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A whole lotta love...

Published Monday, February 14, 2011 @ 2:44 PM EST
Feb 14 2011

Puppy love is no laughing matter when you're a puppy.
-Gamerman, Amy

"All you need is love?" Yeah? Try payin' the effin' rent with it.
-Richards, Keith

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
-Rowland, Helen

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
-Gabor, Zsa Zsa

A man in love is like a clipped coupon-it's time to cash in.
-West, Mae

All great lovers are articulate, and verbal seduction is the surest road to actual seduction.
-Mannes, Marya

All I know of love is that Love is all there is.
-Dickinson, Emily

All that matters is love and work.
-Freud, Sigmund

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
-Schulz, Charles M.

And when I say you sucked my brains out, the English translation is that I am in love with you.
-DiFranco, Ani

Before I met my husband I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times.
-Rudner, Rita

Between lovers a little confession is a dangerous thing.
-Rowland, Helen

Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
-Wilde, Oscar

But he who cannot reveal himself cannot love, and he who cannot love is the most unhappy man of all.
-Kierkegaard, Soren

Did you ever notice that "love" spelled backwards is "evil"? Well, not exactly, but it's still pretty scary.

Don't cook. Don't clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum- "My God, the floor's immaculate. Lie down, you hot bitch."
-Rivers, Joan

Don't threaten me with love, baby. Let's just go walking in the rain.
-Holiday, Billie

Drink and dance and laugh and lie,
Love, the reeling midnight through,
For tomorrow we shall die!
(But, alas, we never do.)
-Parker, Dorothy

Every love is the love before
In a duller dress.
-Parker, Dorothy

Every man loves two women; the one is the creation of his imagination and the other is not yet born.
-Gibran, Kahlil

Everything we do in life is based on fear, especially love.
-Brooks, Mel

Falling out of love is chiefly a matter of forgetting how charming someone is.
-Murdoch, Jean Iris

For you to ask advice on the rules of love is no better than to ask advice on the rules of madness.

Four be the things I'd have been better without:
love, curiosity, freckles and doubt.
-Parker, Dorothy

Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship- never.
-Colton, Charles Caleb

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
-Gabor, Zsa Zsa

Greater love hath no man than to attend the Episcopal Church with his wife.
-Johnson, Lyndon B.

Grief is the price we pay for love.
-Meyer, Sir Christopher

Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned,
Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned.
-Congreve, William

Hold fast to whatever fragments of love are left, for sometimes a mosaic is more beautiful than an unbroken pattern.
-Powell, Dawn

I love you more today than yesterday. Yesterday, you really got on my nerves.

-(Greeting card)

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
-Bissonette, David

I suppose that when a man has once loved a woman he will do anything for her, except continue to love her.
-Wilde, Oscar

I think most folks that are hooked up are like me, and suspect they hit the love lottery, but they haven't finished scratching off the ticket yet.
-Andy, Mark

I will show you a love potion without drug or herb, or any witch's spell; if you wish to be loved, love.

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another and I know there are people in the world that do not love their fellow human beings and I hate people like that!
-Lehrer, Tom

If grass can grow through cement, love can find you anywhere.

If it is your time, love will track you down like a cruise missile.
-Barry, Lynda

If love is blind, why is Victoria's Secret so successful?

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
-Tomlin, Lily

If love means never having to say you're sorry, then marriage means always having to say everything twice.
-Getty, Estelle

If men were as great lovers as they think they are, we women wouldn't have time to do our hair.
-Dietrich, Marlene

If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools.
-Mansfield, Katherine

If two people love each other there can be no happy end to it.
-Hemingway, Ernest

If you love a man, set him free. If he comes back, it means he's forgotten his sandwiches.
-Birtles, Jasmine

If you really love someone it shouldn't matter what's been in their orifices.

If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.
-King, Alan

In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing.
-McLaughlin, Mignon

It is useless to hold a person to anything he says while he's in love, drunk, or running for office.
-MacLaine, Shirley

Life is one fool thing after another where as love is two fool things after each other.
-Wilde, Oscar

Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction.
-de Saint-Exupery, Antoine

Love doesn't drop on you unexpectedly; you have to give off signals, sort of like an amateur radio operator.
-Brown, Helen Gurley

Love doesn't just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread, re-made all the time, made new.
-LeGuin, Ursula K.

Love doesn't make people into fools. But it might expose them.
-Bryon, S.

Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.
-Jones, Franklin P.

Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
-Marx, Groucho

Love is a decision, not an emotion.

Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig, and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun.
-Groening, Matt

Love is a series
Of darlings and dearies
Of honeys and sweeties
And sugared entreaties
Of moonings and spoonings
And cooings and billings
All tempered, of course,
By occasional killings.
-Harburg, E.Y.

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra. Suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.
-Groening, Matt

Love is all fun and games until someone loses an eye or gets pregnant.
-Cole, Jim

Love is an emotion that is based on an opinion of women that is impossible for those who have had any experience with them.
-Mencken, H.L.

Love is an extension of life, and lust is an extension.
-Dangerfield, Rodney

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
-Frost, Robert

Love is blind, but desire just doesn't give a good goddamn.
-Thurber, James

Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
-Renard, Jules

Love is like epidemic diseases. The more one fears it, the more likely one is to contract it.
-Chamfort, Nicolas

Love is moral even without legal marriage, but marriage is immoral without love.
-Key, Ellen

Love is only the dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.
-Maugham, W. Somerset

Love is the cheapest of religions.
-Pavese, Cesare

Love is the difficult realization that something other than oneself is real.
-Murdoch, Jean Iris

Love is the flower of life, and blossoms unexpectedly and without law, and must be plucked where it is found, and enjoyed for the brief hour of its duration.
-Lawrence, D.H.

Love means having to say you're sorry every five damn minutes.
-Maher, Bill

Love, not time, heals all wounds.
-Rooney, Andy

Many a man who falls in love with a dimple make the mistake of marrying the whole girl.
-Esar, Evan

Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.
-Kerr, Jean

Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.
-Marlowe, Christopher

Ninety-nine percent of the world's lovers are not with their first choice. That's what makes the jukebox play.
-Nelson, Willie

No matter how much a woman loved a man, it would still give her a glow to see him commit suicide for her.
-Mencken, H.L.

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Romania.
-Parker, Dorothy

Oh, now there's only one kind of love that lasts. That's unrequited love. It stays with you forever.
-Allen, Woody

People ask if it's possible to find love after age 40. The answer is yes; you just have to reach your hand down a little lower.
-King, John Alejandro (The Covert Comic)

People who are sensible about love are incapable of it.
-Yates, Douglas

Perfect love sometimes does not come until grandchildren are born.
-Welsh Proverb

Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.

The best proof of love is trust.
-Brothers, Dr. Joyce

The definition of a beautiful woman is one who loves me.
-Wilson, Sloan

The first duty of love is to listen.
-Tillich, Paul

The first sigh of love is the last of wisdom.
-Bret, Antoine

The love we give away is the only love we keep.
-Hubbard, Elbert

The lovely thing about being forty is that you can appreciate twenty-five year old men more.
-McCullough, Colleen

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.
-Lewis, Joe E.

The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
-Chesterton, G.K.

The whole thing about matrimony is this: We fall in love with a personality, but we must live with a character.
-de Vries, Peter

There is no reciprocity. Men love women, women love children and children love hamsters.
-Ellis, Alice Thomas

There is nothing finer than the love of a good woman. But the love of two bad women is nothing to sneeze at.
-Spiro, Lev L.

There's a certain part of the contented majority who love anybody who is worth a billion dollars.
-Galbraith, John Kenneth

There's something like a line of gold thread running through a man's words when he talks to his daughter, and gradually over the years it gets to be long enough for you to pick up in your hands and weave into a cloth that feels like love itself.
-Brown, John Gregory

To be loved, you have to be nice to everybody every day. To be hated, you don't have to do squat.
-(From the TV series The Simpsons)

To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
-Nash, Ogden

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless- it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.
-Lewis, C.S.

True love comes gently, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
-Segal, Erich

True love is like ghosts, which everybody talks about and few have seen.
-de la Rochefoucauld, Francois

Two things a man cannot hide: that he is drunk, and that he is in love.

We don't believe in rheumatism and true love until after the first attack.
-von Eschenbach, Marie Ebner

We're here to ruin ourselves, and break our hearts and love the wrong people and die.
-Shanley, John Patrick (From the film Moonstruck)

What we can do for another is the test of powers; what we can suffer is the test of love.
-Westcott, Bruce F.

When the coin is tossed either Love or Lust will fall uppermost. But if the metal is right, under the one will always be the other.
-Brenan, Gerald

When the satisfaction or the security of another person becomes as significant to one as one's own satisfaction or security, then the state of love exists.
-Sullivan, Harry Stack

When wounded by those you love, try to keep in mind that there is a vast gulf between malice and weakness.
-Johnson, Lyle

Who, being loved, is poor?
-Wilde, Oscar

Without love, intelligence is dangerous; without intelligence, love is not enough.
-Montagu, Ashley

You need someone to love while you're looking for someone to love.
-Delaney, Shelagh

You've decided to love me for eternity and I'm still deciding who I want to be today.
-DiFranco, Ani

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I like the cut of your gibberish...

Published Monday, February 14, 2011 @ 7:05 AM EST
Feb 14 2011

"Now, who can argue with that?"

According to the CBS Los Angeles website, Ms. Branson is a winner of the Frank Shakespeare Award for Outstanding Achievement in Journalism. Frank was Bill's dyslexic brother.

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