« History
Home Page
HonorĂ© de Balzac »

Lest we forget...
(permalink)

Published Wednesday, December 17, 2014 @ 11:48 PM EST
Dec 17 2014


Categories: Holidays, Tom Lehrer, YouTube


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Quotes on Christmas
(permalink)

Published Tuesday, December 09, 2014 @ 7:44 PM EST
Dec 09 2014

A good conscience is a continual Christmas.
-Benjamin Franklin

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
-Garrison Keillor

America is a place where Jewish merchants sell Zen love beads to agnostics for Christmas.
-John Burton Brimer

As long as we know in our hearts what Christmas ought to be, Christmas is.
-Eric Sevareid

Christmas is a necessity. There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we're here for something else besides ourselves.
-Eric Sevareid

Christmas is a strange season. We sing songs in front of dead trees and eat candy out of our socks. (From the comic strip "Maxine")
-John Wagner

Christmas is a time when you get homesick, even when you're home.
-Carol Nelson

Christmas is not a date. It is a state of mind.
-Mary Ellen Chase

Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive.
-Stephen Fry

Christmas: It's the only religious holiday that's also a federal holiday. That way, Christians can go to their services, and everyone else can sit at home and reflect on the true meaning of the separation of church and state.
-Samantha Bee

From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.
-Katherine Whitehorn

I prefer the retro chic of spending Christmas just like Joseph and Mary did- Traveling arduously back to the place of your birth to be counted, with no guarantee of a bed when you get there.
-Tina Fey

Merry Christmas, Nearly Everybody!
-Ogden Nash

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out any quicker than the Christmas spirit.
-Frank McKinney (Kin) Hubbard

Thanksgiving comes after Christmas for people over thirty.
-Peter Kreeft

The problem isn't the grinches who steal Christmas, it's the grinches who celebrate it.
-Christopher Hitchens


Categories: Holidays, Quotes on a topic


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Halloween 2014
(permalink)

Published Friday, October 31, 2014 @ 11:31 PM EDT
Oct 31 2014

One of the mammals in this photo had a good time.


Categories: Holidays, KGB Family


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Tradition
(permalink)

Published Friday, July 04, 2014 @ 1:57 AM EDT
Jul 04 2014

Who's drunk enough for fireworks?
(from The New Yorker)

Remember: The combination of sun, beer and fireworks makes July 4th the Final Four weekend of Darwin Awards. Make wise choices.
-@pourmecoffee


Categories: Cartoons, Holidays


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

First Easter
(permalink)

Published Monday, April 21, 2014 @ 4:24 PM EDT
Apr 21 2014


Granddaughter Joelle nailed it.


Categories: Holidays, KGB Family


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Love is...
(permalink)

Published Friday, February 14, 2014 @ 5:14 AM EST
Feb 14 2014

-----

Every love is the love before
In a duller dress.
-Dorothy Parker

If love is blind, why is Victoria's Secret so successful?
-Unattributed

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
-Jane Wagner

Life is one fool thing after another where as love is two fool things after each other.
-Oscar Wilde

Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.
-Franklin P. Jones

Love is a decision, not an emotion.
-Unattributed

Love is a joint experience between two persons- but the fact that it is a joint experience does not mean that it is a similar experience to the two people involved.
-Carson McCullers

Love is a matter of chemistry. Sex is a matter of physics.
-Unattributed

Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig, and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun.
-Matt Groening

Love is a series
Of darlings and dearies
Of honeys and sweeties
And sugared entreaties
Of moonings and spoonings
And cooings and billings
All tempered, of course,
By occasional killings.
-E.Y. Harburg

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra. Suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.
-Matt Groening

Love is a verb.
-Clare Boothe Luce

Love is all fun and games until someone loses an eye or gets pregnant.
-Jim Cole

Love is blind, but desire just doesn't give a good goddamn.
-James Thurber

Love is grand; divorce is three hundred grand.
-Unattributed

Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
-Jules Renard

Love is like any other luxury. You have no right to it unless you can afford it.
-Anthony Trollope

Love is like epidemic diseases. The more one fears it, the more likely one is to contract it.
-Nicolas Chamfort

Love is like the measles; we all have to go through it.
-Jerome K. Jerome

Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin- it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring.
-S.J. Perelman

Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
-Unattributed

Love is only the dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.
-W. Somerset Maugham

Love is that rare attraction to someone that can survive getting to know them.
-Robert Brault

Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.
-Robert A. Heinlein

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
-H.L. Mencken

Love is the word used to label the sexual excitement of the young, the habituation of the middle-aged, and the mutual dependence of the old.
-John Ciardi

Love, and you shall be loved. All love is mathematically just, as much as the two sides of an algebraic equation.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Marriage, friends, is a lifelong feast, love is no light lunch.
-Garrison Keillor

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Romania.
-Dorothy Parker

Oh, love isn't there to make us happy. I believe it exists to show us how much we can endure.
-Hermann Hesse

Puppy love is no laughing matter when you're a puppy.
-Amy Gamerman

The best proof of love is trust.
-Dr. Joyce Brothers

The enemy of a love is never outside, it's not a man or woman, it's what we lack in ourselves.
-Anaïs Nin

The first duty of love is to listen.
-Paul Tillich

The first sigh of love is the last of wisdom.
-Antoine Bret

The great secret of happiness in love is to be glad that the other fellow married her.
-H.L. Mencken

The magic of first love is our ignorance that it can ever end.
-Benjamin Disraeli

True love is the best thing in the world, except for cough drops.
-William Goldman

When you have been just told that the girl you love is definitely betrothed to another, you begin to understand how Anarchists must feel when the bomb goes off too soon.
-P.G. Wodehouse

-----


Categories: Cartoons, Holidays, Quotes on a topic


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Happy New Year!
(permalink)

Published Wednesday, January 01, 2014 @ 12:00 AM EST
Jan 01 2014

2014 will bring granddaughter Joelle's first birthday and my 60th. We both plan to make the most of it. You should, too.

2013 was, I believe, the first year in which I didn't miss a single daily KGB Report post. Whether that's an accomplishment worth celebrating s a determination best left to the reader.

In any event, sincere wishes for a healthy and prosperous new year, and thanks for reading!


Categories: Holidays, KGB Family, New Years


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Out with the old...
(permalink)

Published Tuesday, December 31, 2013 @ 5:38 AM EST
Dec 31 2013

May this arbitrary, transient aspect of your solipsistic discernment of the space-time continuum delineate the initiation of a procession of random events which trend in a manner you perceive as favorable.
-Kevin G. Barkes

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
-Bill Vaughan

Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man.
-Benjamin Franklin

Celebrate what you want to see more of.
-Tom Peters

Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go.
-Brooks Atkinson

Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?
-Ogden Nash

For last year's words belong to last year's language and next year's words await another voice.
-T.S. Eliot

Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.
-Oscar Wilde

He who breaks a resolution is a weakling; He who makes one is a fool.
-F.M. Knowles

I have never heard anything about the resolutions of the apostles, but a good deal about their acts.
-Horace Mann

I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me.
-Anaïs Nin

I think in terms of the day's resolutions, not the year's.
-Henry Moore

Many years ago I resolved never to bother with New Year's resolutions, and I've stuck with it ever since.
-Dave Beard

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions.
-Joey Adams

New Year's Day... now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
-Mark Twain

New Year's Eve is like every other night; there is no pause in the march of the universe, no breathless moment of silence among created things that the passage of another twelve months may be noted; and yet no man has quite the same thoughts this evening that come with the coming of darkness on other nights.
-Hamilton Wright Mabie

New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.
-James Agate

New Years Eve: when the beautiful promise of tomorrow is transformed into the ugly reality of today, and the disgusting miasma of now becomes the rosy nostalgic netherworlds of yesterday.
-J.C. Duffy

Resolutions, like the good, die young.
-Fulton J. Sheen

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.
-P.J. O'Rourke

Time has no divisions to mark its passage; there is never a thunderstorm to announce the beginning of a new year. It is only we mortals who ring bells and fire off pistols.
-Thomas Mann

Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us.
-Hal Borland

Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink and swore his last oath. Today, we are a pious and exemplary community. Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our reformation to the winds and gone to cutting our ancient shortcomings considerably shorter than ever.
-Mark Twain

Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.
-Helen Keller

Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.
-Bill Vaughan


Categories: Holidays, New Years, Quotes on a topic, Resolutions


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

First Christmas
(permalink)

Published Wednesday, December 25, 2013 @ 10:42 AM EST
Dec 25 2013

Granddaugter Joelle's first Christmas.

Wishing yours is as much fun.


Categories: Christmas, Holidays, KGB Family


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Christmas Eve
(permalink)

Published Tuesday, December 24, 2013 @ 12:00 AM EST
Dec 24 2013

Riley has visions of sugarplums dancing in his head.

Sassy knows the fat guy with the beard
will give her cookies.

And maybe Santa will, too!

Merry Christmas from Kevin, Cindy,
and all the furry minions.


Categories: Christmas, Dogs, Holidays, KGB Family


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

A Festivus for the rest of us!
(permalink)

Published Monday, December 23, 2013 @ 4:54 AM EST
Dec 23 2013


(Photo: The Grey Lodge Pub)

Festivus, a well-celebrated parody, has become a secular holiday celebrated on December 23 which serves as an alternative to participating in the pressures and commercialism of the Christmas holiday season. Originally a family tradition of scriptwriter Dan O'Keefe working on the American sitcom Seinfeld, the holiday entered popular culture after it was made the focus of a 1997 episode of the program. The holiday's celebration, as it was shown on Seinfeld, includes a Festivus dinner, an unadorned aluminum "Festivus pole," practices such as the "Airing of Grievances" and "Feats of Strength," and the labeling of easily explainable events as "Festivus miracles."

(YouTube video: "Seinfeld")

"The tradition of Festivus begins... with the airing of grievances!"


Categories: Dan O'Keefe, Festivus, Holidays, Seinfeld, Video, YouTube


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Cleaning off the desktop, part 3: Holiday miscellany
(permalink)

Published Sunday, December 22, 2013 @ 8:45 PM EST
Dec 22 2013

-----

-----

-----

-----

-----


Categories: Batman, Christmas, Christopher Walken, Church and State, Civil Rights, Cleaning off the desktop, Congress, Fox News, Holidays, Politics


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Happy solstice!
(permalink)

Published Saturday, December 21, 2013 @ 12:23 AM EST
Dec 21 2013


Categories: Holidays


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Ho ho ho...
(permalink)

Published Tuesday, December 17, 2013 @ 12:08 PM EST
Dec 17 2013

Granddaughter Joelle and Santa meet for the first time. Both seem favorably impressed.


Categories: Holidays, KGB Family


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Cleaning off the desktop
(permalink)

Published Sunday, December 08, 2013 @ 10:01 AM EST
Dec 08 2013

It's surprising what pops up on Google...

It's U.S. Patent #7,249,057 B2, issued July 24, 2007: "Product Information Supplying Method, Product Information Acquiring Method, Product Information Registering Method And Recording Medium," and the description is equally enlightening:

"There is provided a product information supply method for supplying a user who desires to purchase a product with proper information about a related product that could be bought in combination with the product, so that the user is assisted in purchasing products. Registration of combination information to be supplied to the user is made with a database managed by a service provider server by a person who has bought the above product by means of a registration page so that a lot of combination information is accumulated in the database. The registered information includes not only information specifying a combinable product but also information about the effects of the combination and the ways of using products in combination. The database is searched in response to inquiry information from the user who makes reference to a page of products. Thus, corresponding combination information is extracted from the database and is sent to the user."

I'm no expert in intellectual property law, but- this is something patentable? A database of related products, with the added twist of returning information on "effects of the combination and the ways of using products in combination." You mean like peanut butter and jelly? Gin and tonic? Water and Alka-Seltzer tablets?

Even more puzzling is the reference to one of my old DEC Professional DCL Dialogue columns. It deals with referrals and recommendations for computer hardware and software, but its relevance to this patent eludes me. You can read the column here.

Other stuff that passed across the desktop this week:

-----

-----

-----


Categories: Cleaning off the desktop, Computers, Holidays, Miscellany, Star Trek, Technology, WTF?


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Christmas Future
(permalink)

Published Tuesday, December 03, 2013 @ 6:06 AM EST
Dec 03 2013

(Paul Noth, The New Yorker)


Categories: Cartoons, Holidays, Technology, The New Yorker


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Trick or treat
(permalink)

Published Thursday, October 31, 2013 @ 7:09 PM EDT
Oct 31 2013

Youngest granddaughter Joelle (six months old) as a bumblebee entranced by a ceiling fan.


Categories: Holidays, KGB Family


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Memorial Day
(permalink)

Published Monday, May 27, 2013 @ 1:05 AM EDT
May 27 2013

(Published May 30, 2007 Chicago Tribune)

Garrison Keillor

Memorial Day is a lovely day in America, a day of reunion in small towns, where people drive up to the cemetery on Monday morning and file in, old-timers carrying lawn chairs, and even if you've missed a few years, people will come over and shake your hand and thank you for coming. You don't have to dress up or support the war in Iraq. You just come, and afterward there are hot dogs and potato salad at the Legion Club.

It's the last patriotic holiday that still means something, and it persists year after year despite the wooden rituals and leaden speeches. In Central Park on Monday, an admiral with a chestful of ribbons gripped the lectern and read his lines, and the line of his that got quoted was, "Their sacrifice has enabled us to enjoy the things that we, I think in many cases, take for granted," which does not ring, does it? No.

"Their sacrifice has enabled us to enjoy the things that many of us take for granted" would have been better, but still it's nothing people will take home with them and ponder. How about, "Their noble sacrifice has enabled us to see the ignobility of the leadership that sent them to their deaths"? How about, "We have sacrificed enough of our young men and women and it is time to bring them home to enjoy the things that the rest of us take for granted"?

The Current Occupant drove over the bridge to Arlington and spoke at the Tomb of the Unknowns, a site of powerful reverence, and his speechwriter, in a hurry to finish and enjoy his weekend, gave him, "From their deaths must come a world where the cruel dreams of tyrants and terrorists are frustrated and foiled -- where our nation is more secure from attack, and where the gift of liberty is secured for millions who have never known it," a line cobbled together from scrap lumber. Shades of "the last full measure of devotion" and "we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain" but made from different cloth. The reputation of the Gettysburg Address remains secure.

Dishonesty makes for poor rhetoric and that's what has gutted this beautiful holiday. The ideas it celebrates- that our young men and women did their duty and died in defense of their country- are simply not true. Vietnam was lost and it didn't matter to the security of the United States. Saigon fell and life in the States went on without a blink. And since the end of selective service, these honored dead are somebody else's sons and daughters, not ours- one good reason why there is so little protest of this war: If the Army were conscripting our children to go to Baghdad, the Occupant's approval rating would be in the low teens.

Memorial Day survives on the faint memories of World War II, the Good War. Those old Legion and VFW guys are the ones who keep it going. Some come in fatigues, some ride in golf carts past the rows of tombstones and the urns with fresh gardenias planted in them, and the Boy Scouts line up, and the auxiliary ladies in blue hand out little American flags. There is a distant HEE-YUP and the crowd shushes and the honor guard marches in, left, right, left, right, left, right, and Old Glory is raised on the flagpole, and we all recite the Pledge of Allegiance. The names of the dead are read and wreaths of poppies are placed and maybe somebody recites "In Flanders Fields":

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow,
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky,
The larks, still bravely singing, fly,
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

Everyone is a little stiff and self-consciously reverent. And then comes the speech. That's the problem. It is time for the truth to be told and we cannot bring ourselves to tell it. Good men and women were sacrificed to the vanity of politicians and generals. It is a miserable business to tell lies over the graves of good soldiers, but we do, and then we all sing "America the Beautiful," including the verse about heroes proved in liberating strife, and the honor guard fires its rifle salute and somebody presses Play on a boombox and we hear taps and the guard turns about-face and marches off and we walk away, thoughtfully, and there is much to think about.

(Garrison Keillor is an author and host of "A Prairie Home Companion.")


Categories: Garrison Keillor, Holidays


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Don't forget...
(permalink)

Published Monday, April 22, 2013 @ 6:43 AM EDT
Apr 22 2013

Danny Shanahan nails it again.


Categories: Cartoons, Danny Shanahan, Holidays, The New Yorker


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Star Peeps
(permalink)

Published Sunday, March 31, 2013 @ 12:53 AM EDT
Mar 31 2013

(Copyright © 2002, David Farley)


Categories: Cartoons, Holidays, Star Trek


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Bunny hugger
(permalink)

Published Thursday, March 28, 2013 @ 12:11 AM EDT
Mar 28 2013

'Tis the season...


Categories: Holidays, Photo of the day, WTF?


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Meet the New Year, same as the old year...
(permalink)

Published Tuesday, January 01, 2013 @ 3:01 AM EST
Jan 01 2013

KGB Report welcomes you to 2013: May this arbitrary, transient point in your solipsistic sense of the space-time continuum delineate the initiation of a series of random events which trend in a manner which you perceive to be favorable.


Categories: Barack Obama, Cartoons, Elections, History, Holidays, Mass shootings, New Years, Photo of the day, Politics, Second Amendment, The Big Bang Theory, U.S. Constitution, WTF?


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Getting ready
(permalink)

Published Monday, December 31, 2012 @ 12:00 AM EST
Dec 31 2012

2013 is the first year since 1987 that contains four different numbers.

You're welcome.


Categories: Holidays, WTF?


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Christmas is...
(permalink)

Published Sunday, December 23, 2012 @ 4:33 AM EST
Dec 23 2012

Kids, dogs, and snow. Granddaugter Lea and her best bud Bella enjoy the precipitation up north near Tionesta.

.


Categories: Christmas, Dogs, Holidays, KGB Family


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

DUI: Decorating Under the Influence
(permalink)

Published Saturday, December 08, 2012 @ 11:43 AM EST
Dec 08 2012


Categories: Holidays, Photo of the day, WTF?


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

« History
Home Page
HonorĂ© de Balzac »