Lily Tomlin (b. September 1, 1939)
A sobering thought: what if, at this very moment, I
am living up to my full potential?
Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every
failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had
missed.
For fast acting relief, try slowing down.
I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been
more specific.
I can handle reality in small doses, but as a lifestyle
it's much too confining.
I personally think we developed language because of our
deep need to complain.
I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be
thinking up something else.
If evolution was worth its salt, it should've evolved
something better than "survival of the fittest" I
think a better idea would be "survival of the
wittiest." At least, that way, creatures that didn't
survive could've died laughing.
If I'd known what it would be like to have it all, I
might have been willing to settle for less.
If love is the answer, could you rephrase the
question?
If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done
in the library?
Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are
decent, hard working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy
two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected
them.
No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep
up.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with
drugs.
Remember, we're all in this alone.
Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre
world.
Thank God kids never mean well.
The best mind-altering drug is truth.
The fifties was the most sexually frustrated decades
ever: ten years of foreplay. And the Sixties, well, the
Sixties was like coitus interruptus. The only thing we
didn't pull out of was Vietnam.
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win,
you're still a rat.
Truth is, I've always been selling out. The difference is
that in the past, I looked like I had integrity because
there were no buyers.
We have reason to believe that man first walked upright
to free his hands for masturbation.
When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us,
we're schizophrenic.
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