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Best Late-Night Jokes of 2010 (So Far)

Published Saturday, October 23, 2010 @ 5:31 AM EDT
Oct 23 2010

Daniel Kurtzman does a superb job running About.com's political humor category, and he's put together a page of Best Late-Night Jokes of 2010 (So Far), a representative sample of which follows:

Sarah Palin and President Bush have new books coming out this fall. You know what that means? This could plunge America into a huge crayon shortage.
-Jay Leno

Levi Johnston is running for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska. Ironically, many of the babies he'll kiss on the campaign trail will be his own.
-Jay Leno

How to describe Rand Paul? I mean, he's a doctor. It's as if Sarah Palin somehow made it through medical school.
-Bill Maher, on Kentucky Senate candidate and Tea Party hero Rand Paul

While criticizing President Obama during an interview on Good Morning America this week, Rudy Giuliani said, "We had no domestic attacks under Bush." You know, I knew one day we would reach a point where people would forget about 9/11, but I never thought you would be the first.
-Seth Meyers

The Supreme Court ruled that the government cannot stop corporations from spending money on political candidates. Which explains why Sarah Palin has accepted $1 million to change her name to Pizza Hut.
-Jimmy Fallon

What a week in Washington. They passed health care, they're talking about immigration reform, it looks like they've ended "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," and they're legalizing marijuana. Let me tell you something, if you're a gay drug dealer from Mexico who snuck across the border for free health care so you could join the Navy, this is the greatest year of your life.
-Jay Leno

Of course, a lot of right wingers are very upset about this because they believe this health care bill will cost a lot of money. You know what I think? Just pretend it's another unnecessary war. You'll feel better about it already.
-Jay Leno

Sarah Palin's also getting criticized because last week she demanded that Obama's chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel, step down because he used the word retarded. But then, Rush Limbaugh did the same thing on his radio show, and that, she said, was O.K. Unfortunately, she's been unable to respond to the criticism because she's wearing mittens.
-Jimmy Kimmel

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.
-David Letterman

I find it strange that Sarah Palin would be shopping a reality show considering the fact that she hasn't shown much interest in reality.
-Jimmy Kimmel

During his acceptance speech, newly elected Senator Scott Brown told the crowd that his two daughters are both available. Man, so many great American speeches, right? "Four score and seven years ago," "Ask not what your country can do for you," "I have a dream," and now, "My daughters are both available."
Jimmy Fallon

One of John McCain's former top campaign aides says that when he talked to Sarah Palin after McCain picked her to be his running mate, she said it was "God's plan." So, apparently, God wanted Obama to win.
-Jay Leno

Some critics are saying that Palin won't last on Fox because she's an over-emotional woman who gets the facts wrong. But I disagree. It's working great for Glenn Beck, so she'll be fine.
-Craig Ferguson

Well, folks, Sarah Palin has admitted she tried marijuana several years ago, but she did not like it. She said it distorted her perceptions, impaired her thinking, and she's hoping that the effects will eventually wear off.
-Jay Leno

Meg Whitman said she's willing to take a lie detector test to prove that she didn't know that she had an illegal alien cleaning her house. You know what, if we wanted a governor who swears they have no idea what's happening in their house, we'd move to Alaska.
-Bill Maher

Being politicians, they all got to sharing their personal stories. Obama talked about his mother's battle with cancer. Harry Reid talked about a kid with a cleft palate. And John McCain told how he once carried a brain dead woman through an entire campaign.
-Bill Maher, on Obama's health care summit

Categories: Craig Ferguson, Quotes of the day, Supreme Court


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