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Political jokes of the week

Published Saturday, May 14, 2011 @ 5:22 AM EDT
May 14 2011

Recent late-night political jokes, from Daniel Kurtzman's Political Humor Blog on About.com.

Newt Gingrich is running for President. Every six months we'd have a different First Lady. Newt's slogan is, 'At least I'm not Trump.'
-Jay Leno

Bristol Palin just announced she had corrective surgery on her mouth. It's being called the right procedure on the wrong Palin.
-Conan O'Brien

President Obama's approval rating has hit 60 percent, its highest in two years. So he can pretty much count on reelection if he can just kill bin Laden two more times in the next 12 months.
-Conan O'Brien

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver might be splitting up. Arnold's friends say he is doing everything he can to win his wife back. He just burned every single copy of 'Jingle All the Way.'
-Conan O'Brien

Donald Trump says he uses Head & Shoulders on his hair. As a result, Head & Shoulders is suing Donald Trump for slander.
-Conan O'Brien

Newt Gingrich announced that he's running for president on Twitter and Facebook. I think his concession speech will be on YouTube.
-David Letterman

Bristol Palin said she had corrective surgery to fix her jaw, not cosmetic surgery. She must have gone to the same surgeon who corrected Victoria Beckham's breasts.
-Jimmy Kimmel

A TSA screener in Kansas City is facing criticism for giving a pat-down to an 8-month-old baby. You don't pat down a baby! You stick him in a tray and run him through the X-ray machine.
-Jimmy Fallon

The White House announced that the $50 million reward for Osama bin Laden's whereabouts won't be going to anyone. Then China was like, 'Wanna bet?'
-Jimmy Fallon

Gaddafi hasn't been seen since April 30. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Nose job.
-Jimmy Fallon

I don't know if you've ever tasted Godfather's Pizza, but if he can keep that place from going bankrupt, he is an economic genius.
-Stephen Colbert on GOP presidential candidate Herman Cain

Categories: Political Jokes of the Week, Stephen Colbert

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