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Quotes of the day: David Letterman

Published Saturday, April 11, 2015 @ 6:59 PM EDT
Apr 11 2015

David Michael Letterman (b. April 12, 1947) is an American television host, comedian, writer, producer, and actor. He hosts the late night television talk show Late Show with David Letterman, broadcast on CBS. Letterman has been a fixture on late night television since the 1982 debut of Late Night with David Letterman on NBC. In 1996, David Letterman was ranked #45 on TV Guide's 50 Greatest TV Stars of All Time. In 2013, Letterman surpassed friend and mentor Johnny Carson as the longest-serving late night talk show host in TV history, at 31 years. On April 3, 2014, Letterman announced he would retire in 2015. He will host the Late Show for the last time on May 20, 2015. CBS announced that Stephen Colbert will take his place. (Click here for full Wikipedia article)


Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.

Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.

Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.

I have found that the only thing that does bring you happiness is doing something good for somebody who is incapable of doing it for themselves.

I saw a robin redbreast in Central Park today, but it turned out to be a sparrow with an exit wound.

I'm a magical being. Take off your bra.
(From Top Ten Elven Pickup Lines)

If it wasn't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsover.

Ivory Soap: 99.44 percent pure, .56 percent deadly radon gas.

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.

New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.

The flight to Mars is six months; eight, if you leave from Newark.

The next time, for God's sake, let's at least do a background check before we make someone President.

The Post Office is raising the price of postage. Hey, ammo's expensive.

The worst tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that they were wrong.

There is no off position on the genius switch.

There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.

There's only one requirement of any of us, and that is to be courageous. Because courage, as you might know, defines all other human behavior. And, I believe- because I've done a little of this myself- pretending to be courageous is just as good as the real thing.

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

Two creative spirits in a relationship, I don't think that's the best way to go.

When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price?

Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've found that people everywhere are about 90% water.

You look into his eyes, and you get the feeling someone else is driving.


(April 12 is also the birthday of Tom Clancy.)

Categories: David Letterman, Quotes of the day


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