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Published Wednesday, April 03, 2013 @ 3:05 AM EDT
Apr 03 2013

If a pretty picture and a cute saying are all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a very easy job. The kind robots will be doing soon.


Happy 15th anniversary to Dr. Larry Kersten and the good folk at Despair, Inc., whose "Demotivators" line and calendars has restored my faith in the power of positive pessimism.


As long as we have each other, we'll never run out of problems.

Attitudes are contagious. Mine might kill you.

Before you attempt to beat the odds, be sure you could survive the odds beating you.

Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them.

Every dark cloud has a silver lining, but lightning kills hundreds of people each year who try to find it.

Government: If you think the problems we create are bad, just wait until you see our solutions.

Get to work. You aren't being paid to believe in the power of your dreams.

If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.

If you can't learn to do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly.

If you find yourself struggling with loneliness, you're not alone. And yet you are alone. So very alone.

If you want to get to the top, prepare to kiss a lot of the bottom.

Consulting: If you're not part of the solution, there's good money to be made in prolonging the problem.

Increase success by lowering expectations.

It could be the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.

It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesn't take any to just sit there with a dumb look on your face.

It's amazing how much easier it is for a team to work together when no one has any idea where they're going.

It's best to avoid standing between a competitive jerk and his goals.

It's lonely at the top. But it's comforting to look down upon everyone at the bottom.

Leaders are like eagles. We don't have either of them here.

Luck can't last a lifetime, unless you die young.

Mediocrity: It takes a lot less time and most people won't notice the difference until it's too late.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent, but you'd be a fool to withhold that from your superiors.

Meetings: None of us is as dumb as all of us.

Not all pain is gain.

Not everyone gets to be an astronaut when they grow up.

Pain is just weakness leaving the body. Sometimes your spirit tags along with it.

Procrastination: Hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now.

Quitters never win, winners never quit, but those that never win AND never quit are idiots.

Sometimes the best solution to a morale problem is just to fire all of the unhappy people.

Success is a journey, not a destination, so stop running.

Teach every child you meet the importance of forgiveness. It's our only hope of surviving their wrath once they realize just how badly we've screwed things up for them.

That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable.

The best leaders inspire by example. When that's not an option, brute intimidation works pretty well, too.

The downside to being better than everyone else is that people tend to assume you're pretentious.

The harder you try, the dumber you look.

The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you.

The tallest blade of grass is the first to be cut by the lawn mower.

There are no stupid questions, but there a lot of inquisitive idiots.

There comes a time when every team must learn to make individual sacrifices.

There is an island of opportunity in the middle of every difficulty. Miss that, though, and you're pretty much doomed.

There is no joy greater than soaring high on the wings of your dreams, except maybe the joy of watching a dreamer who has nowhere to land but in the ocean of reality.

Until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore, you will not know the terror of being forever lost at sea.

When birds fly in the right formation, they need only exert half the effort. Even in nature, teamwork results in collective laziness.

When the winds of change blow hard enough, the most trivial of things can turn into a deadline projectile.

You can do anything you set your mind to when you have vision, determination, and an endless supply of expendable labor.

You'll always miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take, and, statistically speaking, 99 percent of the shots you do.

Your role may be thankless, but if you're willing to give it your all, you just might bring success to those who outlast you.

Categories: Despair, Inc., Quotes of the day


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