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Political jokes of the week
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Published Friday, December 10, 2010 @ 12:28 PM EST
Dec 10 2010

The week's best late-night political jokes, from Daniel Kurtzman's Political Humor Blog.

It looks like the Bush-era tax cuts for the rich will continue, due to a strong Republican leader, Barack Obama. Today Obama changed his slogan from 'Yes we can' to 'Yes, we caved.' It's so bad for him, now Democrats want to see his birth certificate.
-Jay Leno

President Obama has agreed to extend the Bush-era tax cuts. Because if there's anything we need, it's an extension of the Bush era.
-David Letterman

Great. Let's extend the policies of the guy who gave us the greatest recession in the history of the planet.
-David Letterman

So it's Bush tax cuts for two more years, and then it'll be up to President Palin.
-David Letterman

Part-time Governor Sarah Palin shot and killed a reindeer on last week's TV show. And that was her Christmas special. Took her three shots. Well, she's rusty. Last thing she brought down was John McCain.
-David Letterman

Sarah Palin shot a reindeer on the last episode of her show. You don't typically see politicians shooting reindeer to death two weeks before Christmas.
-Jimmy Kimmel

Between the made-up words and wildly shooting at anything with four legs, Sarah Palin is turning into Elmer Fudd.
-Jimmy Kimmel

On Sarah Palin's next show she gets together with Kate Gosselin and her kids. This may be the biggest meeting of media whores since Michael and Dina Lohan got together to conceive Lindsay.
-Jimmy Kimmel

The WikiLeaks founder is being sought by Swedish authorities on charges of sexual assault. He says, if he's arrested, he'll release a poison pill of encoded documents, including ones about UFOs. Arrest him. I want to hear about the UFOs.
-Jimmy Kimmel

Julian Assange was arrested by British authorities. Our secrets are safe- as long as no one else figures out how to use the Internet.
-Jimmy Kimmel

President Obama's pledge to have the most transparent administration in history has come true. Thanks to WikiLeaks.
-Jay Leno

'A Charlie Brown Christmas' was just on. According to a recent poll, most Americans think Charlie Brown is a Muslim.
-David Letterman

Nigerian authorities are charging former Vice President Dick Cheney on a bribery scandal that involves Haliburton. That's when you know you're bad, when guys in Nigeria are accusing you of running a scam. Cheney has offered to be hooked up to a polygraph, as soon as he's unhooked from the defibrillator.
-Jay Leno

The season wouldn't feel the same without people going out of their way to be offended by nothing.
-Jon Stewart on the War on Christmas

Legislation was enacted in 1993 designed to allow gay people to serve in the military as long as they told their colleagues that the ripped, topless and be-jean shorted fireman that they had in their foot locker was cousin Rico.
-Jon Stewart on Don't Ask, Don't Tell

The Republicans might be willing to allow homosexual men and women to die for their country, once anyone earning over $500,000 a year is allowed to park in handicapped spaces and be addressed as 'Guvner' in an English accent.
-Daily Show correspondent John Oliver on Don't Ask Don't Tell


Categories: Daily Show, Jon Stewart, Political Jokes of the Week, Quotes of the day


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Paul McCartney and Jimmy Fallon sing the original lyrics to "Yesterday"
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Published Friday, December 10, 2010 @ 8:23 AM EST
Dec 10 2010

Scrambled Eggs
 
Scrambled eggs, oh my baby how I love your legs
But not as much as I love scrambled eggs
Oh we should eat some scrambled eggs.
 
Waffle fries, oh my darling how I love your thighs
Not as much as I love waffle fries
Oh have you tried the waffle fries?
 
They are so damned good
That they should be illegal
They're like regular fries
But they're shaped like a waffle.
 
Chicken (tofu) wings, oh my baby when I hear you sing
All I think about is chicken wings,
Oh did you bring the chicken wings?
There's a place I know where I go for kick-ass wings
We could even get a side of onion rings
 
Scrambled eggs, oh my baby how I love your legs
Not as much as I love scrambled eggs
Oh let's go get some scrambled eggs.


Categories: Music, Video


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