by RICH ABDILL
(from Wonkette.)
There was a pretty bad shooting on Friday, and the only thing anybody
can talk about is Why It Happened. Logical folk (i.e. us) have been
saying it probably had something to do with guns
and mental
health, but people who don't want that to be true have been saying
there isn't any evidence for it, despite all the evidence for it.
In their stead, however, they have been providing all sorts of other
factors that are much more obvious, and do not require evidence. This is
lucky because they do not have any.
The gun-massacre by the guy with seriously questionable mental health
was not exacerbated by guns or mental health care, see, it was abortion
pills, obviously. Also to blame: children
who do not bum-rush gunmen, because they're stupid. Also, courtesy
of Mensa Brain-Astronaut Glenn Beck: Fisher-Price
toys. DEFINITELY NOT GUNS.
But there is more. There is sooo much more, and it was decided
by Tea Party Nation, so you know it's real, and not a petty,
steaming pile of Puritanical extremist propaganda that travels so far
afield from the issues at hand that one can't help but wonder what they
think the issues actually are. Tell us, Tea Party Brain Timothy Birdnow,
what are we to do, to stay not dead?
Homeschool. Take away the power of the radicals in the classrooms.
Makes your kids safer, too.
Yes. Guns are not the problem, leaving the house is the
problem. That's where they shoot people! And teach evolution!
Back Right to Work legislation for the public sector. Teacher’s unions
have helped cement much of this in place. As long as we have group
think in the classrooms we will never see the end of this.
There was a shooting! DESTROY UNIONS. This is a real thing. This is a
serious thought. Why, Birdnow? What is the “this” we will “never see the
end of”? Why are unions so bad?
There was a time when teachers actually spanked children; now a
teacher is in peril if he verbally chastises a bad kid.
Ah, cool. Destroy the unions, they are preventing children from being
beaten in public, and this is causing school shootings. Next tip:
Call evil out. We have to stop being sorry and start being angry. This
is not a time for national grief so much as a time for national anger.
We should stop tolerating this sort of thing. Indeed, stop tolerating
any bad behavior.
Not guns, mind you. “Bad behavior.” Like what?
If you see kids jumping ahead in line, say, call them out. If you see
punks bothering their neighbors call them out. Say something to the
idiot blaring his car stereo. Say something to the foul-mouthed teens.
Tell the brats to pull up their pants; nobody wants to see their
filthy underwear and pimply behind.
Again, a polite reminder that this is a real thing that people believe
with their brains. The way to prevent mass shootings is to tell
people to pull up their pants, because if we stop putting up
with bad behavior, people will magically stop using murder machines to
murder.
(Also, about that car stereo thing: A man in Florida (of course)
confronted some teens about their loud stereo. They started arguing with
him, so he killed one of them with… wait for it… A
GUN.)
Also, the problem is not that people with certain conditions lose the
ability to reason between right and wrong, the problem is that weenie
liberals WON'T TEACH ‘EM:
The idea of restoring standards of right and wrong never occur to
anyone on the Left. Last night on television a reporter referred to
the shooter’s “damaged mind and broken soul” as if he were somehow a
VICTIM! In the old days we would not call this anything but a heinous
crime, a horrible mass murder of innocent children.
Translation: “You know what I miss? The days where we didn't understand
mental illness and just electrocuted people. We should do that still.
Fuck ‘em. Let's get mad.”
The next one is a doozy:
Work to devolve power back to the parents, the local officials, and
the communities. A society that is top-down will inevitably lead to
alienation of the sort we have seen here… As an FBI profiler said on
television last night, he undoubtedly felt powerless and sought to
remedy that. Why does a twenty year old feel powerless? He could leave
his mother’s home at any time at his age. He feels powerless because
he has lived in an over-bureaucratized society, one run ultimately
from a far-away central location.
(Just to make sure you're following: The implication here is that a man
shot up a school because of a centralized government.)
He has been coddled all his life, given free rein to indulge his
senses but not to face the responsibilities that freedom necessitates.
He was an eternal juvenile, a child who was not allowed to grow up. He
lived in a world of the Progressives making, not in reality.
Progressives made this young man feel helpless. It's only logical! If we
were more focused on states' rights, he would have felt magnificent, and
free, and would have been not as shooty. Again, IT WAS NOT GUNS OR
MENTAL HEALTH. REALLY. IT WASN'T.
On to the most logical cause of shootings:
Restrict the sex in movies, television, on the internet.
There is it! There's the money quote. Obviously slutty
thoughts cause shootings. NOT GUNS.
There is a reason why young people commit these sorts of crimes, and
sex plays no small part. Their passions are eternally inflamed, and
they wander the Earth with no outlet for their overstimulated glands.
Taking a quiet pause for “overstimulated glands” causing shootings.
[I]t has traditionally been understood that a sexually robust
individual will fight harder and more aggressively… Even if they were
to live promiscuously (a very bad thing for society) they still cannot
find adequate outlets for their passions, which have grown to titanic
volume.
Titanic volume! Look how slutty kids are these days. No
wonder they're shooting people! They aren't having enough sex! (Also: If
they do have enough sex, that is “a very bad thing for
society.” In case you were thinking we could get through any argument
without some slut-shaming.)
The only answer is to follow the other societal coping mechanism,
which is to tone down the sexual stimulation, encourage chastity and
modesty.
OK. OK this blog post has to stop. It's too much. It is too much stupid.
The next item on the list is how Trayvon Martin probably got himself
shot because of marijuana, and after that… oh. Oh man here comes another
blockquote:
Support the creation of local organizations to act as "neighborhood
watch" for schools. Had George Zimmerman been at the front door
instead of some mechanical card reader those children would still be
alive.
I can't feel my legs. It's too much. The room is spinning. School
shootings happen because there are not random, armed civilians at the
door. And the only people against this would be unions.
I have to stop. I can't write anymore. It hurts. My face hurts, what's
wrong with my hands…
10.Go back to church. We need God more than ever, need prayer.
OH GOD. STOP WITH THE BLOCKQUOTES. It hurts, it hurts. We get it, it
wasn't guns. It was anything but guns. Literally anything. Does anyone
have an inhaler?
[Tea
Party Nation via ThinkProgress]
(Read the original post here.)
Categories:
Mass shootings,
Rich Abdill,
Second Amendment,
Tea Party,
Wonkette
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