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70 observations about Hell
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Published Saturday, April 19, 2014 @ 5:19 AM EDT
Apr 19 2014

A lapsed Catholic is someone who no longer believes in Hell but knows he's still going there.
-Sean Kelly

A man, well, he'll walk right into Hell with both eyes open- but even the Devil can't fool a dog.
-Earl Hammer, Jr.

A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell.
-George Bernard Shaw

A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.
-Ricky Gervais

An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise.
-Victor Hugo

Better to rule in Hell than to serve in Heaven.
-John Milton

By means of shrewd lies, unremittingly repeated, it is possible to make people believe that heaven is hell- and hell heaven. The greater the lie, the more readily it will be believed.
-Adolf Hitler

Capitalism without bankruptcy is like Christianity without hell.
-Frank Borman

Communists worship the Devil himself. Socialists believe damnation is a good system run by bad people. And liberals want to send everyone to hell because it's warm there in the winter.
-P.J. O'Rourke

Don't tell a man to go to Hell unless you can send him there.
-Lyndon B. Johnson

Easy is the slope to hell.
-Virgil

Either heaven or hell will have continuous background music. Which one you think it will be tells a lot about you.
-Bill Vaughan

Everybody's Hell is different; its not all fire and pain. The real Hell is your life gone wrong.
-Richard Matheson

For each time you say the phrases 'touch base,' 'networking,' or 'bottom line,' you will spend one month in hell.
-Unattributed

He who has money can eat sherbet in hell.
-Lebanese proverb

Heaven and hell suppose two distinct species of men, the good and the bad. But the greatest part of mankind float betwixt vice and virtue.
-David Hume

Heaven for climate, hell for society.
-Mark Twain

Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned.
-William Congreve

Hell has no terrors for pagans.
-Arthur Rimbaud

Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned.
-Milton Friedman

Hell hath no fury like a hustler with a literary agent.
-Frank Sinatra

Hell hath no fury like a liberal scorned.
-Dick Gregory

Hell hath no fury like a woman. Why add extraneous details?
-John Alejandro King (The Covert Comic)

Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.
-Unattributed

Hell is a half-filled auditorium.
-Robert Frost

Hell is full of good meanings and wishings.
-George Herbert

Hell is in Heaven and Heaven is in Hell. But angels see only the light, and devils only the darkness.
-Jacob Boehme

Hell is other people.
-Jean-Paul Sartre

Hell is other people. And those people are French.
-Neal Pollack

How could I have died and gone to hell without noticing the transition?
-Lois McMaster Bujold

I am an Agnostic because I am not afraid to think. I am not afraid of any god in the universe who would send me or any other man or woman to hell. If there were such a being, he would not be a god; he would be a devil.
-Clarence Darrow

I desire to go to Hell, not to Heaven. In Hell I shall enjoy the company of popes, kings and princes, but in Heaven are only beggars, monks, hermits and apostles.
-Niccolò Machiavelli

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell- you see, I have friends in both places.
-Mark Twain

I feel that if there were an afterlife, punishment for evil would be reasonable and of a fixed term. And I feel that the longest and worst punishment should be reserved for those who slandered God by inventing Hell.
-Isaac Asimov

I have faith in the universe, for it is rational. Law underlies each happening. And I have faith in my purpose here on earth. I have faith in my intuition, the language of my conscience, but I have no faith in speculation about Heaven and Hell. I'm concerned with this time- here and now.
-Albert Einstein

I hold it to be the inalienable right of anybody to go to hell in his own way.
-Robert Frost

If I owned Hell and Texas, I'd rent out Texas and live in Hell.
-Phillip Henry Sheridan

If there is a hell, it is modeled after junior high.
-Lewis Black

If there is no hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretenses.
-Billy Sunday

If you want to study the social and political history of modern nations, study hell.
-Thomas Merton

If you're going through hell, keep going.
-Winston Churchill

In southern Nevada, there's only a screen door between you and hell.
-Unattributed

Life moves very fast. It rushes from heaven to hell in a matter of seconds.
-Paulo Coelho

Maybe there is no actual place called Hell. Maybe Hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
-Jim Carrey

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
-Aldous Huxley

My principal objections to orthodox religion are two- slavery here and hell hereafter.
-Robert G. Ingersoll

New York has always been going to hell but somehow it never gets there.
-Robert Pirsig

Religion is for those who believe in Hell. Spirituality is for those who have been there.
-Unattributed

Sunday: A day given over by Americans to wishing that they themselves were dead and in Heaven, and that their neighbors were dead and in Hell.
-H.L. Mencken

The idea of hell was born of ignorance, brutality, fear, cowardice, and revenge.
-Robert G. Ingersoll

The mind is its own place, and in itself Can make a heaven of Hell, a hell of Heaven.
-John Milton

The pride of dying rich raises the loudest laugh in hell.
-John Foster

The way to Hell is paved with good intentions.
-Karl Marx

There's a truism that the road to Hell is often paved with good intentions. The corollary is that evil is best known not by its motives but by its methods.
-Eric S. Raymond

The road to Hell is paved with good Samaritans.
-Robert Herrick

The road to Hell is paved with works in progress.
-Philip Roth

The safest road to Hell is the gradual one- the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts.
-C.S. Lewis

There are depths in man that go to the lowest hell, and heights that reach the highest heaven, for are not both heaven and hell made out of him, everlasting miracle and mystery that he is.
-Thomas Carlyle

There is no hell. There is only France.
-Frank Zappa

To consider persons and events and situations only in the light of their effect upon myself is to live on the doorstep of hell.
-Thomas Merton

To different minds, the same world is a hell, and a heaven.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

To scale great heights, we must come out of the lowest depths. The way to heaven is through hell.
-Herman Melville

Twenty times in the course of my late reading have I been upon the point of breaking out, 'This would be the best of all possible worlds, if there were no religion in it!' But in this exclamation I would have been as fanatical as Bryant or Cleverly. Without religion this world would be something not fit to be mentioned in polite company, I mean Hell.
-John Adams

We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell.
-Oscar Wilde

What fresh hell can this be?
-Dorothy Parker

What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!
-Adam Ferrara

What was God doing before the divine creation? Was he preparing hell for people who asked such questions?
-Stephen Hawking

When we preach on hell, we might at least do it with tears in our eyes.
-Dwight L. Moody

Whoever is in control of the hell in your life, is your devil.
-John Henrik Clarke

You won't burn in hell. But be nice anyway.
-Ricky Gervais


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