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Quotes of the day: Will Durst

Published Tuesday, March 17, 2015 @ 6:09 PM EDT
Mar 17 2015

Will Durst (b. March 18, 1952) is an American political satirist. He writes several Internet columns, contributes to Independent Media Institute's Alternet.org and the Huffington Post on a regular basis, is a former contributing editor to National Lampoon and George, and has contributed to various periodicals such as the New York Times, the The Funny Times and his hometown San Francisco Chronicle. His weekly podcasts can be heard on various radio stations and his website, willdurst.com. (Click here for full Wikipedia article)


Ah. Columbus Day. Guy had no idea where he was going. Couldn't figure out where he was. Did it all on borrowed money. He is an American hero.

Comedy is defiance. It's a snort of contempt in the face of fear and anxiety. And it's the laughter that allows hope to creep back on the inhale.

Congressional responsibility. It's like saying Fukushima Sushi.

Every time I hear the oil companies talk about solar energy I worry they've developed a plan to block out the sun.

Everybody says not enough people vote. Now, I don't know nothing, but after the midterms, pretty obvious to me, that too many people vote.

Good to see the CIA finally acknowledging Area 51. Maybe one of these days we can get them to recognize the existence of the Constitution.

How did sex come to be thought of as dirty in the first place? God must have been a Republican.

I hate the outdoors. To me the outdoors is where the car is.

I'd accuse the Democrats of being afraid of their own shadow, but I have yet to be convinced they actually cast one.

If you're worried about losing a job to someone without a fifth grade education who doesn't speak English, immigration is not your biggest problem.

In San Francisco, Halloween is redundant.

It is my experience that the best way to deal with American politics is 50 milligrams of Zoloft 3 times a day.

It's okay to laugh in the bedroom so long as you don't point.

Men are superior to women, for one thing they can urinate from a speeding car.

Pope Benedict XVI admits he used to be a member of the Nazi Party, but he didn't want to be. He was forced to join as a youth and got out as soon as he could. And I can relate, because that pretty much mirrors my experience with the Catholic Church.

So, 'No boots on the ground,' sounds pretty good. And then you begin to suspect the Pentagon has developed combat slippers.

The administration says the American people want tax cuts. Well, duh. The American people also want drive-through nickel beer night. The American people want to lose weight by eating ice cream. The American people love the Home Shopping Network because it's commercial-free.

The only reason Congress isn’t like a petulant child grabbing a ball and going home is an excess of petulant children and a lack of balls.

The only time you can believe a politician is when he says his opponent is a lying thief.

This means it's okay for me to kick a Supreme Court Justice right in the shin because my religion considers punishing stupidity a sacrament.


(March 18 is also the birthday of Grover Cleveland and John Updike.)

Categories: Question of the day, Will Durst


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