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25,817, or T-minus 500
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Published Friday, January 05, 2024 @ 8:25 AM EST
Jan 05 2024

If Shaw and Einstein couldn't beat death, what chance have I got? Practically none.
-Mel Brooks

---

At the beginning of each new year I go through Outlook, trying to keep it up to date. People have moved, changed their addresses or phone numbers, or, as Monty Python so uniquely pronounced- referencing the English novelist and poet George Eliot- "run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible."

And what do I do with the entries of the dearly departed?

Nothing.

Well, not nothing. I add their expiration dates to my calendar. Each year I think of them on the dates of their birth and departure, and read through the last dozen or so e-mail exchanges we had. Lots of them are computer-related questions I try to answer, even knowing there's less than a fifty percent chance they're going to listen to my advice.

In the past few years, more and more of the e-mails from friends and acquaintances detailed job losses, info on mutual friends who have developed chronic illnesses or who are hospitalized, and- worst of all- links to obituary notices.

I usually don't dwell on my own mortality, but I turn 70 this year. Most of my relatives survive(d) into their 80s and even their 90s. The Social Security Administration's Life Expectancy Calculator estimates I'll hang on until July 5, 2039. That's four more presidential elections- not a pleasant thought.

My father died when he was 70. More accurately, he was 25,817 days old. As of today, I am 25,317 days old. When my father was the age I am right now, he had only 500 days remaining before joining the ol' choir invisible. If I have a lifespan identical to his, I'll be shuffling off this mortal coil on May 18, 2025. (It's a Sunday, so it shouldn't be too inconvenient.)

Dad did not take care of himself; far from it. He was a chain smoking, semi-annual binge drinker who suffered from chronic obstructive pulmonary disease and other morbidities in his final years. While I have some chronic conditions myself, they're all successfully managed by medication. Quarterly blood tests and physician visits insure nothing internal is redlining.

Of course, that is meaningless. I've lost several friends to motor vehicle accidents, falls, or other misadventures. Several who maintained rigorous medication, diet, and exercise routines either failed to awaken one morning or suffered some sort of abrupt, unanticipated, and massive vascular calamity.

The spiritual author Eckhart Tolle said, "Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have." And Billy Shakespeare in Richard II observed "I wasted time, and now doth time waste me."

When I hit my sixties, I realized that my continued existence wasn't going to change the course of western civilization. The lifting of that burden made sleeping in a pleasant, guilt-free experience. So, I'm going to continue to do what I've always done: engage in interesting stuff I enjoy doing.

And avoid attire and activities which might spook the paramedics.


Categories: KGB, Mortality


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You're not going anywhere, pal
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Published Sunday, October 15, 2023 @ 3:27 PM EDT
Oct 15 2023

Mr. Happy

According to the Social Security Administration's Life Expectancy Calculator, a male born today has an estimated life expectancy of 82.3 years (see table below).

The table also reveals something most don't consider: that your original, fresh out-of-the-womb mortality guesstimate changes as one ages, and the changes are actually positive. This can be attributed to having survived events that might have otherwise struck you down. As the table shows, should our fictional baby born today survive to his 70th birthday without succumbing to accidents, illnesses, or the apocalypse, he can expect to live an additional 19 years to the age of 89, or 6.7 years longer than the original estimate.

I'm 69 years old. My expected life span at my birth in 1954 was 66.7 years. Social Security now estimates that I have 16.1 years left until I take the big dirt nap at 85.2. Which means I outlasted my original expiration date by 18.5 years.

But if make it to my next birthday, I'll get a few bonus months, cashing in my chips at 85.5. That is, of course, unless I'm done in by a truck, an undiagnosed chronic illness, another pandemic, or plain old terminal ennui.

At Age Additional Life Expectancy
(in years)
Estimated Total Years
0a 82.3 82.3
62 25.4 87.4
67b 21.3 88.3
70 19.0 89.0
a Your current age.
b Your normal (or full) retirement age.

Categories: Life Expectancy Calculator, Mortality, Social Security


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