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Cleaning off the desktop
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Published Sunday, July 06, 2014 @ 12:59 PM EDT
Jul 06 2014


"They told me there would be hot dogs."

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"There. That should fix it."

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Conversation of the week:

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Exchange of the week:

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I was going to, but I forgot. Right after I forgot to renew my membership.

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Obscure cartoons of the week:

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Current events and commentary

Diversity: Fox News hosts and anchors:

And... the desktop is clean.
-KGB


Categories: Cleaning off the desktop


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Cleaning off the desktop
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Published Sunday, June 22, 2014 @ 7:44 PM EDT
Jun 22 2014

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So when is this “old enough to know better” supposed to kick in?
-@BillMurray

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@FrankConniff:

People who insert Latin phrases into their conversations are persona non grata to me.

Cheney slams Obama for misleading public. Also, Sharknado producers criticize people who watch Snakes on a Plane ironically.

I have no right to judge anyone who watches Honey Boo Boo or the Kardashians because I've watched Morning Joe.

So sweet that Dick & Liz Cheney wrote WSJ column. Alas, thousands of parents and children killed by his policies can't read it.

If producers marched into TV studios and removed Bush/Cheney neocons from cable news shows, they'd be greeted as liberators.

Yes, let's heed the foreign policy wisdom of @SenJohnMcCain, who thought Sarah Palin was ready to be Commander In Chief.

Frank Conniff's new musical comedy podcast, Dracula Has Risen in the Polls.

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"New Jersey best place for brain-dead patients, expert says"

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Blast from the past- why I'm glad I no longer commute between Pittsburgh and Chicago: KGB's excellent air adventure from Pittsburgh to Chicago, told in excruciating detail.

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(A classic from The New Yorker)

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Sweden Runs Out of Garbage

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The Great Cartoons of Charles Barsotti (1933-2014)

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I haven't changed much from the '60s, except now I don't trust anyone over 80.
-Randy Glasbergen

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There's a new item under "Pages of interest": Personal Ramblings, which is a category comprised mostly of recollections and original writing. It's been five months since I've added anything new. This item is to shame me into writing more.

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My mother's last surviving sibling, her older sister, passed away Friday at the age of 89. Mom's the sole survivor of her generation in our family, and all but a handful of her contemporaries are gone as well.

Eighty-nine is roughly 32,500 days. If we do a Cosmos-like calendar, compressing years into seconds, 32,500 is just 541 minutes, or a little over nine hours.

I've been alive 21,833 days. Compress days to seconds, and it's a bit over six hours. My father lasted a total of only seven hours.

Shakespeare's King Richard II famously said, "I wasted time, and now doth time waste me."

Calamities not withstanding, I apparently have one to three hours left; a Star Trek rerun or maybe Avatar. Better still, I think I'll go sit on the back porch with the missus and the dogs.

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One should really win a prize for buying five Powerball tickets and not having a single winning number on any of them.

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Speaking of age, the only infirmity that really bothers me is my eyesight. My night vision is practically worthless, and I need to remove my glasses to read anything smaller than about eight point type. But all things considered, that's not too bad.

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And... the desktop is clean.
--KGB


Categories: Cleaning off the desktop


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Cleaning off the desktop
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Published Sunday, June 15, 2014 @ 8:25 AM EDT
Jun 15 2014

From @BillMurray on Twitter:

You can't make me believe there's a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.

Whoever invented self checkout greatly overestimated the general intelligence of the human race.

I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.

I've never been skydiving, but I've zoomed in on Google Earth really really fast.

What I don't understand is how Dora is a five year old bilingual explorer but she needs help to figure out which of her books is red?

We have rappers who used to be pimps and gangsters telling us not to download music because it's stealing.

You haven't seen a woman overreact until you tell her she is overreacting.

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know.

There's no 'we' in 'bacon'.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason I have trust issues.

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Look, there's a full moon on average every 29.530589 days. The month and day on which it falls is irrelevant, 29.530589 days from now, there'll be another one. Get over it, ok?

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This really should have been picked up.

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I guess it's pretty easy to judge deserters when the closest you've come to combat is shooting wolves from a helicopter.
-@GuyEndoreKaiser

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From @FrankConniff on Twitter:

And now, here to tell us what we should do in Iraq, are people who've always been wrong about what we should do in Iraq.

Rick Perry compares homosexuality to alcoholism. I'm guessing Rick keeps flasks of gayness hidden throughout his house.

From @JohnFugelsang on Twitter:

Blaming Obama for sectarian Iraq violence is like blaming your hangover on the guy making breakfast.

If you're experiencing reduced male sex drive and lower energy you could be suffering from Completely Natural Aging, or CNA.

Rick Perry also said forcing troops to serve beside gay soldiers compromised their Christian values. While they're shooting people.

Seriously, instead of seceding from the US, why not just go be ignorant in another country?

There is no Hell but there is the comments section.

Remind your kids to never, ever do drugs. At least not with Maureen Dowd.

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From @pourmecoffee on Twitter:

Good morning. You live in a world where Eric Cantor isn't conservative enough for some people. Have a nice day.

Who hurt you, George R.R. Martin? Who made you like this?

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And... the desktop is clean.
-KGB


Categories: Cleaning off the desktop


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Cleaning off the desktop
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Published Sunday, June 08, 2014 @ 8:45 AM EDT
Jun 08 2014


Cute. And it's real. Wonder if The Covert Comic is involved.?

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You don't see faith healers working in hospitals for the same reason you don't see psychics winning the lottery.
-Unattributed

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Daughter-in-law Angela introduces granddaughter Joelle to the wonders of Kennywood Park.

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You are not your big toe.

Much the same way you may notice pressure on your big toe and your toe may feel uncomfortable, you may notice distressing or uncomfortable thoughts, but that does not mean that you are distressed.

It may seem like strange advice, but do not believe everything you think. Thoughts impact how you feel, and, in turn, feelings impact your behavior. But, ultimately thoughts cannot make you do anything and do not define who you are. The better you can become at being aware of your thoughts and simply labeling them ("I'm having the thought…), the better you can recognize them for what they are- just thoughts.
-Clayton Cook

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At this point if Obama rescues a puppy from a burning building the puppy will be accused of having rabies.
-Andy Borowitz

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For the life of me I cannot fathom why we expect so much from teachers and provide them so little in return. In 1940, the average pay of a male teacher was actually 3.6 percent more than what other college-educated men earned. Today it is 60 percent lower. Women teachers now earn 16 percent less than other college-educated women. This bewilders me. … There was no Plato without Socrates, and no John Coltrane without Miles Davis.
-Bill Moyer

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73 percent of those enrolled in the country’s major public benefits programs are, in fact, from working families- just in jobs whose paychecks don’t cover life’s basic necessities. McDonald’s workers alone receive $1.2 billion in federal assistance per year.
-www.thenation.com

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I always thought the brass section's errors in James Horner's main theme to Roger Corman's Battle Beyond the Stars were cost-related; studio musicians sight-reading, only enough time for two or three takes. Then I started listening to other versions, including the Prague Philharmonic's. (They're noted for their competent- if uninspired- covers of motion picture scores.) A train wreck. Actually, two train wrecks: a minor one at the beginning, and in the end title reprise, the brass section more or less gives up, unable to complete the unrelenting 8-bar, 192-note bridge to the main fanfare.

It turns out this was Horner's first motion picture score, and he apparently forgot that horn players actually need to breathe once in a while. Filmtracks.com said the piece "was simply too complex for the musicians to perform."

Horner borrowed a lot from this score in what many consider to best effort, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. He'd learned his lesson, though. He reassigned most of the lung-busting stuff to the string section, and let the French horns come up for air every two bars or so.

The other day I stumbled across a site selling the piano sheet music for the Battle Beyond the Stars main theme. The description notes, "there are a couple of measures which feature out of reach notes which have been left in the transcription as they better support the piece, and can be omitted or included at the performer’s discretion."

Below is a link to the theme- with the unreachable notes- produced on a midi synthesizer. It's probably the only way you'll ever be able to hear it, as written, with no performance errors. And note how much Horner reuses many of these phrases in his later work.

Battle Beyond the Stars main theme, performed on a midi piano synthesizer.

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June is National Accordion Awareness Month. National Carpenter Ant Awareness Week starts June 22. Some problems tend to solve themselves.
-Zay Smith, "QT"

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@LOLGOP:

If Republicans don't like how Democrats end their wars, they should stop leaving us so many losing wars.

Climate change and homsexuality are myths we can wish away but we should trust Wall Street to regulate itself.

You'll know the GOP gets they've lost on marriage equality when they start demanding mandatory ultrasounds before same-sex marriages.

I guess it's pretty easy to judge deserters when the closest you've come to combat is shooting wolves from a helicopter.
-@GuyEndoreKaiser

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And... the desktop is clean.
--KGB


Categories: Cleaning off the desktop, Miscellany


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Cleaning off the desktop
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Published Sunday, June 01, 2014 @ 3:58 AM EDT
Jun 01 2014

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From @BillMurray on Twitter:

Someone should make a shoe made out of Legos, so that when you step on a Lego, it doesn't hurt, you just get taller.

I love how people say they're "expecting" a baby, as if it might be something else, like a penguin.

Hey welcome to Hollister, would you like a gas mask, flashlight, or earplugs?

Life is too short to remove the USB safely.

I do math wrong about 99° of the time.

If Google can't find the answer, it's not a question.

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I'm not a big fan of lawn ornaments, but this Think Geek exclusive makes me re-think my position.

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I don't know how the world will end, but I suspect it will be with the highest corporate profits ever recorded.
-Robert Brault

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When people say, "Guns aren't the problem, mental illness is the problem," I reply, "They're both problems, and right now we're not addressing either of them."
-Andy Borowitz

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"Excalibur" is a contraction of the Latin phrase ex calce liberatus- "freed from out the stone".

You're welcome.

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From @LOLGOP on Twitter:

Marco Rubio says he won't admit that he's smoked pot because kids look up to him. What a horrible thing to say about kids.

Only a guy who knows every part of a gun can debate gun safety but let's get our climate science from Fox and Friends.

Three women a day are murdered by a partner/ex. 83 die of gun violence. Zero die of gay marriage, voting without an ID or too much health care.

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It takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile, which means I also work harder than those damned lazy happy people.
-Paula Poundstone

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There is an entire branch of psychology specializing in children who will not join the common madness.
-Robert Brault

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Kids are kids. Moms are moms. Species is irrelevant.

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Three-day weekends are like bad boyfriends; exciting at first, exhausting by the end, and always shorter than you hoped for.
-Bette Midler

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All I ask is that we treat Michele Bachmann with the same diligence we treat other nut allergies.
-Lizz Winstead

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And... the desktop is clean.
-KGB.


Categories: Cartoons, Cleaning off the desktop


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Cleaning off the desktop
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Published Sunday, May 25, 2014 @ 9:52 AM EDT
May 25 2014

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Pope Francis will bring a rabbi and a Muslim leader with him when he travels to the Holy Land this week. Or as bartenders put it, 'We've been expecting you.'
–Jimmy Fallon

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Godzilla, in happier times.

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Sad but true: Radioactive kitty litter may have ruined our best hope to store nuclear waste

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Quote of the week:
Don't force stupid people to be quiet. I want to know who the morons are.
-Mark Cuban

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BBC says Senators have called for a new name for the Washington Redskins. They suggest the Washington Powerful Old Honkies.
-@PaulaPoundstone

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The outstanding problem of cryogenics isn't whether future advances in technology will enable you to be unfrozen and brought back to life 10,000 years from now. The outstanding problem of cryogenics is whether 250 consecutive generations of security guards earning $6.50 an hour will remember to check the thermostat every night.
-John Alejandro King (The Covert Comic)

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Skies over Chicago, Wednesday evening, May 21:
a) lightning
b) they crossed the streams
c) Dr. Jenning is summoning the Dark Overlords
(Photo by Andrew Chase)

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There's a certain satisfying irony in the fact that the speed with which same-sex marriage is being adopted is due not to states passing bills in favor of it, but in the courts ruling as unconstitutional the bills prohibiting it. An excellent example of the law of unintended consequences. Interesting trivia: John Jones III, the federal court judge who ruled Pennsylvania's defense of marriage act unconstitutional, was nominated to the bench by then-Senator Rick Santorum.

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Hate to say this, but because of Pat Sajak's awful remarks, I will no longer look to game show hosts for moral guidance.
=@FrankConniff

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"Oh my God, we're all gonna die! You know this is serious if someone on Fox News just said 'climate change is real.' I believe that is a sign of the Apocalypse."
-Jon Stewart, The Daily Show

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It seems that trying to fix stupid just makes it worse.

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Daugher-in-law Angela, granddaugter Joelle and son Doug celebrating the at the little one's first birthday party. (It was a WonderPets theme, hence the cape and tiara.)

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I was rinsing out a plastic Dairy Queen cup which had contained one of their "milk" shakes, and one minute of full-force hot water failed to melt or otherwise remove all of the residue. I don't know whether I should throw it in the recycling bin or call a hazmat team.

And... the desktop is clean.
--KGB


Categories: Cartoons, Cleaning off the desktop, KGB Family, KGB Opinion, Politics


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Cleaning off the desktop
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Published Sunday, May 18, 2014 @ 7:11 AM EDT
May 18 2014

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Some NFL players actually criticized Michael Sam for kissing his boyfriend after getting drafted. Apparently NFL players aren't supposed to be in a gay relationship until they're sent to prison.
–Conan O'Brien

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Donald Sterling and his wife of 50 years are divorcing. That's right, ladies: he is AVAILABLE.
-Andy Borowitz

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I don't deny reality, but I don't exactly go looking for it, either.
-Robert Brault

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The CDC says half of Americans take prescription drugs. The other half are too drunk to open the child-proof cap.
-Stephen Colbert

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A new study claims that 1 in 10 Americans no longer carry cash. They’re called English majors.
–Seth Meyers

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There's a certain irony that one of the sponsors of CBS' Person of Interest is Google, which probably knows far more about us than the NSA ever will...

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If you don't renew your AARP membership and your card expires, you can no longer use it to identify yourself as a senior. I think I've found a way to stop aging.

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TV Guide, 2075: 'Miami Vice: 2 debonair detectives patrol illegal fishing boats where the streets of the city used to be.'
-Steve Harris

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And... the desktop is clean.
-KGB


Categories: Cleaning off the desktop


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Cleaning off the desktop IV: The usual stuff
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Published Sunday, May 11, 2014 @ 8:31 AM EDT
May 11 2014

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The Supreme Court says you can pray at public meetings, which you may want to do since the Court is also allowing concealed weapons there.
-Andy Borowitz

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In Landmark Decision, Supreme Court Strikes Down Main Reason Country Was Started.

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In a new interview, Hillary Clinton said her guilty pleasure is eating chocolate. Meanwhile, Bill Clinton said his guilty pleasure is being Bill Clinton.
Conan O'Brien

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Guess who's back? Monica Lewinsky. She did an interview in the upcoming Vanity Fair. This is big news... in 1998. If you are happy that Monica Lewinsky is back in the news that means you're probably an aging writer because it was the golden age of comedy, ladies and gentlemen.
-David Letterman

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On Saturday, Chris Christie tweeted that he had a colonoscopy just hours before he went to the White House Correspondents Dinner. Yeah, that's what you want to see at a dinner- Chris Christie after he wasn't able to eat for 24 hours.
-Jimmy Fallon

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The Supreme Court has ruled that city council meetings may open with a prayer. Especially if the city in question is Detroit.
-Conan O'Brien

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The political scene in Washington one of few places I've seen that's more grasping and desperate than show business. Hollywood and politics are very different, of course. One puts out big-budget crap filled with explosions. And the other one is Hollywood.
-Craig Ferguson

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Where is the future they promised me? The 21st century is just the 20th century all over again, only in high definition.
--Lewis Black

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Last state to legalize same-sex marriage has to take Rick Santorum.
-@LOLGOP

And... the desktop is clean.
-KGB


Categories: Cartoons, Cleaning off the desktop


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Cleaning off the desktop III: A helicopter, the Tamiami, and Girls With Guns
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Published Sunday, May 11, 2014 @ 8:26 AM EDT
May 11 2014

We were living in Philadelphia in the summer of 1985, and the television was on as background noise. A "Miami Vice" rerun was airing. I'd caught a few minutes of the series earlier in the year and, frankly, it wasn't on my must-see list. Anyway, I was working on something when I heard a car engine gunned, followed by a hard cut to Tommy Shaw's driving "Girls With Guns."

I looked up to see a tracking shot of speeding convertible. After a few seconds, it became obvious the tracking vehicle was a helicopter, perfectly matching the speed of the auto. I slowly became aware that there weren't any edits... this was one long honking aerial shot.

It runs for a total of 79 seconds, an eternity in a filmed television series. I couldn't find many details. The episode, "Glades," was the ninth in the series' first season. It originally aired on November 30, 1984; I apparently caught the rerun on June 21, 1985. The show was directed Stan Lathan (who would later go on to direct 122 episodes of "The Steve Harvey Show"), and the director of photography was Duke Callahan, who was also the D.P. on the motion picture Conan The Barbarian. The helicopter pilot and cameraman were uncredited.

The segment starts on the west side of Miami and continues along the Tamiami Highway. My guess is the director told the stars to drive themselves to the location that day, and he told the DP to grab a camera, get a helicopter, and get him some filler because the episode timed out short.

Or, it could have been a deliberate attempt to create a shot so impressive an old fart like me would remember it nearly 30 years later when he accidentally encountered it on the web.

Here's the link to the full song.


Categories: Classic, Cleaning off the desktop, Music, TV, Video, YouTube


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Cleaning off the desktop II: This week in Fugelsang
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Published Sunday, May 11, 2014 @ 8:22 AM EDT
May 11 2014

John Fugelsang:

Women in combat, free abortions, gay rights and universal health care- at least the GOP doesn't mind when Israel does it.

Rick Perry reminds us how funny it is when the Governor with most executions in history asks for a Second Chance.

Welcome to America, where you don't need photo ID to buy an election, just to vote in one.

I'd like to wish the GOP best of luck in exploiting four dead Americans in Benghazi for 2014 fundraising because Obamacare worked.

Americans work more, take less vacation, work longer days, and retire later -but at least we're not stuck with socialized health care.

'Scalia Law' is a lot like 'Sharia Law.'

'Church and state are and must remain separate.-Ronald Reagan, freedom-hating RINO.'

'Libertarian' is the Latin term for 'Embarrassed Republican.'


Categories: Cleaning off the desktop, John Fugelsang


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Cleaning off the desktop I: The Slightly Askew
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Published Sunday, May 11, 2014 @ 8:19 AM EDT
May 11 2014


I'm really going to miss this guy.


Flaming bagpipes. Everything else is inconsequential.


I have no freaking clue.


Categories: Cleaning off the desktop


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Cleaning off the desktop
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Published Sunday, May 04, 2014 @ 12:18 AM EDT
May 04 2014

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New 2nd Spider-Man movie doing even better than 1st 2nd Spider-Man movie, so now there'll be a 3rd 2nd Spider-Man movie.
-@FrankConniff

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The problem with the Peter Principle is that it assumes somebody somewhere is competent in the first place.
-The Covert Comic

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"You oughta be thankful
A whole heaping lot
For the people and places
You're lucky you're not."
-Dr. Seuss

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A group of 'Law & Order' episodes is called a dundun.
-@goldengateblond

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Only in America can you be pro-death penalty, pro-war, pro-unmanned drone bombs, pro-nuclear weapons, pro-guns, pro-torture, pro-land mines, and still call yourself 'pro-life.'
-John Fugelsang

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Agents of N.E.R.D.S.?

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Some devout Christians are among the most fervent advocates of the death penalty, contradicting Jesus Christ and justifying their belief on an erroneous interpretation of Hebrew Scriptures. 'An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth,' their most likely response, overlooks the fact that this was promulgated by Moses as a limitation- a prohibition against taking both eyes or all of an offender's teeth in retribution.
-Jimmy Carter

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Donald Sterling is 81. You know what's going to take care of this kind of racism? The flu.
-@billmaher

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Banned for life. Who knows how many months that might be?
-Stephen Colbert

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Just read an obit that read the deceased died "unexpectedly, at home, surrounded by his family," which raises a few questions...

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And... the desktop is clean.
-KGB


Categories: Cartoons, Cleaning off the desktop


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Cleaning off the desktop
(permalink)

Published Sunday, April 27, 2014 @ 8:05 AM EDT
Apr 27 2014

From TL;DR Wikipedia:

A jacuzzi is a brand of whirlpool bathtub containing underwater jets designed to therapeutically massage the user with warm streams of bacteria.

Pandora is an internet radio website that allows users to listen to everything but the song they actually want to hear.

Greece is Europe's Detroit

Obsessive-compulsive Disorder (O.C.D) is getting really upset that there's no period after the D in the first part of this sentence.

Pennsylvania is the space between Pittsburgh and Philadelphia.

1040EZ is an IRS form that sums up how alone, childless, and poor you are in one easy document.

The Watergate Scandal was a major political scandal wherein President Richard Nixon had the audacity to wiretap fellow politicians instead of regular U.S. citizens.

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There are two ways to be happy: improve your reality, or lower your expectations.
-Jodi Picoult

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If the key to her heart is 128 bits or greater, you're probably wasting your time.
-The Covert Comic

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Why history is important:

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Note to self: When I'm writing with voice recognition software, DO NOT TALK TO THE CATS.
-@GretaChristina

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New Georgia state slogan: "We make Florida look safe!"
-Andy Borowitz

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There's a young rabbit in our back yard who has decided to nest in the stand of tall grass. But he also wanders around in the open. Before I can let the dogs out, I have to check that he's not visible; and if he is, I have to scare him into a secure location. The shelties don't pick up on his scent, but Pixie, the small dog-like creature (aka Shih Tzu) goes immediately to the tall grass and starts tracking. I have to watch her so I can call them back in just before she picks up the scent of his current hiding place.

I hope that dumb bunny develops some smarts, and soon. There are hawks and other raptors about, and one of these days they're going to spot him sunning himself.

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Why spelling is important:

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AOL email has been hacked, so if anyone from 1994 gets this tweet, change your password.
-@pourmecoffee

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Sometimes unconditional love goes both ways.
Nice boots, too.

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Conservatives don’t like safety nets because they allegedly make people lazy and careless. But what about safety nets for top executives who fail? Yahoo's recent decision to pay its chief operating officer $96 million for 15 months of work before firing him is just the latest example of handsome rewards for failure in corporate suites.

At least safety nets for the poor help those in need. Safety nets for corporate executives give them no reason to work hard because even when they fail they can vastly increase their wealth. One way to discourage these is to prevent corporations from deducting generous executive severance payments from their taxable incomes.
-Robert Reich

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It's an accepted fact that hot dogs contain insects and rodent hair, but Kraft is recalling 96,000 lbs. because they have cheese in them.
-@PaulaPoundstone

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Ironically, "Cliven Bundy" is what Jerry Lewis yells when he's startled by a black person.

At this point, we're all just waiting for Cliven Bundy to yell "Kansas City faggots!" and ride an A-bomb into the sun.
-@PattonOswalt

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Granddaughter Leanna is a straight A student, loves math, is a compulsive reader, studies martial arts and archery. I think she's going to be a superhero when she grows up.

-----

And... the desktop is clean.
-KGB


Categories: Cartoons, Cleaning off the desktop, Miscellany


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Cleaning off the desktop
(permalink)

Published Sunday, April 20, 2014 @ 12:20 PM EDT
Apr 20 2014


Upon reflection, is was kind of obvious Lex Luthor was in the bunny suit.

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This year's Easter Sunday happens to fall on the same day as the marijuana holiday, 4/20. Which means no matter what your religion, this Sunday you're probably going to see a giant bunny.
–Conan O'Brien

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You can run from your problems. Unless your problem is a cheetah.
-@BillMurray

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I judge how safe an area is by the number of lit letters on the Waffle House sign.
-@ChevyChase

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Note to self: Telling your Facebook friends that their auras are actually invisible because they don't exist makes them not like you.
-@hemantmehta

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An example of Facebook's state-of-the-art subject matching software.

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50 years ago, America's biggest employer was General Motors, where workers made the modern equivalent of $50 dollars an hour. Today, America's biggest employer is Walmart, where the average wage is $8 dollars an hour...And Walmart released their annual report this month, and in it was the fact that most of what Walmart sells is food. And most of their customers need food stamps to pay for it. Meanwhile, Walmart's owners are so absurdly rich that one of them, Alice Walton, spent over a billion dollars building an art museum in Bentonville, Arkansas, 500 miles away from the nearest person who ever would want to look at art. And she said about it, 'For years I've been thinking about what we can do as a family that can really make a difference.' How about giving your employees a raise, you deluded nitwit?
–Bill Maher

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I can never tell if CNN is engaging in self parody or if they're just dumb.

-----

Last month, over 200,000 jobs were created in the United States. And that doesn't count this one.
–David Letterman

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People should announce they'll be a grandma the old-fashioned way-- by leaking that their teen daughter is pregnant the night before the RNC.
-LOLGOP

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Plot idea: 97% of the world's scientists contrive an environmental crisis, but are exposed by a plucky band of billionaires & oil companies.
-@ScottWesterfield

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70% of our planet is covered in water, the other 30% is covered in idiots.
-@BillMurray

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And... the desktop is clean.
-KGB


Categories: Cleaning off the desktop, Miscellany


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Cleaning off the desktop
(permalink)

Published Sunday, April 13, 2014 @ 6:33 PM EDT
Apr 13 2014


"Maybe once, in clown college..."

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'I never thought I would retire. I always assumed I would be impeached."
–David Letterman

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It was so weird to see the anniversary of the Civil Rights Act and realize that fifty years ago Congress accomplished something.
-Andy Borowitz

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As an only child, I didn't feel in the least excluded by last week's "Siblings Day."

By the way, I'm off tomorrow in observance of "My Parents Realized They Couldn't Improve Upon Perfection Day."

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The difference between your gun and your vote is someone is actually coming for your vote.
-@LOLGOP

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I'm thrilled and grateful that CBS chose me. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go grind a gap in my front teeth.
-Stephen Colbert

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Random observations:

If I were Piers Morgan, I'd find that plane just to spite CNN.
-@LOLGOP

When one door closes, another opens. Also, you can open the closed door. That’s how doors work. How do you know so little about doors?
-@BillMurray

You're supposed to get old WITH someone, not BECAUSE of them.
-Carrie Fisher

Balloons are so weird, it's like, happy birthday here’s a plastic sack of my breath.
-@ChevyChase

Newly-released FBI documents allege Al Sharpton was a mob informant. He must have joined MSNBC as part of the Witness Protection Program.
-Stephen Colbert

Standardized tests get an update: reading comprehension will now be limited to 140 characters.
-Stephen Colbert

N. and S. Korea are trading fire at this moment. I go to CNN. Some guy is talking about the battery in the black box. STOP IT.
-@AlbertBrooks

REMINDER: The leaders of the least productive House of Representatives in recorded history think you're lazy.
-@LOLGOP

The largest number in the universe is the number of separate wads of cotton that can be removed from a torn stuffed animal by a dog.
-@MerrillMarkoe

What the Internet has done is let us know how many millions of Americans can afford a computer, but haven't yet mastered that tricky "your-you're" thing.
-John Fugelsang

You spend one hour in the right WalMart and you'll stop believing in Darwin, too.
-John Fugelsang

Our greatest domestic threat is not foreign terrorists but local morons.
-John Fugelsang

When God said be fruitful and multiply, there were two people. There are now seven billion. Mission accomplished.
-John Fugelsang

We actually don't have slavery any more. We outsource it to China.
-John Fugelsang

-----

And... the desktop is clean.
-KGB


Categories: Cleaning off the desktop


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Cleaning off the desktop
(permalink)

Published Sunday, April 06, 2014 @ 7:31 PM EDT
Apr 06 2014

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McDonalds closes in Crimea. Actually, this is serious. The United States has never gone to war with a country that had an operating McDonalds.

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You can't legally own a hedgehog in Pennsylvania.

-----

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REMINDER: Though the Supreme Court says there is no difference, your servers prefer you tip in actual money rather than "speech."
-@LOLGOP

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Saturday Night Live's parody of Fox and Friends included "a list of corrections from our first hour":
-Captain America was never a U.S. President.
-Lifesavers aren't medicine.
-The periodic table is not about "lady stuff."
-You can not abbreviate the Supreme Court to spell SCROTUM.
-Hong Kong is a region in China. Not a video game from Nintendo.
-Malaysia is not the female version of Asia.
-Chicklets do not grow up to be roosters.
-Chris Christie was never in the show "Three's Company."
-Infinity pools have a limited amount of water.
-Garfunkel is not Garfield's black cousin. -The Chile Earthquake is not a bold new product from Dairy Queen.
-Captain Phillips is not a brand of rum.
-Marvin Gaye liked women.
-Nancy Pelosi is a human woman.
-God loves figs.
-Noah is not "found footage."

-----

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All the great buzz about Captain America has convinced me that I need to drop everything and watch it on cable next year.
-@FrankConniff

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In the spring of 1967, 47(!) years ago, Patricia Pugh, John Krause and I represented Homestead Junior High School in the KDKA/Pittsburgh Press spelling bee.

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I have to believe the Supreme Court is working for tips now.
-@ElayneBoosler

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Pixie is an 11 month old Shih Tzu, which supposedly is Mandarin Chinese for "lion," but should be "strange, small, dog-like creature." Sassafras (a corruption of the Latin saxifrage, or "rock-breaker") is a ten year old Shetland Sheepdog. In human years, they're roughly 16 and 60 years old.
"But Dad says we're from the same litter."
"In your dreams, kid."

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There's a band called 1023MB. They haven't had any gigs yet.

-----

Pittsburgh radio legend Clarke Ingram noted the above happened 50 years ago this month, and hasn't been duplicated by any other artist or group.

-----

So, Letterman's retiring. Wonder if Leno is available?

-----

Wonderful YouTube video featuring SPCA of Wake County and Queen.

-----

Headline of the week:
"Willie Nelson’s armadillo returned
after being kidnapped in Las Vegas"

-----

And... the desktop is clean.
-KGB


Categories: Cartoons, Cleaning off the desktop, Miscellany


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Cleaning off the desktop...
(permalink)

Published Sunday, March 30, 2014 @ 11:06 AM EDT
Mar 30 2014

Can you imagine if CNN was on the air when Titanic sank?
-@AlbertBrooks

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Can't print what I'm trying to print, but I accidentally printed 4 pages that say, 'Congratulations! You've successfully setup your printer.'
-@PaulaPoundstone

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While you're mocking the people who thought "Noah" was a documentary you fail to realize "Idiocracy" really was one.
-@JohnFugelsang

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Anyone ever been to a corporate baptism?
-@lizzwinstead

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Motivational Secret of the Week: A clenched fist cannot give the finger.
-The Covert Comic

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Intelligence officials say they had a hard time predicting Russia's invasion because Vladimir Putin doesn't own a cellphone or use the Internet due to fear of being tracked. You can tell Putin doesn't spend much time online. When he says 'LOL,' he means 'Look out, Latvia.'
–Jimmy Fallon

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That's right, Putin doesn't have a cellphone. And just like everyone else without a cellphone, he won't stop bragging about it.
–Jimmy Fallon

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If you're a Douglas Adams fan, you must watch this.

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Ignore the snow. Spring has officially arrived in South Park, Pennsylvania.

-----

Ukraine said it has finished withdrawing the last of its troops from Crimea, so the split is now final. Well, they're not calling it a split. They're calling it a 'conscious uncoupling.'
–Jimmy Fallon

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She ran out of toner.

-----

Today Pope Francis had to fire a German bishop known as the 'Bling Bishop' after he spent over $43 million to renovate his house. Pope Francis was nice enough to describe it as a 'conscious unbishopping.'
–Jimmy Fallon

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One of President Obama's secret service agents is in trouble now after getting drunk and passing out in a hotel hallway. In his defense, it's spring break! He was wearing a helmet with a beer on either side. That was a bad idea.
–Conan O'Brien

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Canine/Feline Furry Infinity

-----

The first lady is in China. During her trip, Michelle Obama fed panda bears. Like most people the first lady feeds, the bears politely ate the bamboo and then had a cheeseburger the minute she left.
–Conan O'Brien

-----

After playing clips of MSNBC's Chris Hayes and Rachel Maddow stating they would not run purely speculative stories about the lost Malaysian jetliner, unlike CNN and Fox, Jon Stewart commented:

"You know, Sherman and Mister Peabody are right..."

-----

In an interview, former vice-presidential candidate Paul Ryan said he does not have a racist bone in his body. However, he admitted he has three sexist bones and his spine is homophobic.
–Conan O'Brien

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In a speech, Pope Francis criticized the Mafia and urged its members to repent. Which is why now every morning the Pope makes his assistant start the Popemobile.
–Conan O'Brien

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Americans have been given another month to sign up for Obamacare as long as they check a box on the website saying they tried to sign up before the original deadline. It's expected to be answered as truthfully as boxes that say 'Yes, I am 18.'
–Seth Meyers

-----

It's not every night that we get a great audience. Last night, we had an ugly crowd. Halfway through the show, they voted to join Russia.
–David Letterman

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Vladimir Putin was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize and two weeks later he invaded Crimea. So here's what the United States did. They tossed him out of the G-8 meetings. Really? I mean, that's like being told you can't go to the Daytime Emmys.
–David Letterman

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President Obama went to the G-8 meetings. He's filling in for Dennis Rodman.
–David Letterman

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First lady Michelle Obama is in China right now. Today she was busy doing some official business. She placed a wreath on the grave of General Tso, the creator of spicy chicken.
–David Letterman

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A group of Secret Service agents went to Amsterdam ahead of President Obama's visit, but three of them were sent home after they stayed out all night drinking and one of them passed out in the hotel's hallway. I always thought Secret Service agents wore sunglasses to look intimidating. Turns out they're just hung over.
–Jimmy Kimmel

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Toronto held the first mayoral debate of 2014 tonight. Rob Ford faced four challengers. When Rob Ford ran for mayor in 2010, his slogan was 'Stop the gravy train.' Then he realized he loves gravy. And you need a train to get it there.
–Jimmy Kimmel

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This is the difference between our countries. None of the other candidates specifically mentioned drugs. They let Mayor Ford say over and over again that he's the only candidate with a proven track record. He's also the only candidate with a proven crack record.
–Jimmy Kimmel

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And... the desktop is clean.
-KGB


Categories: Cartoons, Cleaning off the desktop, Miscellany, Political Jokes of the Week


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Cleaning off the desktop...
(permalink)

Published Sunday, March 23, 2014 @ 9:12 AM EDT
Mar 23 2014

This is the 30th anniversary of The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across The Eighth Dimension. If you're a fan, you'll love this video. Note NSFW language. A must-watch...

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A fun thing to say from the toilet stall in a public restroom: "Siri, why is there so much blood?"
-Jim Hamilton

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Cool, the movie "Network" is on TV… Oh, wait, it's just a psychic talking about the missing plane on CNN.
-@FrankConniff

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Fun fact: When my kid watches "Terminator" I will have to explain the concept of a phonebook, but not an autonomous robot killing machine.
-@AsaTait

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I think what pushed Fred Phelps over the edge was the opening of "300: Rise of an Empire."
-Conan O'Brien

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I love how these nuts say "I don't need insurance. I'm healthy." Equals: "I don't need food. I'm not hungry right now."
-@kurteichenwald

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Feed me. Now.

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If swimming is great exercise, explain whales to me.
-@BillMurray

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Are fatty acids teased by all the other acids?

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Circular reasoning: see reasoning, circular.
-Unattributed

-----

Remember those pink "While You Were Out" notes? There has to be a huge warehouse somewhere filled with them...

-----

Microsoft OneNote is now free on all platforms, including Windows, Mac, Android and iPhone. Check it out..

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This past Thursday was the vernal equinox, but Pittsburgh hit the 12 hours between sunrise and sunset mark last Monday. We're gaining daylight at the fastest rate we'll experience all year: two minutes and 41 seconds more each day until March 27, when things start slowing down. On June 21, there will 15 hours, three minutes and 48 seconds between sunrise and sunset, and the days start getting shorter. Sunrise/sunset isn't the best gauge of day length, though, since we have twilight before the sun rises and after it sets. Morning "civil" twilight (there's also nautical and astronomical twilight) begins at civil dawn, when the center of the sun is 6° below the horizon. It ends at sunrise. Evening civil twilight begins at sunset and ends at civil dusk, when the center of the sun is 6° below the horizon. (Twilight's the period when the street lights go on and off.) So if the day seems longer than 12 hours, it is, by a full hour.

-----

From a friend who follows everything:

Well, it's been a strange couple of weeks here on planet Earth. First, a modern, well equipped Boeing 777 passenger jet disappeared without a trace into apparently about a third of the planet leaving experts from 26 nations scratching their collective heads in confusion and concern. Then the situation the Ukraine, Crimea and Russia flared up into ever more distressing situations, many of which were deliberately instigated by our leaders here in the U.S. and many of those in the EU ever since the fall of the Soviet Union. And now there is some indication that our munificent (at least to themselves) corporate leaders are dumping their equity interests while the bubbling stock market is still frothing with foam. Just when one begins to think that the time couldn't get much more interesting, it does. It's looking more and more as if this could be a very hot summer indeed. Israel is continuing being Israel- taunting the U.S. and Europe. China and Japan are within a trivial insult of outright war and North Korea keeps doing everything it can- and then some- to attract world attention. This is on top of the continuing chaos in Syria, Iraq, Afghanistan and Pakistan. India is in its usual state of political chaos and Turkey is about to come apart at the seams. And this doesn't even touch on the newest hot-spots in Africa. All the while the economic security in the U.S. and the EU continues to be eroded by unnecessary and unwarranted neoliberal austerity plans which are doomed to fail and which will insure that inequality of wealth will escalate still further before collapsing in on itself. All in all, what a fascinating time to be alive!

To paraphrase Tom Leher, I'm beginning to feel like a Christian Scientist with appendicitis...

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Big quake. We stood in the doorway, so we could be hit by things from two rooms.
-@ElayneBoosler

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And... the desktop is clean.
-KGB


Categories: Cartoons, Cleaning off the desktop


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Cleaning off the desktop
(permalink)

Published Sunday, March 16, 2014 @ 11:22 AM EDT
Mar 16 2014

It's actually Pi Month (3/14)

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What would aliens say if told that Earthlings shift clocks by an hour to fool themselves into thinking there's more sunlight?
-Neil deGrasse Tyson

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Jews can't eat ham. Jehovah's Witnesses can't buy Girl Scout cookies. The Amish can't drive cars. Catholics can't masturbate. Scientologists can't go to therapy. Baptists can't dance. Sikhs can't shave. And Lord knows, Muslims can't take a joke.
-Bill Maher

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Wealth is not a virtue, and poverty is not a sin.
-Unattributed

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The E.U. wants to ban American cheesemakers from using the name "Parmesan?" Fine. Then they can't use the name "Whiz."
-Stephen Colbert

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The sheer number of people who think Obama’s Between Two Ferns interview was “real” is reason enough to build an underground end days bunker.
-@CollynMcCoy

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We have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart?
-Tshirt

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Three things that make me laugh: my sister's nipples. One's tiny. I haven't named the other two.
-Emo Phillips

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BURR: On average, how many Canadian patients on a waiting list die each year? Do you know?

MARTIN: I don’t, sir, but I know that there are 45,000 in America who die waiting because they don’t have insurance at all.

Canadian expert to condescending U.S. Senator

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Prices for monthly Google Drive storage plans dropped massively: 100GB is now $1.99 (instead of $4.99), 1TB is $9.99 (previously $49.99), and 10TB is $99.99. For comparison's sake, you can get 1TB of space every month on Drive for the same amount you'd pay on Dropbox for 100GB. Current paid Drive users will automatically move to the new, cheaper pricing.

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Some things you just don't outgrow.

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When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse first. And that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about marriage.
-@BillMurray (parody Twitter account)

-----


Go ahead, open the door. I want to see the expression on the UPS guy's face.

-----

The five second rule is real. Which makes no difference when you have a two second dog.

-----

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POLL: Given Choice Between Paul and Cruz, Most Voters Choose Suicide
-Andy Borowitz

-----

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The other night, President Obama was paying tribute to Aretha Franklin when he messed up the spelling of her iconic song 'Respect.' President Obama blamed his speech coach, John Travolta.
–Conan O'Brien

-----


Retweeted by The Weather Channel's Jim Cantore.

-----

Jack Albert Kinzler, the NASA tech whiz who saved Skylab, died last week. He was a Pittsburgh native.

-----

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"He's a congenial liar."
"Don't you mean congenital?"
"Well, that too."

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Today I gave the hospital permission to youthanize my grandma. I can’t wait to see how much younger she looks!
-The Covert Comic

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Our family crest is a child's jacket on the floor right next to a row of hooks.
-@KenJennings

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Looks like more snow, starting at 7 pm tonight. By the way, this is a great program... Weatherspark.

-----

God will continue to punish the northeast with winter weather until Neil deGrasse Tyson stops undermining his authority.
-@pourmecoffee

-----


NASA-funded study: industrial civilisation headed for 'irreversible collapse'? So I don't have to worry about replacing the fence around my yard, then?

-----

Jimmy Fallon, reading a rebuttal from "Sam I Am" to Sarah Palin after she rewrote Dr. Seuss's "Green Eggs and Ham" to criticize Obamacare: "I do not like the speech you spoke. The speech you spoke was quite a joke. I found your words were lacking taste. You first hit copy, then hit paste. I would not like this on a beach. So next time write your own damn speech."

-----


Sometimes the Good Old Days were real. PanAm economy class in the 1960s.

-----

Our first president could have owned our current president so maybe we shouldn't fret so much about the dignity of the presidency.
-@LOLGOP

-----

You not believing in climate change because it's snowing is like me not believing in education because you exist.
-@LOLGOP

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And... the desktop is clean.
-KGB


Categories: Cartoons, Cleaning off the desktop


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Cleaning off the desktop
(permalink)

Published Sunday, March 09, 2014 @ 7:56 AM EDT
Mar 09 2014

The idea of Daylight Saving time is like trying to be taller by cutting off your head and standing on it.
-Unattributed

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I was thinking about the hypothesis that our universe is a computer simulation. It would explain a lot of things, like quantum physics. Programmers often take short cuts. In cgi-generated motion pictures, distant subjects lack the detail of foreground objects. Why spend the time programming the texture of every stone in a castle wall when it's going to appear to be a mile away? Maybe the programmer who wrote the code for our simulated universe got to the subatomic level and figured the typical simulated life forms that would develop here would never reach the point where they'd start poking around at the level of quantum states, so no one would ever see the bug that made it impossible to simultaneously determine the position and momentum of subatomic particles. And the division by zero errors responsible for those pesky black holes? That'll be fixed in the next release.

Be willing to die for your beliefs, or computer printouts of your beliefs.
-Don DeLillo (via Sareesa Boyd)

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The best way to get the right answer on the Internet is not to ask a question, it's to post the wrong answer.
-Ward Cunningham

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Stephen Hawking with nine guys dressed as Bananaman.
You're welcome.

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The Swiss must've been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
-@ChevyChase (parody account)

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News Headline: "Arizona lawmaker: 'I'm gay, Latino and a state senator.'"
Hats off to him.
It can take courage for a man to announce he’s an Arizona state senator.
-Zay Smith, "Quick Takes"

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This week the Russian government gave all 44 of its Olympic medalists a new Mercedes. When asked what happened to the athletes who didn't medal, Putin said, 'Do not open trunk.'
–Jimmy Fallon

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Pope Francis told the press today that the Catholic Church could tolerate same-sex civil unions. You know, I think lately when people say, 'Is the Pope Catholic?' they're actually asking.
–Seth Meyers

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Russia is threatening to invade Ukraine, and the U.S. is stepping in. In fact, just yesterday the U.S. gave a billion dollars to Ukraine to help stabilize the region. Then Detroit said, 'Hey, can WE go to war with Russia?'
–Jimmy Fallon

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Commercial Drones Declared Legal; Release the Tacocopters

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The last time a Republican was elected president without a Nixon or Bush on the ticket was 1928.

-----

Maximum number of dildos a Texan may legally own: 5
-Harper's Index

-----

Hockey is more enjoyable if you pretend they're fighting over the world's last Oreo.
-@BillMurray (parody account)

-----

This is appalling. And tremendous.

(YouTube video: Debut Criminal Defense Commercial
from Pittsburgh's Criminal Defense Rookie of the Year)

-----

Radio Shack is closing 1,100 stores so you will have to go to Wal Mart if you need a universal remote that breaks in a month.
-@pourmecoffee

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March is National Kidney Month! Fun Fact: There are actually two kidney months, but you only need one.
-Stephen Colbert

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The world's most expensive place to live is Singapore. For the world's cheapest place, check your clothing label.
-Stephen Colbert

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Good thing George W. Bush isn't President or we'd already be at war with the people who make Cremora.
-Paul Lander

-----

Conservatives love Sarah Palin because she pisses off liberals, which is like eating rubber cement because everyone tells you not to.
-@LOLGOP

-----

Newsmax is starting their own channel, hoping to poach Fox News’s younger viewers, the coveted 72 to 86 demographic.
-Kara Vallow

-----

And... the desktop is clean.

I'm giving up giving up things for Lent for Lent.
-Kevin G. Barkes


Categories: Cartoons, Cleaning off the desktop


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Cleaning off the desktop
(permalink)

Published Sunday, March 02, 2014 @ 5:46 AM EST
Mar 02 2014

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Kentucky is fighting same-sex marriage tooth and nail, just as it fought indoor plumbing.
-Andy Borowitz

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Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer today reflected on her decision to veto the state's anti-gay law: "The decision was a no-brainer, which is why I was capable of making it."
-Andy Borowitz

-----

Why I canceled my 20+ year subscription to The Wall Street Journal after it was purchased by Rupert Murdoch, in one photo:

-----

It's a bit odd that when you ask certain conservatives to Love Thy Neighbor they feel their religious freedom is at risk.
-Frank Conniff

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Dutch police have begun using rats to detect drugs and guns in suspects' clothing, so next time you smoke weed in Amsterdam, try not to get paranoid about the Hyper-Intelligent Police Rats.
-Seth Meyers

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Losing to Canada in hockey is like losing to France in cowardice.
-David Burge

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Hi, I'm a guy who supported the Iraq war and is outraged Putin would invade a smaller country that hasn't attacked him.
-John Fugelsang


Categories: Andy Borowitz, Cartoons, Cleaning off the desktop, John Fugelsang


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Cleaning off the desktop
(permalink)

Published Sunday, February 23, 2014 @ 7:58 AM EST
Feb 23 2014

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"Some people, when they're slightly feverish and taking strong antibiotcs, have exotic dreams. I dream of digital rights management."

"Sounds exciting."

"Not the way we implement it."

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They used a text-analysis program to measure the tone of articles in USA Today between 2007 and 2009, and found that especially positive articles predicted a downturn in the Dow Jones Industrial Average between a week and a month later. The researchers also analyzed all twenty-one U.S. Presidential inaugural addresses between 1933 and 2009, and found that Presidents who waxed optimistic about the future saw a rise in unemployment and a slowdown in economic growth during their terms in office. It’s perhaps too strong to suggest that positive thinking, alone, produced these large macroeconomic changes, but the staggering results in this most recent paper are consistent with more than a decade’s worth of studies in Oettingen’s lab. (The Powerlessness of Positive Thinking)

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Just a reminder- Abe Vigoda's birthday is tomorrow. Get your party supplies today.

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When the next crisis happens, and by the nature of markets, it will happen again, the government will do the only rational thing it can, and once again step in and save the institutions with taxpayer money. The economy will again be wrecked and the average family will again pay the costs.

The bankers won't suffer much, not personally. That's the real stupidity tax, and we are all paying. The Powerball lottery: Is it really a stupidity tax?.

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(YouTube video: a great Vivaldi/Disney mashup.)

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Beware the meeping angels.


Categories: Cartoons, Cleaning off the desktop, Music, YouTube


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Cleaning off the desktop...
(permalink)

Published Sunday, February 16, 2014 @ 7:13 AM EST
Feb 16 2014

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The name doesn't help, either. Marcellus Shale sounds like a villain in a Quentin Tarantino movie.

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"Y'know, someone should bury Caesar." -Doug Elrod

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The Google timer has returned.

Go to google.com and type:

set timer X time period
(seconds, minutes, or hours):

set timer 1 hour 2 minutes 3 seconds

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According to the Department of Agriculture, one in six men eat pizza every day. The other five eat yesterday's pizza.
-Stephen Colbert

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26% of Americans think the sun revolves around the earth.

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"It is becoming increasingly clear to judges that if they rule against same-sex marriage their grandchildren will regard them as bigots."
-Andrew M. Koppelman
A law professor at Northwestern, on why courts are backing away from bans on gay marriage.

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Carl Jung invented the word "lethologica" to describe the state of not being able to remember the word you want to use. Is not being able to remember the word lethologica an example of recursion?

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Categories: Cartoons, Cleaning off the desktop, Miscellany


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Cleaning off the desktop
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Published Sunday, February 09, 2014 @ 5:53 PM EST
Feb 09 2014

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I can communicate through a series of short & long groans & sighs. It's called 'morose code'.
-Robb Allen, @ItsRobbAllen (h/t David Kifer, alt.quotations)

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Somewhat alarmed to discover some teens don't recognize "Uncle Sam," I checked with my daughter about my soon to be 11 year old granddaughter's status:

KGB: Does Lea know who Uncle Sam is?

Sara: Oh, I think she would.

KGB: Ask her when convenient.

Sara: She said yes, it's the guy pointing and saying "I want you."

KGB: Excellent. Our nation is in good hands.

Sara: She said "Yes. Yes, it is."

Can't argue with that...>

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"I give them a year."
-Ray Bloch, musical director for "The Ed Sullivan Show," on the Beatles, when they made their first live appearance on American television 50 years ago.

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"Ah, hell. Let's call Froot Loops what they really are: Gay Cheerios."
-Bill Maher

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Those who feel that humans are essentially good and altruistic have never read the comment sections on YouTube.

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I actually used to date a girl named Christie Benghazi, so it's funny for me now when I flip between those two channels.
-John Fugelsang

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The Star Trek Facepalm collection, although I don't think Spock actually qualifies.

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“If we came from monkeys then why are there still monkeys?”

Let me ask you this: If you came from parents, why are there still parents?

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"Fortunes have been lost underestimating Jay Leno."
-Lorne Michaels


Categories: Cartoons, Cleaning off the desktop, Harrison Ford, Jay Leno, KGB Family, KGB Opinion, Linked In, Michael Collins, Miscellany, NASA, Star Trek, YouTube


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Cleaning off the desktop
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Published Sunday, February 02, 2014 @ 5:00 PM EST
Feb 02 2014


THREE DOG NIGHT- Although, with Pixie the Shih Tzu puppy, it's probably more accurate to call it a "Two Dog and One Small Dog-Like Creature Night."

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The President said we must stay vigilant against foreign threats...yet Justin Bieber remains a free man.
-Bill Maher

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Damn. I just wrote year of the snake on a check.

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St. Peter can tell which new arrivals are from Pittsburgh because when they go toward the light at the end of the tunnel they slow down.

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I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say, "Hey look. That one is shaped like an idiot."

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Daughter-in-law Angela with my granddaughter Joelle.

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Maybe if we all e-mail the Constitution to each other, the NSA will finally read it.


Categories: Bill Maher, Cartoons, Cleaning off the desktop, KGB Family, Miscellany, NSA, Pittsburgh, U.S. Constitution


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