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The cat is trying to kill us
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Published Tuesday, April 24, 2018 @ 8:55 AM EDT
Apr 24 2018


Pumpkin, aka Felis catus homicidus

A study a few years back reported that dogs and cats contribute to injuries that send an estimated 87,000 people to emergency rooms every year.

Most of the injuries are falls, and most are caused by dogs.

Not in my house.

Our two remaining dogs have never tripped me. The Sheltie is blind, rather large, and easy to avoid. The small, insane dog-like creature (Shih Tzu) is nimble and aware of her size, so she deftly stays out of our paths.

Ah, but Pumpkin, the 21-year-old black cat... we've decided she is intentionally trying to kill us both. On average, my and wife and I trip over her at least three times a day. She likes sleeping at the top of the cellar steps, especially at night when she's virtually invisible.

Trip over a dog, and the animal immediately presents a regretful expression. You can almost hear them say "I'm sorry."

Trip over my cat, and you get an emotionless stare. Her regret seems to stem from the fact we're still erect and undamaged.

I'm seriously considering having her wear a belled collar, something she hasn't done since she was a kitten.

Come to think of it, that would piss her off even more. Guess we're just going to have to fix our gazes downward as we navigate through the house. And pray my suspicion is unwarranted... that the furry little queen hasn't taken out rather large life insurance policies on my wife and me.


Categories: Cats, Dogs, KGB Family, The Daily KGB Report


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