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Cleaning off the desktop
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Published Sunday, June 15, 2014 @ 8:25 AM EDT
Jun 15 2014

From @BillMurray on Twitter:

You can't make me believe there's a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.

Whoever invented self checkout greatly overestimated the general intelligence of the human race.

I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.

I've never been skydiving, but I've zoomed in on Google Earth really really fast.

What I don't understand is how Dora is a five year old bilingual explorer but she needs help to figure out which of her books is red?

We have rappers who used to be pimps and gangsters telling us not to download music because it's stealing.

You haven't seen a woman overreact until you tell her she is overreacting.

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know.

There's no 'we' in 'bacon'.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason I have trust issues.

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Look, there's a full moon on average every 29.530589 days. The month and day on which it falls is irrelevant, 29.530589 days from now, there'll be another one. Get over it, ok?

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This really should have been picked up.

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I guess it's pretty easy to judge deserters when the closest you've come to combat is shooting wolves from a helicopter.
-@GuyEndoreKaiser

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From @FrankConniff on Twitter:

And now, here to tell us what we should do in Iraq, are people who've always been wrong about what we should do in Iraq.

Rick Perry compares homosexuality to alcoholism. I'm guessing Rick keeps flasks of gayness hidden throughout his house.

From @JohnFugelsang on Twitter:

Blaming Obama for sectarian Iraq violence is like blaming your hangover on the guy making breakfast.

If you're experiencing reduced male sex drive and lower energy you could be suffering from Completely Natural Aging, or CNA.

Rick Perry also said forcing troops to serve beside gay soldiers compromised their Christian values. While they're shooting people.

Seriously, instead of seceding from the US, why not just go be ignorant in another country?

There is no Hell but there is the comments section.

Remind your kids to never, ever do drugs. At least not with Maureen Dowd.

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From @pourmecoffee on Twitter:

Good morning. You live in a world where Eric Cantor isn't conservative enough for some people. Have a nice day.

Who hurt you, George R.R. Martin? Who made you like this?

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And... the desktop is clean.
-KGB


Categories: Cleaning off the desktop


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