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Bring it on
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Published Monday, April 16, 2012 @ 8:49 AM EDT
Apr 16 2012

Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passions, they cannot alter the state of the facts and evidence.
-John Quincy Adams

The original version of this list appears here. I removed what I thought were the more immature and insulting entries.

I actually don't like arguing about this stuff. I'm a realist. I accept things that are true. I never forward e-mails without first checking Snopes, and when I read an article that makes a particularly egregious claim, I make it a point to go back to the source material to determine if the author's interpretation is objective or ideologically skewed.

When you tell me something that is not true, it can me only one of two things: you are lying to me or you are misinformed.

If the former, I have no use for you. Spare me the symantic calisthenics. You are beneath contempt. Go away.

If the latter, I will show you the evidence. If you refuse to accept the truth, you are an idiot... but you may have other redeeming qualities. Whether I want you to go away depends upon whether the delusions you've embraced are harmful to the Republic and/or my well-being. As Thomas Jefferson said, "...it does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg."

Anyway, for those so inclined, here's a brief list of things you can say to irritate your conservative friends. Stick any of them into Google and you'll have hours of delightful reading.

A Socialist wrote the Pledge of Allegiance.
 
Jesus healed the sick and helped the poor. For free.
 
Joseph McCarthy was an un-American, witch hunting sissy.
 
The South lost the Civil War. Get over it.
 
The Founding Fathers were liberals.
 
Sarah Palin is an idiot.
 
The Earth is round.
 
Ronald Reagan raised taxes eleven times as President.
 
Ronald Reagan signed California's Therapeutic Abortion Act while Governor of California.
 
Ronald Reagan supported gun control.
 
Richard Nixon created the Environmental Protection Agency.
 
Global warming is real.
 
Republicans hate illegal immigrants, unless they need their lawns mowed or their houses cleaned.
 
The military is a government-run institution, so why do Republicans approve the defense budget?
 
The government, when run by Democrats, put a man on the moon in under ten years.
 
The Cold War is over and the Soviet Union no longer exists.
 
Paying taxes is patriotic.
 
The Republican Party began as a liberal party.
 
The President's full name is Barack Hussein Obama and he was born in the United States of America.
 
George W. Bush held hands with and kissed the King of Saudi Arabia.
 
President Obama saved the American auto industry, while Republicans wanted to destroy it.
 
Hate is not a Christian virtue.
 
Jesus was a liberal.
 
Republicans spend more money than Democrats.
 
Public schools educate all children; private schools are for indoctrinating children.
 
The Constitution is the law of the land. The Bible is not.
 
Sharia law doesn't exist in America.
 
The President is not a Muslim.
 
Corporations are not people.
 
Fox News is a right-wing propaganda machine.
 
The Federal Reserve was a Republican idea.
 
Women are equal citizens who deserve equal rights.
 
Women control their own bodies.
 
Please use spell-check.
 
It's pundit, not pundint.
 
Social Security is solvent through 2038.
 
Roe v. Wade was a bipartisan ruling made by a conservative leaning Supreme Court.
 
Barack Obama ordered the killing of Osama Bin Laden. It took him two and half years to do what Bush couldn't do in eight.
 
Waterboarding is torture.
 
9/11 happened on George W. Bush's watch, and he and his staff ignored explicit warnings of an impending attack. He did not keep America safe.
 
The word "God" does not appear in the Constitution for a reason.
 
The Constitution states, "no religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office or public trust under the United States. What part of "ever" don't you understand? Muslims are protected by the Constitution, just as much as Christians.
 
America is a nation of immigrants, therefore we are all anchor babies.
 
The white race isn't disappearing, it's evolving.
 
Evolution is real.
 
The Earth is 4.54 billion years old, not 6,000.
 
The Founding Fathers did not free the slaves.
 
The Revolution was not fought over slavery.
 
Paul Revere warned the Americans, not the British.
 
Federal law has precedence over state law.
 
The Civil War was about slavery, not states' rights.
 
Getting out of a recession requires government spending.
 
Republicans will take care of you until the day you are born.
 
Fox News is owned by an Australian and has a Saudi prince as an investor.
 
Republicans complain about immigrants taking American jobs, then freely ship American overseas to increase their wealth..
 
Labor unions built this country.
 
Jesus was a Jew, not a Christian.
 
Churches should stay out of politics, or be taxed.
 
The current corporate tax rate is the lowest it has been in 60 years.
 
The Republican answer to the massive oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico was to apologize to BP, a foreign oil company.

The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy, that is the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness.
-John Kenneth Galbraith


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