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Quotes of the day: Albert Brooks

Published Tuesday, July 22, 2014 @ 12:18 AM EDT
Jul 22 2014

Albert Lawrence Brooks (born Albert Lawrence Einstein; July 22, 1947) is an American actor, voice actor, writer, comedian, and director. He received an Academy Award nomination in 1987 for his role in Broadcast News. His voice acting credits include Marlin the clownfish in Finding Nemo, and recurring guest voices for the animated television series The Simpsons, including Russ Cargill in The Simpsons Movie. He has written, directed and starred in several comedy films (Modern Romance (1981), Lost in America (1985), and Defending Your Life (1991)) and is the author of the satire 2030: The Real Story of What Happens to America (2011). (Click here for full Wikipedia article)


Art and resistance are great together. That's what art's made for. Look at Vincent van Gogh: He didn't cut off his ear because he was selling well.

Be generous and you can be the best person who ever lived.

Being a screenwriter in Hollywood is like being a eunuch at an orgy. Worse, actually, at least the eunuch is allowed to watch.

Even the earthquakes in L.A. are shallow.

Ever try and be funny to a guy on meth?

Had an unexplained burst of happiness today. Doctor said not to worry it will go away.

I don't want to be the one to break it to you, but the future ain't that funny.

I had a very wise person tell me that he thinks marriage, when you're younger, you keep thinking you can fix things. That's what people do. And you can't really fix anything. It shouldn't be a massive difficult thing every day. Life's difficult enough.

I think I envy my dog, because my dog is 16 and she's limping and she's still living, but she doesn't look at me like she knows. She's not thinking what I'm thinking. It's a cruel trick, that we all know the ending.

If anything happens to me tell every woman I've ever gone out with I was talking about her at the end. That way they'll have to reevaluate me.

If we had three million exhibitionists and only one voyeur, nobody could make any money.

In the beginning of any career, in every job, people are always forcing you to the middle.

Just saw a story where Subway's foot longs are only measuring 11 inches. Subway's response: It was cold.

Kids have the opposite of Alzheimer's: They remember too much.

Most entertainment is trying to get you. It's tested, like toothpaste.

My email was hacked but the guy was funnier so I left it alone.

Relaxation is the absence of worry.

The biggest waste of brainpower is to want to change something that's not changeable.

There are so many people on Twitter now that are offended by everything so to save time, f**k you.

There's nothing funny about flying to Houston.

Twitter is the Devil's playground... It's a horrible waste of time for the writer of it, the reader of it. We will lose the war to China because of Twitter.

When I die, if the word 'thong' appears in the first or second sentence of my obituary, I've screwed up.

Categories: Albert Brooks, Quotes of the day


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