Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.


network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...


Anniversary


Requiem for a fictional Scotsman


Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!


Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon


It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day


A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City


Da Burg Annat


I Have Issues


Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired


At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh


He knows if yinz is a jagoff


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dcl dialogue online!

I Love DCL


no. we're not that kgb.

Cool Spinny Thingy!


Ciao.
KGB, CIA linked


The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!


Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution


Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000

Geek of the Week


Cruel Site of the Day, 7/15/2000

Cruel Site of the Day (7/15/2000)


miscellany

Hard to describe.


"a breezy writing style and a cool mix of tidbits"

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Friday, December 27, 2002

Sugarplum Poisoning?

Ack.

I'm seriously under the weather. I just awoke from a 13 hour long winter's deathlike nap, and I feel like dog drool on a cat's lips. Must have been all those Christmas goodies and home-made foods to which I'm no longer accustomed.

I'm heading back to the couch until I can remember how to boot my comb.

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Thursday, December 26, 2002

It's a Guy Thing.

As a general rule of thumb, anything that will keep the cat amused will amuse me as well.

So the grand-slam Christmas present for me this year is the "TimeMachine", a gift that's been around for ages. I've secretly lusted after it for ages, but never could justify purchasing one for myself.

The device is an elaborate clock. Once a minute, a rotating arm picks up a ball bearing and drops it on a track. As the balls accumulate, the tracks tilt and deposit one ball to the next track, with the remainder directed to a reservoir. You tell the time by counting the balls on their respective tracks.

My son-in-law coerced my daughter into getting one for me for Christmas, and the cat and I have spent the past two days watching the clever device. The feline even awakened me at 12:59 am this morning, in time to see the machine dump all 26 ball bearings.

I think my favorite all-time Christmas gift is the pen my son gave me when he was six years old. It was bright yellow, with "Dad's Pen" emblazoned in huge black letters. I had complained about how my co-workers had a tendency to borrow pens from my desk; "Now they can't, because it has your name on it," Doug explained. He was right; I still have that pen.

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Tuesday, December 24, 2002

He knows if yinz is a jag-off...

This little ditty from Pittsburgh's own Johnny Angel and the Halos perfectly captures the spirit of Christmas in Da Burgh. Don't be a jag-off. Buy one.

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Monday, December 23, 2002

Peace on Earth

The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life.-Theodore Roosevelt


(Click on the photo for a link to more Earthlights)

Happy holidays. See you in a few days.

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Copyright © 1987-2014 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...

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Crystal Methodist


Laugh while you can, monkey-boy


I am a professional. Do not try this at home.


I canna change the laws of physics


As a matter of fact, I *am* the boss of you.
(as a matter of fact, i AM the boss of you.)


Truly great madness cannot be achieved without signficant intelligence


I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.


Left wing liberal nut job


Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.


Eff the ineffable, scrute the inscrutable.


If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions.


If evolution is just a theory, why am I surrounded by monkeys?


Nutrition makes me puke


Feral Geek


eat wisely


Dyslexics have more fnu!


It's here!

Eff and Scrute

440 pages, over 11,000 quotations!

Eff the Ineffable, Scrute the Inscrutable


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