Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.


network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...


Anniversary


Requiem for a fictional Scotsman


Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!


Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon


It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day


A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City


Da Burg Annat


I Have Issues


Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired


At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh


He knows if yinz is a jagoff


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dcl dialogue online!

I Love DCL


no. we're not that kgb.

Cool Spinny Thingy!


Ciao.
KGB, CIA linked


The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!


Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution


Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000

Geek of the Week


Cruel Site of the Day, 7/15/2000

Cruel Site of the Day (7/15/2000)


miscellany

Hard to describe.


"a breezy writing style and a cool mix of tidbits"

USA Today Hotsite


Our riveting and morally compelling...

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(July 2000 and earlier)


Saturday, December 26, 2009

I wonder...

...what greatly inconvenient, totally futile and maddeningly irritating bit of security theater will be introduced by the government in response to the "pants bomber?" I suggest mooning the guard at the magnetometer.

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A new tradition?

 

A combination of Christmas and the running of the bulls?

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Quote of the day

With great power comes great denial of responsibility.
-The Covert Comic

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Friday, December 25, 2009

Quote of the day

It's A Wonderful Life, 2009 Edition- "Teacher says, every time a bell rings, Tiger gets another cocktail waitress."
-Barry Mitchell

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Thursday, December 24, 2009

And on Earth, peace and goodwill toward men...

 

Merry Christmas!

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Passing it on

My good friend and composer/pianist Peter Stumpf, and my daughter Sara Salopek, gave me a great Christmas present this year- a recording of Peter's Prayers of an Angel, one of the songs in his original Christmas musical Precious Emmanuel.

Over the years I had collected several recordings made under less than ideal conditions. This year, Peter and Sara had access to a Steinway grand piano, a CMU concert hall, and audio tech Christopher Lin.

In the song, an angel contemplates the birth of Christ. Good casting, and an equally stellar accompaniment by Peter.

You can listen to it here.

And Merry Christmas from Sara and Peter and all of us here at Casa di Fuzzy: Kevin, Cindy, Déjà, Lucy, Misty, Sasha, Sassy, Riley, Chloe and Pumpkin.

Fear not my friend; I sing for thee.
A child is born this holy night, for every heart to see.
Now is the moment, here is the joy you seek:
Go, find this child...
And you will find the love of God
Given unto you.

There was the Word, the Word was light.
In his faithful love for you, God gives his word tonight.
Now is the answer, here is the joy you seek:
Go, find this child...
And you will find the love of God
Given unto you.

Praise to God, peace on Earth,
Oh, the prayers of an angel
Knowing who with that love could be free.

Now is your Saviour, here is the joy you seek:
Go, find this child...
And you will find the love of God
Given unto you.

The prayers of an angel...

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It's been ten years...

...since John Garry signed off WCAE. His partner, Larry O'Brien, retired shortly before John and has since been playing a lot of golf in Hilton Head.

That means it's been a decade since most Pittsburghers heard the duo's most-requested Christmas selection, which someone posted on YouTube.

Merry Christmas, O'Brien and Garry fans. For one day, let's gather 'round the tree and put down our Wands of Existential Despair...

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Wednesday, December 23, 2009

A Christmas special...

A really bizarre Christmas special that only aired once, in 1991. Finally available on DVD (I have the laserdisc version.)

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Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Why PhotoShop was invented...

 

Those pesky cyclops...

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Monday, December 21, 2009

Well, that's a relief...

(Part of the 12/21/09 Accuweather forecast for Fayette City, PA)

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Sunday, December 20, 2009

Tending a new flock

Quark loved snow. But he enjoyed it in a dignified way. While the others would roll and bound through the icy accumulation, he would find a quiet spot, seat himself in the aristocratic manner of a former show dog, and quietly enjoy watching the others engage in their chaotic frolic.

He was the gentleman of the pack. I always called him "Mister Q" and spoke to him like an adult, not with the baby talk I use with the younger pups. He took his position as alpha male seriously. Had he lived in the Shetland Islands, where his breed originated, he would have been the top dog, perched comfortably but attentively at the crest of the hill, watching the flock.

If Quark had been around, Timmy would have never fallen down that well.

It was somehow appropriate that when it was time for him to move on, to tend to a somewhat more angelic flock, Quark made the trip with his usual dignity on the snowiest day of the year.

Goodbye, big guy.

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Copyright © 1987-2014 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...

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Crystal Methodist


Laugh while you can, monkey-boy


I am a professional. Do not try this at home.


I canna change the laws of physics


As a matter of fact, I *am* the boss of you.
(as a matter of fact, i AM the boss of you.)


Truly great madness cannot be achieved without signficant intelligence


I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.


Left wing liberal nut job


Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.


Eff the ineffable, scrute the inscrutable.


If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions.


If evolution is just a theory, why am I surrounded by monkeys?


Nutrition makes me puke


Feral Geek


eat wisely


Dyslexics have more fnu!


It's here!

Eff and Scrute

440 pages, over 11,000 quotations!

Eff the Ineffable, Scrute the Inscrutable


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