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Quotes of the day: Me.

Published Wednesday, September 09, 2015 @ 11:27 PM EDT
Sep 09 2015

Kevin George Barkes (b. September 11, 1954) is the publisher of this blog and its prior print incarnation, and is a daabase publishing consultant and author.

An autodidact, he graduated from Homestead High School in 1971 at age 16 and has worked as: a veterinary assistant; daily newspaper reporter and photographer; city editor; county government service center administrator; typesetter, print/typesetting production supervisor, computer systems manager of a legal/financial printing company; and as a columnist and contributing editor for two national computer trade magazines. Prior to joining Datalogics, he owned KGB Consulting, a computer consulting, facilities management, and database publishing company.

Born in Homestead, PA, he has mostly resided in South Park Township, PA since 1984.

He has been married to his current wife, Cynthia, since 2009. He has two children from a previous marriage, two grandchildren, two Shetland Sheepdogs, two cats, and a small, insane, dog-like creature referred to as a Shih Tzu.


Any sufficiently advanced parody is indistinguishable from reality.

Arcane knowledge can be useful, even though its acquisition can seem pointless. That funny-looking key you picked up a few years ago might eventually unlock a door leading to a totally unexpected opportunity.

Aside from production values, the only difference between an Al Qaeda terrorist video and the 700 Club is that Al Qaeda doesn't ask for contributions.

Democrats get impeached for having sex. Republicans get impeached for undermining the integrity of the Republic.

Every Sunday I give thanks that there's nothing in Leviticus about liking show tunes.

Filing for bankruptcy is sort of like winning the lotto, except you still have to search under the couch cushions for loose change.

Hitting the delete key and changing the channel are satisfying but ineffective methods of denying reality.

I don't need electronic devices to locate my cats. I have hairballs.

I never throw anything away, which is irrelevant because I can never remember where I put anything.

I'm in pretty good shape for someone in the shape I'm in.

I'm never going to be rich and influential. I took an oath only to use my powers for good.

I've come to the realization that gray is the mature form of blond.

I referred to second Gulf War as Desert Storm 2.0, since it reminded me of a Microsoft upgrade: it was expensive, most people didn't want it, and it didn't work.

If Windows was a person, it'd be a real pale kid with pink eyes and a banjo.

In software design, 'building a foundation for future development' can result in digging a bottomless pit.

It's a delusion of grandeur only if you can't pull it off.

It's amazing the number of persons intimidated by mere competence.

It's called 'sodomy' because it's easier to pronounce than 'gomorrahry.'

Just keep in mind that most men who chat with you on the Internet look like me.

Life is a recursive plunge.

Manhattan's a mosh pit. You jump into it in the morning, close your eyes, grit your teeth, and hope you're still breathing when it tosses you out at the end of the day.

Never become an expert in anything you didn't create.

Never negotiate with terrorists or children.

No problem is unsolvable, but there are some that just aren't worth the effort.

Now medical experts are saying that it's not coffee, booze or cigarettes that cause heart attacks, but sustained hostile emotional attitudes. Maybe we have hostile emotional attitudes because you made us give up the freaking coffee, booze and cigarettes, you clueless white-frocked cretins!

Presbyterians believe they're predestined to have free will.

Republicans are sore losers even when they win.

Saying Windows 10 is the most powerful and secure operating system in the Microsoft family is like saying Moe was the smart Stooge.

Some days those bridge abutments at the side of the road look pretty damned attractive.

The conservatives' preoccupation with the burning of American flags can be attributed to the amount of time they spend wrapped in them.

The difference between investing in Internet stock and Beanie Babies is that with Internet stock you don't get Beanie Babies.

The Internet is run by a guy named Heisenberg, and his principles are uncertain.

The laserdisc was the 8-track of the 90s.

The only good thing about turning fifty is that I no longer have to worry about dying young.

The problem learning something new at my age is the nagging suspicion it's actually just something I forgot.

The problem with lawyers is that they don't believe in divine intervention.

The realization that your existence isn't going to change the course of western civilization makes sleeping in a lot more enjoyable.

The U.S. Constitution and the Bible have a lot in common. Few people have read them in their entirety; they are quoted out of context and cherry-picked; their official interpreters wear robes and issue pronouncements that sometimes benefit an entitled few or discriminate against women and minorities; and their decrees and commandments are simply ignored when they interfere with the interests of those in power.

There is no 'I' in team. There is, however, a 'U' in sucker.

True, everyone lies, but there's a difference between 'No, those pants don't make your ass look fat, and 'No, there's nothing incriminating in those unreleased tax returns.'

We're supposed to prepare for a non-specific terrorist attack of a spectacular nature? What the hell does that mean? Why don't they just put Tom Ridge in a Jedi robe, push him out in front of the cameras, and have him declare he senses a disturbance in The Force?

What I really need is a reality-altering substance.

Why are the sizes of unnatural growths described in terms of sports equipment for men, and citrus fruit for women?


(September 11 is also the birthday of D.H. Lawrence.)

Categories: KGB, Quotes of the day


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Quotes of the day: Arnold Palmer

Published Wednesday, September 09, 2015 @ 11:13 AM EDT
Sep 09 2015

Arnold Daniel Palmer (b. September 10, 1929) is a retired American professional golfer, who is generally regarded as one of the greatest players in men's professional golf history. He has won numerous events on both the PGA Tour and Champions Tour, dating back to 1955. Nicknamed "The King", he is one of golf's most popular stars and its most important trailblazer, because he was the first superstar of the sport's television age, which began in the 1950s. Palmer's social impact on behalf of golf was perhaps unrivaled among fellow professionals; Palmer's humble background and plain-spoken popularity helped change the perception of golf as an elite, upper-class pasttime to a more democratic sport accessible to middle and working classes. Palmer is part of "The Big Three" in golf during the 1960s, along with Jack Nicklaus and Gary Player, who are widely credited with popularizing and commercializing the sport around the world. Palmer won the PGA Tour Lifetime Achievement Award in 1998, and in 1974 was inducted into the World Golf Hall of Fame. (Click here for full Wikipedia article)


Always make a total effort, even when the odds are against you.

Concentration comes out of a combination of confidence and hunger.

Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated.

I have a tip that will take five strokes off anyone's golf game. It's called an eraser.

I never rooted against an opponent, but I never rooted for him either.

Putting is like wisdom- partly a natural gift and partly the accumulation of experience.

Success in golf depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character.

The more I practice the luckier I get.

The most rewarding things you do in life are often the ones that look like they cannot be done.

The only really unplayable lie I can think of is when you're supposed to be playing golf and come home with lipstick on your collar.

The road to success is always under construction.

The secret of concentration is the secret of self-discovery. You reach inside yourself to discover your personal resources, and what it takes to match them to the challenge.

Trouble is bad to get into but fun to get out of.

Winning isn't everything, but wanting it is.

You know you're getting old when all the names in your little black book have M.D. after them.


(September 10 is also the birthday of Cyril Connolly, Franz Werfel, and Stephen Jay Gould.)

Categories: Arnold Palmer, Quotes of the day


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