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Mickey remembered, Elsa whacked, fold your own viruses, secret spaceplane, big bang bust, Alaska tsunami, happy facts, tear gas ice cream
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Published Friday, May 15, 2020 @ 4:15 AM EDT
May 15 2020

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Today is Friday, May 15, the 136th day of the year in the Gregorian calendar. 230 days remain until the end of the year.

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Among other things, today is Bring Flowers to Someone Day, Endangered Species Day, HG Awareness Day, International Conscientious Objectors Day, International Day of Families, International MPS Awareness Day, International Virtual Assistants Day, NASCAR Day, National Bike to Work Day, National Chocolate Chip Day, National Defense Transportation Day, National Pizza Party Day, National Safety Dose Day, National Tuberous Sclerosis Day, Nylon Stockings Day, O. Henry Pun-off Day, Peace Officers Memorial Day, Relive Your Past By Listening to the First Music You Ever Bought No Matter What It Was No Excuses Day (here's mine), Shades Day, Straw Hat Day, and VBF Day of Awareness.

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Remembering L. Frank Baum (May 15, 1856 - May 6, 1919), an American author chiefly known for his children's books, particularly The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. Click here for quotes by L. Frank Baum.

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Madeleine Albright, former U.S. ambassador to the United Nations and the first female United States Secretary of State in history, is 83 today. Click here for quotes by Madeleine Albright.

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Remembering Clifton Fadiman (May 15, 1904 – June 20, 1999), an erudite essayist and editor whose affable wit delighted millions during his long reign as moderator of the popular "Information Please" radio quiz show and even longer tenure as senior editor of the Book of the Month Club. Click here for quotes by Clifton Fadiman.

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On this day in 1928, the Walt Disney character Mickey Mouse premiered in his first cartoon, a silent film called "Plane Crazy", in a test screening before a theater audience. Sound was added, and the film was later released as the fourth Mickey Mouse cartoon, after Steamboat Willie, The Gallopin' Caucho, and The Barn Dance. (Video)


The sound-added version of Plane Crazy, released a year later in 1929.

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Whistleblower Rick Bright's damning testimony on Trump's COVID-19 failures: A Closer Look (Video)

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Use your computer's idle time to fight disease. Folding@home (FAH or F@h) is a distributed computing project for simulating protein dynamics, including the process of protein folding and the movements of proteins implicated in a variety of diseases. It brings together citizen scientists who volunteer to run simulations of protein dynamics on their personal computers. Insights from this data are helping scientists to better understand biology, and providing new opportunities for developing therapeutics.

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There are sensible ways to reopen a country. then there's America's approach.

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Private jet company founded by Trump donor gets $27 million bailout. It's a grant, not a loan. The vast majority of the other 96 recipients of government funding or loans on the list are major commercial airlines, regional carriers or support companies.

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CDC releases scaled-back guidance on reopening after White House blocked earlier release. The new guidelines provide brief checklists meant to help key businesses and others operating in public reopen safely.

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McConnell admits he was wrong to say Obama administration failed to leave a pandemic playbook.

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McDonald's is going to look drastically different when it opens.

Related: On this date in 1940, Richard and Maurice McDonald opened the first McDonald's restaurant in San Bernardino.

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Opinion: stock market crash round 2 is coming.

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Delta Air to retire all of its 777 jets and replace them with Airbus SE aircraft in another hit for the beleaguered U.S. plane maker. Delta will continue flying its fleet of long-haul, next-generation Airbus A350-900s, which burn 21% less fuel per seat than the 777s they will replace, the airline said.

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Everything you need to know about a second round of coronavirus stimulus checks. TLDR: Good stuff, but McConnell and his GOP Senate goons will probably gut stuff that actually helps individuals.

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Cities crack down on food delivery app fees as restaurants struggle to survive.

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Nearly 40% of the poorest households hit with a job loss during pandemic, Fed study shows.

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Mysterious spaceplane prepares for launch on Saturday. The spacecraft may remain in orbit for two years. "What they're trying to do is anyone's guess."

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Scientists warn about risk of massive tsunami in Alaska's Prince William Sound, potentially within the next year. The scientists say an unstable slope sitting above Barry Glacier in Barry Arm, about 60 miles east of Anchorage, could slide into the water below — impacting tourists, fishermen and hunters, and potentially leading to a 30-foot wave...

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Is the Big Bang in crisis? Stubborn problems with dark matter, dark energy, and cosmic expansion have some astronomers rethinking what we know about the early universe.

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Hong Kong shop offers 'tear gas' flavor ice cream. The main ingredient is black peppercorns, a reminder of the pungent, peppery rounds fired by police on the streets of the semi-autonomous Chinese city during months of demonstrations last year. "We would like to make a flavor that reminds people that they still have to persist in the protest movement and don't lose their passion," he said.

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Stopped cold: 'Frozen' musical on Broadway not to reopen. Citing the "global pandemic," Thomas Schumacher, president and producer of Disney Theatrical Productions, said Thursday that running three Disney shows on Broadway was "untenable.""

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40 happy facts that'll make your day a little better.

"Fact: Sea otters hold hands when they sleep." Uh, you're going to have to do better than that. From 2003, some happy facts of my own:

100% TRUE
(and insipid)

1. At least two people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
No, wait a minute. Technically, your ferrets aren't really "people".

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
But be advised that two of those ways are felonies in most states.

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
...and they lack that interesting muscular aberration that helps you while away those lonely hours.

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
And you thought forgetting to wear your dentures was a mistake.

5. Every night, someone thinks about you before they go to sleep.
Something along the lines of "I can't believe someone hasn't murdered that little bastard yet."

6. You mean the world to someone.
Someone with a vocabulary of one word, that word being "world"

7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
But since you skipped town before the paternity hearing, you'll never know.

8. You are special and unique.
Just like everyone else.

9. Someone that you don't even know exists, loves you.
Thanks to your ex, who posted that "special" picture of you on the Really Hot Amateurs porn site.

10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
Like discovering you really aren't cut out to be an air traffic controller.

11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take another look, you most likely turned your back on the world.
And the world is just waiting for you to bend over.

12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it. But if you believe in yourself, sooner or later, you may get exactly what you want.
Especially if what you want is arthritis, hair loss, erectile dysfunction and declining cognitive capabilities.

13. Always remember the compliments you receive; forget about the rude remarks.
No need to remember the rude remarks. You hear them incessantly, you being you and all.

14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you'll feel much better when they know.
Just be certain there are no witnesses.

15. If you have a great friend, take time to let them know that they are great.
And buy them a gift. Their Blow-Up Betty could use a patch kit.

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Borowitz: Trump wishes he could replace Fauci with the doctor who saved him from Vietnam, Obama unworried about Trump accusing him of crime because Bill Barr does not prosecute criminals.

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Florida man attacks victim who didn't thank him for holding open door to liquor store, deputies say.

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Thoughts of the day:

Today is Mark Zuckerberg's birthday. I don't care, I just wanted to give away some of his personal information.
-Seth Meyers

The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.
-Scott Adams

I've never been quarantined, but the more I look around, the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
-George Carlin

So let me get this straight... Captain Clorox thinks schools are safe enough for your kids but jail is too dangerous for Paul Manafort.
(from Facebook)

"Obamagate"- A nonsensical word you create when your cult stops buying your lies about Covid-19, and you desperately need to change the narrative.
(from Facebook)

Not sure Trump is thinking through the implications of normalizing extensive investigations into former presidents.
-@matthewamiller

Donald Trump was never going to get along with anyone called "Dr. Bright.""
-@middleageriot

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Well, there's our problem:

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Just aesthetics? You're overlooking all that great foreign protein:

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There are worse ways you can go...

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Things are really rough out there. Please consider donating to Feeding America.


Categories: 777, Airbus, Barack Obama, Boeing, CDC, Clay Lacy, Clifton Fadiman, Covid-19, Delta Air, Donald Trump, Folding@home, L. Frank Baum, Madeleine Albright, McDonald's, Mickey Mouse, Mitch McConnell, Richard and Maurice McDonald, Rick Bright, Seth Meyers, Video, Walt Disney, YouTube


The web edition of KGB Report is published at least once a day, except on holidays. Follow KGB Report and my personal account on Facebook for frequent daily updates. Unless I get placed in Facebook jail because their stupid AI post scanner doesn't grasp the concept of satire.


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Brain-eating killer songbirds and other existential threats...
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Published Friday, May 08, 2020 @ 12:00 AM EDT
May 08 2020

Today is Friday, May 8, the 129th day of the year in the Gregorian calendar. 237 days remain until the end of the year.

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Among other things, today is Fintastic Friday: Giving Sharks a Voice, Free Trade Day, Iris Day, Military Spouse Appreciation Day, National Coconut Cream Pie Day, National Give Someone a Cupcake Day, National Have a Coke Day, National Public Gardens Day, National Student Nurses Day, No Socks Day, Pesach Sheni, Provider Appreciation Day, Time of Remembrance and Reconciliation for Those Who Lost Their Lives during the Second World War, Victory in Europe Day, World Ovarian Cancer Day, and World Red Cross and Red Crescent Day.

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According to Wired, Covid-19's scary blood clots aren't that surprising. According to the author, "researchers have long known about the link between infectious diseases and blood clotting. There's even data to suggest a heightened risk of fatal heart attacks—a related complication—among those who get plain old influenza." Swell.

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Here's that CDC document that the Trump mob said "would never see the light of day." Nice work, Associated Press. The plan is to have no plan. "There is no genius there, only a damaged human being playing havoc with our lives." Speaking of having no plan, one of Trump's personal valets has tested positive for coronavirus. So, what's next? A senior administration official said he expects the president to begin publicly questioning the death toll as it closes in on his predictions for the final death count and damages him politically.

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Of course, the big question the country is asking today is Which Supreme Court justice flushed the toilet during oral arguments?

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Not only is our economy tanking, but so is our respect for the rule of law: The Justice Dept. is dropping charges against the former Trump aide Michael Flynn, a stark reversal for a defendant who'd twice pleaded guilty.

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How can there be anything worse than Murder Hornets? How about the brain-eating killer songbird apocalypse? No worries, though. The songbirds in question (a certain population of great tits) eat only bat brains. Of course, bats harbor zillions of viruses, which could be transferred to the birds, and... can you say "avian flu"?

We'll probably end up doing ourselves in. Think the coronavirus is nasty? How about a human-engineered pandemic (which the current SARS-CoV-2 most certainly isn't, conspiracy theories notwithstanding). Check out #3 on this video. The observation that our "outbreak response protocols are rapidly improving" is almost laughable given our current situation. But the video is over a year old, and I don't think anyone could have predicted how one man could ignore and even sabotage medical science.

By the way, I heartily recommend the SciShow channel on YouTube. They have thousands of brief, cogent, and entertaining videos covering an astonishingly large range of subjects.

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Harry S. Truman (May 8, 1884 – December 26, 1972), the 33rd President of the United States, was famous for the sign on his desk:

While this concept is totally foreign to the current President, some things don't change. As Truman observed: "A liar in public life is a lot more dangerous than a full, paid up Communist, and I don't care who he is."

More Truman quotes here.

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On this date in 1886, pharmacist John Stith Pemberton first sold his carbonated beverage named "Coca-Cola", which was originally was marketed and sold as a patent medicine.

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Remembering the original voice of Elmer Fudd, Arthur Q. Bryan (May 8, 1899 – November 18, 1959).

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On this day in 1912, Paramount Pictures Corporation was founded as Famous Players Film Company.

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Remembering Bob Clampett (May 8, 1913 – May 2, 1984), best known for his work on the Looney Tunes animated series from Warner Bros. Clampett directed 84 cartoons later deemed classic and designed some of the studio's most famous characters, including Porky Pig, Daffy Duck, and Tweety.

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Remembering Saul Bass (May 8, 1920 – April 25, 1996), the innovative graphic designer and Oscar-winning filmmaker, best known for his design of motion-picture title sequences, film posters, and corporate logos.

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Remembering Don Rickles (May 8, 1926 – April 6, 2017), the insult comedian aka "The Merchant of Venom" and "Mr. Warmth."

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On this date in 1962, the Broadway musical A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum had its first of 965 performances, winning six Tony Awards including Best Musical and Best Performance by a Leading Actor in a Musical (Zero Mostel).

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Fifty years ago today, The Beatles' twelfth and final studio album, Let It Be, was released about a month after the group's breakup. The album spent four weeks atop the Billboard albums chart (June 13 - July 4) and has sold over four million copies since its initial release.

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Those were the days... on this date in 1980, the World Health Organization" confirmed the eradication of smallpox.

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Remembering Ricky Nelson (May 8, 1940 – December 31, 1985), who grew up on the long-running television series The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet where he became a pop star. His last hit, 1972's Garden Party, reached number six on the Billboard Hot 100. Nelson and six others were killed when his refurbished DC-3 aircraft crashed on December 31, 1985, on a "comeback tour."

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If 24/7 news coverage of the pandemic isn't enough, you can curl up with a book: Everything you ever wanted to know about pandemics in 'The End Of October'.

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Daniel and Valerie Zane, married 71 years, die two days apart. "He said that the end of Val's life was like being in the foxhole at the Battle of the Bulge, but even that was easier," Mr. Hettwer said. "He said that at least in war, you have all your soldiers around you. You have the camaraderie." Mr. Zane had always seemed to be a survivor. "We thought he would have more time with us," Robin Zane said. "In the end, it was almost as if she had said, 'I'm not going alone,' and as if he had said, 'You're not going alone.'"

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You're doing it wrong. Only 1 in 75 households are cooking chicken safely.

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The Trump administration is reversing nearly 100 environmental rules. Here's the full list.

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Why stop with destroying the environment? Trump vows complete end of Obamacare law despite pandemic. While the president has said he will preserve some of the Affordable Care Act's most popular provisions, including guaranteed coverage for preexisting medical conditions, he has not offered a plan to do so, and his administration's legal position seeks to end all parts of the law, including those provisions. (That's because he's a pathological liar.)

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What else can Trump destroy upon which we all depend? Trump ally named next postmaster general. Louis DeJoy, who is currently overseeing fundraising for this year's Republican National Convention in Charlotte, N.C., will assume the post, the Postal Service's board of governors announced Wednesday.

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Americans died from covid-19 at the rate of about one every 42 seconds during the past month. That ought to keep any president awake at night. Not Donald Trump.

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"Confronted with America's worst public health crisis in generations, President Trump declared himself a wartime president. Now he has begun doing what past commanders have done when a war goes badly: Declare victory and go home."

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Three Russian doctors have fallen from hospital windows in two weeks, amid reports of dire conditions. The exact circumstances of the separate incidents in the last two weeks remain unclear and they are being investigated by police, but they underscore the enormous strains that Russian doctors and nurses have faced during the outbreak. Reports said two of the doctors had protested their working conditions and the third was being blamed after her colleagues contracted the virus.

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It's come to this: Cornhole Mania 2020 to Air on ESPN and ESPN2.

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3.2 million filed for unemployment benefits last week.

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New research shows a rise in food insecurity without modern precedent. Among mothers with young children, nearly one-fifth say their children are not getting enough to eat, according to a survey by the Brookings Institution, a rate three times as high as in 2008, during the worst of the Great Recession.

Things are getting really rough out there. Please consider donating to Feeding America.


Categories: ACA, A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum, Arthur Q. Bryan, Associated Press, Bob Clampett, Brain-eating killer songbirds, CDC, Child Hunger, Children, Coca Cola, Cornhole, Covid-19, Daffy Duck, Donald Trump, Don Rickles, Elmer Fudd, EPA, ESPN, Existential Threats, Feeding America, Food, Food Stamps, Harry S. Truman, John Stith Pemberton, Justice Department, Let It Be, Looney Tunes, Michael Flynn, Obamacare, Paramount Pictures, Porky Pig, Post Office, Rick Nelson, SCOTUS, Seth Meyers, Smallpox, SNAP, Supreme Court, The Beatles, Tweety, Unemployment, USPS, W.H.O., Warner Bros, Wired, YouTube, Zero Mostel


The web edition of KGB Report is published at least once a day, except on holidays. Follow KGB Report and my personal account on Facebook for frequent daily updates. Unless I get placed in Facebook jail because their stupid AI post scanner doesn't grasp the concept of satire.


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More insanity
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Published Wednesday, June 27, 2018 @ 8:51 AM EDT
Jun 27 2018


Categories: Donald Trump, Seth Meyers, Supreme Court, Video, YouTube


The web edition of KGB Report is published at least once a day, except on holidays. Follow KGB Report and my personal account on Facebook for frequent daily updates. Unless I get placed in Facebook jail because their stupid AI post scanner doesn't grasp the concept of satire.


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Quote of the day
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Published Tuesday, May 08, 2018 @ 5:00 PM EDT
May 08 2018

The White House announced that Dr. Oz will serve on President Trump's Council on Sports Fitness and nutrition. This after Trump was turned down by Doctors Phil, Dre, No, Doom, Strange, J, and Zhivago.
-Seth Meyers


Categories: Quotes of the day, Seth Meyers


The web edition of KGB Report is published at least once a day, except on holidays. Follow KGB Report and my personal account on Facebook for frequent daily updates. Unless I get placed in Facebook jail because their stupid AI post scanner doesn't grasp the concept of satire.


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Please, just make it stop
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Published Thursday, April 26, 2018 @ 8:25 AM EDT
Apr 26 2018

For the past 15 months, the monologues of late night television comedians has been full of almost nothing but jokes about Trump and his administration.

An argument can be made for this situation. As Saul Alinsky said, "Humor is essential to a successful tactician, for the most potent weapons known to mankind are satire and ridicule."

But those weapons are not especially effective against Trump. He's been the object of satire and ridicule for the past three decades, and he seems to thrive on it. Even those who voted for him grudgingly acknowledge he's a bozo.

Also, the jokes are just too easy. The punchlines for Trump's public statements are obvious, like mittens pinned to the sleeves of a child's jacket.

Stephen Colbert, the most prolific Trump basher, now has the highest ratings of any late night show. I attribute this to his audience's revenge fantasies. In the late late night category, Seth Meyers has dominated with routines that are funny but emphasize the seriousness and absurdity of our country's situation. Consider:

Politcal satire is nothing new. Its modern form pioneer was Mort Sahl, whom television host Steve Allen said was "the only real political philosopher we have in modern comedy." His social satire performances broke new ground in live entertainment, as a stand-up comic talking about the real world of politics in the 1950s and 1960s was considered "revolutionary." Instead of obvious, rapid-fire cheap shots, Sahl's routines were thoughtful, which made the satire even more biting:

I suspect many are like me: victims of "Trump fatigue."

Please. Mueller, Congress, somebody... just make it stop. This isn't funny anymore.

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KGB Report on the web will return on Monday. Follow KGB Report and my personal account on Facebook for frequent updates.


Categories: Donald Trump, Mort Sahl, Seth Meyers, Stephen Colbert, Steve Allen


The web edition of KGB Report is published at least once a day, except on holidays. Follow KGB Report and my personal account on Facebook for frequent daily updates. Unless I get placed in Facebook jail because their stupid AI post scanner doesn't grasp the concept of satire.


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You can't make this stuff up...
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Published Thursday, August 04, 2016 @ 12:10 PM EDT
Aug 04 2016

"In the last 24 hours, Donald Trump has refused to endorse Republican leaders up for re-election, accused John McCain of failing veterans, suggested Americans pull their 401(k)s out of the stock market, threw out a crying baby at a rally, fought with the father of a dead soldier, and suggested President Obama was responsible for the death of troops during George W. Bush's time in office. Said voters, 'Yeah, but I'm not sure I trust Hillary Clinton.'"
-Seth Meyers


Categories: Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Seth Meyers


The web edition of KGB Report is published at least once a day, except on holidays. Follow KGB Report and my personal account on Facebook for frequent daily updates. Unless I get placed in Facebook jail because their stupid AI post scanner doesn't grasp the concept of satire.


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