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Published Friday, April 22, 2016 @ 12:04 PM EDT
Apr 22 2016

A golf course outside a big town serves an excellent purpose in that it segregates, as though a concentration camp, all the idle and idiot well-to-do.
-Osbert Sitwell

Accepting your limitations makes you humble. The limitations themselves make you an idiot.
-Dan Goodman

All ideologies are idiotic, whether religious or political, for it is conceptual thinking, the conceptual word, which has so unfortunately divided man.
-Jiddu Krishnamurti

Almost everybody is born a genius and buried an idiot.
-Charles Bukowski

An idiot with a computer is a faster, better idiot.
-Rich Julius

Any idiot can face a crisis. It's this day-to-day living that wears you out.
-Anton Chekhov

Any idiot can get laid when they're famous. That's easy. It's getting laid when you're not famous that takes some talent.
-Kevin Bacon

Any idiot can use a computer. Many do.
-Variously attributed

Applications programming is a race between software engineers, who strive to produce idiot-proof programs, and the universe which strives to produce bigger idiots. So far the Universe is winning.
-Rich Cook

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
-John Lennon

Because people have no thoughts to deal in, they deal cards, and try and win one another's money. Idiots!
-Arthur Schopenhauer

By any precise definition, Washington is a city of advanced depravity. There one meets and dines with the truly great killers of the age, but only the quirkily fastidious are offended, for the killers are urbane and learned gentlemen who discuss their work with wit and charm and know which tool to use on the escargots.
-Russell Baker

Demagogue: One who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.
-H.L. Mencken

Dictatorships foster oppression, dictatorships foster servitude, dictatorships foster cruelty; more abominable is the fact that they foster idiocy.
-Jorge Luis Borges

Doctors always think anybody doing something they aren't is a quack; also they think all patients are idiots.
-Flannery O'Connor

Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them.
-Larry Kersten, PhD

Four out of five people think the fifth one is an idiot.
-Variously attributed

Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them.
-Walter Kerr

He may look like an idiot, and he may talk like an idiot, but don't let him fool you. He really is an idiot.
-Groucho Marx

He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher... or, as his wife would have it, an idiot.
-Douglas Adams

I am beginning to suspect all elaborate and special systems of education. They seem to me to be built up on the supposition that every child is a kind of idiot who must be taught to think.
-Anne Sullivan

I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot.
-Steve Martin

I don't believe in conclusions. I think that human idiocy perpetuates itself.
-Joseph L. Mankiewicz

I hadn't known there were so many idiots in the world until I started using the Internet.
-Stanislaw Lem

I have yet to hear anyone say something that seemed likely to mitigate the idiocy of this age.
-John Perry Barlow

I know that children love Elmo. But children are idiots.
-Joel Stein

I try to buy stock in businesses that are so wonderful that an idiot can run them. Because sooner or later, one will.
-Warren Buffett

I'd like to know why well-educated idiots keep apologizing for lazy and complaining people who think the world owes them a living.
-John Wayne

Idiot, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling. The Idiot's activity is not confined to any special field of thought or action, but 'pervades and regulates the whole.' He has the last word in everything; his decision is unappealable. He sets the fashions and opinion of taste, dictates the limitations of speech and circumscribes conduct with a deadline.
-Ambrose Bierce

If an idiot were to tell you the same story every day for a year, you would end by believing it.
-Edmund Burke

If you are rich, you have to be an idiot not to stay rich. And if you are poor, you have to be really smart to get rich.
-John Green

If you had to stop and think what some idiot might do after seeing the movie, you'd never do anything.
-Quentin Tarentino

If you think your users are idiots, only idiots will use it.
-Linus Torvalds

In romance, as in life, you only learn when you're losing. When you're winning, you just sit there and grin like an idiot.
-Garrison Keillor

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
-Mark Twain

It is incredible that only idiots are absolutely sure of salvation. It is incredible that the more brain you have the less your chance is. There can be no danger in honest thought, and if the world ever advances beyond what it is to-day, it must be led by men who express their real opinions.
-Robert G. Ingersoll

It's good to live on the coast, because that way the idiots are only on three sides of you.
-Variously attributed

It's hard not to be condescending when you're talking to an idiot.
-Bill Maher

It's truly a blessing to have total freaking idiots as your enemy.
-Rachel Maddow

Just because the person who criticizes you is an idiot doesn't make him wrong.
-Roger Rosenblatt

Mechanical instruments, potentially a vehicle of rational human purposes, are scarcely a blessing when they enable the gossip of the village idiot and the deeds of the thug to be broadcast to a million people each day.
-Lewis Mumford

Millions are to be grabbed out here and your only competition is idiots. Don't let this get around. (telling Ben Hecht about Hollywood)
-Herman Mankiewicz

Never argue with idiots. They will bring you down to their level, then overwhelm you with their experience.
-Dave Johnson

No one ever heard of the truth being enforced by law. Whenever the secular arm is called in to sustain an idea, whether new or old, it is always a bad idea, and not infrequently it is downright idiotic.
-H.L. Mencken

Nothing is more humiliating than to see idiots succeed in enterprises in which we have failed.
-Gustave Flaubert

Now we live in an amazing, amazing world and it's wasted on the crappiest generation of spoiled idiots.
-Louis C.K.

Of all the idiots I have met in my life, and the Lord knows that they have not been few or little, I think that I have been the biggest.
-Isak Dinesen

One can relish the varied idiocy of human action during a panic to the full, for, while it is a time of great tragedy, nothing is being lost but money.
-John Kenneth Galbraith

One Englishman- an idiot, two Englishmen- a sporting event, three Englishmen- an empire.
-George Santayana

Patriotism is a pernicious, psychopathic form of idiocy.
-George Bernard Shaw

People are idiots.
-Scott Adams

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. (From the comic strip Calvin and Hobbes)
-Bill Watterson

People who drive faster than I do are maniacs, and people who drive slower than me are idiots.
-George Carlin

Politics makes me uptight; I have so little control over it. It's like forever being in high school with rah-rah idiots in charge.
-Rudy Rucker

Quitters never win, winners never quit, but those that never win AND never quit are idiots.
-Larry Kersten, PhD

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
-Mark Twain

Religions vary in their degree of idiocy, but I reject them all. For most people, religion is nothing more than a substitute for a malfunctioning brain.
-Gene Roddenberry

Show me a good loser and I'll show you an idiot.
-Leo Durocher

The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius.
-Sid Caesar

The Hollywood laborers, the carpenters and painters, were always perfect. Then came the technicians, the electricians and special effects men. They were marvelous. However, the higher you climbed in the system, the lower the level of competence, until you reached the head of the studio, who turned out to be an idiot.
-Garson Kanin

The kind of man who wants the government to adopt and enforce his ideas is always the kind of man whose ideas are idiotic.
-H.L. Mencken

The main difference between men and women is that men are lunatics and women are idiots.
-Rebecca West

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
-Jay Leno

The notion that a radical is one who hates his country is naive and usually idiotic. He is, more likely, one who likes his country more than the rest of us, and is thus more disturbed than the rest of us when he sees it debauched. He is not a bad citizen turning to crime; he is a good citizen driven to despair.
-H.L. Mencken

The problem is that religion, because it's been sheltered from criticism in the way that it has been, allows people- perfectly sane, perfectly intelligent people- to believe en masse what only idiots or lunatics could believe in isolation.
-Sam Harris

The problem with the global village is all the global village idiots.
-P. Ginsparg

The trick is not how much pain you can feel but how much joy. Any idiot can feel pain. Life is full of excuses to feel pain, excuses not to live, excuses, excuses excuses... The only pain you feel is for all the useless pain you felt, all the times you didn't do something because of cowardice or fear, all the times you let bastards and the kibitzers and the fear shrinkers hold you back. Watch out for the death people, do you see what I mean? They're the ones to avoid.
-Henry Miller

The word 'idiot' comes from a Greek root meaning private person. Idiocy is the female defect: intent on their private lives, women follow their fate through a darkness deep as that cast by malformed cells in the brain. It is no worse than the male defect, which is lunacy: men are so obsessed by public affairs that they see the world as by moonlight, which shows the outlines of every object but not the details indicative of their nature.
-Rebecca West

The world is a madhouse, so it's only right it's patrolled by armed idiots.
-Brendan Behan

The world is just filling up with more and more idiots! And the computer is giving them access to the world! They're spreading their stupidity! At least they were contained before- now they're on the loose everywhere!
-Harlan Ellison

There are idiots who will buy anything as long as it costs enough.
-Andy Rooney

There are no awards in Hollywood for being an idiot.
-Burt Reynolds

There are no stupid questions, but there a lot of inquisitive idiots.
-Larry Kersten, PhD

There is a Providence that protects idiots, drunkards, children and the United States of America.
-Otto von Bismarck

There is a standard answer to this old idiocy of if-you-know-so-much-about-the-art-of-the-film-why-don't-you-make-movies. You don't have to lay an egg to know if it tastes good.
-Pauline Kael

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
-Steven Wright

To generalize is to be an Idiot. To particularize is the alone distinction of merit- general knowledges are those knowledges that idiots possess.
-William Blake

'We hold these Truths to be self-evident...' which is a gracious, Jeffersonian, way of saying, 'Any idiot ought to be able to understand this.'
-Bob McEwen

What do you want me to do? I'm surrounded by a bunch of idiots. And democracy...
-Indira Gandhi

What is grand is necessarily obscure to weak men. That which can be made explicit to the idiot is not worth my care.
-William Blake

What the fool cannot learn he laughs at, thinking that by his laughter he shows superiority instead of latent idiocy.
-Marie Corelli

When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap.
-Cynthia Heimel

You and I don't repeat history; it's the idiots in charge who think they can do it better this time around.
-William Q. Johnson

You take a normal guy, give him a wife, give them time, and you've got an idiot!
-Jeff Foxworthy

Your kid may be an honor student, but you're still an idiot. (Bumper Sticker)
-Variously attributed

Categories: Idiots


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