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ISSN: 1525-898X
Observations by and for the vaguely disenchanted by Kevin G. Barkes

 

Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.

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network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...

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Anniversary

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Requiem for a fictional Scotsman

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Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!

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Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon

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It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day

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A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City

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Da Burg Annat

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I Have Issues

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Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired

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At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh

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He knows if yinz is a jagoff

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Please support KGB Report by making your amazon.com purchases through our affiliate link:
 

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dcl dialogue online!

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no. we're not that kgb.

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KGB, CIA linked

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The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!

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Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution

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Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000

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Cruel Site of the Day, 7/15/2000

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miscellany

Hard to describe.

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"a breezy writing style and a cool mix of tidbits"

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Our riveting and morally compelling...

Privacy statement

One of  52,537 random quotes. Please CTRL-F5 to refresh the page.

	kgbreport.com Web

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(July 2000 and earlier)

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Saturday, July 21, 2007
posted by KGB at 10:07 AM (permalink)

Re: Senator Casey post

All that lovely venom, all wasted.

I'd telephone his office, but I'm afraid the ringing sound might unduly alarm his staff.

> ----- The following addresses had permanent fatal errors -----

(reason: 550 5.1.1 User unknown)
----- Transcript of session follows -----
... while talking to bridgeheadpsq.senate.gov.:
>>> DATA
<<< 550 5.1.1 User unknown
550 5.1.1 ... User unknown
<<< 503 5.5.2 Need Rcpt command.
Final-Recipient: RFC822; senator@casey.senate.gov
Action: failed
Status: 5.1.1
Remote-MTA: DNS; bridgeheadpsq.senate.gov
Diagnostic-Code: SMTP; 550 5.1.1 User unknown
Last-Attempt-Date: Fri, 20 Jul 2007 14:37:13 -0400 (EDT)

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posted by KGB at 9:48 AM (permalink)

Why I love...

... the The Carbolic Smoke Ball:

More yuks here, thanks to Leslie.

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posted by KGB at 12:43 AM (permalink)

Dear Senator Casey...

Your boilerplate response, which does not even remotely address the concerns expressed in my original e-mail, suggests to me that I should direct all future correspondence to my other Senator, Arlen Specter. While I am a registered Democrat, it would appear that Senator Specter's staff will, in fact, not only read my correspondence but take the time to compose a response which at least gives the appearance they believe their constituents include quasi-sentient beings.

You won my vote in the last election because, frankly, you were not Rick Santorum. And while I take some encouragement from the fact that your inane response to my e-mail indicates you have neither the evil ambition nor cunning intelligence of Mr. Santorum, I was really hoping for at least a glimmer of rudimentary intellect.

Re: visiting your website. It's comforting to know you are protecting "America's Bees and Native Pollinators."

Now how about doing something about American businesses perverting the intent of the immigration law in order to hire H1B visa technical workers over "Native Programmers."

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Friday, July 20, 2007
posted by KGB at 8:43 AM (permalink)

Quote of the day

We had an episode in which we had Fox News... a little news crawl... Albert Einstein plus Brad Pitt equals Dick Cheney...Rupert Murdoch, terrific dancer... We have been forbidden to do that again... because the Fox viewer might confuse our cartoon with actual news.
-Matt Groening, creator of The Simpsons, on The Daily Show

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Thursday, July 19, 2007
posted by KGB at 8:44 AM (permalink)

Yep, it's the Apocalypse....

(from Editor & Publisher)

The Pittsburgh newspaper owned by conservative billionaire Richard Mellon Scaife yesterday called the Bush administration's plans to stay the course in Iraq a "prescription for American suicide."

The editorial in the Tribune-Review added, "And quite frankly, during last Thursday's news conference, when George Bush started blathering about 'sometimes the decisions you make and the consequences don't enable you to be loved,' we had to question his mental stability."

It continued: "President Bush warns that U.S. withdrawal would risk 'mass killings on a horrific scale.' What do we have today, sir?

"If the president won't do the right thing and end this war, the people must. The House has voted to withdraw combat troops from Iraq by April. The Senate must follow suit.

"Our brave troops should take great pride that they rid Iraq of Saddam Hussein. And they should have no shame in leaving Iraq. For it will not be, in any way, an exercise in tail-tucking and running.

"America has done its job.

"It's time for the Iraqis to do theirs."

The editorial said it agrees with its local congressman on this: Democratic U.S. Rep. John Murtha.

Scaife has been a loyal backer of Republican politicians and many conservative causes, and funded a network of investigations into President Clinton during the 1990s.

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posted by KGB at 6:43 AM (permalink)

An epiphanous quote of the day...

From Business Week:

Maria Bartiromo: Would you consider a position in business or on Wall Street?

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice: I don't know what I'll do long-term. I'm a terrible long-term planner. I was supposed to be a music major and concert pianist, and here I sit.

Ah. Now it all makes sense.

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Wednesday, July 18, 2007
posted by KGB at 6:22 AM (permalink)

News item of the day

Elsewhere, China announced plans to send a new brand of rat poison to the United States under the name "Delicious Cupcakes."
-Andy Borowitz, The Borowitz Report

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Tuesday, July 17, 2007
posted by KGB at 1:24 PM (permalink)

Irony of the day

Of course, mandatory = not Scooter.

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posted by KGB at 8:37 AM (permalink)

Work for a computer! Earn pennies a day!

Reader Rafal M. Sulejman refers to Amazon's Mechanical Turk, as artificial artificial intelligence... computers outsourcing to humans jobs that are difficult for the machines to perform: identifying colors, faces, picking objects out of a photo. The debate rages over whether it's a marginally profitable way to kill time, or a virtual sweatshop.

Maybe the Terminator movies were partially correct; but instead of killing us with emotionless humanoid-shaped robots, Skynet's going to bore us into oblivion.

If you have time to kill, check it out.

Transcribing podcasts for 19 cents a minute? Are you certain there aren't any coal mines left in Allegheny County?

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Sunday, July 15, 2007
posted by KGB at 2:44 AM (permalink)

Guess it depends...

...upon your definition of "fun"...

(Pittsburgh Post-Gazette web site.)

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Copyright © 1987-2025 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...