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ISSN: 1525-898X
Observations by and for the vaguely disenchanted by Kevin G. Barkes

 

Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.

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network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...

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Anniversary

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Requiem for a fictional Scotsman

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Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!

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Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon

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It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day

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A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City

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Da Burg Annat

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I Have Issues

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Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired

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At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh

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He knows if yinz is a jagoff

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Please support KGB Report by making your amazon.com purchases through our affiliate link:
 

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dcl dialogue online!

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no. we're not that kgb.

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KGB, CIA linked

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The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!

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Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution

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Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000

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Cruel Site of the Day, 7/15/2000

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miscellany

Hard to describe.

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"a breezy writing style and a cool mix of tidbits"

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Our riveting and morally compelling...

Privacy statement

One of  52,537 random quotes. Please CTRL-F5 to refresh the page.

	kgbreport.com Web

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(July 2000 and earlier)

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Saturday, July 05, 2008
posted by KGB at 12:02 AM (permalink)

Quotes of the day

Which explain why we find ourselves in our current perilous economic condition:

"Wait a minute. What did you just say? You're predicting $4 a gallon gas? ... That's interesting. I hadn't heard that."
-George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Feb. 28, 2008

"And so the fact that they purchased the machine meant somebody had to make the machine. And when somebody makes a machine, it means there's jobs at the machine-making place."
-George W. Bush, Mesa, Arizona, May 27, 2008

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Friday, July 04, 2008
posted by KGB at 12:01 AM (permalink)

Since today is probably going to be a washout...

Rent or buy 1776, the 1972 film version of the 1969 Tony award-winning musical.

While the show does take liberties with the historical record- this is a musical, after all- it masterfully captures the attitude and reasoning behind America's fight for independence, and reveals "The Founders" not to be demigods, but ordinary men struggling for their rights and freedoms.

It's an intelligent, witty and gripping tale, peppered with lines taken from actual correspondence between John Adams and his wife Abigail. Disgusted with his colleagues, Adams tells them "I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is called a disgrace; that two are called a law firm, and that three or more become a Congress!" and complains, "At a stage in life when other men prosper, I'm reduced to living in Philadelphia." As Congress edits Jefferson's Declaration of Independence to avoid alienating certain elements of the British government, Adams fumes, "This is a revolution, damn it! We're going to have to offend somebody!", and "They won't be happy until they remove one of the F's from Jefferson's name!"

This is a great introduction to American history for kids. After the parade and before the picnic and fireworks, sit down as a family and enjoy this film, and feel the tingle in your spine when William Daniels sings Adams' own words,

I see fireworks!
I see the pageant and pomp and parade!
I hear the bells ringing out!
I hear the cannons roar!
I see Americans - all Americans -
Free forever more!

Howard Da Silva as Benjamin Franklin
and William Daniels as John Adams in "1776"

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Thursday, July 03, 2008
posted by KGB at 12:14 AM (permalink)

Kafkaesque Quotes of the day

Franz Kafka, (July 3, 1883 - June 3, 1924)

All knowledge, the totality of all questions and all answers is contained in the dog.

Capitalism is a condition both of the world and of the soul.

Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.

Don't despair, not even over the fact that you don't despair.

Every man lives behind bars, which he carries within him.

Every revolution evaporates and leaves behind only the slime of a new bureaucracy.

Evil is whatever distracts.

In any fight between you and the world, back the world.

It's often safer to be in chains than to be free.

The meaning of life is that it stops.

We live in an age which is so possessed by demons, that soon we shall only be able to do goodness and justice in the deepest secrecy, as if it were a crime.

You are free and that is why you are lost.

Youth is happy because it has the capacity to see beauty. Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old.

There is hope, but not for us.

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Wednesday, July 02, 2008
posted by KGB at 2:08 AM (permalink)

Pittsburgh comet strike, as seen from the West End

To be accurate, it looks like the asteroid actually took out Millvale, and the Downtown was just collateral damage.

Trust me, the clip is all you need to see. The Science Channel, which is airing this stinker, calls it Impact Earth, while the Internet Movie Database refers to it as Comet Impact.

If it had been up to me, I would have called it Dull Thud.

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Tuesday, July 01, 2008
posted by KGB at 2:09 AM (permalink)

Quote of the day

I studied criminology, sociology, deviant psychology, abnormal psychology, and went into show business.
-Dan Aykroyd (b. July 1, 1952)

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Monday, June 30, 2008
posted by KGB at 8:28 AM (permalink)

The great thing about being a five-year old Pirates fan...

... is that you're pretty much guaranteed you'll have a great time at the ballpark, regardless of what happens on the field.

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posted by KGB at 2:54 AM (permalink)

Quote of the day

God help the man who won't marry until he finds a perfect woman, and God help him still more if he finds her.
-Benjamin Tillett

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Sunday, June 29, 2008
posted by KGB at 12:05 AM (permalink)

Quote of the day

Hey, there was an interesting study released today which says that people who live here in the state of California are less convinced that there is a God than the people of any other state in the country. On an unrelated note, more than 800 wildfires here in California are currently burning out of control.
-Jimmy Kimmel

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Copyright © 1987-2025 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...