« Twinkies
Home Page
U.S. Constitution »

Observations of the day: Shutdown/Debt Ceiling edition
(permalink)

Published Tuesday, October 15, 2013 @ 11:59 AM EDT
Oct 15 2013

Social media on the shutdown:

Andy Borowitz (Facebook):

BREAKING: Most Hated People in U.S. Deciding Fate of World.

Let's put this shutdown behind us so the trials for treason can begin.

Michele Bachmann: "My Health Plan is Rapture."

As the Republicans go from Abraham Lincoln to Teddy Roosevelt to Ted Cruz, it's no wonder they don't believe in evolution.

Say what you will about America, it's a place where any child, if he's stupid enough, can grow up to wreck the world economy.

If we default on our debt Miley Cyrus will no longer be the most embarrassing thing about America.

Call me an optimist, but I believe our government will come up with a totally unsatisfactory solution to a completely unnecessary crisis.

The behavior of the Tea Party congressmen is the most glaring indictment of our nation's failure to teach math.

Congress has wasted two weeks on a totally unnecessary crisis of its own creation. It's a good thing our schools and roads are in great shape or I'd be mad.

There are people in Congress I would not trust to look after my plants.

WASHINGTON - After a poll showed 50% of Americans blame Republicans for the shutdown and 30% blame Obama, Rep. Michele Bachmann said, "That means we're winning by 20 percent."

Boehner: "The time has come to end this crisis so we can start planning the next one."

BREAKING: GOP Accuse Obama of Acting Like He Won Election

BREAKING: NRA Defends GOP's Right to Use Metaphorical Gun

Basically, the Republicans want a reward for calling in a bomb threat and then retracting it.

Just bought health insurance online. For some weird reason, the country was not destroyed. Anyone else have this problem?

It bothers me that our country may be pushed into default by people who cannot spell default.

Boehner: "We will continue this shutdown until we find out the reason for it."

WASHINGTON - In an escalation of the stalemate gripping the Capitol, House Republicans voted today to shut down the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that controls reasoning and impulses

The shutdown could last awhile since the Tea Party is demanding the President not be black anymore.

I wasn't happy about the country being controlled by the richest one percent, but I really hate it being controlled by the dumbest one percent

Boehner: "The President is stubbornly refusing to end this crisis I created."

WASHINGTON - House Republicans reassured the nation today that during the government shutdown they would continue to work hard to cut benefits for the poor and hungry.

A lot of people are asking when this kind of madness in Washington will end. I believe that can be arranged in 2014.

-----

-@LOLGOP (Twitter)

I'm impressed that no one has made the analogy between Ted Cruz and McMurphy in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.

REMINDER: Michele Bachmann's favorite Founding Father is George Jefferson.

FYI: A nuclear bomb is about to blow up the world's economy and the House GOP will let it go off unless we give a tax break to a corporation.

Political party that pretends Donald Trump is a serious candidate for anything isn't a political party anymore, it's a cry for help.

House Republicans. Willing to destroy what's left of the global economy to avoid a primary challenge.

BREAKING: Ted Cruz and House Republicans meet in private to write open letter to Miley Cyrus, plot a global financial crisis.

Columbus discovered America the same way Republicans discovered the deficit when Obama became president.

Republicans waited to wage war on birth control until 50 years after it was invented. Next: Stop the miniskirt!

-----

-@pourmecoffee (Twitter)

Schoolhouse Rock is working on a new "How A Bill Becomes Law" but it's taking a while because not much rhymes with "hostage."

Boehner should just show up in a Hawaiian shirt chomping a cigar and say "whatever" to everything.

The real victim in this is legitimate Kabuki theater.

Maybe if the History Channel showed history instead of pawn shops and alligators less people would carry Confederate flags.

Hi, we're the most powerful nation in all of recorded history, may we please have our allowance?

Congress is going to wait until the very last minute and look up budget deals in Wikipedia.

Ted Cruz: Mr. Obama, tear down these barricades!**
(** Put up because of my 21-hour speech directly leading to this outcome.)

Don't tread on me, except getting me to donate money and vote against my own interests, you can tread on me that way.

I don't think Spock could handle mind-melding with John Boehner, even for a moment. The madness. The sorrow. It would break a mind.

-----

Sarah Reese Jones (Twitter)

John McCain warns Dems not to humiliate GOP as the VP he picked stands near Confederate Flag in front of WH accusing Obama of being Muslim.


Categories: Facebook, Observations, Twitter


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Top tweets
(permalink)

Published Tuesday, August 06, 2013 @ 12:53 AM EDT
Aug 06 2013

People are worried about genetically modified foods, but everything will be fine. At least that's what my broccoli keeps saying.
-@Kelkulus

Confused about Pork Week. Is it Pork the verb or the noun?
-Joe Garden

Just had a terrible nightmare where I wasn't effectively leveraging my core competencies when applying best practices.
-Asterios Kokkinos

*Velociraptor jiggles bathroom door handle* "Someone's in here!" *jiggling stops*
-Matt Roller

Taylor Swift seems like one of those chicks who thinks it's cute to put her bare feet on the dashboard of a car when riding shotgun.
-Jenny Johnson

"Quinoa is an ancient grain." It sure tastes like it.
-Jim Gaffifan

How come nobody delivers donuts? Why is every donut place afraid of a million dollars?
-Andy Daly

I wish malls had Destroy-a-Bear stores.
-Alex Blagg

There should be a third gun in 2 Guns that audience members can kill themselves with.
-Jake Weisman

Google Geek Camp is a great way for your children to interact with grown men wearing eyeball cameras.
-Amanda Melson

OK. In hindsight, I probably had too many references to karma in that eulogy.
-Justin Shanes

Facebook is suddenly nothing more than an accounting of which of my friends and relatives will believe anything they read.
-Dave Holmes

Eating a turkey burger is like watching "Goodfellas" on basic cable.
-CJ Sullivan

I bet Andy Dufresne ended up married miserable and sick of Mexican food.
-Moshe Kasher

Older, unmarried man in a cape says he's okay with gays. Huh.
-Alex Baze

Still haven't seen "Pacific Rim" but did shake a bag of recycling, so kind of?
-Albertina Rizzo

Great place for humor: HappyPlaceTM.


Categories: Twitter


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Way too much Weiner, way too much time on their hands
(permalink)

Published Wednesday, July 24, 2013 @ 12:51 AM EDT
Jul 24 2013

Used to be there were no second acts in American life. Now it's a theater without exits.
-Brent S. Sirota (@BrentSirota)

Slate reports that New York City mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner admitted during a press conference that he is serial sexter "Carlos Danger," and that he sent sexually explicit chat messages and photos to additional women even after he resigned his seat in Congress under identical circumstances.

Slate has also helpfully provided The Carlos Danger Name Generator so you can quickly develop an online alter ego of your own.

Just call me Santiago Verboten.


Categories: Anthony Weiner, Brent S. Sirota, Carlos Danger, Politics, Quotes of the day, Slate, Twitter


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Shazam
(permalink)

Published Thursday, July 18, 2013 @ 7:32 AM EDT
Jul 18 2013

Apparently, Captain Marvel has arrived in Pittsburgh. (Twitter photo by @timbetler. Taken from USX, July 16.)


Categories: Photo of the day, Twitter, Weather


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Tweets from on high or something like it
(permalink)

Published Thursday, June 27, 2013 @ 7:39 AM EDT
Jun 27 2013

If you're on Twitter and are not easily offended, consider following TheTweetofGod...

Anyone who thinks human life is sacred to Me has never read the Bible. That thing makes Tarantino look like Disney.

Life is a struggle not between good and evil, but between those who see it that way and those who don't.

Well I've lost faith in you, too.

From now on I'd like to be called P. Deity.

Paula Deen saying all that matters is "what's in your heart" is cardiologically hilarious.

Wow, I really enjoyed deciding who won that game.

The big difference between me and Kanye is I impregnated a virgin, whereas Kanye... well, did not.

Sometimes Jesus asks himself, "What would some self-righteous hypocrite do?"

You're welcome, Phil.

I could totally beat Superman in a fight.

"Despicable Me 2" was My original title for the New Testament.

I support marijuana. I created it for you. In fact the Garden of Eden was full of it. That was Eve's downfall. She got the munchies.

I find the vast majority of you profoundly unpleasant.

Lying makes Jesus cry. Stealing makes Jesus cry. Jaywalking makes Jesus cry. A real pussy, that kid.

There is a book with stories about incest, genocide, rape and crucifixion in almost every hotel room in the world.

I designed the sun to be 100% solar-powered. #green

My love for you is unconditional, provided you do and think exactly as I say.

Please stay safe, Oklahoma, because evidently I'm angry at you again for absolutely no reason.

The twist ending to M. Night Shyamalan's career is that it turns out it was dead the whole time.

When I work in mysterious ways it's called grace. When you work in mysterious ways it's called grounds for termination.

The first person to call you a jerk is probably just jealous, but the hundredth may be on to something.

Yes!!!
@TheTweetOfGod 723.9K followers
@RichardDawkins 723.6K followers
Believe in THAT, Dick!
It's no "delusion"!
I WIN I WIN I WIN!!!


Categories: Quotes on a topic, Twitter


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Signs of the Apocalypse, #909
(permalink)

Published Wednesday, June 26, 2013 @ 4:28 AM EDT
Jun 26 2013

In case you missed it- which you probably did, since no broadcast or cable "news" organization carried it- a real-life episode of The West Wing took place in Austin, Texas yesterday and early this morning.

Texas Governor Rick Perry (R-No Kidding) had unexpectedly added to a special session of the state legislature a major anti-abortion bill that called for- among other misogynistic actions- closing all but five of the huge state's 42 clinics.

Texas state senator Wendy Davis responded with a 13-hour filibuster, a wondrous effort that simultaneously demonstrated the inherent virtue of American government and the hideous manner in which it can be distorted and abused.

When it appeared the Republicans had managed to silence her by citing a series of disingenuous "rules" violations, the legislature was stopped dead in its tracks when enraged citizens in the gallery howled, sang, and shouted the proceedings to a halt. It was sheer pandemonium. And a thing of beauty.

You can find the sordid details in assorted places- here, for one- but unless you were following on Twitter or a live stream on YouTube or some other site, you wouldn't have known the senate of one of the largest states in the union was violating its own constitution and doing so while hundreds of enraged citizens in the gallery screamed in protest.

For while the very principles of a sovereign constitutional republic were being mocked and circumvented by scheming, reprehensible ideologues, CNN- The Network For News, mind you- was airing this:


To quote my sainted grandfather, "I shit you not."
Pardon my French.

I didn't expect Fox News to carry anything, of course- and they didn't. But even liberal-tilted MSNBC was airing reruns of the evening's earlier commentary shows.

In the meantime, things got even more bizarre in Texas. Their constitution requires votes on bills to be completed before special sessions expire. The Texas senate's website originally noted the bill was passed on 6/26/2013, after the midnight deadline.

No problem. They just changed the date of the vote on the website back to 6/25/2013. Texas not only strictly controls female bodies, they also can warp the space-time continuum.

And the print media? With datelines up to an hour before the actual vote took place, USA Today and others reported the filibuster failed and the legislation passed.

Note I used the past tense. So did they.

The conspiracy-minded will probably claim the conservative-leaning owners of mainstream media outlets knew the outcome well in advance, and just got sloppy. I like to take the more optimistic view that journalists today are lazy, intellectually dishonest hacks whose irredeemable cynicism and proximity to power have reduced their usefulness to nil.

It may require more effort on my part for vetting and verification, but I think from now on my primary sources of information will be live feeds and social media.

Postscript- at 4:15 am, when the websites for CNN, Fox, NBC, CBS, ABC and Reuters were still saying the outcome of the vote was in doubt, a live stream available through Twitter- nearly an hour earlier- showed Senator Davis announcing that the lieutenant governor of Texas had reversed his previous ruling and declared the vote invalid. The AP story broke at 4:01 am.


Categories: News Media, Signs of the Apocalypse, Twitter


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Tweets of the day
(permalink)

Published Saturday, June 22, 2013 @ 8:52 AM EDT
Jun 22 2013

Whether it's the border, guns or gays, Republicans always have the same fear: someone coming in the back door.
-Bill Maher

Thomas Jefferson could never get a Food Network show now.
-@LOLGOP

Home is anywhere you don't have to wear pants.
-@JohnFugelsang

Crayola needs to create a color called "Boehner".
@teenagesleuth/i>

Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% other people cheapening the meaning of the word "genius".
-@TheTweetOfGod

If you want to avoid full fury of the U.S., don't leak secrets to public. Play it safe and just wreck the economy to enrich yourself.
-@pourmecoffee

Days like today make me second-guess my decision to base my life on the moral teachings of Food Network stars.
-@pourmecoffee


Categories: Twitter


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Recommended Twit
(permalink)

Published Sunday, May 05, 2013 @ 5:26 PM EDT
May 05 2013

If you're on Twitter, consider following Bill Murray (SNL, Ghostbusters, Groundhog Day, et al.) These are just a few from the past week...

Smart people: start having babies or the other side wins.

The only thing to fear is fear itself.
Also:
-Zombies.
-Velociraptors.
-Unwanted pregnancy.
-The Hamburglar.
-Spiders.
-Madonna's arms.

If video games are really the problem I think in the 80's we'd have heard a lot more stories of plumbers being assaulted with barrels.

Had to pause Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory to go buy a Snickers. This is why I can't watch Breaking Bad.

I don't trip. I do random gravity checks.

It would be hilariously perfect if Jessica Biel would name her first child Batmo.

My favorite pick-up line is the one where I don't say anything to a girl and I just go home to watch Netflix, because Netflix won't hurt me.

I hate when people pour my cereal. They don't know how much I want. They don't know my life. They don't know what I've been through.

I come from a long line of parents.

If you had to choose between your girlfriend and winning the lottery, what kind of car would you buy first?

Unless you are a pizza, the answer is yes, I can live without you.

fingers are so weird…… our arms just split into other smaller arms…... ok

I wonder if the girls on "16 and pregnant" will come back on "32 and a Grandma."

The amount of people who confuse "to" and "too" is amazing two me.

If I ever get Alzheimer's, I want someone to put a cape on me and tell me every morning that I used to be superman.

I wish more events in life involved dumping a cooler full of Gatorade on people...

Unless you’re Batman, I can’t see how anything clipped onto your belt will impress women.

Don't try to understand women... Women understand women and they hate each other.

Gay marriage is on legal in 6 states, yet having sex with a horse is legal in 23. Good going, America.

Hamsters are just tiny grizzly bears.

I bet snowmen think it's weird that the ground is completely covered in their skin.

Some days you just have to fill the tub with skittles and pretend to be Godzilla in a ball pit

Probably the worst thing about being a penguin is after youre in an argument you'll try to waddle away angrily but still look adorably cute.

I've always wanted to walk up to a stranger and hand him a briefcase and whisper "you know what to do" and walk away.

I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. When it's my birthday, and when it's not my birthday.


Categories: Bill Murray, Twitter


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Up to date
(permalink)

Published Monday, March 25, 2013 @ 10:15 PM EDT
Mar 25 2013


Categories: Religion, Twitter


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Quotes of the day
(permalink)

Published Sunday, March 24, 2013 @ 12:26 AM EDT
Mar 24 2013

I view Jesus the way I view Elvis- I love the guy, but lots of the fan clubs scare me.
-@John Fugelsang


Categories: John Fugelsang, Quotes of the day, Twitter


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Popeapalooza!
(permalink)

Published Thursday, March 14, 2013 @ 7:55 AM EDT
Mar 14 2013


I didn't even know he was Catholic. Oh, wait...

So, a 76 year old Pope with one lung. This will end well.
-Patrick Hyland ‏@uberfiend

You know who should totally be the final arbiter of sexual morality? A 76-year-old man who's never had an orgasm.
-God ‏@TheTweetOfGod

Google Reader died for your pope jokes.
-LOLGOP ‏@LOLGOP

Both Paul Ryan and Pope Francis have a commitment to the poor. But Ryan's commitment is to make more of them.
-LOLGOP ‏@LOLGOP

I think Elvis would have been a good Pope. He was popular and already had the wardrobe...
-John Hoskins ‏@BigJohnHoskins

If white smoke means they picked a new Pope, Uncle Rick's Bonneville has been picking Popes for years.
-Pittsburgh Dad ‏@Pittsburgh_Dad

"New Pope Called Gay Marriage 'Destructive Attack on God's Plan.'" Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss.
-God ‏@TheTweetOfGod

Somewhere Lou Dobbs is screaming about this Latino who crossed a border to take someone else's Pope job.
-John Fugelsang ‏@JohnFugelsang

I guess I'll see you all guys in the Pope Jokes section of hell.
-LOLGOP ‏@LOLGOP

Now that we have a Pope, we get that hour of sleep back, right?
-LOLGOP ‏@LOLGOP

Pope being showed his new office. "This is your computer, Holy Father. Pick a password, don't make it Jesus. Everyone picks Jesus."
-pourmecoffee ‏@pourmecoffee

The new Pope came out on the balcony, saw his shadow, and realized there was six more centuries of scandals.
-Albert Brooks ‏@AlbertBrooks

Most awkward part of conclave is now when Cardinals check out and have to authorize in-room entertainment charges.
-pourmecoffee ‏@pourmecoffee

The Pope finished his speech. So refreshing he didn't thank his agent.
-Elayne Boosler ‏@ElayneBoosler

I’m not even Catholic, and I can solidly get behind a Pope Frank.
-Jacque Jo Bland ‏@jacquebland

I was led to understand that Jack Nicholson & Mrs. Obama would be announcing #newpope
-John Fugelsang ‏@JohnFugelsang

It looks like there's a new pope but they're still in line waiting to vote in Florida.
-Elayne Boosler


Categories: Facebook, Pope Francis, Religion, Twitter


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Tweets of note
(permalink)

Published Friday, February 01, 2013 @ 12:03 AM EST
Feb 01 2013

There's probably some reason the tweets of greatest significance to me this week were from God and a fictional lesser mammal with a personality disorder, but don't ask me to explain. TMI, and all that.


Categories: Observations, Twitter


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

I would have guessed octarine
(permalink)

Published Thursday, January 24, 2013 @ 12:29 AM EST
Jan 24 2013


Categories: Religion, Terry Pratchett, Twitter


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Mysterious ways, indeed,,,
(permalink)

Published Sunday, January 20, 2013 @ 5:54 AM EST
Jan 20 2013


Categories: Religion, Twitter, WTF?


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Tweet of the day
(permalink)

Published Friday, December 14, 2012 @ 8:07 AM EST
Dec 14 2012


Categories: Elayne Boosler, Twitter


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Tweet of the day
(permalink)

Published Saturday, December 01, 2012 @ 5:50 PM EST
Dec 01 2012

It's easy to blame others for your mistakes. Seriously. Try it.
-@TheTweetOfGod


Categories: Observations, Twitter


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Tweet of the day
(permalink)

Published Wednesday, November 21, 2012 @ 3:08 AM EST
Nov 21 2012

@Paula_Deen: Years ago, I learned the secret to perfect stuffing from my Grandmother, I want to share it with you: http://t.co/FxlUF52l

(I think Paula's been into the sherry again...)


Categories: Paula Deen, Twitter, WTF?


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Whistling into oblivion...
(permalink)

Published Sunday, October 28, 2012 @ 10:29 AM EDT
Oct 28 2012

Random stuff, as we await the arrival of Sandy Frankenstorm:

God is so busy making sure women get pregnant, I don't know where He finds time to make a hurricane.
-Andy Borowitz

Bill Maher: "You once called Mitt Romney the most intellectually dishonest man in politics. Do you still believe that?"
Barney Frank: "I would strike the word 'intellectually.' "
-(Real Time with Bill Maher, 10/26/12)

If you are having trouble multi-obsessing over both the hurricane and election I will be visiting my mom and will get some tips.
-@pourmecoffee

Bloom's Taxonomy defines educational objectives in terms of three core domains: knowing/head, feeling/heart and doing/hands. These categories are also useful in dating.
-The Covert Comic

How Not To Get A Picture Of Me.
Lesson 1: poke my girlfriend in the back at baggage claim and offer her money.
-Sir Patrick Stewart

There are few things more laughable than a political party that can't get its lie together.
-Robert Brault

If they just called it 'Survivor: Evil/Dumb/Hot/People.' people would start watching again.
-John Fugelsang

Good thing Zooey Deschanel just sang the anthem cuz it's not like Detroit has a rich and vibrant musical history to draw from or anything.
-Jay Satellite

Detroit gave us Motown, Aretha, Bettye LaVette. But none of them has a Fox TV show, so, hey, let's get Zooey Deschanel to sing the World Series anthem.
-Greg Kot

Romney promises Hurricane Sandy will not unfairly target rich people.
-Elayne Boosler

Time is what keeps everything from happening all at once and space is what keeps it all from happening to you.
-David Gerrold

BREAKING: Weather Forces Romney to Shift Lying to Other States
-Andy Borowitz


However, we had them in the past and will probably have them in the future, so if you have a time machine, no problem!


Categories: Andy Borowitz, Bill Maher, Covert Comic, John Fugelsang, Patrick Stewart, Photo of the day, Quotes of the day, Robert Brault, Twitter, Weather


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Quotes of the day
(permalink)

Published Tuesday, September 25, 2012 @ 8:29 AM EDT
Sep 25 2012

via Twitter:

You know what would be funny? If the Olympic refs went on strike and someone from real estate had to judge diving.
-Albert Brooks @AlbertBrooks

If someone knows where Vince McMahon is, let him know the NFL could use a leader with integrity to protect their sport.
-Michael Naidus @michaelnaidus

So the NFL with replacement refs is now like a card game with Jokers included as wild cards- every ten plays or so it just makes no sense.
-Bill Maher @billmaher

Don't believe what the government doesn't tell you.
-"Agent Smith" @TSAgov

Romney says if Iran develops a nuclear weapon "I would respond with the strongest possible tax cuts."
-Andy Borowitz @BorowitzReport

People who didn't mind a POTUS reading "My Pet Goat" while the US was attacked are furious a POTUS would go on "The View."
-John Fugelsang @JohnFugelsang

"Study Divides Breast Cancer Into Four Distinct Types." Insured, Uninsured, Good Luck and Romney Emergency Room Care.
-Elayne Boosler @ElayneBoosler

I'm not the type to "rise above". I'd rather meet face to face, no matter how low I must stoop.
-Ellen Barkin @EllenBarkin


Categories: Observations, Quotes of the day, Twitter


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Observations of the day
(permalink)

Published Thursday, September 13, 2012 @ 7:13 AM EDT
Sep 13 2012

Andy Borowitz:

Romney is starting to make his trip to the London Olympics look like the pinnacle of modern diplomacy.

You would think Mitt Romney would be better at foreign policy given how much time his money has spent overseas.

When our embassy is attacked, we are attacked. Romney's Libya comments display the patriotism of someone who keeps his money in Switzerland.

As reprehensible as Romney's Libya comments are, it's comforting to know that he'll soon contradict them.

John Fugelsang:

The Aurora shooter was able to buy 6000 rounds of ammo on the internet and Tommy Chong went to prison for selling bongs.

I'll sign on for results-based pay for teachers the day Congress gets the same deal.

Mitt Romney has learned that "Entitlement Reform" sounds way better than "Have some more catfood, Nana."

I'd still like to know when "Wit" turned into "Snark."

Lynn Cullen:

What do you get when you take all of the vowels out of Reince Priebus' name? RNC PR BS!


Categories: Andy Borowitz, John Fugelsang, Lynn Cullen, Mitt Romney, Observations, Politics, Questions for the Ages, Second Amendment, Twitter


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Tweet of the day
(permalink)

Published Monday, September 03, 2012 @ 8:32 AM EDT
Sep 03 2012


Categories: NASA, Neil Armstrong, Twitter


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Observation of the day
(permalink)

Published Wednesday, June 27, 2012 @ 10:49 AM EDT
Jun 27 2012

Nora Ephron died. Christopher Hitchens is about to find out just how f*****g funny women really are.
-Denis Leary


Categories: Christopher Hitchens, Denis Leary, Nora Ephron, Observations, Twitter


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Observations of the day
(permalink)

Published Tuesday, June 26, 2012 @ 5:45 AM EDT
Jun 26 2012

From Twitter:

"Sandusky Still Says He's Not Guilty." If this was the church he'd be coaching at another school.
-Elayne Boosler

Arizona could solve its immigration problem if they posted pictures of Jan Brewer at the border.
-Andy Borowitz

I'm thinking of becoming a corporation so that the Supreme Court will consider me a person.
-Andy Borowitz

Remember, no matter what the Supreme Court justices decide about government healthcare, they'll still have it.
-Andy Borowitz

At the end of every ad, candidates should be required to say what they promised the crazy billionaire who paid for it.
-Andy Borowitz

The Supreme Court Justices who made Bush president can't possibly be concerned about the nation's health.
-Andy Borowitz

I love the smell of the universe in the morning.
-Neil deGrasse Tyson

Personally, I'm waiting for Dwight Eisenhower vs. The Predator.
-Kevin G. Barkes


Categories: Andy Borowitz, Elayne Boosler, Neil deGrasse Tyson, Observations, Quotes of the day, Twitter


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Quote of the day
(permalink)

Published Friday, February 26, 2010 @ 12:01 AM EST
Feb 26 2010

I had a show. Then I had a different show. Now I have a Twitter account.
-Conan O'Brien


Categories: Conan O'Brien, Quotes of the day, Twitter


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

I have an app for that...
(permalink)

Published Monday, February 01, 2010 @ 4:48 AM EST
Feb 01 2010

CTV Television Network in Canada reports "Little or no grammar teaching, cellphone texting, social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter- all are being blamed for an increasingly unacceptable number of post-secondary students who can't write properly." (Full story here.)

The solution's simple. Make spelling and grammar checking an integral part of cellphone texting and web chat software. Messages with misspelled words or faulty grammar are flagged and not transmitted until and unless the sender corrects the errors.

I think kids just need a little motivation...


Categories: Facebook, Internet, KGB Opinion, Twitter


  Subscribe   [Home]    [Commentwear]    [E-Mail KGB]


Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page


Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

« Twinkies
Home Page
U.S. Constitution »