Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.


network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...


Anniversary


Requiem for a fictional Scotsman


Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!


Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon


It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day


A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City


Da Burg Annat


I Have Issues


Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired


At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh


He knows if yinz is a jagoff


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I Love DCL


no. we're not that kgb.

Cool Spinny Thingy!


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KGB, CIA linked


The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!


Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution


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miscellany

Hard to describe.


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Saturday, June 18, 2005

Yep, it's the Apocalypse

https://www.secretlovercollection.com/, a greeting card line for people who are cheating on their spouses, combining the two defining traits of today's culture: immorality and stupidity.

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Thursday, June 16, 2005

Separated at birth?

 

Not to imply anything insidious, of course, like that Dr. Evil is a Republican.

Seriously, it's good to see that Senator Specter is up and around. Moderate Republicans are like whooping cranes: their continued survival should be of concern to everyone, regardless of political affiliation.

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Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Making it

Some dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life. One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He argued: "What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided that his best option in life was to become a teacher?" He reminded the other dinner guests that it's true what they say about teachers: "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach." To corroborate, he said to another guest: "You're a teacher, Susan. Be honest. What do you make?"

Susan, who had a reputation for honesty and frankness replied, "You want to know what I make? I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could. I can make a C+ feel like a Congressional Medal of Honor and an A feel like a slap in the face if the student did not do his or her very best. I can make kids sit through 40 minutes of Study Hall in absolute silence. I can make parents tremble in fear when I call home.

"You want to know what I make? I make kids wonder. I make them question. I make them critique. I make them apologize and mean it. I make them write. I make them read, read, read. I make them spell 'definitely beautiful,' 'definitely beautiful,' over and over and over, until they never misspell either one of those words again. I make them show all their work in math and hide it all on their final drafts in English. I make them understand that if you have the brains, then follow your heart... and if someone ever tries to judge you by what you make, you pay them no attention.

"You want to know what I make? I make a difference. What about you?"

(From various Internet sources. But I swear they're describing my mother.)

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Monday, June 13, 2005

Deja vu

"A power-hungry Republican president is carrying out an unpopular war in a foreign land for murky reasons.

"The FBI and CIA are being used as political tools to secretly investigate and intimidate groups that oppose the president.

"Some guy code-named "Deep Throat" is causing consternation in Washington.

"Unrest in the Mideast is sending gasoline prices skyrocketing to record levels.

"And the Rolling Stones are on tour."

(Observation by Steven W. Otte on the ABC World News Now mailing list.)

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More observations on security

TSA stopped me at Chicago O'Hare last Saturday morning because I had two micro-screwdrivers in my backpack.

I had stashed them in my backpack because I had needed to remove the access panel from my new laptop at work a few days earlier. I had forgotten to remove them.

I told TSA to keep them, since I didn't want to put my backpack through as checked luggage.

Upon arriving at home, I also discovered that I had forgotten to unpack- and TSA had missed- a third screwdriver and two disposable cigarette lighters.

But the flight arrived uneventfully in Pittsburgh, so I guess TSA must know what they're doing...

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Copyright © 1987-2017 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...

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Crystal Methodist


Laugh while you can, monkey-boy


I am a professional. Do not try this at home.


I canna change the laws of physics


As a matter of fact, I *am* the boss of you.
(as a matter of fact, i AM the boss of you.)


Truly great madness cannot be achieved without signficant intelligence


I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.


Left wing liberal nut job


Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.


Eff the ineffable, scrute the inscrutable.


If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions.


If evolution is just a theory, why am I surrounded by monkeys?


Nutrition makes me puke


Feral Geek


eat wisely


Dyslexics have more fnu!


It's here!

Eff and Scrute

440 pages, over 11,000 quotations!

Eff the Ineffable, Scrute the Inscrutable


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