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ISSN: 1525-898X
Observations by and for the vaguely disenchanted by Kevin G. Barkes

 

Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.

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network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...

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Anniversary

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Requiem for a fictional Scotsman

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Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!

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Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon

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It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day

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A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City

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Da Burg Annat

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I Have Issues

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Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired

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At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh

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He knows if yinz is a jagoff

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Please support KGB Report by making your amazon.com purchases through our affiliate link:
 

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dcl dialogue online!

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no. we're not that kgb.

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KGB, CIA linked

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The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!

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Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution

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Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000

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Cruel Site of the Day, 7/15/2000

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miscellany

Hard to describe.

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"a breezy writing style and a cool mix of tidbits"

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Our riveting and morally compelling...

Privacy statement

One of  51,847 random quotes. Please CTRL-F5 to refresh the page.

	kgbreport.com Web

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(July 2000 and earlier)

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Friday, December 27, 2002
posted by KGB at 7:52 AM (permalink)

Sugarplum Poisoning?

Ack.

I'm seriously under the weather. I just awoke from a 13 hour long winter's deathlike nap, and I feel like dog drool on a cat's lips. Must have been all those Christmas goodies and home-made foods to which I'm no longer accustomed.

I'm heading back to the couch until I can remember how to boot my comb.

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Thursday, December 26, 2002
posted by KGB at 7:39 AM (permalink)

It's a Guy Thing.

As a general rule of thumb, anything that will keep the cat amused will amuse me as well.

So the grand-slam Christmas present for me this year is the "TimeMachine", a gift that's been around for ages. I've secretly lusted after it for ages, but never could justify purchasing one for myself.

The device is an elaborate clock. Once a minute, a rotating arm picks up a ball bearing and drops it on a track. As the balls accumulate, the tracks tilt and deposit one ball to the next track, with the remainder directed to a reservoir. You tell the time by counting the balls on their respective tracks.

My son-in-law coerced my daughter into getting one for me for Christmas, and the cat and I have spent the past two days watching the clever device. The feline even awakened me at 12:59 am this morning, in time to see the machine dump all 26 ball bearings.

I think my favorite all-time Christmas gift is the pen my son gave me when he was six years old. It was bright yellow, with "Dad's Pen" emblazoned in huge black letters. I had complained about how my co-workers had a tendency to borrow pens from my desk; "Now they can't, because it has your name on it," Doug explained. He was right; I still have that pen.

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Tuesday, December 24, 2002
posted by KGB at 8:10 AM (permalink)

He knows if yinz is a jag-off...

This little ditty from Pittsburgh's own Johnny Angel and the Halos perfectly captures the spirit of Christmas in Da Burgh. Don't be a jag-off. Buy one.

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Monday, December 23, 2002
posted by KGB at 5:45 AM (permalink)

Peace on Earth

The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life.-Theodore Roosevelt

(Click on the photo for a link to more Earthlights)

Happy holidays. See you in a few days.

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Copyright © 1987-2024 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...