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Star Peeps
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Published Sunday, March 31, 2013 @ 12:53 AM EDT
Mar 31 2013

(Copyright © 2002, David Farley)


Categories: Cartoons, Holidays, Star Trek


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Comments to my future self
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Published Saturday, March 30, 2013 @ 7:30 AM EDT
Mar 30 2013

"Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it."
-Brian Kernighan

I'm working on a major project and including code from stuff I wrote in 1988. It reminds me of how much I've forgotten- well, not forgotten, but not recently accessed. The feeling's similar to the rush of memories you get when viewing an old picture album. And it's reassuring to see my overall state of mind hasn't changed, based on the comments in the code, like:

* Years from now you will review this function and say to
* yourself:
*
* "Boy, this is really crappy code. I should take the time and
* optimize it."
*
* You probably won't remember, but you spent an entire
* weekend of unbillable time tweaking this. You increased
* its execution speed by 30%, but in the process crafted
* a function of such blinding elegance that when you
* reviewed it the next day, you discovered it was totally
* incomprehensible. So you put the old code back in.
*
* This is running on a 386 machine with a 12Mhz clock
* and 640K, and the profiler lists the execution time as 211
* milliseconds. A bit slow, but acceptable.
*
* So forget about it.

"12 Mhz clock and a full 640k."

My current laptop has a 2.4 gigaHertz clock, which is 200 times faster than that old 386 desktop. That kludgy, awkwardly written function that required 211 milliseconds to run now takes a little over one millisecond, and the file that took 20 seconds to process runs so fast that the command prompt appears immediately after I hit the return key.

Thank you, 1988 KGB, for the unexpectedly wise advice. And by the way, Fox canceled Tracey Ullman, but the Simpsons got their own show and are still on the air. And that "Naked Gun" movie you saw with Doug last weekend? Keep an eye on O.J. Simpson. Trust me.

-----

You may ask, how did I remember taking my son to see "Police Squad?" Thanks to Google and the Internet Movie Database, this program comment now makes sense:

* "Hey Look! It's Enrico Pallazzo!"
dexxxe('identfy_provider(name,specialty,location)')


Categories: Computers, KGB


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30th Reunion
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Published Friday, March 29, 2013 @ 8:39 PM EDT
Mar 29 2013

Chewy and Han, together again...


Categories: Photo of the day, Star Wars


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Quotes of the day
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Published Thursday, March 28, 2013 @ 12:13 AM EDT
Mar 28 2013

Actor, writer, dramatist, filmmaker, theater and opera director, stage designer, comedian, humorist, newspaper and magazine columnist, radio broadcaster, television presenter, a noted wit and raconteur... Sir Peter Alexander Ustinov was a jack of all trades, and he mastered them all. Sir Peter passed away on this date six years ago. Go here and enjoy a sampling of his many talents.


Categories: Peter Ustinov, Quotes of the day


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Bunny hugger
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Published Thursday, March 28, 2013 @ 12:11 AM EDT
Mar 28 2013

'Tis the season...


Categories: Holidays, Photo of the day, WTF?


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You will be assimilated. More or less.
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Published Wednesday, March 27, 2013 @ 12:13 AM EDT
Mar 27 2013

This will really make my Linked In profile stand out.


Categories: KGB, Linked In, Photo of the day, Star Trek, WTF?


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Know your limitations
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Published Tuesday, March 26, 2013 @ 12:14 AM EDT
Mar 26 2013

(THE GIST) Multi-billionaire software pioneer, philanthropist, and current No. 2 on Forbes Magazine's "World's Richest People" List Bill Gates is putting some of his considerable largess to the task of making sex more enjoyable by funding the creation of a next generation condom.

Gates is offering $100,000 in grant money for ideas that will make condoms- already effective at preventing STDs- less effective at preventing male orgasm.

(He's not doing it himself because Windows showed he wasn't really very good at designing friendly or satisfying user interfaces.)


Categories: Bill Gates, KGB Opinion, WTF?


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Up to date
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Published Monday, March 25, 2013 @ 10:15 PM EDT
Mar 25 2013


Categories: Religion, Twitter


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Ah, nature
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Published Monday, March 25, 2013 @ 10:30 AM EDT
Mar 25 2013

News Headline: “NASA slams spending cuts that put Earth at risk of undetected killer asteroids.”

Let’s not panic, shall we?

It has been more than two weeks since the last undetected asteroid passed between Earth and the moon.

And it was only the third one this month.

-Zay N. Smith, Quick Takes


Categories: NASA, Zay N. Smith - Quick Takes


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A case of the Mondays
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Published Monday, March 25, 2013 @ 6:24 AM EDT
Mar 25 2013

No matter how bad your Monday morning is, odds are you didn't have to wade through belly-deep snow in order to pee. There's about five inches of snow out there now and it's still coming down. Late March snows really aren't that unusual, and we get an average of 1.5" in April. And on May 9, 1966, we got 3.1 inches. So quit complaining.


Categories: Animals, Dogs, Weather


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Quotes of the day
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Published Sunday, March 24, 2013 @ 12:26 AM EDT
Mar 24 2013

I view Jesus the way I view Elvis- I love the guy, but lots of the fan clubs scare me.
-@John Fugelsang


Categories: John Fugelsang, Quotes of the day, Twitter


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Sorry.
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Published Sunday, March 24, 2013 @ 12:21 AM EDT
Mar 24 2013

Couldn't resist.


Categories: Animals, Cats, Photo of the day, The Beatles, WTF?


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Cap'n, I'm givin' it all I have, but there's no' enough time!
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Published Saturday, March 23, 2013 @ 10:26 PM EDT
Mar 23 2013

Through the end of the month, Hulu is streaming without charge all the Star Trek television series- Star Trek, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Star Trek: Voyager, and Star Trek: Enterprise.

That's 693 episodes; figuring in commercials, it's about 32,000 minutes, or 533 hours. If you watched eight episodes a day, it would take you about 67 days. Which means if you start first thing tomorrow morning, you'll be done on May 29.

March Madness marathons? Hah. Amateurs.


Categories: Hulu, Star Trek


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Chaka Khan is 60 today
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Published Saturday, March 23, 2013 @ 8:39 AM EDT
Mar 23 2013

(YouTube video: The Wrath of Chaka Khan)


Categories: Chaka Khan, Music, Star Trek, William Shatner, YouTube


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Observation of the day
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Published Friday, March 22, 2013 @ 10:42 AM EDT
Mar 22 2013

We Have Seen the Present, and It Does Not Work:
Coca-Cola has announced a new product called “Fruitwater,” which contains no fruit.
-Zay N. Smith, Quick Takes


Categories: Observations, Zay N. Smith - Quick Takes


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The most wonderful time of year
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Published Friday, March 22, 2013 @ 7:31 AM EDT
Mar 22 2013

William Shatner is 82 today.

His toupée is 49.


Categories: William Shatner


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Once in a while I get it right...
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Published Thursday, March 21, 2013 @ 5:25 AM EDT
Mar 21 2013

I've started referring to the proposed action against Iraq as Desert Storm 1.1, since it reminds me of a Microsoft upgrade: it's expensive, most people aren't sure they want it, and it probably won't work.
-Kevin G. Barkes (May 10, 2002)


Categories: KGB, KGB Opinion, KGB Quotations Database, Quotes of the day


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Historically speaking
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Published Wednesday, March 20, 2013 @ 10:45 AM EDT
Mar 20 2013

From Poor QT’s Almanack:
On this day in history 98 years ago The Foundation of the General Theory of Relativity was published, followed 88 years later to the day by the U.S. land invasion of Iraq, and it is left to the reader to consider which one wasn’t come up with by an Einstein.
-Zay N. Smith, "QT"


Categories: Albert Einstein, History, Zay N. Smith - Quick Takes


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Exchange of the day
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Published Tuesday, March 19, 2013 @ 7:28 AM EDT
Mar 19 2013

Following a commercial for the movie, "Dracula's Daughter:"

"Can vampires reproduce?"

"They do in the Twilight movies."

"No, I mean real vampires."


Categories: Exchange of the day, Observations


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Quote of the day
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Published Monday, March 18, 2013 @ 1:45 AM EDT
Mar 18 2013


Categories: Norman Mailer, Quotes of the day


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Progress
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Published Sunday, March 17, 2013 @ 7:36 AM EDT
Mar 17 2013

Quotes of the day, William Gibson (b. March 17, 1948):

As I've said many times, the future is already here. It's just not very evenly distributed.

The Net is a waste of time, and that's exactly what's right about it.

Time moves in one direction, memory in another.

We live in a world where emissions from our refrigerators have caused the ozone layer to evaporate and we'll get skin cancer if we sunbathe. If that's not a science fiction scenario, I don't know what is.

All any drug amounts to is tweaking the incoming data. You have to be incredibly self-centered or pathetic to be satisfied with simply tweaking the incoming data.

[The Internet] will bring about the extinction of the nation-state as we know it... I think it will be as big a deal as the creation of cities.


Categories: Quotes of the day, Technology, William Gibson


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Spring has officially arrived
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Published Saturday, March 16, 2013 @ 6:32 PM EDT
Mar 16 2013

The Library, PA Tastee Creme is open.


Categories: Weather


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New digs
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Published Friday, March 15, 2013 @ 10:57 AM EDT
Mar 15 2013

Zay N. Smith, author of the wonderful "Quick Takes" (QT) column, has finally taken his destiny into his own hands and launched a permanent home for his formerly itinerant column. You can find it at ZaySmith.com.

When he first resurfaced after being torpedoed by the Chicago Sun-Times, I wrote about it here. He moved again to an obscure, best unmentioned outlet until settling in at his eponymous home on the web.

Here's a blurb for the new site, Zay:

"When I grow up, I want to be able to write like Zay N. Smith."


Categories: Zay N. Smith - Quick Takes


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Cruel and unusual
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Published Friday, March 15, 2013 @ 8:47 AM EDT
Mar 15 2013

I'd prefer waterboarding or fingernail removal.


Categories: Dogs, Photo of the day, WTF?


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Popeapalooza!
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Published Thursday, March 14, 2013 @ 7:55 AM EDT
Mar 14 2013


I didn't even know he was Catholic. Oh, wait...

So, a 76 year old Pope with one lung. This will end well.
-Patrick Hyland ‏@uberfiend

You know who should totally be the final arbiter of sexual morality? A 76-year-old man who's never had an orgasm.
-God ‏@TheTweetOfGod

Google Reader died for your pope jokes.
-LOLGOP ‏@LOLGOP

Both Paul Ryan and Pope Francis have a commitment to the poor. But Ryan's commitment is to make more of them.
-LOLGOP ‏@LOLGOP

I think Elvis would have been a good Pope. He was popular and already had the wardrobe...
-John Hoskins ‏@BigJohnHoskins

If white smoke means they picked a new Pope, Uncle Rick's Bonneville has been picking Popes for years.
-Pittsburgh Dad ‏@Pittsburgh_Dad

"New Pope Called Gay Marriage 'Destructive Attack on God's Plan.'" Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss.
-God ‏@TheTweetOfGod

Somewhere Lou Dobbs is screaming about this Latino who crossed a border to take someone else's Pope job.
-John Fugelsang ‏@JohnFugelsang

I guess I'll see you all guys in the Pope Jokes section of hell.
-LOLGOP ‏@LOLGOP

Now that we have a Pope, we get that hour of sleep back, right?
-LOLGOP ‏@LOLGOP

Pope being showed his new office. "This is your computer, Holy Father. Pick a password, don't make it Jesus. Everyone picks Jesus."
-pourmecoffee ‏@pourmecoffee

The new Pope came out on the balcony, saw his shadow, and realized there was six more centuries of scandals.
-Albert Brooks ‏@AlbertBrooks

Most awkward part of conclave is now when Cardinals check out and have to authorize in-room entertainment charges.
-pourmecoffee ‏@pourmecoffee

The Pope finished his speech. So refreshing he didn't thank his agent.
-Elayne Boosler ‏@ElayneBoosler

I’m not even Catholic, and I can solidly get behind a Pope Frank.
-Jacque Jo Bland ‏@jacquebland

I was led to understand that Jack Nicholson & Mrs. Obama would be announcing #newpope
-John Fugelsang ‏@JohnFugelsang

It looks like there's a new pope but they're still in line waiting to vote in Florida.
-Elayne Boosler


Categories: Facebook, Pope Francis, Religion, Twitter


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The upside is...
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Published Wednesday, March 13, 2013 @ 9:10 AM EDT
Mar 13 2013

...that I had seven consecutive hours of sleep last night.

Since she started phenobarbital therapy for her focal seizures a little over a week ago, Lucy, our 15-year-old Sheltie, has had disrupted sleep patterns. Her active hours have been 2-4 pm and- unfortunately- 2-4 am. Because of her drug-induced confusion and ataxia, we had to make certain we were awake when she was so that she wouldn't injure herself.

She finally appears to be acclimating to the drug. She was more active yesterday, more alert, and she actually barked at me to let her out.

Last night we took all the dogs up to the bedroom and gated them in. I settled Lucy on the floor and she was out in under a minute. I followed soon after.

When the alarm went off this morning, she was in the exact position I had left her. As I crawled out of bed, she sat up, looked at me, and wagged her tail.

The normal morning constitutional followed- a trip outside, breakfast, another trip outside- then upstairs to spend the day with Cindy while I went to work.

The downside? Well, aside from this brief update, that's all I got for today. The sleep deprivation had fuzzed my brain as much as hers, and I'm finally sharp enough to jump back into a major programming effort.

Talk among yourselves. See you tomorrow.


Categories: Dogs, KGB Family


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The Blizzard of 93...
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Published Tuesday, March 12, 2013 @ 5:14 AM EDT
Mar 12 2013

...was 20 years ago today. Here's my then 15 year old daughter Sara digging out the front walk. The snow was heavier in the back of the house, almost up to her waist.


Categories: History, KGB Family


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42 quotes by Douglas Adams
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Published Monday, March 11, 2013 @ 8:20 AM EDT
Mar 11 2013

I really didn't foresee the Internet. But then, neither did the computer industry. Not that that tells us very much, of course- the computer industry didn't even foresee that the century was going to end.

There are some people you like immediately, some whom you think you might learn to like in the fullness of time, and some that you simply want to push away from you with a sharp stick.

A common mistake people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.

A learning experience is one of those things that say, "You know that thing you just did? Don't do that."

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.

Assumptions are the things you don't know you're making.

Don't believe anything you read on the net. Except this. Well, including this, I suppose.

Driving a Porsche in London is like bringing a Ming vase to a football game.

Generally, old media don't die. They just have to grow old gracefully. Guess what, we still have stone masons. They haven't been the primary purveyors of the written word for a while now of course, but they still have a role because you wouldn't want a TV screen on your headstone.

He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.

He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher... or, as his wife would have it, an idiot.

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

I don't believe it. Prove it to me and I still won't believe it.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

I seldom end up where I wanted to go, but almost always end up where I need to be.

I'd take the awe of understanding over the awe of ignorance any day.

If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family Anatidae on our hands.

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have on your hands is a non-working cat.

In the old days, writers used to sit in front of a typewriter and stare out of the window. Nowadays, because of the marvels of convergent technology, the thing you type on and the window you stare out of are now the same thing.

In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri.

Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?

It is no coincidence that in no known language does the phrase “as pretty as an airport” appear.

Life is wasted on the living.

Lovers of print are simply confusing the plate for the food.

My universe is my eyes and my ears. Anything else is hearsay.

Nobody likes a whistler, particularly not the divinity that shapes our ends.

Reality is frequently inaccurate.

Solutions nearly always come from the direction you least expect, which means there's no point trying to look in that direction because it won't be coming from there.

The hotel shop only had two decent books, and I'd written both of them.

The impossible often has a kind of integrity which the merely improbable lacks.

The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at and repair.

The quality of any advice anybody has to offer has to be judged against the quality of life they actually lead.

The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.

Thor was the God of Thunder and, frankly, acted like it.

Time affords us the ability to blame past errors on others while whole heartedly pronouncing our futures successes.

We are stuck with technology when what we really want is just stuff that works.

We can't win against obsession. They care, we don't. They win.

We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!

Well, the hours are good, but now that you come to mention it, most of the actual minutes are pretty lousy.

Who is this god person anyway?

Words used carelessly, as if they did not matter in any serious way, often allowed otherwise well-guarded truths to seep through.

You live and learn. At any rate, you live.

(at top)
March 11, 2013 "Google Doodle" honoring Douglas Adams
(March 11, 1952 – May 11, 2001), creator of
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.


Categories: Douglas Adams, Quotes of the day


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Presidential rim-shots
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Published Sunday, March 10, 2013 @ 4:23 PM EDT
Mar 10 2013

President Obama's one-liners from the 2013 Gridiron dinner:

Now I know that some folks think we responded to Woodward too aggressively. But hey, when has- can anybody tell me when an administration has ever regretted picking a fight with Bob Woodward? What's the worst that could happen?

Of course, maintaining credibility in this cynical atmosphere is harder than ever- incredibly challenging. My administration recently put out a photo of me skeet shooting and even that wasn't enough for some people. Next week, we're releasing a photo of me clinging to religion.

And in the words of one of my favorite Star Trek characters- Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise- "May the force be with you."


Categories: Barack Obama, Politics, Star Trek, Star Wars


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Exchange of the week
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Published Saturday, March 09, 2013 @ 5:03 PM EST
Mar 09 2013

"Did you know pigs have orgasms that last for half an hour?"

"Yes, I did. Why do you think bacon tastes so good?"


Categories: Observations


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Guardian kitty
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Published Friday, March 08, 2013 @ 8:08 AM EST
Mar 08 2013

It's not unusual for me to wake up to discover Pumpkin, our 16-year-old black cat, asleep on my back.

But at 2:30 this morning, she wasn't sleeping. She was yelling in my ear while simultaneously embedding a single claw in my right arm.

Not enough to draw blood, but it certainly got my attention.

Once I sat up in bed and found my glasses, I saw her at the bedroom door. She yelled at me again, circled twice, then disappeared. I heard her bounding down the steps and into the kitchen.

I followed her and discovered our 15-year-old Sheltie, Lucy, lying next to the door leading to the cellar, beneath the child gate we put there to keep her from attempting to navigate the steps.

Lucy developed focal seizures this past Monday, and the phenobarbital that controls her condition has also knocked her for a loop. Until she becomes acclimated to the drug, the medication-induced ataxia has turned her into a friendly little Scottish drunk.

My guess is she decided she needed to go out, headed for the steps,and didn't notice the gate. When it fell on her, she decided she'd just lie there and sleep it off.

The stairs weren't blocked, so Pumpkin could have made it to the litter box with no problem. No ulterior motive- there's no doubt she knew her friend was in trouble and determined she needed someone with opposable thumbs to handle the situation.

Once I extricated Lucy and took her down to my office to spend the remainder of the night, Pumpkin positioned herself on a shelf under my desk unit, where she could watch the dog's inert form. She moved only when Lucy got up and started wandering around. The cat would sit down in front of Lucy, halting her progress. The dog would then lie down, give Pumpkin a wet kiss on the face and then pass out again.

I'm a definite dog person. But I have to admit, I'm starting to become rather impressed by felines as well.


Categories: Cats, Dogs, KGB Family


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Meme of the day
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Published Thursday, March 07, 2013 @ 6:55 AM EST
Mar 07 2013


Categories: Meme of the day


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Stoned, but hanging in there
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Published Wednesday, March 06, 2013 @ 4:29 AM EST
Mar 06 2013

The first day of seizure-inhibiting phenobarbital treatment really zonked her out, and she's still kinda stoned and shaky, but Lucy ate all her breakfast, had a long drink of water, did her business, and made her daily inspection of the back yard.

I'm not sure she even realized it snowed last night but hey, haven't we all had mornings like that?

The other two dogs and the two cats spent the night with me in my office. Lucy was the only one who really got any sleep. The lesser mammals are now all unconscious under my desk, while I have to spend the next eight to ten hours writing a MacroSPITBOL function definition to create, name, and populate multiple table structures at runtime.

That phenobarb is looking mighty attractive...


Categories: Animals, Cats, Dogs, KGB Family, Photo of the day


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Sigh.
(permalink)

Published Tuesday, March 05, 2013 @ 6:37 AM EST
Mar 05 2013

Lady Lucia (Lucy), the eldest of our Shelties, turned 15 last month. We've been wincing for the past year or so, wondering where the Geriatric Wheel of Misfortune would stop.

And the "winner" is- focal seizures. She started having 30-second episodes every 15 minutes or so last night.

She appears to be responding well to the anti-seizure medication. We'll probably be bringing her home today.

Fortunately, being an old curmudgeon has its benefits. I'm familiar with involuntary snarling and drooling.

And Lucy is one tough little broad. She keeps all the lesser mammals in line around here, and all she asks in return is to spend the evenings snoozing next to me on the couch.

The only difference tonight will be that we'll both be on meds.


Categories: Animals, Dogs, KGB Family


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Historically speaking...
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Published Monday, March 04, 2013 @ 6:22 AM EST
Mar 04 2013

All of you, I am sure, have heard many cries about Government interference with business and about “creeping socialism.” I should like to remind the gentlemen who make these complaints that if events had been allowed to continue as they were going prior to March 4, 1933, most of them would have no businesses left for the Government or for anyone else to interfere with- and almost surely we would have socialism in this country, real socialism.
-Harry S. Truman (in 1950)
(FDR assumed the Presidency for the first time 80 years ago today.)


Categories: FDR, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Harry S. Truman, History, Politics, Quotes of the day


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Quote of the day
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Published Monday, March 04, 2013 @ 6:19 AM EST
Mar 04 2013

March is the month God created to show people who don't drink what a hangover is like.
-Garrison Keillor


Categories: Garrison Keillor, Quotes of the day


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Hey...
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Published Sunday, March 03, 2013 @ 8:29 AM EST
Mar 03 2013

It's Scotty's birthday, which is a major holiday around these parts.

We'll be givin' it all we've got. Check out the Doohan links.

See you tomorrow.


Categories: Star Trek


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Well played, sir...
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Published Saturday, March 02, 2013 @ 9:09 AM EST
Mar 02 2013


Categories: Barack Obama, Politics, Star Trek, Star Wars


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Quote of the day
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Published Saturday, March 02, 2013 @ 8:57 AM EST
Mar 02 2013

The danger in seeking to force our beliefs on others isn't that they may someday force their beliefs on us; it's that they may someday force our beliefs on us.
-The Covert Comic


Categories: Covert Comic, Quotes of the day


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Party on
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Published Friday, March 01, 2013 @ 3:32 AM EST
Mar 01 2013

Granddaughter Leanna (the redhead in glasses) with friends at her first fourth grade "social". The boys are hiding elsewhere in the gym.


Categories: KGB Family


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