Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.


network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...


Anniversary


Requiem for a fictional Scotsman


Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!


Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon


It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day


A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City


Da Burg Annat


I Have Issues


Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired


At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh


He knows if yinz is a jagoff


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dcl dialogue online!

I Love DCL


no. we're not that kgb.

Cool Spinny Thingy!


Ciao.
KGB, CIA linked


The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!


Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution


Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000

Geek of the Week


Cruel Site of the Day, 7/15/2000

Cruel Site of the Day (7/15/2000)


miscellany

Hard to describe.


"a breezy writing style and a cool mix of tidbits"

USA Today Hotsite


Our riveting and morally compelling...

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(July 2000 and earlier)


Saturday, April 28, 2007

Quote of the day

(Actually, the Newton paraphrase of the day:)

If I have seen farther than others, it's because I get to program the spy satellite.
The Covert Comic

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Thursday, April 26, 2007

Headline of the day

MISS AMERICA PAGEANT ADDS ENTRAPMENT TO TALENT COMPETITION

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Covering all the bases

Reader Rafal M. Sulejman sends along the above screen capture from yesterday's KGB Report.

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Graffiti of the day

Edgy art from Banksy. Not for those with gentle sensibilities, or who classify any painting in a public space to be vandalism.

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Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Quote of the day

When you've "turned the corner" in Iraq more times than Danica Patrick at the Indy 500, it means you are going in circles.
-Rep. Rahm Emanuel (D-IL)

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From the White House Correspondents Dinner...

Top Ten George W. Bush Moments

(It's a bit difficult to see, but in the final "moment", Mr. Bush, acting Presidential, hawks a loogie for the camera.)

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Wag to the right, you're all right...

The New York Times reports on a study entitled "Asymmetric tail-wagging responses by dogs to different emotive stimuli," which indicates you can determine how a dog feels about something by observing the "wagging bias" of his tail.

The bottom line: if a dog feels happy about the stimulus causing him to wag his tail, the tail will move farther to the right. If he's having negative feelings, the tail tends more to the left.

Scientists think this is because the left side of the brain contains the circuitry that processes happy thoughts, while the right side deals with unpleasantries.

Since the left and right sides of the brain control the opposite sides of the body, the happy left brain controls wagging to the right and the fearful right brain does the port side movement.

I dunno. This seems to raise more questions that it answers. What if the unknown canine facing you is left-handed... er, -pawed?

Can this behavior be applied to other species? Deer? Squirrels? Exotic dancers?

Additional research seems in order.

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Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Rapture of the bees?

More than a quarter of the country's 2.4 million bee colonies have been lost-- tens of billions of bees, according to an estimate from the Apiary Inspectors of America, a national group that tracks beekeeping. So far, no one can say what is causing the bees to become disoriented and fail to return to their hives.

As with any great mystery, a number of theories have been posed, and many seem to researchers to be more science fiction than science. People have blamed genetically modified crops, cellular phone towers and high-voltage transmission lines for the disappearances. Or was it a secret plot by Russia or Osama bin Laden to bring down American agriculture? Or, as some blogs have asserted, the rapture of the bees, in which God recalled them to heaven? Researchers have heard it all.

(via the New York Times)

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I'm shocked; shocked, I tell you....

Network Hosting Attorney Scandal E-Mails,
Also Hosted Ohio's 2004 Election Results

Did the most powerful Republicans in America have the computer capacity, software skills and electronic infrastructure in place on Election Night 2004 to tamper with the Ohio results to ensure George W. Bush's re-election?

The answer appears to be yes.

(from Crooks and Liars)

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You lookin' at me?

Finding deer in the park just isn't any fun when they're not afraid of you and just stare you down.

At least the ones that trespass in my back yard take off when they hear Beanie coming. I suspect it won't be long before these miscreants start shaking her down for dog biscuits.

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Monday, April 23, 2007

Quote of the day

No one can afford to sit back and eat bonbons while America's great passion for chocolate is threatened.
-Gary Guittard, chocolatier

Greedy manufacturers petition the FDA to redefine what constitutes chocolate, permitting them to boost profits by substituting vegatable oils for cocoa butter and milk protein substitutes for real milk.

You only have until Wednesday to complaing to the FDA. Go here for more info.

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Why you should read those error messages...

https://www.ziff.net/404/404.htm

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Sunday, April 22, 2007

Quote of the day

How many Americans is this President willing to sacrifice on the altar of his ego?

We're entering the fifth year of this war. Tens of thousands of people have died and are still dying, and the press has never come to grips with its complicity in helping this administration market a war that's being fought under false pretenses.

-Bill Moyers on Real Time with Bill Maher
(see the clip at Crooks and Liars)

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Every Sunday I give thanks...

... that there's nothing in Leviticus about liking show tunes.

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Copyright © 1987-2017 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...

commentwear


Crystal Methodist


Laugh while you can, monkey-boy


I am a professional. Do not try this at home.


I canna change the laws of physics


As a matter of fact, I *am* the boss of you.
(as a matter of fact, i AM the boss of you.)


Truly great madness cannot be achieved without signficant intelligence


I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.


Left wing liberal nut job


Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.


Eff the ineffable, scrute the inscrutable.


If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions.


If evolution is just a theory, why am I surrounded by monkeys?


Nutrition makes me puke


Feral Geek


eat wisely


Dyslexics have more fnu!


It's here!

Eff and Scrute

440 pages, over 11,000 quotations!

Eff the Ineffable, Scrute the Inscrutable


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