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Quotes of the day: Congress

Published Tuesday, March 03, 2015 @ 9:40 PM EST
Mar 03 2015

A flea can be taught everything a congressman can.
-Mark Twain

A penny saved is a Congressional oversight.

All the public business in Congress now connects itself with intrigues, and there is great danger that the whole government will degenerate into a struggle of cabals.
-John Quincy Adams

America, where thanks to Congress, there are forty million laws to enforce the Ten Commandments.
-Anatole France

Being elected to Congress is regarded as being sent on a looting raid for one's friends.
-George F. Will

But with Congress- every time they make a joke it's a law. And every time they make a law it's a joke.
-Will Rogers

Congress acknowledged that society's accumulated myths and fears about disability and disease are as handicapping as are the physical limitations that flow from actual impairment.
-William J. Brennan, Jr.

Congress is continually appointing fact-finding committees, when what we really need are some fact-facing committees.
-Roger Allen

Congress is so beholden to the money that any solution in the general interest will be frustrated and subverted by the corporate interests who feel they will be damaged by progress, fair play and justice.
-E.L. Doctorow

Congress is so strange. A man gets up to speak and says nothing. Nobody listens-and then everybody disagrees.
-Boris Marshalov

Congress no longer declares war or makes budgets. So that's the end of the constitution as a working machine.
-Gore Vidal

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, except to encourage attendance in Christian churches; or prohibiting the free exercise thereof, except to require prayer in schools; or abridging the freedom of speech, except for those questioning the Bush administration; or of the press, except that not owned by Rupert Murdoch; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, except those protesting pre-emptive wars; and to petition the government for a redress of grievance, except those we don't like.
-Gary Hart

Congress: the legislative stone in America's urethra.
-Jon Stewart

Fifty years ago I promised myself that I would retire on the day that I would be required to write a song about trans-vaginal ultrasounds. I decided to unretire when I heard that member of Congress had been cavorting in the Sea of Galilee. How can you make that up?
-Mark Russell

He still had a fragment of his boyhood belief that congressmen were persons of intelligence and importance.
-Sinclair Lewis

I am amazed that Congressmen can pass a bill imposing severe penalties on anyone who burns the American flag, whereas they are responsible for burning that for which the flag stands.
-Alan Watts

I'll sign on for results-based pay for teachers the day Congress gets the same deal.
-John Fugelsang

I've had a tough time learning to act like a congressman. Today I accidentally spent some of my own money.
-Joseph P. Kennedy II

If I was a President and wanted something I would claim I didn't want it. Congress has not given any President anything he wanted in the last ten years. Be against anything and then he is sure to get it.
-Will Rogers

If the presidency is the head of the American body politic, Congress is its gastrointestinal tract. Its vast and convoluted inner workings may be mysterious and unpleasant, but in the end they excrete a great deal of material whose successful passage is crucial to our nation's survival.
-Jon Stewart

In a body (like Congress) where there are more than one hundred talking lawyers, you can make no calculation upon the termination of any debate.
-Franklin P. Adams

In your country club, your church and business, about 15 percent of the people are screwballs, lightweights and boobs and you would not want those people unrepresented in Congress.
-Alan Simpson

Invest in America. Buy a Congressman. (T-shirt)

Only the good die young, which explains the average age of Congressmen.

Other employees would do no better than Congressmen if the boss showed an interest in them only once in two years.

Sloths move at the speed of congressional debate but with greater deliberation and less noise.
-P.J. O'Rourke

Talk is cheap, except when Congress does it.
-Cullen Hightower

The establishment of the chaplainship in Congress is a palpable violation of equal rights as well as of Constitutional principles. The danger of silent accumulations and encroachments by ecclesiastical bodies has not sufficiently engaged attention in the U.S.
-James Madison

The mistakes made by Congress wouldn't be so bad if the next Congress didn't keep trying to correct them.
-Cullen Hightower

The people of these United States are the rightful masters of both Congresses and courts, not to overthrow the Constitution, but to overthrow the men who pervert the Constitution.
-Abraham Lincoln

The Republicans in Congress lost their way. They swapped principle for power. They ended up with neither. They deserved to lose.
-Alan Greenspan

The rest of the people know the condition of the country, for they live in it, but Congress has no idea what is going on in America, so the President has to tell 'em.
-Will Rogers

The United States Congress, like a lot of rich people, lives in two houses.
-John Green

The White House used to belong to the American people. At least that's what I learned from history books and from covering every president starting with John F. Kennedy. But now the 201-year-old Executive Mansion belongs only to a select, elitist group of people, including top government officials, members of Congress and the press corps. They and some others, all of whom are screened in advance, are welcome. But most people are not- not anymore.
-Helen Thomas

There are always too many Democratic congressmen, too many Republican congressmen, and never enough U.S. congressmen.

There are people in Congress I would not trust to look after my plants.
-Andy Borowitz

There are so many women on the floor of Congress, it looks like a mall.
-Henry Hyde

There is more selfishness and less principle among members of Congress, as well as others, than I had any conception (of), before I became President of the U.S.
-James K. Polk

There is no distinctly American criminal class- except Congress.
-Mark Twain

There's not an action that I take that you don't have some folks in Congress who say that I'm usurping my authority. Some of those folks think I usurp my authority by having the gall to win the presidency.
-Barack Obama

They go up there and forget who brung 'em to the dance. (re: Congressmen in Washington DC)
-Ann Richards

They say that women talk too much. If you have worked in Congress you know that the filibuster was invented by men.
-Clare Boothe Luce

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.
-Will Rogers

Too many critics mistake the deliberations of the Congress for its decisions.
-Sam Rayburn

We elect Democrats to the Congress to give us stuff and we elect Republicans to the White House so we don't have to pay for it.
-Charlie McDowell

We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex-but Congress can.
-Cullen Hightower

Well, they finally stopped us from sending marines to every war that we could hear of. They are having one in Afghanistan. The thing will be over before Congress can pronounce it, much less find out where it is located.
-Will Rogers

What Democratic congressmen do to their women staffers, Republican congressmen do to the country.
-Bill Maher

What right does Congress have to go around making laws just because they deem it necessary? (As Washington, DC mayor)
-Marion S. Barry, Jr.

When Congress alters the federal balance, it must carefully consider the consequences of doing so.
-Anthony Kennedy

Whether ours shall continue to be a government of laws and not of men is now for Congress and ultimately the American people to decide.
-Archibald Cox

You know, I think many people have the mistaken impression that Congress regulates Wall Street. In truth that's not the case. The real truth is that Wall Street regulates the Congress.
-Bernie Sanders


(March 4 is also the birthday of Robert Orben..)

Categories: Congress, Quotes of the day, Quotes on a topic


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