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"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro."
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Published Wednesday, February 20, 2013 @ 8:01 AM EST
Feb 20 2013

In the midst of a major programming effort, so here's a rerun- quotes from Hunter S. Thompson, the inventor of Gonzo journalism who punched his own ticket eight years ago today:

Hunter S. Thompson (July 18, 1937 - February 20, 2005)

America... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.

Buy the ticket, take the ride.

Every now and then when your life gets complicated and the weasels start closing in, the only cure is to load up on heinous chemicals and then drive like a bastard from Hollywood to Las Vegas.

Faster, faster, faster, until the thrill of speed overcomes the fear of death.

Going to trial with a lawyer who considers your whole life-style a Crime in Progress is not a happy prospect.

I feel the same way about disco as I do about herpes.

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.

I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours.

I understand that fear is my friend, but not always. Never turn your back on fear. It should always be in front of you, like a thing that might have to be killed.

I was also drunk, crazy and heavily armed at all times. People trembled and cursed when I came into a public room and started screaming in German.

If you're going to be crazy, you have to get paid for it or else you're going to be locked up.

In a nation ruled by swine, all pigs are upwardly mobile.

Last year's fun is today's crime. Even tying your shoes in an airport can get you locked up.

Morality is temporary, wisdom is permanent.

No More Games. No More Bombs. No More Walking. No More Fun. No More Swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitchy. No Fun- for anybody. 67. You are getting Greedy. Act your old age. Relax- This won't hurt. (suicide note)

Old elephants limp off to the hills to die; old Americans go out to the highway and drive themselves to death with huge cars.

Politics is the art of controlling your environment.

Some may never live, but the crazy never die.

The TV business is uglier than most things. It is normally perceived as some kind of cruel and shallow money trench through the heart of the journalism industry, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free and good men die like dogs, for no good reason.

The only ones left with any confidence at all are the New Dumb. It is the beginning of the end of our world as we knew it. Doom is the operative ethic.

The race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but to those who see it coming and jump aside.

The towers are gone now, reduced to bloody rubble, along with all hopes for Peace in Our Time, in the United States or any other country. Make no mistake about it: We are At War now- with somebody- and we will stay At War with that mysterious Enemy for the rest of our lives. (9/12/2001)

There are times, however, and this is one of them, when even being right feels wrong. What do you say, for instance, about a generation that has been taught that rain is poison and sex is death? If making love might be fatal and if a cool spring breeze on any summer afternoon can turn a crystal blue lake into a puddle of black poison right in front of your eyes, there is not much left except TV and relentless masturbation.

There's no such thing as paranoia. The truth is, your worst fears always come true.

They don't hardly make 'em like him any more; but just to be on the safe side, he should be castrated anyway.

Today's winners are tomorrow's blinking toads.

Walk tall, kick ass, learn to speak Arabic, love music and never forget you come from a long line of truth seekers, lovers and warriors.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

With the possible exception of things like box scores, race results, and stock market quotations, there is no such thing as Objective Journalism. The phrase itself is a pompous contradiction in terms.


Categories: Hunter S. Thompson, Quotes of the day


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Random observations, quotations, and just plain gonzo
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Published Wednesday, July 18, 2012 @ 1:45 AM EDT
Jul 18 2012

Mitt Romney was promised that he'd get the majority of delegates in the GOP primaries and would be the presumptive nominee. The guy with the ruddy complexion, sulfurous b.o. and pointed prehensile tail didn't actually say he'd get the nomination. Always read the small print before you sign anything, Mittens. Especially in blood. (Wasn't a variation of this an old Twilight Zone episode?)

----

The Internet is run by a guy named Heisenberg, and his principles are uncertain.
-Kevin G. Barkes

----

Expect a resolution in short order to the Viacom-DirecTV dispute. My mother discovered yesterday that Jon Stewart's Daily Show was missing from her DVR. She was not amused, and called me prior to phoning DirecTV's customer service line. I think she just wanted to be certain that I was in town if she needed bail money. There are stiff penalties for using that kind of language on the telephone, even if you're an 85-year-old retired teacher with a vocabulary that spans two languages and can cause sailors to blush in either.

----

Speaking of DirecTV and The Daily Show, the program's staff constantly updated the satellite provider's customers on Twitter with Viacom shows they were missing during the blackout:

‪#OnViacomRightNow‬ Latest episode of Spike TV's "World's Fullest Bras."

‪#OnViacomRightNow‬ Teen Grandmom Season Premier!

‪#OnViacomRightNow‬ Nazis vs. Martians on Deadliest Warrior. Go Nazis!

‪#OnViacomRightNow‬ On Centric, that Soul Train Line dance your uncle was in.

‪#OnViacomRightNow‬ "Harlan Oaklee's Meth Kitchen" premiere on Spike TV.

‪#OnViacomRightNow‬ Rick Astley and Adam Ant host VH-1's "Hits of the Reagan Era" special.

#OnViacomRightNow‬ The cast of "Real World: St. Thomas" clean their house and treat each other like human beings. Once in a lifetime, people!

‪#OnViacomRightNow‬ Roseanne puts special surprise in the LunchBox's loose meat on TV Land. Meanwhile, Darlene broods.

‪#OnViacomRightNow‬ Snooki tells Jersey Shore housemates she's pregnant, switches to white wine.

----

Also on Twitter, a Tea Party member called Keith Olberman a "douchback." Better than being a humpbag, I guess.

----

Andy Borowitz was on a roll, as well:

Judging from Internet comments, the only thing the right wing hates more than healthcare is spelling.

Having your movie attacked by Rush Limbaugh is like having your movie attacked by an obese drug addict.

McCain: "Romney had all his money hidden in Switzerland. Sarah Palin was better, because she had never heard of Switzerland."

I had never heard of Yahoo's new CEO, so I Googled her.

John McCain calls Obama's 1st term "the worst thing I've ever observed." I guess he didn't watch Katie Couric's interview with his VP pick.

To celebrate National Karma Day, a pack of wild dogs just strapped Mitt Romney to the roof of a car.

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Bonus birthday quotes of the day- Hunter S. Thompson:

Hunter Stockton Thompson (July 18, 1937 – February 20, 2005) was an American journalist and author. He first came to popular attention with the publication of Hell's Angels: The Strange and Terrible Saga of the Outlaw Motorcycle Gangs (1966), although the work he remains best known for is Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1971), which was first serialised in Rolling Stone magazine.

Thompson became a counter cultural figure as the creator of "Gonzo Journalism," an experimental style of reporting where reporters involve themselves in the action to such a degree that they become central figures of their stories. He had an inveterate hatred of Richard Nixon, who he claimed represented "that dark, venal, and incurably violent side of the American character" and who he characterised in what many consider to be his best book, Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail (1972). He was known also for his lifelong use of alcohol and illegal drugs; his love of firearms and his iconoclastic contempt for authoritarianism.

While suffering a bout of health problems, he committed suicide in 2005 at the age of 67.

The full Wikipedia article on Thompson is available here.

A collection of Thompson quotes from the KGB Quotations Database is available here.

"I was also drunk, crazy and heavily armed at all times. People trembled and cursed when I came into a public room and started screaming in German"
-Hunter S. Thompson


Categories: Andy Borowitz, Daily Show, Hunter S. Thompson, Jon Stewart, KGB Family, KGB Opinion, Mitt Romney, Observations, Politics, Quotes of the day


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Quotes of the day
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Published Monday, February 20, 2012 @ 4:07 AM EST
Feb 20 2012

Hunter S. Thompson (July 18, 1937 - February 20, 2005)

America... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.

Buy the ticket, take the ride.

Every now and then when your life gets complicated and the weasels start closing in, the only cure is to load up on heinous chemicals and then drive like a bastard from Hollywood to Las Vegas.

Faster, faster, faster, until the thrill of speed overcomes the fear of death.

Going to trial with a lawyer who considers your whole life-style a Crime in Progress is not a happy prospect.

I feel the same way about disco as I do about herpes.

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.

I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours.

I understand that fear is my friend, but not always. Never turn your back on fear. It should always be in front of you, like a thing that might have to be killed.

I was also drunk, crazy and heavily armed at all times. People trembled and cursed when I came into a public room and started screaming in German.

If you're going to be crazy, you have to get paid for it or else you're going to be locked up.

In a nation ruled by swine, all pigs are upwardly mobile.

Last year's fun is today's crime. Even tying your shoes in an airport can get you locked up.

Morality is temporary, wisdom is permanent.

No More Games. No More Bombs. No More Walking. No More Fun. No More Swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitchy. No Fun- for anybody. 67. You are getting Greedy. Act your old age. Relax- This won't hurt. (suicide note)

Old elephants limp off to the hills to die; old Americans go out to the highway and drive themselves to death with huge cars.

Politics is the art of controlling your environment.

Some may never live, but the crazy never die.

The TV business is uglier than most things. It is normally perceived as some kind of cruel and shallow money trench through the heart of the journalism industry, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free and good men die like dogs, for no good reason.

The only ones left with any confidence at all are the New Dumb. It is the beginning of the end of our world as we knew it. Doom is the operative ethic.

The race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but to those who see it coming and jump aside.

The towers are gone now, reduced to bloody rubble, along with all hopes for Peace in Our Time, in the United States or any other country. Make no mistake about it: We are At War now- with somebody- and we will stay At War with that mysterious Enemy for the rest of our lives. (9/12/2001)

There are times, however, and this is one of them, when even being right feels wrong. What do you say, for instance, about a generation that has been taught that rain is poison and sex is death? If making love might be fatal and if a cool spring breeze on any summer afternoon can turn a crystal blue lake into a puddle of black poison right in front of your eyes, there is not much left except TV and relentless masturbation.

There's no such thing as paranoia. The truth is, your worst fears always come true.

They don't hardly make 'em like him any more; but just to be on the safe side, he should be castrated anyway.

Today's winners are tomorrow's blinking toads.

Walk tall, kick ass, learn to speak Arabic, love music and never forget you come from a long line of truth seekers, lovers and warriors.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

With the possible exception of things like box scores, race results, and stock market quotations, there is no such thing as Objective Journalism. The phrase itself is a pompous contradiction in terms.


Categories: Hunter S. Thompson, Quotes of the day


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