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Published Friday, August 23, 2013 @ 3:50 AM EDT
Aug 23 2013

I'm visiting two doctors this afternoon. I've seen one for 27 years, and been a patient of the other for 42 years. The good news is my mood should improve, and the rash should clear up. Any day now.


A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his client to plant vines.
-Frank Lloyd Wright

A doctor's reputation is made by the number of eminent men who die under his care.
-George Bernard Shaw

A great doctor kills more people than a great general.
-Gottfried Wilhelm von Leibnitz

A virus is a Latin word translated by doctors to mean "Your guess is as good as mine."

All the possibilities
It had to reject are
What give life and warmth to
An actual character;
The roots of wit and charm tap
Secret springs of sorrow,
Every brilliant doctor
Hides a murderer.
-W.H. Auden

As she lay there dozing next to me, one voice inside my head kept saying, "Relax... you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients,' but another kept reminding me, "Howard, you are a veterinarian."
-Dick Wilson

Beware of the young doctor and the old barber.
-Benjamin Franklin

Crime isn't a disease, it's a symptom. Cops are like a doctor that gives you aspirin for a brain tumor.
-Raymond Chandler

Doctors bury mistakes. Lawyers hang them. But journalists put theirs on the front page.

Doctors cut, burn and torture the sick, and then demand of them an undeserved fee for such services.

Doctors will tell you don't smoke, don't drink, eat certain foods... From this point on, if I take excellent care of myself, I'll get very sick and die.
-Rodney Dangerfield

God heals, the doctor takes the fee.
-Benjamin Franklin

He's a fool that makes his doctor his heir.
-Benjamin Franklin

Heaven defend me from a busy doctor. (Welsh Proverb)

I was an ugly kid. When I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
-Rodney Dangerfield

I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.
-Rita Rudner

If I did not believe in God, I should still want my doctor, my lawyer and my banker to do so.
-G.K. Chesterton

If the doctor told me I had only six months to live, I'd type faster.
-Isaac Asimov

If there were enough doctors, we would all be sick.
-Wendell Johnson

If you believe the doctors, nothing is wholesome; if you believe the theologians, nothing is innocent; if you believe the military, nothing is safe.
-Lord Salisbury

Illness is the doctor to whom we pay most heed; to kindness, to knowledge, we make promise only; pain we obey.
-Marcel Proust

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
-Orson Welles

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
-W.C. Fields

Some doctors make the same mistakes for twenty years and call it clinical experience.
-Dr. Noah Fabricant

The doctors x-rayed my head and found nothing.
-Yogi Berra

When I was born, the doctor turned me over and said, "Look! Twins!"
-Rodney Dangerfield

You should have scheduled an appointment, gone through your physician's assistant, insisted on seeing your primary care doctor, gotten a referral, and come to me sooner! (doctor to patient in a cartoon caption)

Categories: Doctors, Quotes on a topic


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