« Andy Warhol's 85th birthday: Quotes and Final Resting Place of the Day
Home Page
Contrast and compare »

Top tweets

Published Tuesday, August 06, 2013 @ 12:53 AM EDT
Aug 06 2013

People are worried about genetically modified foods, but everything will be fine. At least that's what my broccoli keeps saying.

Confused about Pork Week. Is it Pork the verb or the noun?
-Joe Garden

Just had a terrible nightmare where I wasn't effectively leveraging my core competencies when applying best practices.
-Asterios Kokkinos

*Velociraptor jiggles bathroom door handle* "Someone's in here!" *jiggling stops*
-Matt Roller

Taylor Swift seems like one of those chicks who thinks it's cute to put her bare feet on the dashboard of a car when riding shotgun.
-Jenny Johnson

"Quinoa is an ancient grain." It sure tastes like it.
-Jim Gaffifan

How come nobody delivers donuts? Why is every donut place afraid of a million dollars?
-Andy Daly

I wish malls had Destroy-a-Bear stores.
-Alex Blagg

There should be a third gun in 2 Guns that audience members can kill themselves with.
-Jake Weisman

Google Geek Camp is a great way for your children to interact with grown men wearing eyeball cameras.
-Amanda Melson

OK. In hindsight, I probably had too many references to karma in that eulogy.
-Justin Shanes

Facebook is suddenly nothing more than an accounting of which of my friends and relatives will believe anything they read.
-Dave Holmes

Eating a turkey burger is like watching "Goodfellas" on basic cable.
-CJ Sullivan

I bet Andy Dufresne ended up married miserable and sick of Mexican food.
-Moshe Kasher

Older, unmarried man in a cape says he's okay with gays. Huh.
-Alex Baze

Still haven't seen "Pacific Rim" but did shake a bag of recycling, so kind of?
-Albertina Rizzo

Great place for humor: HappyPlaceTM.

Categories: Twitter

The web edition of KGB Report is published Monday-Thursday, except on holidays. Follow KGB Report and my personal account on Facebook for frequent daily updates.

Feedburner RSS Subscribe  Home   Commentwear   E-Mail KGB

Donate via PayPal

Older entries, Archives and Categories       Top of page

Like KGB Report on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

« Andy Warhol's 85th birthday: Quotes and Final Resting Place of the Day
Home Page
Contrast and compare »