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Quotes of the day

Published Thursday, September 01, 2011 @ 7:59 AM EDT
Sep 01 2011

Lily Tomlin (b. September 1, 1939)

A sobering thought: what if, at this very moment, I am living up to my full potential?

Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.

For fast acting relief, try slowing down.

I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle it's much too confining.

I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.

I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.

If evolution was worth its salt, it should've evolved something better than "survival of the fittest" I think a better idea would be "survival of the wittiest." At least, that way, creatures that didn't survive could've died laughing.

If I'd known what it would be like to have it all, I might have been willing to settle for less.

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.

No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.

Remember, we're all in this alone.

Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.

Thank God kids never mean well.

The best mind-altering drug is truth.

The fifties was the most sexually frustrated decades ever: ten years of foreplay. And the Sixties, well, the Sixties was like coitus interruptus. The only thing we didn't pull out of was Vietnam.

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

Truth is, I've always been selling out. The difference is that in the past, I looked like I had integrity because there were no buyers.

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic.

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Amen. »