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Political jokes of the week
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Published Sunday, September 08, 2013 @ 7:23 AM EDT
Sep 08 2013

Late night jokes from the past week. For the complete list (and a lot of other great material), visit Daniel Kurtzman's political humor section on about.com.)

Stephen Colbert:

You know what, folks? I miss George W. Bush. That man knew how to sell a war. Obama has hard evidence of weapons of mass destruction and he can't even get England to go along with it. Meanwhile, President Bush got an international coalition with nothing more than Colin Powell's reputation and half a test tube of crystal light.

Only 29% of Americans want the U.S. to attack Syria- which on the plus side means that 29% of Americans know there is a place called Syria.

Jay Leno:

John McCain was caught playing video poker on his iPhone during the Senate hearings the other day. Everybody is criticizing McCain, but compared to what other politicians are doing on their iPhones, that's not so bad, OK?

President Obama is asking Congress to support a military strike in Syria. If they approve, it will be the first time Congress has officially declared war since Obamacare.

President Obama is trying to get congressional approval before we attack Syria. And if that works, there's talk we might even consider bringing back the rest of the Constitution.

President Obama is pretty clever. Did you see what he is doing to get Congress to approve the attack? He told them Syrian President Assad supports Obamacare.

Eighteen women are accusing Bob Filner of sexual assault. He even groped a great grandmother. Isn't that awful? Even great grandfathers don't do that.

The state attorney general of New York is suing Donald Trump for $40 million, claiming that Donald Trump University is not a real university. The state claims it's not a real college because students get very little education and were unable to find jobs after they graduated. Sounds like a real college to me.

About $30 million in $100 bills had to be destroyed because of a printing problem. Isn't that unbelievable? The only thing we know how to do right in this country is print money and we screw that up.

Before we give the government any more money, show us some receipts.

Jimmy Fallon:

A new study found that using Facebook has actually changed how our brains work. Yeah, it's true. Before Facebook, when you said you liked something, you actually did.

Anthony Weiner turned 49 years old today, marking one of the two days of the year that Weiner is the one who is receiving lots of packages.

David Letterman:

I guess we're getting ready to attack Syria. But if we win, in the semifinals we face Iran.

There is trouble at Charlie Sheen's birthday party. John Kerry says there is evidence of illegal chemical use. They have to go in there.

Conan O'Brien:

They're now making the first smartphone that's not made overseas. It's made in Texas. It's also the first smartphone that doubles as a handgun.


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