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Quote of the day
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Published Friday, June 03, 2011 @ 11:41 AM EDT
Jun 03 2011

That's right, al-Qaeda had better benefits than Wal Mart. Although at Wal Mart, you get to wear your vest more than once.
-Stephen Colbert


Categories: Quotes of the day, Stephen Colbert


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Political jokes of the week
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Published Friday, June 03, 2011 @ 9:06 AM EDT
Jun 03 2011

Recent late-night political jokes, from Daniel Kurtzman's Political Humor Blog on About.com.

Today in New York City, Sarah Palin had a meeting with Donald Trump. Now, experts say if those two joined forces on a Presidential ticket it would be the greatest gift ever given to comedy.
-Craig Ferguson

Sarah Palin is driving all over the country in a bus, I guess to pick up where Charlie Sheen left off.
-Jimmy Kimmel

Sarah Palin, on visiting Mt. Vernon, the home of George Washington: "Even Piper was able to grasp the significance of being in the presence of our first President- who had such diverse interests- when she told me later: 'how hard he must have worked to keep that farm going!'" Stephen Colbert: "It's true. I cannot imagine how hard he worked with no help other than his African volunteers."

Sarah Palin may run for President. Doesn’t that thought make you nostalgic for last week when you only thought the world was going to end?
-Jay Leno

This weekend Sarah Palin begins a nationwide bus tour, which I think is a good way for her to learn the names of all the states.
-Jay Leno

Harold Camping is now predicting that the world will end in October. In show business terms, that means God has picked us up for another 22 weeks.
-Jay Leno

Tim Pawlenty is running for President. I won't say he's boring, but his Secret Service Code name is Al Gore.
-Jay Leno

The United States was able to find and kill Osama bin Laden because of a tip from one of his wives. When she saw a picture of his body, she said, "Now who can't drive the car?"
-Conan O'Brien

The Supreme Court has upheld Arizona's law which penalizes employers for hiring workers who are in the country illegally. And in a related story, in Phoenix a head of lettuce now costs 137 dollars.
-Jay Leno

President Obama was in Ireland last week. While he was there, his Secret Service codename was, "the black guy that's in Ireland."
-Conan O'Brien

Bristol Palin said she doesn't plan on having any more babies anytime soon. Then she added, "But that never stopped me before."
-Jimmy Fallon


Categories: Craig Ferguson, Political Jokes of the Week, Stephen Colbert


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