environment, you're being chased and eaten by most of the planet's large animals, and suddenly tiny versions of one of the worst of them wanders into the cave and starts to purr.

Dickens, as you know, never got round to starting his home page.

Eight years involved with the nuclear industry have taught me that when nothing can possibly go wrong and every avenue has been covered, then is the time to buy a house on the next continent.

Either all days are holy or none are.

Everything starts somewhere, although many physicists disagree.

Evolution was far more thrilling to me than the biblical account. Who would not rather be a rising ape than a falling angel?

Experience has taught me that you feel better on a flight if you avoid chicken fat in plastic sauce.

Fear is strange soil. Mainly it grows obedience like corn, which grows in rows and makes weeding easy. But sometimes it grows the potatoes of defiance, which flourish underground.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

Go on, prove me wrong. Destroy the fabric of the universe. See if I care.

Hard to have faith, ain't it, when you read too many books.

History has to be observed. Otherwise it's not history. It's just... well, things happening one after another.

Humans need fantasy to be human. To be the place where the falling angel meets the rising ape.

I keep vaguely wondering what Macs are like, but the ones I've seen spend too much time being friendly.

I think perhaps the most important problem is that we are trying to understand the fundamental workings of the universe via a language devised for telling one another where the best fruit is.

I wish that the people who sing about the deeds of heroes would think about the people who have to clear up after them.

I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it.

If it wasn't for the fun and money, I really don't know why I'd bother.

Imagination, not intelligence, made us human.

In ancient times cats were worshiped as gods; they have not forgotten this.

In fact, no gods anywhere play chess. They prefer simple, vicious games, where you “Do Not Achieve Transcendence” but “Go Straight to Oblivion;” a key to the understanding of all religion is that a god's idea of amusement is Snakes and Ladders with greased rungs.

It's all wrong. An imposition on the landscape. I reckon that Stonehenge was build by the contemporary equivalent of Microsoft, whereas Avebury was definitely an Apple circle.

Joy is to fun what the deep sea is to a puddle. It's a feeling inside that can hardly be contained.

Just because someone's a member of an ethnic minority doesn't mean they're not a nasty small-minded little jerk.

Just because things are obvious doesn't mean they're true.

Mind you, the Elizabethans had so many words for the female genitals that it is quite hard to speak a sentence of modern English without inadvertently mentioning at least three of them.

My programming language was solder.

One of the universal rules of happiness is: always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

Personal isn't the same as important. People just think it is.

Sometimes it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness.

Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.

That's why it's always worth having a few philosophers around the place. One minute it's all Is Truth Beauty and Is Beauty Truth, and Does a Falling Tree in the Forest Make a Sound if There's No One There to Hear It, and then just when you think they're going to start dribbling one of 'em says, “Incidentally, putting a thirty-foot parabolic reflector on a high place to shoot the rays of the sun at an enemy's ships would be a very interesting demonstration of optical principles.”

The good are innocent and create justice. The bad are guilty, which is why they invent mercy.

The New Testament is basically about what happened when God got religion.

The pen is mightier than the sword if the sword is very short, and the pen is very sharp.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

The truth may be out there, but lies are inside your head.

There is a rumor going around that I have found God. I think this is unlikely because I have enough difficulty finding my keys, and there is empirical evidence that they exist.

There's more pressure on a vet to get it right. People say “it was god's will” when granny dies, but they get angry when they lose a cow.

This isn't life in the fast lane, it's life in the oncoming traffic.

When they're standing right in front of you, kings are a kind of speech impediment.

Wikipedia, eh? Must be accurate, then!

You take a bunch of people who don't seem any different from you and me, but when you add them all together you get this sort of huge raving maniac with national borders and an anthem.

Categories: Quotes of the day, Terry Pratchett

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Quotes of the day

Published Friday, April 27, 2012 @ 12:32 AM EDT
Apr 27 2012

Ralph Waldo Emerson (May 25, 1803 – April 27, 1882):

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do.

A good indignation makes an excellent speech.

A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer.

A little integrity is better than any career.

A man must consider what a rich realm he abdicates when he becomes a conformist.

A man's library is a sort of harem.

A man's wife has more power over him than the state has.

A sufficient and sure method of civilization is the influence of good women.

Adapt the pace of nature; her secret is patience.

Alcohol, hashish, prussic acid, strychnine are weak dilutions. The surest poison is time.

All are needed by each one. Nothing is fair or good alone.

All conservatives are such from personal defects. They have been effeminated by position or nature, born halt and blind, through luxury of their parents, and can only, like invalids, act on the defensive.

All my best thoughts were stolen by the ancients.

Always do what you are afraid to do.

America is another name for opportunity. Our whole history appears like a last effort of divine Providence in behalf of the human race.

An institution is the lengthened shadow of one man.

As soon as there is life there is danger.

Beauty without grace is the hook without the bait.

Believe in magnetism, not needles.

Beware when the great God lets loose a thinker on this planet.

Can anyone remember when times were not hard, and money not scarce?

Children are all foreigners.

Colleges hate geniuses, just as convents hate saints.

Culture is one thing and varnish is another.

Democracy becomes a government of bullies tempered by editors.

Evermore in the world is this marvelous balance of beauty and disgust, magnificence and rats.

Every actual State is corrupt. Good men must not obey laws too well.

Every advantage has its tax.

Every burned book enlightens the world.

Every man alone is sincere. At the entrance of a second person, hypocrisy begins.

Every man is a divinity in disguise, a god playing the fool.

Every man is entitled to be valued by his best moment.

Every mind must make its choice between truth and repose. It cannot have both.

Every reform is only a mask under cover of which a more terrible reform, which dares not yet name itself, advances.

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.

God hides things by putting them near us.

I dip my pen in the blackest ink, because I am not afraid of falling into my inkpot.

I like the silent church before the service begins better than any preaching.

I notice that as soon as writers broach this question ]immortality[ they begin to quote. I hate quotation. Tell me what you know.

If the stars should appear just one night in a thousand years, how would men believe and adore!

In every work of genius, we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty.

In skating over thin ice, our safety is in our speed.

Insist upon yourself. Be original.

It is not length of life, but depth of life.

It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.

It is the wounded oyster that mends it shell with pearl.

Lawyers are a prudent race though not very fond of liberty.

Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.

Make yourself necessary to somebody. Do not make life hard to any.

Men are conservatives when they are least vigorous, or when they are most luxurious. They are conservatives after dinner.

Money often costs too much.

Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in our own sunshine.

Most presidents are merely clerks of some real power which stands erect at their side and does its will by them.

Nature, as we know her, is no saint.

No change of circumstances can repair a defect of character.

Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind.

Nothing is secure but life, transition, the energizing spirit.

Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.

Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.

People only see what they are prepared to see.

People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character.

People who know how to act are never preachers.

Pictures must not be too picturesque.

Quotation confesses inferiority.

Reality has a sliding floor.

Shallow men believe in luck. Strong men believe in cause and effect.

Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

The Americans have little faith. They rely on the power of the dollar.

The craft of the merchant is this bringing a thing from where it abounds, to where it is costly.

The days come and go like muffled and veiled figures sent from a distant friendly party, but they say nothing, and if we do not use the gifts they bring, they carry them as silently away.

The efforts which we make to escape from our destiny only serve to lead us into it.

The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization.

The first wealth is health.

The god of the cannibals will be a cannibal, of the crusaders a crusader, and of the merchants a merchant.

The greatest homage we can pay to truth is to use it.

The human body is the magazine of inventions, the patent office, where are the models from which every hint is taken. All the tools and engines on earth are only extensions of its limbs and senses.

The louder he talked of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons.

The only sin which we will never forgive in each other is difference of opinion.

The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.

There are always two parties; the establishment and the movement.

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.

To be great is to be misunderstood.

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.

To the dull mind all nature is leaden. To the illuminated mind the whole world burns and sparkles with light.

We aim above the mark to hit the mark.

We are always getting ready to live but never living.

We boil at different degrees.

We do what we must, and call it by the best names.

We learn geology the morning after the earthquake.

We say the cows laid out Boston. Well, there are worse surveyors.

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

What torments of grief you endured, from evils that never arrived.

What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.

When believers and unbelievers live in the same manner, I distrust the religion.

When I cannot brag about knowing something, I brag about not knowing it.

When you strike at a king, you must kill him.

Wise men put their trust in ideas and not in circumstances.

You can never do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.

Categories: Quotes of the day, Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Photo of the day

Published Thursday, April 26, 2012 @ 5:15 AM EDT
Apr 26 2012

Categories: Photo of the day, Star Wars

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Photos of the day

Published Wednesday, April 25, 2012 @ 7:30 AM EDT
Apr 25 2012

"Back off, grandpa."

Life Is Not Fair.

Categories: Photo of the day, WTF?

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Questions for the Ages...

Published Tuesday, April 24, 2012 @ 12:16 AM EDT
Apr 24 2012

Categories: Questions for the Ages

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Happy birthday!

Published Monday, April 23, 2012 @ 12:57 AM EDT
Apr 23 2012

Leanna Renee Salopek, arrived 5:31 am EDT on Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at St. Clair Hospital. Eight pounds even, 21 inches long. And red hair.

Categories: KGB Family

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Quotes of the day

Published Sunday, April 22, 2012 @ 12:46 AM EDT
Apr 22 2012

Erma Bombeck (February 21, 1927 - April 22, 1996)

A grandmother will put a sweater on you when she is cold, feed you when she is hungry, and put you to bed when she is tired.

An ugly carpet will last forever.

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.

I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: Checkout Time is 18 years.

I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.

I will never engage in a winter sport with an ambulance parked at bottom of the hill.

I'm trying very hard to understand this generation. They have adjusted the timetable for childbearing so that menopause and teaching a sixteen-year-old how to drive a car will occur in the same week.

I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.

I've been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I've lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

If God had meant us to walk around naked, he would never have invented the wicker chair.

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can't see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

There are only three things worth remembering: you social security number, the formula for your hair dye and how many hours you were in labor with your children.

There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in Paradise and look like your passport photo.

What does it profit a seventy-eight-year-old woman to sit around the pool in a bikini if she cannot feed herself?

What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?

When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they're not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They're upset because they've gone from supervisor of a child's life to a spectator. It's like being the vice president of the United States.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.

Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.

Worry is like a rocking chair. It will give you something to do, but it won't get you anywhere.

Categories: Erma Bombeck, Quotes of the day

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Quotes of the day

Published Saturday, April 21, 2012 @ 10:15 AM EDT
Apr 21 2012

Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorne Clemens) November 30, 1835 – April 21, 1910:

A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

A flea can be taught everything a congressman can.

A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.

A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows.

A man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.

A patriot is mocked, scorned and hated; yet when his cause succeeds, all men will join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot.

A thing long expected takes the form of the unexpected when at last it comes.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

An ethical man is a Christian holding four aces.

As I slowly grow wise I briskly grow cautious.

Be careless in your dress, if you must; but keep a tidy soul.

Be good and you will be lonesome.

Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any.

Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: the one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.

Don't tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish.

Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.

Even popularity can be overdone. In Rome, along at first, you are full of regrets that Michelangelo died; but by and by you only regret that you didn't see him do it.

Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.

Familiarity breeds contempt- and children.

France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country.

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.

Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.

Half of the results of a good intention are evil; half the results of an evil intention are good.

He is useless on top of the ground; he ought to be under it, inspiring the cabbages.

He was a sinking ship with no cargo to throw overboard.

Heaven for climate, hell for society.

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

Heaven is for spirituality; Hell is for fellowship.

Honesty is the best policy- when there is money in it.

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

I believe that our Heavenly Father created the monkey because he was disappointed in man.

I can live for two months on a good compliment.

I did not attend his funeral, but I wrote a nice letter saying I approved of it.

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell- you see, I have friends in both places.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.

I have no color prejudices nor caste prejudices nor creed prejudices. All I care to know is that a man is a human being, and that is enough for me; he can't be any worse.

I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.

I'm glad I did it, partly because it was worth it, but mostly because I shall never have to do it again.

I'm glad the old masters are dead and I only wish they had died sooner.

If a person offends you and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures. Simply watch your chance and hit him with a brick.

If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat.

If the desire to kill and the opportunity to kill came always together, who would escape hanging?

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer.

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

Ironically, those people that complain of boredom tend to be incredibly boring people.

Irreverence is the champion of liberty and its one sure defense.

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.

It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart, the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you.

It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.

Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.

Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.

Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she had laid an asteroid.

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it. It is a trait that is not known to the higher animals.

Oh Death, where is thy sting? It has none. But life has.

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

Principles have no real force except when one is well fed.

Put all your eggs in the one basket and- watch that basket.

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

Sane and intelligent human beings are like all other human beings, and carefully and cautiously and diligently conceal their private real opinions from the world and give out fictitious ones in their stead for general consumption.

Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.

Such is the human race, often it seems a pity that Noah... didn't miss the boat.

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.

The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man's.

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

The inability to forget is infinitely more devastating than the inability to remember,

The man with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like and do what you'd rather not.

The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.

The surest way to convey misinformation is to tell the strict truth.

The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice.

There are several good precautions against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.

There are three things which I consider excellent advice. First, don't smoke to excess. Second, don't drink to excess. Third, don't marry to excess.

There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.

There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when he can.

There has never been an intelligent person of the age of sixty who would consent to live his life over again.

There is no distinctly American criminal class- except Congress.

Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

Truth is stranger than Fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.

Virtue has never been as respectable as money.

We've got so much taxation. I don't know of a single foreign product that enters this country untaxed except the answer to prayer.

What a man misses mostly in heaven is company.

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

When a boy turns 13, put him in a barrel and feed him through a knot hole. When he turns 16, plug up the hole.

When I think of the number of disagreeable people that I know who have gone to a better world, I am sure hell won't be so bad at all.

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

When some men discharge an obligation you can hear the report for miles around.

When we remember that we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

You can not depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

You can't reason someone out of something they weren't reasoned into.

Categories: Mark Twain, Quotes of the day

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Photo of the day

Published Friday, April 20, 2012 @ 6:46 AM EDT
Apr 20 2012

Granddaughter Leanna gets Instagrammed at breakfast.

Categories: KGB Family, Photo of the day

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Your grasp of reality, forever changed...

Published Thursday, April 19, 2012 @ 2:14 AM EDT
Apr 19 2012

Categories: Dogs, Observations, Philosophy, WTF?

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Schrödinger's Candidate

Published Wednesday, April 18, 2012 @ 2:03 AM EDT
Apr 18 2012

Categories: Hypocrisy, Mitt Romney, Observations, Politics

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Quotes of the day

Published Tuesday, April 17, 2012 @ 8:13 AM EDT
Apr 17 2012

A democratic government is the only one in which those who vote for a tax can escape the obligation to pay it.
-Alexis de Tocqueville

A dog who thinks he is a man's best friend is a dog who obviously has never met a tax lawyer.
-Fran Lebowitz

A fine is a tax for doing wrong; a tax is a fine for doing well.

A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it.
-Ann Landers

A society which turns so many of its best and brightest into tax lawyers may be doing something wrong.
-Hoffman F. Fuller

A tax cut is really one of the anecdotes to coming out of an economic illness.
-George W. Bush

A tax loophole is something that benefits the other guy. If it benefits you, it is tax reform.
-Russell B. Long

A taxpayer is someone who has to work for the federal government without taking a civil-service test.
-Ronald Reagan

Anybody has a right to evade taxes if he can get away with it. No citizen has a moral obligation to assist in maintaining the government.
-J.P. Morgan

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.
-Oscar Wilde

Behind every man who achieves success,
Stands a mother, a wife and the IRS.
-Ethel Jacobson

Being audited by the IRS is like having an autopsy without the benefit of dying.

Born Free... Taxed to Death.
(Bumper Sticker)

Death and taxes are unsolved engineering problems.
-Romana Machado

Democracy is mob rule, but with income taxes.

Every advantage has its tax.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
-Ronald Reagan

Governments last as long as the undertaxed can defend themselves against the overtaxed.
-Bernard Berenson

Gradually, without noticing it, you turn into a Republican and judge everything on the basis of whether or not it will increase your taxes.
-Dave Barry

I bet that if you actually read the entire vastness of the U.S. Tax Code, you'd find at least one sex scene.
-Dave Barry

I make a fortune from criticizing the policy of the government, and then hand it over to the government in taxes to keep it going.
-George Bernard Shaw

I owed the government $3,400 in taxes. So I sent them two hammers and a toilet seat.
-Sue Murphy

I prefer liquor store robbers with hungry kids to companies that locate offshore to avoid U.S. taxes.
-Warren Buffett

I want to find a voracious, small-minded predator and name it after the IRS.
-Robert Bakker (paleontologist)

I wouldn't mind paying taxes if I knew they were going to a friendly country.
-Dick Gregory

If I have sex, I know my quarterly estimated taxes must be due. And if it's oral sex, I know it's time to renew my driver's license.
-Ray Romano

If Patrick Henry thought taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.
-(from The Farmer's Almanac)

If the Lord had meant us to pay income taxes, he'd have made us smart enough to prepare the return.
-Kirk Kirkpatrick

In case you didn't know, ethanol is made by mixing corn with your tax dollars.
-Paul A. Gigot

Inflation is the one form of taxation that can be imposed without legislation.
-Milton Friedman

Interesting thing about being rich is once you pay your taxes, you're still rich.
-Lewis Black

It is fairer to tax people on what they extract from the economy, as roughly measured by their consumption, than to tax them on what they produce for the economy, as roughly measured by their income.
-Thomas Hobbes

It's a game. We tax lawyers teach the rich how to play it so they can stay rich- and the IRS keeps changing the rules so we can keep getting rich teaching them.
-John Grisham

It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta.
-Dave Barry

Like mothers, taxes are often misunderstood, but seldom forgotten.
-Lord Bramwell

My uncle claims that if he files his income tax wrong he'll go to jail, and if he files it right he'll go to the poor house.
-Nonnee Coan

Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is as satisfying as an income tax refund.
-F.J. Raymond

No nice men are good at getting taxis.
-Katherine Whitehorn

On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.
-Tom Lehrer

On the whole, I prefer not to be lectured on patriotism by those who keep offshore maildrops in order to avoid paying their taxes.
-Molly Ivins

Our Constitution is in actual operation; everything appears to promise that it will last; but nothing in this world is certain but death and taxes.
-Benjamin Franklin

Owning your own home is America's unique recipe for avoiding revolution and promoting pseudo-equality at the same time. To keep citizens puttering in their yards instead of sputtering on the barricades, the government has gladly deprived itself of billions in tax revenues by letting home “owners” deduct mortgage interest payments.
-Florence King

Passive activity income does not include the following: Income from an activity that is not a passive activity.
(Instructions to IRS Form 8582, Passive Activity Loss Limitations)

People want just taxes more than they want lower taxes. They want to know that every man is paying his proportionate share according to his wealth.
-Will Rogers

Real charity doesn't care if it's tax-deductible or not.
-Dan Bennett

Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven't been taxed before.
-Art Buchwald

Taxes and golf are alike: you drive your heart out for the green, and then end up in the hole.

Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.
-Robert A. Heinlein

Taxes are what we pay for civilized society.
-Oliver Wendell Holmes

The avoidance of taxes is the only pursuit that still carries any reward.
-John Maynard Keynes

The chief deduction most people make from their income tax is that government costs too darned much.
-Walt Streightiff

The contented and economically comfortable have a very discriminating view of government. Nobody is ever indignant about bailing out failed banks and failed savings and loans associations... But when taxes must be paid for the lower middle class and poor, the government assumes an aspect of wickedness.
-John Kenneth Galbraith

The Eiffel Tower is the Empire State Building after taxes.

The First Rule of Practicing Tax Law: If someone has to go to jail, make sure it's the client.
-Fred Drasner

The government is mainly an expensive organization to regulate evildoers and tax those who behave.
-E.W. Howe

The hardest thing in the world to understand is income taxes.
-Albert Einstein

The IRS may take some solace in the fact that Matthew was a tax collector before he became a saint.
-Donald C. Alexander

The one thing that hurts more than having to pay income tax is not having to pay income tax.
-Thomas R. Dewar

The only civilized country is one in which no man is afraid of the tax collector.
-Juan de Mariana

The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.
-Will Rogers

The trick is to stop thinking of it as "your" money.

The United States is the only country where it takes more brains to figure your tax than to earn the money to pay it.
-Edward J. Gurney

The wages of sin are death, but after taxes are taken out, it's just a tired feeling.
-Paula Poundstone

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.
-Joe E. Lewis

There is untold wealth in America, especially at tax time.
-(Cartoon caption in The Wall Street Journal)

There's always somebody who is paid too much, and taxed too little- and it's always somebody else.
-Cullen Hightower

This year I'm going to deduct last year's taxes as a bad investment.

To steal from one person is theft. To steal from many is taxation.
-Jeff Daiell

Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.
-H.L. Mencken

We've got so much taxation. I don't know of a single foreign product that enters this country untaxed except the answer to prayer.
-Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.
-Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)

What we should have fought for was representation without taxation.
-Sam Levenson

When a new source of taxation is found it never means, in practice, that an old source is abandoned. It merely means that the politicians have two ways of milking the taxpayer where they had only one before.
-H.L. Mencken

When Barbary Pirates demand a fee for allowing you to do business, it's called “tribute money.” When the Mafia demands a fee for allowing you to do business, it's called “the protection racket.” When the State demands a fee for allowing you to do business, it's called “sales tax.”
-Jeff Daiell

When everybody has got money they cut taxes, and when they're broke they raise 'em. That's statesmanship of the highest order.
-Will Rogers

When it comes to finances, remember that there are no withholding taxes on the wages of sin.
-Mae West

When there is an income tax, the just man will pay more and the unjust less on the same amount of income.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut save you 30 cents?
-Peg Bracken

Categories: Quotes of the day, Taxes

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Published Tuesday, April 17, 2012 @ 1:46 AM EDT
Apr 17 2012

...42 years ago today. When our "useless" government managed to invent the dozens of technologies needed to send humans to the moon, for less money and in less time than we've spent in Afghanistan. When no problem was insurmountable. When failure was not an option.

Now we can't get a bill out of the U.S. Senate.

Categories: History, KGB Opinion, Video, YouTube

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Bring it on

Published Monday, April 16, 2012 @ 8:49 AM EDT
Apr 16 2012

Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passions, they cannot alter the state of the facts and evidence.
-John Quincy Adams

The original version of this list appears here. I removed what I thought were the more immature and insulting entries.

I actually don't like arguing about this stuff. I'm a realist. I accept things that are true. I never forward e-mails without first checking Snopes, and when I read an article that makes a particularly egregious claim, I make it a point to go back to the source material to determine if the author's interpretation is objective or ideologically skewed.

When you tell me something that is not true, it can me only one of two things: you are lying to me or you are misinformed.

If the former, I have no use for you. Spare me the symantic calisthenics. You are beneath contempt. Go away.

If the latter, I will show you the evidence. If you refuse to accept the truth, you are an idiot... but you may have other redeeming qualities. Whether I want you to go away depends upon whether the delusions you've embraced are harmful to the Republic and/or my well-being. As Thomas Jefferson said, "...it does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg."

Anyway, for those so inclined, here's a brief list of things you can say to irritate your conservative friends. Stick any of them into Google and you'll have hours of delightful reading.

A Socialist wrote the Pledge of Allegiance.
Jesus healed the sick and helped the poor. For free.
Joseph McCarthy was an un-American, witch hunting sissy.
The South lost the Civil War. Get over it.
The Founding Fathers were liberals.
Sarah Palin is an idiot.
The Earth is round.
Ronald Reagan raised taxes eleven times as President.
Ronald Reagan signed California's Therapeutic Abortion Act while Governor of California.
Ronald Reagan supported gun control.
Richard Nixon created the Environmental Protection Agency.
Global warming is real.
Republicans hate illegal immigrants, unless they need their lawns mowed or their houses cleaned.
The military is a government-run institution, so why do Republicans approve the defense budget?
The government, when run by Democrats, put a man on the moon in under ten years.
The Cold War is over and the Soviet Union no longer exists.
Paying taxes is patriotic.
The Republican Party began as a liberal party.
The President's full name is Barack Hussein Obama and he was born in the United States of America.
George W. Bush held hands with and kissed the King of Saudi Arabia.
President Obama saved the American auto industry, while Republicans wanted to destroy it.
Hate is not a Christian virtue.
Jesus was a liberal.
Republicans spend more money than Democrats.
Public schools educate all children; private schools are for indoctrinating children.
The Constitution is the law of the land. The Bible is not.
Sharia law doesn't exist in America.
The President is not a Muslim.
Corporations are not people.
Fox News is a right-wing propaganda machine.
The Federal Reserve was a Republican idea.
Women are equal citizens who deserve equal rights.
Women control their own bodies.
Please use spell-check.
It's pundit, not pundint.
Social Security is solvent through 2038.
Roe v. Wade was a bipartisan ruling made by a conservative leaning Supreme Court.
Barack Obama ordered the killing of Osama Bin Laden. It took him two and half years to do what Bush couldn't do in eight.
Waterboarding is torture.
9/11 happened on George W. Bush's watch, and he and his staff ignored explicit warnings of an impending attack. He did not keep America safe.
The word "God" does not appear in the Constitution for a reason.
The Constitution states, "no religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office or public trust under the United States. What part of "ever" don't you understand? Muslims are protected by the Constitution, just as much as Christians.
America is a nation of immigrants, therefore we are all anchor babies.
The white race isn't disappearing, it's evolving.
Evolution is real.
The Earth is 4.54 billion years old, not 6,000.
The Founding Fathers did not free the slaves.
The Revolution was not fought over slavery.
Paul Revere warned the Americans, not the British.
Federal law has precedence over state law.
The Civil War was about slavery, not states' rights.
Getting out of a recession requires government spending.
Republicans will take care of you until the day you are born.
Fox News is owned by an Australian and has a Saudi prince as an investor.
Republicans complain about immigrants taking American jobs, then freely ship American overseas to increase their wealth..
Labor unions built this country.
Jesus was a Jew, not a Christian.
Churches should stay out of politics, or be taxed.
The current corporate tax rate is the lowest it has been in 60 years.
The Republican answer to the massive oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico was to apologize to BP, a foreign oil company.

The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy, that is the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness.
-John Kenneth Galbraith

Categories: KGB Opinion, Observations

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Quotes of the day

Published Sunday, April 15, 2012 @ 8:53 AM EDT
Apr 15 2012

Abraham Lincoln (February 12, 1809 - April 15, 1865)

Allow the president to invade a neighboring nation, whenever he shall deem it necessary to repel an invasion, and you allow him to do so whenever he may choose to say he deems it necessary for such a purpose-and you allow him to make war at pleasure.

Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed, is more important than any other one thing.

Any people anywhere being inclined and having the power have the right to rise up and shake off the existing government, and form a new one that suits them better.

As I would not be a slave, so I would not be a master. This expresses my idea of democracy. Whatever differs from this, to the extent of the difference, is no democracy.

Determine that the thing can and shall be done, and then we shall find the way.

Discourage litigation. Persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can. Point out to them how the nominal winner is often a real loser— in fees, expenses, and waste of time.

Even though much provoked, let us do nothing through passion and ill temper.

Human action can be modified to some extent, but human nature cannot be changed.

I am rather inclined to silence, and whether that be wise or not, it is at least more unusual nowadays to find a man who can hold his tongue than to find one who cannot.

I believe it is an established maxim in morals that he who makes an assertion without knowing whether it is true or false, is guilty of falsehood; and the accidental truth of the assertion, does not justify or excuse him.

I do not like that man. I must get to know him better.

I must stand with anybody that stands right, stand with him while he is right, and part with him when he goes wrong.

I shall try to correct errors when shown to be errors; and I shall adopt new views so fast as they shall appear to be true views.

It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.

Let us discard all this quibbling about this man and the other man, this race and that race and the other race being inferior and therefore they must be placed in an inferior position. Let us discard all these things, and unite as one people throughout this land, until we shall once more stand up declaring that all men are created equal.

Men are not flattered by being shown that there has been a difference of purpose between the Almighty and them.

No man is good enough to govern another man without that other's consent.

Our government rests in public opinion. Whoever can change public opinion, can change the government, practically just so much.

Resolve to be honest at all events; and if in your own judgment you cannot be an honest lawyer, resolve to be honest without being a lawyer.

The better part of one's life consists of his friendships.

The dogmas of the quiet past, are inadequate to the stormy present. The occasion is piled high with difficulty, and we must rise with the occasion. As our case is new, so we must think anew, and act anew.

The man who stands by and says nothing, when the peril of his government is discussed, can not be misunderstood. If not hindered, he is sure to help the enemy.

The people of these United States are the rightful masters of both Congresses and courts, not to overthrow the Constitution, but to overthrow the men who pervert the Constitution.

The probability that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just.

The severest justice may not always be the best policy.

The true rule, in determining to embrace, or reject any thing, is not whether it have any evil in it; but whether it have more of evil, than of good.

These capitalists generally act harmoniously and in concert to fleece the people, and now that they have got into a quarrel with themselves, we are called upon to appropriate the people's money to settle the quarrel.

This country, with its institutions, belongs to the people who inhabit it. Whenever they shall grow weary of the existing Government, they can exercise their constitutional right of amending it or their revolutionary right to dismember or overthrow it.

Those who deny freedom to others, deserve it not for themselves; and, under a just God, can not long retain it.

Truth is generally the best vindication against slander.

Understanding the spirit of our institutions to aim at the elevation of men, I am opposed to whatever tends to degrade them.

We all declare for liberty; but in using the same word we do not all mean the same thing.

We live in the midst of alarms; anxiety beclouds the future; we expect some new disaster with each newspaper we read.

When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad, and that is my religion.

When you have an elephant by the hind legs and he is trying to run away, it's best to let him run.

Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.

With public sentiment, nothing can fail; without it nothing can succeed. Consequently he who moulds public sentiment, goes deeper than he who enacts statutes or pronounces decisions.

Yet in all our rejoicing let us neither express, nor cherish, any harsh feeling towards any citizen who, by his vote, has differed with us. Let us at all times remember that all American citizens are brothers of a common country, and should dwell together in the bonds of fraternal feeling.

Categories: Abraham Lincoln, Quotes of the day

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Photo of the day

Published Saturday, April 14, 2012 @ 8:59 AM EDT
Apr 14 2012

Categories: Dogs, Photo of the day

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The fact is, we are a mammalian species one half-chromosome away from chimpanzees, and it shows.

Published Friday, April 13, 2012 @ 12:00 AM EDT
Apr 13 2012

Christopher Hitchens (April 13, 1949 – December 15, 2011):

A melancholy lesson of advancing years is the realization that you can't make old friends.

A theory that seems to explain everything is just as good at explaining nothing.

Atheism is a necessary condition for emancipation of the mind, but it's not a sufficient one.

Beware the irrational, however seductive.

Ernest Hemingway used to read his obituaries with a bloody Mary every day to start the day, to ward off depression. It worked for ten years... until he put the shotgun in his face.

Everybody does have a book in them, but in most cases that's where it should stay.

Evolution has meant that our prefrontal lobes are too small, our adrenal glands are too big, and our reproductive organs apparently designed by committee; a recipe which, alone or in combination, is very certain to lead to some unhappiness and disorder.

Faith is the surrender of the mind; it's the surrender of reason, it's the surrender of the only thing that makes us different from other mammals. It's our need to believe, and to surrender our skepticism and our reason, our yearning to discard that and put all our trust or faith in someone or something, that is the sinister thing to me. Of all the supposed virtues, faith must be the most overrated.

Handed a small baby for the first time, is it your first reaction to think: “Beautiful. Almost perfect. Now please hand me the sharp stone for its genitalia, that I may do the work of the Lord.”

Human decency is not derived from religion. It precedes it.

I always thought, in the death matter, an exception would be made in my case.

I became a journalist because I did not want to rely on newspapers for information.

I shall simply say that those who offer false consolation are false friends.

I sympathize afresh with the mighty Voltaire, who, when badgered on his deathbed and urged to renounce the devil, murmured that this was no time to be making enemies.

I think &lsqbthe Bible&rsqb reads as if it were written by men and women, and men and women, as we know, are one-half chromosome away from chimpanzees.

I've been nearly scratched by Mother Teresa. I've been nearly spanked by Margaret Thatcher. I could tell you stories...

If religious instruction were not allowed until the child had attained the age of reason, we would be living in a quite different world.

In whatever kind of a “race” life may be, I have very abruptly become a finalist.

It is not enough to “have” free speech. People must learn to speak freely.

Mother Teresa was not a friend of the poor. She was a friend of poverty. She said that suffering was a gift from God. She spent her life opposing the only known cure for poverty, which is the empowerment of women and the emancipation of them from a livestock version of compulsory reproduction.

My favorite time in the cycles of public life is the time when the Pope is dead and they haven't elected a new one. There's no one in the world who is infallible for those weeks. And you know, I don't miss it.

My political life has been informed by the view that if there was any truth to religion there wouldn't really be any need for politics.

One of the beginnings of human emancipation is the ability to laugh at authority.

Principles have a way of enduring, as do the few irreducible individuals who maintain allegiance to them.

Religion ends and philosophy begins, just as alchemy ends and chemistry begins and astrology ends, and astronomy begins.

Terrorism is the tactic of demanding the impossible, and demanding it at gunpoint.

The fact is, we are a mammalian species one half-chromosome away from chimpanzees, and it shows.

The four most over-rated things in life are champagne, lobster, anal sex and picnics.

The only real radicalism in our time will come as it always has, from people who insist on thinking for themselves and who reject party-mindedness.

The place for religion is in the mind, within the individual.

Time spent arguing with the faithful is, oddly enough, almost never wasted.

To the dumb question “Why me?” the cosmos barely bothers to return the reply: “Why not?”

What can be asserted without evidence, can also be dismissed without evidence.

More Hitch: A Hitchens distillation...

Categories: Christopher Hitchens, Quotes of the day, Religion

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Published Thursday, April 12, 2012 @ 7:54 AM EDT
Apr 12 2012

If you're one in a million, there are six thousand or more people exactly like you.

I wonder if they have the same problems I do buying pants?

Categories: Observations

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"I'm not okay, you're not okay, and that's okay."

Published Thursday, April 12, 2012 @ 12:10 AM EDT
Apr 12 2012

William Sloane Coffin, Jr. (June 1, 1924 – April 12, 2006):

A spiritual person tries less to be godly than to be deeply human.

All of life is the exercise of risk.

Christ came to take away our sins, not our minds.

Christians have to listen to the world as well as to the Word- to science, to history, to what reason and our own experience tell us. We do not honor the higher truth we find in Christ by ignoring truths found elsewhere.

Diversity may be the hardest thing for a society to live with, and perhaps the most dangerous thing for a society to be without.

Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat.

Every nation makes decisions based on self-interest and defends them on the basis of morality.

For Christians, the problem is not how to reconcile homosexuality with scriptural passages that condemn it, but how to reconcile the rejection and punishment of homosexuals with the love of Christ.

God knows it is emotionally satisfying to be righteous with that righteousness that nourishes itself on the blood of sinners. But God also knows that what is emotionally satisfying can be spiritually devastating.

I love the recklessness of faith. First you leap, and then you grow wings.

I'm not okay, you're not okay, and that's okay.

If your heart is full of fear, you won't seek truth; you'll seek security.

In our time all it takes for evil to flourish is for a few good men to be a little wrong and have a great deal of power, and for the vast majority of their fellow citizens to remain indifferent.

In short, Pentecost makes it clear that nothing is so fatal to Christianity as indifference.

It is often said that the Church is a crutch. Of course it's a crutch. What makes you think you don't limp?

Of God's love we can say two things: it is poured out universally for everyone from the Pope to the loneliest wino on the planet; and secondly, God's love doesn't seek value, it creates value. It is not because we have value that we are loved, but because we are loved that we have value. Our value is a gift, not an achievement.

Patriotism at the expense of another nation is as wicked as racism at the expense of another race. Let us resolve to be patriots always, nationalists never.

People who fear disorder more than injustice will only produce more of both.

So don't let money tell you who you are. Don't let power tell you who your are. Don't let enemies and- for God's sake- don't let your sins tell you who you are. Don't prove yourself. That's taken care of. All we have to do is express ourselves. It's difficult, but we're a lot more alive in pain than in complacency.

The goal of the Christian life is not to save your soul but to transcend yourself, to vindicate the human struggle of which all of us are a part, to keep hope advancing.

The temptation to moralize is strong; it is emotionally satisfying to have enemies rather than problems, to seek out culprits rather than the flaws in the system.

The world is too dangerous for anything but truth and too small for anything but love.

There are three kinds of patriots, two bad, one good. The bad ones are the uncritical lovers and the loveless critics. Good patriots carry on a lover's quarrel with their country, a reflection of God's lover's quarrel with all the world.

There is nothing anti-intellectual in the leap of faith, for faith is not believing without proof but trusting without reservation.

To be avoided at all costs is the solace of opinion without the pain of thought.

Violence always ends up calling on lies to defend it, just as lies call on violence to defend them.

We have sold our birthright of freedom and justice for a mess of national security

When a man is drowning, it may be better for him to try to swim than to thrash around waiting for divine intervention.

When we live at each other's mercy, we had better learn to be merciful.

Categories: Quotes of the day, Religion, William Sloane Coffin, Jr.

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Quote of the day

Published Wednesday, April 11, 2012 @ 9:58 AM EDT
Apr 11 2012

Thirty percent of online traffic is porn, according to The New England Journal of Underestimating Things.
-Stephen Colbert

Categories: Colbert Report, Quotes of the day, Stephen Colbert

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So it goes.

Published Wednesday, April 11, 2012 @ 12:00 AM EDT
Apr 11 2012

Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. (November 11, 1922 - April 11, 2007)

[Art is] a conspiracy between clever parasites and millionaires to make poor people feel stupid.

A great swindle of our time is the assumption that science has made religion obsolete. All science has damaged is the story of Adam and Eve and the story of Jonah and the Whale. Everything else holds up pretty well, particularly lessons about fairness and gentleness. People who find those lessons irrelevant in the twentieth century are simply using science as an excuse for greed and harshness. Science has nothing to do with it, friends.

A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved.

Alcohol and marijuana, if used in moderation, plus loud, usually low-class music, make stress and boredom infinitely more bearable.

All persons, living and dead, are purely coincidental.

All time in all time. It does not change. It does not lend itself to warnings or explanations. It simply is. Take it moment by moment, and you will find that we are all bugs in amber.

Another flaw in the human character is that everybody wants to build and nobody wants to do maintenance.

Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae.

Beer, of course, is actually a depressant. But poor people will never stop hoping otherwise.

Before you kill somebody, make absolutely sure he isn't well connected.

Belief is nearly the whole of the Universe, whether based on truth or not.

Big, undreamed-of things. The people on the edge see them first.

But do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites, standing for absolutely nothing. All they do is show you've been to college.

Dear Future Generations: Please accept our apologies. We were roaring drunk on petroleum.

Every passing hour brings the Solar System forty-three thousand miles closer to Globular Cluster M13 in Hercules- and still there are some misfits who insist that there is no such thing as progress.

Everybody's shaking in his boots, so don't be bluffed.

History is merely a list of surprises. ... It can only prepare us to be surprised yet again.

I can think of no more stirring symbol of man's humanity to man than a fire engine.

I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.

I was taught that the human brain was the crowning glory of evolution so far, but I think it’s a very poor scheme for survival.

If I should ever die, God forbid, let this be my epitaph: The Only Proof He Needed For The Existence Of God Was Music.

If people think nature is their friend, then they sure don't need an enemy.

If you really want to hurt your parents and you don't have nerve enough to be a homosexual, the least you can do is go into the arts.

Just because some of us can read and write and do a little math, that doesn't mean we deserve to conquer the Universe.

My last words? "Life is no way to treat an animal, not even a mouse."

My theory is that all women have hydrofluoric acid bottled up inside.

One of the few good things about modern times: If you die horribly on television, you will not have died in vain. You will have entertained us.

Say what you will about the sweet miracle of unquestioning faith, I consider a capacity for it terrifying and absolutely vile.

So it goes.

Suicide is the punctuation mark at the end of many artistic careers.

Take care of the people, and God almighty will take care of Himself.

The big trouble with dumb bastards is that they are too dumb to believe there is such a thing as being smart.

The only difference between [George W.] Bush and [Adolf] Hitler is that Hitler was elected.

The two real political parties in America are the Winners and the Losers.

There is a tragic flaw in our precious Constitution, and I don't know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president.

There is no reason why good cannot triumph as often as evil. The triumph of anything is a matter of organization. If there are such things as angels, I hope that they are organized along the lines of the Mafia.

True terror is waking up one morning and realizing your high school class is running the country.

We are here on earth to fart around. Don't let anybody tell you differently.

We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.

We could have saved the Earth but we were too damned cheap.

We're terrible animals. I think that the Earth's immune system is trying to get rid of us, as well it should.

Categories: Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., Quotes of the day

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Photo of the day

Published Tuesday, April 10, 2012 @ 7:52 AM EDT
Apr 10 2012

The key to good hospital treatment is respect. No respiratory therapist is going to mess with someone who looks like this at 7 am on a Sunday morning.

Categories: KGB, Photo of the day

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Photo/Delusion of the day

Published Monday, April 09, 2012 @ 12:01 PM EDT
Apr 09 2012

When I saw the above scroll by on the Facebook feed to my smartphone while lying in my hospital bed yesterday, I thought it was a mycoplasmal-induced hallucination. Nope. Just George Takei. I'm not a sports fan, but it's just too good to pass up.

Categories: George Takei, Photo of the day, Star Trek

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Walking pneumonia and the lack of bloggin' blues

Published Monday, April 09, 2012 @ 11:09 AM EDT
Apr 09 2012

The sordid details later, but the bottom line is I was in the hospital since last Thursday night with a case of mycoplasma pneumonia that turned ugly.

The good new is I'm home. The better news is I got to the blogging software before the Rapture timer went off.


Just give me a day or two to get things back up to speed around here.

Categories: KGB, KGB Blog News

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Photo of the day

Published Thursday, April 05, 2012 @ 8:22 AM EDT
Apr 05 2012

The true source of redheads:

Categories: Photo of the day

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Photo of the day

Published Wednesday, April 04, 2012 @ 12:42 AM EDT
Apr 04 2012

Dogs are our link to paradise. They don't know evil or jealousy or discontent. To sit with a dog on a hillside on a glorious afternoon is to be back in Eden, where doing nothing was not boring. It was peace.
-Milan Kundera

Categories: Dogs, Photo of the day

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Cartoon of the day

Published Tuesday, April 03, 2012 @ 12:07 AM EDT
Apr 03 2012

Categories: Cartoons

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The Copper Clapper Caper

Published Monday, April 02, 2012 @ 1:18 AM EDT
Apr 02 2012

In honor of the birthday of the late Jack Webb, here's his legendary dead-on Dragnet parody with Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show.

(YouTube vide: The Copper Clapper Caper))

Categories: Classic, Johnny Carson, Video, YouTube

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The Prince of Motown

Published Sunday, April 01, 2012 @ 6:36 AM EDT
Apr 01 2012

Remembering Marvin Gaye (April 2, 1939-April 1, 1984):

(YouTube video: Marvin Gaye performs "I Heard It Through The Grapevine")

(YouTube video: Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell perform "Ain't No Mountain High Enough")

Categories: Music, YouTube

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