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ISSN: 1525-898X
Observations by and for the vaguely disenchanted by Kevin G. Barkes

 

Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.

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network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...

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Anniversary

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Requiem for a fictional Scotsman

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Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!

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Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon

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It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day

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A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City

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Da Burg Annat

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I Have Issues

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Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired

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At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh

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He knows if yinz is a jagoff

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Please support KGB Report by making your amazon.com purchases through our affiliate link:
 

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dcl dialogue online!

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no. we're not that kgb.

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KGB, CIA linked

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The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!

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Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution

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Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000

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Cruel Site of the Day, 7/15/2000

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miscellany

Hard to describe.

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"a breezy writing style and a cool mix of tidbits"

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Our riveting and morally compelling...

Privacy statement

One of  52,041 random quotes. Please CTRL-F5 to refresh the page.

	kgbreport.com Web

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(July 2000 and earlier)

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Saturday, April 05, 2008
posted by KGB at 10:07 AM (permalink)

Quotes of the day

Bette Davis, 4/5/1908 - 10/6/1989:

A sure way to lose happiness, I found, is to want it at the expense of everything else.

Anyone who says life begins at forty is full of it.

There goes the famous good time that was had by all.

I would take a bad script and a good director any day against a good script and a bad director.

If you have never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent.

Just because someone dies [Joan Crawford] doesn't mean they've changed.

Marriage needs communication- and separate baths.

There comes a time in every woman's life when the only thing that helps is a glass of champagne.

Old age is no place for sissies.

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Friday, April 04, 2008
posted by KGB at 6:45 AM (permalink)

Happy Birthday, Marguerite Ann Johnson...

... aka Maya Angelou:

Because of our routines we often forget that life is an ongoing adventure.

Courage is the most important of all virtues, because without it we can't practice any other virtue with consistency.

Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.

There is nothing so pitiful as a young cynic because he has gone from knowing nothing to believing nothing.

There's a world of difference between truth and fact. Facts can obscure the truth.

We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated.

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain.

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Thursday, April 03, 2008
posted by KGB at 7:00 AM (permalink)

Quote of the day

I'd believe that the Internet was a "new type of library" when somebody showed me a library riddled with every booming variety of piracy, porn, fraud, spam and organized crime.
-Bruce Sterling

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Wednesday, April 02, 2008
posted by KGB at 5:00 AM (permalink)

Quote of the day

You think that stuff's pretty funny, don't you? Well, you look like a guy whose laptop would be seized by the authorities.
-Sen. John McCain

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posted by KGB at 4:53 AM (permalink)

Hit the ground running...

From those innovative folks at ThinkGeek, Spazztroids- a breakfast cereal loaded with caffeine and other essentials needed to start the day with a bang.

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Tuesday, April 01, 2008
posted by KGB at 3:42 AM (permalink)

Quote of the day

I'm eight years older, 10 pounds heavier, a half-inch shorter, and just in time for HD television.
-Kathie Lee Gifford, returning to television as a host on NBC's Today

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Monday, March 31, 2008
posted by KGB at 2:38 AM (permalink)

No wonder it sold out...

I mean, who wouldn't want their own Barbie trapped in carbonite?

(original listing here.)

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Sunday, March 30, 2008
posted by KGB at 2:10 AM (permalink)

But seriously, how about that John McCain?

David Letterman says John McCain looks like:

...a guy whose head you can barely see over the steering wheel
...the guy who thinks the nurses are stealing his stuff. 'Dad, why would they take your socks? It doesn't make sense.'"
...the kind of guy who brags that his new denture adhesive allows him to eat corn on the cob
...a guy who parked his RV overnight at Wal-Mart
...a guy at a restaurant that says I'm leaving ten percent, that's good enough
...the guy who goes to the curb for the paper and locks himself outside of the house
...the guy that walks up to the mound to settle down a young pitcher
...the guy who picks up his TV remote when the phone rings
...a guy who gets tickets for mowing under the influence
...a guy with a collection of movies he bought at the car wash
...a guy on the beach with a metal detector
...the guy who is still confused by the phone answering machine: 'Hello, is that - hello, is that you? Larry, Larry, hello?
...the guy who calls his grandson when he screws up the remote: 'Well, now all the shows are in Spanish. What am I going to do, hello?'"
...the guy at the movies whose wife has to repeat everything
...the guy who has to always be told something is on his chin
...a guy who still has a rotary phone
...a guy who's backed over his own mailbox
...a guy whose sweater is always mis-buttoned
...the guy who always tells you he's 72 years young
...the guy who's bragged that oatmeal has lowered his cholesterol
...the guy who should be co-hosting with Kelly Ripa
...the old guy at the barber shop?
...a Wal-Mart greeter
...the neighbor who says, 'Oh, that dead tree is on your property'
...always early for the early bird special
...the guy at the supermarket who is confused by the automatic doors
...the uncle who pretends to remove his thumb
...an old guy in a coffee shop who's still complaining about the designated hitter
...the guy who asks the driver if he's on the right bus
...the guy who's always saying, 'What was that? Nothing? That's what I thought.'"

(From about.com's political humor section)

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Copyright © 1987-2024 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...