George Burns (January 20, 1896 – March 9, 1996), born Nathan Birnbaum,
was an American comedian, actor and writer. He was one of the few
entertainers whose career successfully spanned vaudeville, film, radio,
and television. His arched eyebrow and cigar smoke punctuation became
familiar trademarks for over three-quarters of a century. At the age of
79, Burns' career was resurrected as an amiable, beloved and unusually
active old comedian in the 1975 film The Sunshine Boys, for which
he won the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor. He continued to work
until shortly before his death, in 1996, at the age of 100. (Click
here for full Wikipedia article)
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By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only
have to remember it.
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give
you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means
you're in the wrong house.
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull
your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
For forty years my act consisted of one joke. And then she died.
(from
Gracie: A Love Story)
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family- in
another city.
How can I die? I'm booked.
I can do everything now that I could do when I was 18. I was pretty
pathetic at 18.
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid
there was so little of it.
I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age
when I don't have anybody to respect.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
I'd go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than be a success at
something I hate.
If I'd taken my doctor's advice and quit smoking when he advised me to,
I wouldn't have lived to go to his funeral.
If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay
me enough, I'll do it
If you live to be a hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die
past that age.
It's good to be here. At my age, it's good to be anywhere.
Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated
because there are fewer articles to read.
Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still
had pimples.
Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good
ending; and have the two as close together as possible.
The secret of acting is sincerity. If you can fake that, you've got it
made.
When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my
fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same
things I did then and I'm labeled senile.
You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder
what else you can do while you're down there.
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