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Superman Renouncing American Citizenship
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Published Friday, April 29, 2011 @ 9:14 AM EDT
Apr 29 2011

According to the Huffington Post,

In "Action Comics #900," Superman will renounce his American citizenship, rejecting the international notion that his actions are part of US policy. The shift comes after a personal visit to Iran in support of protestors leads President Ahmadinejad to believe America was declaring war against the government in Tehran.

By rejecting his citizenship, Superman will now work on a grander international scale, because, as he says, "truth, justice and the American way... it's not enough anymore."

That's the official story. I blame the damned birthers. Just because Clark Kent couldn't produce a "long form" birth certificate...


Categories: Superman


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The literal "insult to injury" amendment
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Published Wednesday, April 27, 2011 @ 8:16 AM EDT
Apr 27 2011

Actually, you know who else has to go through that type of check to get their money? Nobody. Not from Medicare, not from Medicaid, not Social Security, not farm subsidies, not oil subsidies, not for FEMA disaster money; although, if your name is "Katrina," they have to verify you're not a hurricane before you get your check. You want billions in bank bail-out money? You get that without being cross-checked against the terrorist watch list. The only thing they want to know in that case is, "Did you start the financial meltdown in the first place?" 'Cause if you did, here's your bleeping money!"
-Jon Stewart


Categories: Daily Show, Jon Stewart, Video


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Premature Ecalculation
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Published Tuesday, April 26, 2011 @ 6:48 AM EDT
Apr 26 2011

Trump's using the Amarosa strategy to run for president.


Categories: Daily Show, Video


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Freedom To Believe…Or Not
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Published Monday, April 25, 2011 @ 11:03 AM EDT
Apr 25 2011


Categories: Church and State, First Amendment, Video


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Eight is great.
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Published Saturday, April 23, 2011 @ 7:03 PM EDT
Apr 23 2011

Granddaughter Leanna knows how to celebrate a birthday.


Categories: KGB Family


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Happy 55th Anniversary
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Published Friday, April 22, 2011 @ 7:56 AM EDT
Apr 22 2011

The Ten Commandments Ultimate Blu-ray Boxset includes several behind the scenes books and boasts a miniature set of stone tablets which holds three Blu-ray and three regular DVD disks.

It's that time again...

The Ten Commandments (1956)
ABC: Saturday, April 23 7:00 PM EDT
1956, G, ***1/2, 03:40, Color, HD, English, United States

Moses (Charlton Heston) leads an exodus of those wacky Children of Abraham from Egypt to the Promised Land, complete with a pre-cgi -yet still unequalled- parting of the Red Sea, matte lines and all. Hilarity ensues as The Lord leads Moe and the gang on a 40-year meander through the desert, climaxing in Moses' demise just before their arrival in the only country in the Mideast without significant petroleum reserves. And some claim God doesn't have a sense of humor.

Cast: Charlton Heston, Yul Brynner, Edward G. Robinson, Anne Baxter, Yvonne De Carlo, Debra Paget, John Derek, Cedric Hardwicke, Nina Foch, Martha Scott, Judith Anderson, Vincent Price, John Carradine, Eduard Franz, Olive Deering, Donald Curtis, Douglas Dumbrille, Lawrence Dobkin, Frank DeKova. Watch for the cameo by Alfalfa of "The Little Rasacals."
Director(s): Cecil B. DeMille
Producer(s): Cecil B. DeMille

(I kid, but this is one of my favorites and still the highest-grossing film, adjusted for inflation, in its original release. I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of airings I've missed since I've been a kid, even though I have it on laserdisc. For lots of interesting background and trivia on the making of this landmark film, go here, here, and here.

Great quotes:

Memnet: What have you found?
Bithiah: The answer to my prayers!
Memnet: You prayed for a basket?

Sethi: Harden yourself against subordinates. Have no friend. Trust no woman.

Moses: The city is made of bricks. The strong make many, the starving make few, the dead make none. So much for accusations.

Nefretiri: You will be king of Egypt and I will be your footstool!
Moses: The man stupid enough to use you as a footstool isn't wise enough to rule Egypt.

Moses: Love cannot drown truth, Nefretiri.

Nefretiri: Oh Moses, Moses, you stubborn, splendid, adorable fool!

Rameses: You have a rat's ears and a ferret's nose.
Dathan: To use in your service, son of Pharaoh.

Rameses: You will be mine, like my dog, or my horse, or my falcon, except that I shall love you more-and trust you less.

Nefretiri: You need have no fear of me.
Sephora: I feared only his memory of you.
Nefretiri: You have been able to erase it?
Sephora: He has forgotten both of us. You lost him when he went to seek his god. I lost him when he found his god.

The original extended theatrical trailer:


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Quote of the day
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Published Thursday, April 21, 2011 @ 7:33 AM EDT
Apr 21 2011

There's a beautiful, progressive Canadian-European country here in America. It's just surrounded by rednecks.
-Bill Maher


Categories: Quotes of the day


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Quote of the day
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Published Wednesday, April 20, 2011 @ 7:45 AM EDT
Apr 20 2011

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the six-foot mouse is real.
-Conan O'Brien


Categories: Quotes of the day


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Chicago adventures
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Published Monday, April 18, 2011 @ 12:27 PM EDT
Apr 18 2011

I'm busy at the home office today, so enjoy one of my prior Chicago adventures here. (Thanks to Mark Dinglasan for reminding me...)


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On the road
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Published Sunday, April 17, 2011 @ 7:03 AM EDT
Apr 17 2011

It's 410 miles to Chicago. I've got a full Southwest 737, half a bag of peanuts, I'm sitting next to an obese nun, and I'm wearing sunglasses. Hit it.
-Kevin G. Barkes, returning to the mothership for a business meeting.


Categories: KGB, Quotes of the day


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Political jokes of the week: Trump edition
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Published Saturday, April 16, 2011 @ 10:24 AM EDT
Apr 16 2011

Recent Donald Trump-related late-night jokes, from Daniel Kurtzman's Political Humor Blog on About.com.

Donald Trump insists that he is going to run for president. I guess he figures if he can pull off that hairstyle, he can do anything.
-Jimmy Kimmel

Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up. Say what you want about Trump, at least this guy has his priorities in order. He doesn't want to let any reality get in the way of his reality show.
-Jay Leno

Donald Trump has a great campaign slogan: "A complex world demands complex hair."
-David Letterman

Donald Trump showed his birth certificate to reporters. Who cares about his birth certificate? I want to know if that thing on his head has had its vaccinations.
-Craig Ferguson

Donald Trump might be running for president and he just released his birth certificate. It lists his eyes as "blue" and his hair as "ridiculous."
-Conan O'Brien

Donald Trump announced he got his own segment every Monday morning on Fox News. Just what Fox News needs- another blonde airhead.
-Bill Maher

If Donald Trump loves America so much, why does he keep outsourcing the job of his wife?
-Seth Meyers

Donald Trump said he can't make a final decision about whether he will run for president or not until this season of Celebrity Apprentice is over. Which is maybe the best excuse from a guy who might run for the presidency ever- I am unable to decide on whether or not I will run for President until I decide whether Latoya Jackson or Jose Canseco will be my new Apprentice.
-Jimmy Kimmel

In an exclusive interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network Donald Trump said "I believe in God." But of course Donald thought he was talking about himself.
-Jay Leno

Maybe he should ease into this- by running for a lower office first, like President of the Hair Club for Men.
-Jimmy Kimmel

If Donald Trump wins, my guess is America will look a lot like it did in Back to the Future 2, when Biff was in charge.
-Jimmy Kimmel

On Fox News, Donald Trump said Obama's birth certificate could indicate that he's a Muslim. Trump said he doesn't trust anyone with a foreign-sounding name, and neither does his daughter Ivanka.
-Conan O'Brien

Donald Trump called George W. Bush "the worst president in the history of the United States." Then he added, "Until, of course, I'm elected."
-Conan O'Brien

Donald Trump says he will run for president. He'll have to find a cabinet position for that thing on his head.
-David Letterman


Categories: Craig Ferguson


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Photo of the day
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Published Friday, April 15, 2011 @ 9:51 AM EDT
Apr 15 2011

One of the rare instances in which Fox News really tells it like it is.


Categories: Photo of the day


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Quote of the day
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Published Friday, April 15, 2011 @ 9:26 AM EDT
Apr 15 2011

Remember when teachers, public employees, Planned Parenthood, Public Radio and PBS crashed the stock market, wiped out half of our 401Ks, took trillions in TARP money, spilled oil in the Gulf of Mexico, gave themselves billions in bonuses, and paid no taxes?
Yeah, me neither.
-Debbie Speer


Categories: Quotes of the day


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Quote of the day
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Published Thursday, April 14, 2011 @ 8:22 AM EDT
Apr 14 2011

Sorry : 4/12/2011
You're adopted.
  John Steigerwald's Mom

(One of hundreds of readers' comments to John Steigerwald's inane Observer-Reporter column in which the sportswriter stretches the concept of "blaming the victim" to the limits of credulity.)


Categories: Quotes of the day, WTF?


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Quote of the day
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Published Wednesday, April 13, 2011 @ 6:13 AM EDT
Apr 13 2011

Love well, seek the good in all things, harm no others, think for yourself, take responsibility, respect nature, do your utmost, be informed, be kind, be courageous: at least, sincerely try.
-A.C. Grayling

(The sentence has been called the Atheist's Ten Commandments or the Secular Humanist's Ten Commandments, and is taken from Grayling's "The Good Book, A Humanist Bible.")


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A sophisticated political maneuver called "Lying."
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Published Tuesday, April 12, 2011 @ 8:05 AM EDT
Apr 12 2011

"His remark was not intended to be a factual statement, but rather to illustrate that Planned Parenthood, an organization that receives millions in taxpayer dollars, does subsidize abortions."

"He's not lying to get out of a commitment like jury duty or to be boastful, he's standing on the Senate floor lying to the American people to get his way."


Categories: Daily Show, Jon Stewart, Video, WTF?


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April 11, 1954: The fifties reaches its peak- uh- fifty-ness
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Published Monday, April 11, 2011 @ 6:17 AM EDT
Apr 11 2011

Fifty-seven years ago today, pretty much nothing happened.

Researchers claim they have "officially" discovered the most boring day of the 20th century... April 11, 1954.

A team of Cambridge scientists say the day was devoid of any major news events or even the birth or death of any famous people.

They made the discovery after developing a new search engine which collates 300 million facts and can reveal what happened on certain days in history.

Running a script to compare all days from the beginning of the 20th century, April 11, 1954 was revealed as the most uneventful.

"Nobody significant died that day, no major events apparently occurred and although a typical day in the 20th century has many notable people being born, for some reason that day had only one person that might make that claim: Abdullah Atalar, a Turkish academic."

One wonders what the 24-hour cable news outlets would have covered that day...


Categories: History


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Quote of the day
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Published Sunday, April 10, 2011 @ 6:22 AM EDT
Apr 10 2011

Calvin Coolidge once said that the business of America is business. Well, the business of the American government is insurance. Literally. If you look at how the federal government spends our money, it’s an insurance conglomerate protected by a large, standing army.
-Ezra Klein (in the Washington Post)


Categories: Quotes of the day


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"Self-indulgence is better than no indulgence at all..."
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Published Saturday, April 09, 2011 @ 8:35 AM EDT
Apr 09 2011

America's greatest musical satirist and inventor of the Jell-O shot, Tom Lehrer, turns 83 today. The last professionally recorded video of Lehrer performing before an audience is the clip below, from a 1998 tribute to Broadway producer Cameron Mackintosh. And, yes, that really is Stephen Sondheim introducing him.

I think there is a lingering desire for literacy and I pride myself on being literate to the point of pretentiousness. I still say "whom" a lot. Why say "since" when you can say "in as much as?"
-Tom Lehrer


Categories: Tom Lehrer, Video, YouTube


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Political jokes of the week
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Published Friday, April 08, 2011 @ 8:42 AM EDT
Apr 08 2011

Recent late-night political jokes, from Daniel Kurtzman's Political Humor Blog on About.com.

We're heading for a government shutdown. This is serious. Without the government who will fail to inspect our airplanes? Who will fail to secure our borders? Who will put us 14 trillion dollars in debt?
-Jay Leno

The White House may have to lay off all nonessential workers if the government shuts down. You know: interns, pages, Biden...
-Jimmy Fallon

We are just four days away from the government shutdown, which will cripple the VA, Social Security and Medicare. So I get to snuff out one more candle on my Government Shutdown Menorah. Shutdownica celebrates the miracle of telling veterans and the elderly that they can suck it.
-Stephen Colbert

Fox News announced today that Glenn Beck will leave his show later this year. It's nothing personal. He just wants to spend more time with the voices in his head.
-Jimmy Fallon

The White House said that President Obama will not focus on full-time campaigning for a long time. Yeah, he wants to wait a year or two before he gets serious about it- just like he did with being president.
-Jimmy Fallon

President Obama is going to seek reelection. His slogan this time? 'Change you can believe in. This time I promise. Really.'
-Jay Leno

President Obama will run for reelection in 2012. He's not breaking up with us! He wants to work things out! He's forgiving our poor record on post-recession job creation, our incessant demands to be talked to, every time we go to war.
-Jon Stewart

President Obama announced his re-election campaign, though it's not really a surprise. He did all the things that make it official: He filed the paperwork, redesigned his website, and printed another fake birth certificate.
-Craig Ferguson

So far the Republican field looks like a bunch of guys responding to a Craigslist ad for a free couch.
-Stephen Colbert

Officials at BP have filed for permits to drill for oil again in the Gulf of Mexico. They say the oil is easier to find than ever because it's mostly on top of the water.
-Conan O'Brien

There's a $376 million semi-secret construction project happening at the White House, and it's rumored that a tunnel is being built underneath. That's a lot of work for President Obama to get away from his mother-in-law. Let the man have a cigarette.
-Jimmy Kimmel

I think Obama is building an underground Kenya. A new subterranean land so he can Africanize us from below. I heard that on Fox News.
-Jimmy Kimmel

Bravo is canceling 'The Real Housewives of D.C.' after just one season. That's when unemployment is bad, when people who don't even have jobs are losing their jobs.
-Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump said he can't make a final decision about whether he will run for president or not until this season of 'Celebrity Apprentice' is over. Which is maybe the best excuse from a guy who might run for the presidency ever— I am unable to decide on whether or not I will run for President until I decide whether Latoya Jackson or Jose Canseco will be my new Apprentice.
-Jimmy Kimmel

Due to the budget impasse, the federal government may shut down next week. There will be another season of 'Jersey Shore,' but the U.S. government is still up in the air.
-Conan O'Brien

If Congress can't agree on a budget by midnight Friday, the government will shut down. Democrats are demanding to tax all of the people's money and use it to fund abortions, while the Republicans want to sell the country to Exxon Mobil and relocate gays to Puerto Rico.
-Jimmy Kimmel

Members of Congress will still get paid if there's a shutdown. So it will be just like it is now. We'll be paying them to do nothing.
-Jay Leno

A lot of public beaches may also be shut down, which could severely whiten John Boehner.
-Jimmy Kimmel

Fox News announced that they're dropping Glenn Beck's show. Beck was crying his eyes out, and then he found out about the show being canceled.
-Craig Ferguson

It's being reported that Katie Couric will be leaving CBS before the presidential campaigns. Who will be brave enough to ask Sarah Palin questions that should be incredibly easy to answer now?
-Jimmy Kimmel

While covering the war in Libya Geraldo Rivera was shot at by Gaddafi's forces. See, you never hear about the good things Gaddafi does.
-Jay Leno


Categories: Craig Ferguson, Jon Stewart, Political Jokes of the Week, Stephen Colbert


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Quote of the day
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Published Friday, April 08, 2011 @ 5:19 AM EDT
Apr 08 2011

As soon as the government shuts down, let's change the locks.
-Elayne Boosler


Categories: Elayne Boosler, Quotes of the day


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Tough, honest questions
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Published Thursday, April 07, 2011 @ 6:49 AM EDT
Apr 07 2011

Again, one must ask- why are the clearest, most direct interviews performed by a comedian on a fake news show?

Stewart probes Huckabee's support of radical evangelical minister and discredited historian David Barton, who claims- despite incontrovertible evidence to the contrary- that the Founders intended the United States to be a Christian theocracy. Stewart also questions why Huckabee- who is always reasonable and self-effacing during his Daily Show interviews- promotes Barton's extreme ideas when addressing his conservative base.

This is part three of three of the interview; consider watching them all. It's one of Stewart's- and Huckabee's- best efforts.

It also features two Stewart observations that made it to my quote database:

"As someone who is not Christian, it is hard for me to believe Christians are a persecuted people in America... maybe, God willing, one of you will rise up and get to be President of this country; or maybe 44 in a row."

"We need religion to give grace and comfort to a world torn apart by religion."


Categories: Church and State, Daily Show, First Amendment, Founding Fathers, History, Jon Stewart, U.S. Constitution, Video


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Conservative gas
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Published Wednesday, April 06, 2011 @ 8:45 PM EDT
Apr 06 2011

Pennsylvania Governor Tom Corbett is opposed to levying taxes on Marcellus Shell drilling in the state because oil companies will go elsewhere. Unless the gas itself has turned Tea Party on us, I suspect it's probably going to stay underground in Pennsylvania. If they want our gas, they're going to have to come here to get it.

Of course, the companies have this covered. A friend who owns property with a well says the agreement he signed with the driller calls for any taxes to be deducted from his royalty payments. In other words, the corporation doesn't pay the tax- the little guy does.

Well, at least they're screwing everyone equally.


Categories: WTF?


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Quote of the day
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Published Tuesday, April 05, 2011 @ 5:08 AM EDT
Apr 05 2011

There's a true schizophrenia where if you say to voters, you know, do you think the federal government spends too much money and they should spend less, they say yeah, absolutely. Then you name specific things, like Pell grants for students and they say, no, not that. How 'bout NIH, medical research funding? Nah, you really shouldn't cut that. And pretty soon you've proved that what the American public is against is arithmetic.
-Bill Gates, March 10, 2011


Categories: Quotes of the day


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"He's not here."
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Published Saturday, April 02, 2011 @ 8:26 AM EDT
Apr 02 2011

The Daily Show's Senior Black Correspondent Larry Wilmore addresses this year's Congressional Correspondents Dinner. He's not Stephen Colbert, but he's not Rich Little, either.


Categories: YouTube


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In the pipeline...
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Published Friday, April 01, 2011 @ 7:43 AM EDT
Apr 01 2011

Adrianne Palicki, cast as the title character in David E. Kelley's new NBC reboot of Wonder Woman, received the thumbs-up from the original, Lynda Carter. Who are we to argue? The clip shows a scene from the pilot being shot. It'll be interesting to see if the network greenlights the series.


Categories: Video, YouTube


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