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ISSN: 1525-898X
Observations by and for the vaguely disenchanted by Kevin G. Barkes

 

Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.

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network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...

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Anniversary

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Requiem for a fictional Scotsman

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Oh my God! They killed Library!! Those bastards!!!

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Elegy to a Mostly Maine Coon

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It's a Hap-Hap-Happy Day

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A Pittsburgher in the Really Big City

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Da Burg Annat

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I Have Issues

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Yeah, yeah, I'm inspired

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At least the rivers freeze in Pittsburgh

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He knows if yinz is a jagoff

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Please support KGB Report by making your amazon.com purchases through our affiliate link:
 

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dcl dialogue online!

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no. we're not that kgb.

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KGB, CIA linked

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The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!

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Americans United for Separation of Church and State

"No religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States."
Article VI, U.S. Constitution

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Geek of the Week, 7/16/2000

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Cruel Site of the Day, 7/15/2000

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miscellany

Hard to describe.

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"a breezy writing style and a cool mix of tidbits"

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Our riveting and morally compelling...

Privacy statement

One of  52,537 random quotes. Please CTRL-F5 to refresh the page.

	kgbreport.com Web

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(July 2000 and earlier)

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Saturday, November 06, 2004
posted by KGB at 7:46 PM (permalink)

Two words:

Electile dysfunction.

So saith the Newsgorilla.

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posted by KGB at 10:08 AM (permalink)

"Value Voters," indeed...

From someone in the alt.quotations Usenet newsgroup, responding to a pharmacist from England who was visiting the U.S., "sipping bourbon and toasting Dubya":

...it is too bad that your wife did not meet some, uh, Bush supporters in a washroom. She may have been able to get Bill O'Reilly's phone number for some stimulating talk. Then Bill could have set you up to meet the great Rush Limbaugh himself- I know he would trade you some fine Cuban cigars for a few of your pills. Then Rush could introduce you to Newt Gingrich, and you could do a little group orgy with whatever tart he happens to be with at the moment. Then off to Vegas in a private jet to do a little "speculating" with William J. Bennett.... Nothing is impossible in the land of opportunity!

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Friday, November 05, 2004
posted by KGB at 5:54 AM (permalink)

Quote of the day

"...about the only Republican without a mandate was Lynne Cheney."
-Jay Leno

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Thursday, November 04, 2004
posted by KGB at 6:47 AM (permalink)

Borowitz strikes again...

CANADA REPORTS HUGE JUMP IN IMMIGRATION
Over 55,000,000 Requests for Citizenship Since Tuesday Night

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"Elsewhere, experts said that exit polls may have falsely predicted a Kerry victory because Kerry voters exited while Bush voters stayed behind and voted again."

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Wednesday, November 03, 2004
posted by KGB at 9:09 AM (permalink)

Quote of the day

"The people have spoken, the bastards."-Dick Tuck

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posted by KGB at 3:50 AM (permalink)

Thought of the day

Did you ever get the feeling that the world's a tuxedo and you're a pair of brown shoes?
-George Gobel

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Tuesday, November 02, 2004
posted by KGB at 9:19 AM (permalink)

Whoa....

I was voter number 54 at my polling place in Pennsylvania at 7:45 this morning. The missus, who's a former poll worker, recalls elections when the total for the entire day was less than 50.

It's going to be interesting.

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posted by KGB at 6:05 AM (permalink)

Quote of the day

"In our system, at about 11:30 on election night, they just push you off the edge of the cliff and that's it. You might scream on the way down, but you're going to hit the bottom, and you're not going to be in elective office."
-Walter Mondale

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posted by KGB at 5:34 AM (permalink)

And just imagine what it does for your teeth!

"The properties of (Coca Cola) have been discussed for years. It has been reported that it is a fine lavatory cleaner, a good windscreen wipe and an efficient rust spot remover."

Uncorroborated reports from China claimed that the ill-fated New Coke was widely used in China as a spermicide.

(From the U.K. Guardian.)

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Monday, November 01, 2004
posted by KGB at 7:52 AM (permalink)

It's worthless

It's getting to the point where the amount of effort required to receive e-mail makes it pretty much useless.

According to the statistics in my spam filter, in the past 69 days I've received 37,444 e-mails- about 545 a day- of which 90 percent are junk. That's up from an average of 445 a day since May.

My wife and mother, whose accounts I also filter, are even worse off. 98% of the mail sent to their accounts are pure junk.

It's reached the point where I pretty much mark all incoming mail as junk, except for addresses that I've whitelisted. And even then, I still get nailed by miscreants who spoof legitimate addresses in order to get past my defenses.

And then there's the time I have to spend to review the junk to make certain something of import hasn't been accidentally misclassified.

Rule of thumb... if I don't respond to your email within a day, call me. Sorry it's come to that, but life is short and I'm not wasting my time wading through Viagra and Rolex spam any more.

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Sunday, October 31, 2004
posted by KGB at 12:26 PM (permalink)

Quote of the day

At a Halloween party she saw a group of people standing around a tub of water and asked what they were doing. When she was told they were ducking for apples, she noted sadly, "There, but for a typographical error, is the story of my life."
-Dorothy Parker

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Copyright © 1987-2025 by Kevin G. Barkes
All rights reserved.
Violators will be prosecuted.
So there.  
The kgb@kgb.com e-mail address is now something other than kgb@kgb.com saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used kgb@kgb.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that kgb@kgb.com was no longer kgb@kgb.com but rather kgbarkes@gmail.com which is longer than kgb@kgb.com and more letters to type than kgb@kgb.com and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than kgb@kgb.com but actually just as functional as kgb@kgb.com? I sent e-mails from the kgb@kgb.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used kgb@kgb.com in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the kgb@kgb.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which kgb@kgb.com was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for kgb@kgb.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that kgb@kgb.com no longer is the kgb@kgb.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. kgb@kgb.com. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...