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ISSN: 1525-898X
Observations by and for the vaguely disenchanted by Kevin G. Barkes

 

Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.

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network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...

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Anniversary

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Requiem for a fictional Scotsman

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Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!

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Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon

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It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day

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A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City

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Da Burg Annat

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I Have Issues

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Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired

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At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh

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He knows if yinz is a jagoff

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Please support KGB Report by making your amazon.com purchases through our affiliate link:
 

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dcl dialogue online!

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no. we're not that kgb.

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KGB, CIA linked

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The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!

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Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution

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Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000

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Cruel Site of the Day, 7/15/2000

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miscellany

Hard to describe.

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"a breezy writing style and a cool mix of tidbits"

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Our riveting and morally compelling...

Privacy statement

One of  52,537 random quotes. Please CTRL-F5 to refresh the page.

	kgbreport.com Web

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(July 2000 and earlier)

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Friday, July 08, 2005
posted by KGB at 2:42 AM (permalink)

Thought of the day

From our friend and deep contact in the CIA, The Covert Comic:

"I put a dollar in a change machine in 1980. I've been afraid to put in another one ever since."

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posted by KGB at 2:18 AM (permalink)

Observations

The next time I go on vacation, I'm going to make certain it's somewhere that doesn't have cell phone coverage. Like downtown Chicago.

*****

The 7-11 at the entrance to South Park in suburban Pittsburgh has a sign that reads, "State minimum prices on cigarette packs or cartons or lower." Lower than the minimum?

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Local television news really sucks, but not as much as cable news. There is enough news out there for 24/7 coverage, but all they offer is mindless repetition. E.B. White was right: "Television hangs on the questionable theory that whatever happens anywhere should be sensed everywhere. If everyone is going to be able to see everything, in the long run all sights may lose whatever rarity value they once possessed, and it may well turn out that people, being able to see and hear practically everything, will be specially interested in almost nothing."

*****

Finally got around to seeing the movie version of The Phantom of the Opera, which is, to paraphrase a review of Jose Canseco's book Juiced, not yet the worst DVD of the year, but is, at this point, is the worst DVD in 100 years of cinema. It's a big steaming turd of a musical, miscast and badly acted. The beefcake du jour in the title role, Gerard Butler, sings like a Tasmanian Devil with croup, and the "horrible disfigurement" responsible for his unfortunate circumstances turns out to be an untreated bee sting.

It reminds me of a rich suburban high school's approach to staging a musical: throw money at it. Rent sets, lighting, and costumes from a real theatrical supplier, hire a professional string section and other key musicians to shore up the pit band, and make certain the production is technically flawless. Which is fine, except you still have to endure high schoolers pretending to be adults, and a director who should be teaching physical education.

*****

Boy, those French are sore losers, aren't they?

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Thursday, July 07, 2005
posted by KGB at 8:37 AM (permalink)

Google continues its plan of world domination

If you have a broadband internet connection and a computer less than about two years old, then you need to get Google Earth, the latest and greatest whizbang from the kids at Google Labs.

This is one of those programs where you just sit there and drool on the keyboard in stunned amazement.

Google Earth is an interactive satellite map of the whole freaking planet.

Put in an address and "fly" there. Zoom out several million miles, or down to a thousand feet or so.

It's like being God, if God used a Windows-based GUI interface.

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posted by KGB at 8:35 AM (permalink)

Quote of the day

"...Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said that the insurgencies in Iraq and Afghanistan were forcing the Pentagon to rethink its ability to lie about two wars at the same time."
Andy Borowitz, The Borowitz Report

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Tuesday, July 05, 2005
posted by KGB at 10:07 AM (permalink)

Quote of the day

"Elsewhere, NASA scientists said that the contact between the Deep Impact space probe and the Comet Tempel 1 was the largest head-on collision not involving Billy Joel."-Andy Borowitz, The Borowitz Report

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Copyright © 1987-2025 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...