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Quotes of the day: The Universe

Published Friday, March 13, 2015 @ 7:59 PM EDT
Mar 13 2015

Anyone informed that the universe is expanding and contracting in pulsations of eighty billion years has a right to ask, What's in it for me?
-Peter De Vries

Applications programming is a race between software engineers, who strive to produce idiot-proof programs, and the universe which strives to produce bigger idiots. So far the Universe is winning.
-Rich Cook

Are we alone in an uncaring universe, or is God some kind of wiseguy?
-Matt Groening

Conservatism is less a set of ideas than it is a pathological distemper, a militant anger over the fact that the universe is not closed and life is not static.
-Bill Moyers

Do it for yourself. The universe will be around to collect its cut later.
-Lois McMaster Bujold

Every time we start thinking we're the center of the universe, the universe turns around and says with a slightly distracted air, 'I'm sorry. What'd you say your name was again?'
-Margaret Maron

God could create the universe in six days because he didn't have to make it backward-compatible.

How could you say the best form of government is a republic if you think the universe is a monarchy?
-Alan Watts

Humor is just another defense against the universe.
-Mel Brooks

I do not believe in the God of theology who rewards good and punishes evil. My God created laws that take care of that. His universe is not ruled by wishful thinking, but by immutable laws.
-Albert Einstein

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
-Arthur C. Clarke

I'm worried that the universe will soon need replacing. It's not holding a charge.
-Edward Chilton

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
-George Carlin

If you don't like it, go somewhere else, to another universe where the rules are simpler.
-Richard P. Feynman

If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe.
-Carl Sagan

It is better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however reassuring.
-Carl Sagan

Just because some of us can read and write and do a little math, that doesn't mean we deserve to conquer the Universe.
-Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

My universe is my eyes and my ears. Anything else is hearsay.
-Douglas Adams

Our Universe is simply one of those things which happen from time to time.
-Edward P. Tryon

Physics is the universe's operating system.
-Steven R. Garman

Sometimes I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

The basic laws of the universe are simple, but because our senses are limited, we can't grasp them. There is a pattern in creation.
-Albert Einstein

The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.
-Scott Adams

The most terrifying fact about the universe is not that it is hostile but that it is indifferent.
-Stanley Kubrick

The spirit of the universe is at once creative and destructive- it creates while it destroys and destroys while it creates, and therefore it remains to us a riddle.
-Albert Schweitzer

The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
-Harlan Ellison

The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen, and quotes about hydrogen and stupidity.
-John Alejandro King (The Covert Comic)

The universe considers me its personal cat toy.
-J. Michael Straczynski

The universe did not invent justice. Man did. Unfortunately, man must reside in the universe.
-Roger Zelazny

The universe is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.
-Eden Phillpotts

The universe is like a safe to which there is a combination. But the combination is locked up in the safe.
-Peter De Vries

The universe is made of stories, not atoms.
-Muriel Rukeyser

The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind- a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.
-Woody Allen

The universe is mostly empty space, and so is your job.
-Scott Adams

The universe must be full of voices, calling from star to star in a myriad tongues. One day we shall join that cosmic conversation.
-Arthur C. Clarke

The universe will reward you for taking risks on its behalf.
-Shakti Gawain

There are many aspects of the universe that still cannot be explained satisfactorily by science; but ignorance only implies ignorance that may someday be conquered. To surrender to ignorance and call it God has always been premature, and it remains premature today.
-Isaac Asimov

There is a coherent plan in the universe, though I don't know what it's a plan for.
-Fred Hoyle

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
-Frank Zappa

There is no such thing as luck; there is only adequate or inadequate preparation to cope with a statistical universe.
-Robert A. Heinlein

There was no 'before' the beginning of our universe, because once upon a time there was no time.
-John B. Barrow

Two possibilities exist: Either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying.
-Arthur C. Clarke

We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But we can understand the Universe. That makes us something very special.
-Stephen Hawking

We do not have to visit a madhouse to find distorted minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe.
-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

You find out that the universe is a system that creeps up on itself and says 'Boo!' and then laughs at itself for jumping.
-Alan Watts


(March 14 is also the birthday of Albert Einstein.)

Categories: Quotes of the day, Quotes on a topic, The Universe


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