Social media on the shutdown:
Andy Borowitz (Facebook):
BREAKING: Most Hated People in U.S. Deciding Fate of World.
Let's put this shutdown behind us so the trials for treason can begin.
Michele Bachmann: "My Health Plan is Rapture."
As the Republicans go from Abraham Lincoln to Teddy Roosevelt to Ted Cruz, it's no wonder they don't believe in evolution.
Say what you will about America, it's a place where any child, if he's stupid enough, can grow up to wreck the world economy.
If we default on our debt Miley Cyrus will no longer be the most embarrassing thing about America.
Call me an optimist, but I believe our government will come up with a totally unsatisfactory solution to a completely unnecessary crisis.
The behavior of the Tea Party congressmen is the most glaring indictment of our nation's failure to teach math.
Congress has wasted two weeks on a totally unnecessary crisis of its own creation. It's a good thing our schools and roads are in great shape or I'd be mad.
There are people in Congress I would not trust to look after my plants.
WASHINGTON - After a poll showed 50% of Americans blame Republicans for the shutdown and 30% blame Obama, Rep. Michele Bachmann said, "That means we're winning by 20 percent."
Boehner: "The time has come to end this crisis so we can start planning the next one."
BREAKING: GOP Accuse Obama of Acting Like He Won Election
BREAKING: NRA Defends GOP's Right to Use Metaphorical Gun
Basically, the Republicans want a reward for calling in a bomb threat and then retracting it.
Just bought health insurance online. For some weird reason, the country was not destroyed. Anyone else have this problem?
It bothers me that our country may be pushed into default by people who cannot spell default.
Boehner: "We will continue this shutdown until we find out the reason for it."
WASHINGTON - In an escalation of the stalemate gripping the Capitol, House Republicans voted today to shut down the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that controls reasoning and impulses
The shutdown could last awhile since the Tea Party is demanding the President not be black anymore.
I wasn't happy about the country being controlled by the richest one percent, but I really hate it being controlled by the dumbest one percent
Boehner: "The President is stubbornly refusing to end this crisis I created."
WASHINGTON - House Republicans reassured the nation today that during the government shutdown they would continue to work hard to cut benefits for the poor and hungry.
A lot of people are asking when this kind of madness in Washington will end. I believe that can be arranged in 2014.
I'm impressed that no one has made the analogy between Ted Cruz and McMurphy in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.
REMINDER: Michele Bachmann's favorite Founding Father is George Jefferson.
FYI: A nuclear bomb is about to blow up the world's economy and the House GOP will let it go off unless we give a tax break to a corporation.
Political party that pretends Donald Trump is a serious candidate for anything isn't a political party anymore, it's a cry for help.
House Republicans. Willing to destroy what's left of the global economy to avoid a primary challenge.
BREAKING: Ted Cruz and House Republicans meet in private to write open letter to Miley Cyrus, plot a global financial crisis.
Columbus discovered America the same way Republicans discovered the deficit when Obama became president.
Republicans waited to wage war on birth control until 50 years after it was invented. Next: Stop the miniskirt!
Schoolhouse Rock is working on a new "How A Bill Becomes Law" but it's taking a while because not much rhymes with "hostage."
Boehner should just show up in a Hawaiian shirt chomping a cigar and say "whatever" to everything.
The real victim in this is legitimate Kabuki theater.
Maybe if the History Channel showed history instead of pawn shops and alligators less people would carry Confederate flags.
Hi, we're the most powerful nation in all of recorded history, may we please have our allowance?
Congress is going to wait until the very last minute and look up budget deals in Wikipedia.
Ted Cruz: Mr. Obama, tear down these barricades!**
(** Put up because of my 21-hour speech directly leading to this outcome.)
Don't tread on me, except getting me to donate money and vote against my own interests, you can tread on me that way.
I don't think Spock could handle mind-melding with John Boehner, even for a moment. The madness. The sorrow. It would break a mind.
Sarah Reese Jones (Twitter)
John McCain warns Dems not to humiliate GOP as the VP he picked stands near Confederate Flag in front of WH accusing Obama of being Muslim.