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Quotes of the day: Conan O'Brien

Published Friday, April 18, 2014 @ 12:03 AM EDT
Apr 18 2014

Conan Christopher O'Brien (born April 18, 1963) is an American television host, comedian, writer, producer, musician, and voice actor. He is best known for hosting several late-night talk shows, the most recent of which, Conan, premiered on American cable television station TBS in 2010. (Click here for full Wikipedia article)


Americans now read Facebook more than the Bible. I guess nobody wants to read about a guy who could only come up with 12 friends.

At Microsoft a minority employee is one who has a girlfriend.

Auld Lang Syne is actually Scottish for 'God, this haggis sucks.'

Fish recognize a bad leader.

I miss Harvard Square. Nowhere (else) in the world will you find a man in a turban wearing a Red Sox jacket working in a lesbian bookstore.

I'll say I'm happy doing my thing. No one says 'no comment' anymore.

I've dreamed of being a talk show host on basic cable ever since I was 46.

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

If you can laugh at yourself loud and hard every time you fall, people will think you're drunk.

It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. It's not easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right your perceived failure can become a catalyst for profound re-invention.

It's a good thing I was born in this century, when superfluous television seems to be part of the economy.

Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen.

Queen Elizabeth is in financial trouble. How do you go broke when your face is on the money?

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

Terrible climate, centuries of oppression, and the gene for alcoholism. Or as I call it, 'The luck of the Irish.'

The nightmare is you spend the rest of your life being funny at parties and then people say, 'Why didn't you do that when you were on television?'

There are few things more liberating in this life than having your worst fear realized.

There's good random, and there's bad random. There's good silly and there's bad silly, and you've gotta know the difference.

When all else fails there's always delusion.

When someone calls me pretentious, the white gloves come off.

Why can't they make meth with fluoride?

Categories: Conan O'Brien, Quotes of the day


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