Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.


network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...


Anniversary


Requiem for a fictional Scotsman


Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!


Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon


It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day


A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City


Da Burg Annat


I Have Issues


Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired


At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh


He knows if yinz is a jagoff


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I Love DCL


no. we're not that kgb.

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The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!


Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
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miscellany

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Friday, February 11, 2005

It's official.

This technology thing has just gone too far.

(Incidentally, this class of internet-enabled products is termed teledildonics. Yep. It even has a name.)

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Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Thought of the day

Baseball is what we were, and football is what we have become.-Mary McGrory

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Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Oh, swell.

According to this, I'm a "Supreme Nerd", ranking in the 91st percentile of nerdiness.

I suspect it's my recently adopted all-black wardrobe that put me over the edge.

Better than being a serial killer or a far-winger of either party, I guess.

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What a great idea!

The President has a swell idea. The federal budget's too scary? No problem! Don't include the costs of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and ignore the pesky trillions necessary to fund Social Security after "reform" starts diverting funds into the pockets of Wall Street movers and shakers.

Ok, everyone. Write your Congressmen and Senators and request they pass a law that forces credit reporting companies not to list your mortgage or credit card debt on their reports.

Suddenly, the world's a much happier place, isn't it?

"Either you deal with what is the reality, or you can be sure that the reality is going to deal with you."-Alex Haley

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Monday, February 07, 2005

Patriots? Eagles? I was rooting for the Lab mix.

While I did venture out to the local Chicago pub for the annual Super Bowl festivities, it was mainly just to acknowledge George and Peggy for their efforts. The ladies go all out, decorating the bar and making certain the regulars are well positioned. George even bought two new tvs a few weeks ago.

I don't even know if I won anything on the pool. I stayed through halftime, had some of Peggy's peerless thin crust pizza (free!), about a pound of peanuts and three Michelobs.

I returned to my sub-penthouse studio apartment hovel to tackle some nasty HTML for a client and to watch Animal Planet endlessly re-run their "Puppy Bowl", which consisted of a dozen or so puppies cavorting around a large pen decorated like a football stadium. Every once in a while a referee with a roll of paper towels would declare a foul and stride into the friendly ocean of fur to clean up the accidents.

You know, Animal Planet may have something here. If people will watch a televised image of a burning yule log, they'll watch puppies playing. Especially on a Sunday afternoon when there's nothing else on, anyway.

Especially when someone else is cleaning up the poop.

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Copyright © 1987-2017 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...

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Crystal Methodist


Laugh while you can, monkey-boy


I am a professional. Do not try this at home.


I canna change the laws of physics


As a matter of fact, I *am* the boss of you.
(as a matter of fact, i AM the boss of you.)


Truly great madness cannot be achieved without signficant intelligence


I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.


Left wing liberal nut job


Flies spread disease. Keep yours zipped.


Eff the ineffable, scrute the inscrutable.


If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions.


If evolution is just a theory, why am I surrounded by monkeys?


Nutrition makes me puke


Feral Geek


eat wisely


Dyslexics have more fnu!


It's here!

Eff and Scrute

440 pages, over 11,000 quotations!

Eff the Ineffable, Scrute the Inscrutable


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