-Alexis de Tocqueville
A dog who thinks he is a man's best friend is a dog who obviously has
never met a tax lawyer.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong; a tax is a fine for doing well.
A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to
pay taxes on it.
A society which turns so many of its best and brightest into tax lawyers
may be doing something wrong.
-Hoffman F. Fuller
A tax cut is really one of the anecdotes to coming out of an economic
-George W. Bush
[A tax loophole] is something that benefits the other guy. If it
benefits you, it is tax reform.
-Russell B. Long
[A] taxpayer is someone who has to work for the federal government
without taking a civil-service test.
And above all, above all, honest work must be rewarded by a fair and
just tax system. The tax system today does not reward hard work: it
penalizes it. Inherited or invested wealth frequently multiplies itself
while paying no taxes at all. But wages on the assembly line or in
farming the land, these hard-earned dollars are taxed to the very last
Anybody has a right to evade taxes if he can get away with it. No
citizen has a moral obligation to assist in maintaining the government.
Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should
be happier than others.
Behind every man who achieves success,
Stands a mother, a wife
And the IRS.
Being audited by the IRS is like having an autopsy without the benefit
Death and taxes are unsolved engineering problems.
Democracy is mob rule, but with income taxes.
Doing your taxes is a great way to be reminded that you are
unsuccessful, unmarried and childless without having to talk to your
Every advantage has its tax.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Good software leads to more work. Bad software leads to more work. If
there's any time left over from fiddling with software, people spend it
on making the tax and legal systems more complicated.
Governments last as long as the undertaxed can defend themselves against
Gradually, without noticing it, you turn into a Republican and judge
everything on the basis of whether or not it will increase your taxes.
I bet that if you actually read the entire vastness of the U.S. Tax
Code, you'd find at least one sex scene.
I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged.
I make a fortune from criticizing the policy of the government, and then
hand it over to the government in taxes to keep it going.
-George Bernard Shaw
I owed the government $3,400 in taxes. So I sent them two hammers and a
I prefer liquor store robbers with hungry kids to companies that locate
offshore to avoid U.S. taxes.
I want to find a voracious, small-minded predator and name it after the
-Robert Bakker (Mr. Bakker is a paleontologist)
I wouldn't mind paying taxes if I knew they were going to a friendly
If I have sex, I know my quarterly estimated taxes must be due. And if
it's oral sex, I know it's time to renew my driver's license.
If Patrick Henry thought taxation without representation was bad, he
should see how bad it is with representation.
-The Farmer's Almanac
If the Lord had meant us to pay income taxes, he'd have made us smart
enough to prepare the return.
In case you didn't know, ethanol is made by mixing corn with your tax
-Paul A. Gigot
Inflation is the one form of taxation that can be imposed without
Interesting thing about being rich is once you pay your taxes, you're
Internal Revenue Service: The world's most successful mail order
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
It's a game. We [tax lawyers] teach the rich how to play it so they can
stay rich- and the IRS keeps changing the rules so we can keep getting
rich teaching them.
It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts,
get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in
Like mothers, taxes are often misunderstood, but seldom forgotten.
My uncle claims that if he files his income tax wrong he'll go to jail,
and if he files it right he'll go to the poor house.
Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is as satisfying as an income
Nonprofit status is what created the Bible Belt. The tax code brought
religion back to this country.
On my income tax 1040 it says "Check this box if you are blind." I
wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.
On the whole, I prefer not to be lectured on patriotism by those who
keep offshore maildrops in order to avoid paying their taxes.
Our Constitution is in actual operation; everything appears to promise
that it will last; but nothing in this world is certain but death and
Owning your own home is America's unique recipe for avoiding revolution
and promoting pseudo-equality at the same time. To keep citizens
puttering in their yards instead of sputtering on the barricades, the
government has gladly deprived itself of billions in tax revenues by
letting home "owners" deduct mortgage interest payments.
Passive activity income does not include the following: Income from an
activity that is not a passive activity.
(Instructions to IRS Form 8582, Passive Activity Loss Limitations)
People want just taxes more than they want lower taxes. They want to
know that every man is paying his proportionate share according to his
Political figures who talk a lot about liberty and freedom invariably
turn out to mean the freedom to not pay taxes and discriminate based on
race; freedom to hold different ideas and express them, not so much.
Real charity doesn't care if it's tax-deductible or not.
Taking somebody's money without permission is stealing, unless you work
for the IRS; then it's taxation. Killing people en masse is homicidal
mania, unless you work for the Army; then it's National Defense. Spying
on your neighbors is invasion of privacy, unless you work for the FBI;
then it's National Security. Running a whorehouse makes you a pimp and
poisoning people makes you a murderer, unless you work for the CIA; then
-Robert Anton Wilson
Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the
past and putting taxes on things that haven't been taxed before.
Taxes and golf are alike: you drive your heart out for the green, and
then end up in the hole.
Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.
-Robert A. Heinlein
Taxes are what we pay for civilized society.
-Oliver Wendell Holmes
The avoidance of taxes is the only pursuit that still carries any reward.
-John Maynard Keynes
The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's
the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.
-Arthur C. Clarke
The chief deduction most people make from their income tax is that
government costs too darned much.
The contented and economically comfortable have a very discriminating
view of government. Nobody is ever indignant about bailing out failed
banks and failed savings and loans associations... But when taxes must
be paid for the lower middle class and poor, the government assumes an
aspect of wickedness.
-John Kenneth Galbraith
[The Eiffel Tower is] the Empire State Building after taxes.
The First Rule of Practicing Tax Law: If someone has to go to jail, make
sure it's the client.
The government is mainly an expensive organization to regulate evildoers
and tax those who behave.
The hardest thing in the world to understand is income taxes.
[The IRS] may take some solace in the fact that Matthew was a tax
collector before he became a saint.
-Donald C. Alexander
The one thing that hurts more than having to pay income tax is not
having to pay income tax.
-Thomas R. Dewar
The only civilized country is one in which no man is afraid of the tax
-Juan de Mariana
The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get
worse every time Congress meets.
The only things in life that you can't avoid are death and taxes. And an
The rich aren't like us; they pay less taxes.
-Peter de Vries
When dealing with the IRS, the trick is to stop thinking of it as "your"
The United States is the only country where it takes more brains to
figure your tax than to earn the money to pay it.
-Edward J. Gurney
The wages of sin are death, but after taxes are taken out, it's just a
The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.
-Joe E. Lewis
There is untold wealth in America, especially at tax time.
-(Cartoon caption in The Wall Street Journal)
There's always somebody who is paid too much, and taxed too little- and
it's always somebody else.
This year I'm going to deduct last year's taxes as a bad investment.
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which hasoccurred.
-(If Error Messages Were Haiku, www.pcpoetry.com)
To steal from one person is theft. To steal from many is taxation.
Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out
twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.
We've got so much taxation. I don't know of a single foreign product
that enters this country untaxed except the answer to prayer.
-Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The
taxidermist takes only your skin.
-Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)
What we should have fought for was representation without taxation.
When a new source of taxation is found it never means, in practice, that
an old source is abandoned. It merely means that the politicians have
two ways of milking the taxpayer where they had only one before.
When everybody has got money they cut taxes, and when they're broke they
raise 'em. That's statesmanship of the highest order.
When it comes to finances, remember that there are no withholding taxes
on the wages of sin.
When there is an income tax, the just man will pay more and the unjust
less on the same amount of income.
When you come into the world you have nothing... when you leave you have
nothing... and in between there's the IRS.
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut
save you 30 cents?