Conceived above a saloon, delivered into this world by a masked man identified by his heavily sedated mother as Captain Video, raised by a kindly West Virginian woman, a mild-mannered former reporter with modest delusions of grandeur and no tolerance of idiots and the intellectually dishonest.
network solutions made me a child pornographer!
The sordid details...
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no. we're not that kgb.
The Carbolic Smoke Ball
Superb satire, and based in Pittsburgh!
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Thursday, August 12, 2004
Now let me get this straight...
My 6:00 pm flight from Newark was cancelled. Well, not really cancelled, but Useless Airways decided to skip the stop in Pittsburgh and just go directly to its ultimate destination, Kansas City.
So they booked me on the 7:20, and placed me on standby for the 3:00, which actually left at 6:45 and had only one standby seat available. The 7:20 is supposed to leave at 9:45, according to the gate agent and the monitors, but Useless Air's website says the actual departure time will probably be 10:40 p.m.
I dunno. The weather is rather hairy; radar shows a north-south line of thunderstorms forming a deflector-shield-like impenetrable barrier just west of us, and the radar in Pittsburgh looks like a seagull with digestive problems took a dump on an atlas.
Newark's better than it used to be, but it's no Pittsburgh. The prices are outrageous, and they charge $6.95 for wireless internet access.
But hey, it could be worse. At least it isn't winter, it isn't blizzarding outside, and I don't have anything urgent for planned for early tomorrow, aside from getting an adjustment at the dentist.
Oh yeah, the dentist. The nice folks at Allcare Dental. What? Look at this?
Hey, what can I say? I live life on the edge. It's just the kind of guy I am. And pass the jello.
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
Pussy Galore's Flying Circus
I always like to read stuff like this before getting on a jet...
Cat in Cockpit Forces Emergency Landing
Aug 10, 9:33 AM (ET)
BRUSSELS, Belgium (AP) - A Belgian airliner made an emergency landing after an agitated passenger - a cat - got into the cockpit and attacked the co-pilot, the airline said Tuesday.
The SN Brussels flight from the Belgian capital to Vienna, Austria, had been in the air about 20 minutes Monday when "it was noticed" that a passenger's pet had escaped from its cage, "although it is not yet clear how," according to an airline statement.
"Once free, the animal proceeded to wander around the cabin," slipping into the cockpit when meals were being delivered to the two-man flight crew, it said.
"At this stage the animal became agitated and nervous," it said. An airline spokeswoman added that the cat scratched the copilot's arm.
The pilot decided to return to Brussels as a precaution, and the 58 passengers departed once more two hours later on another flight.
The cat had been checked in Oslo, Norway, in an internationally approved "flight transport bag," but the airline said it may end up changing its procedures for pets in the cabin once it concludes its investigation.
"At no time throughout the incident was the passengers' security affected in any way," it said.
A busy road trip for the next few days, home to Pittsburgh and then back here to Chicago. They're all evening flights, which pretty much guarantees I won't be arriving at any destination until about midnight, given the ongoing delays at O'Hare.
"The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed of lost airline luggage."-Mark Russell
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The email@example.com e-mail address is now something other than firstname.lastname@example.org saga.
kgbreport.com used to be kgb.com until December, 2007 when the domain name broker Trout Zimmer made an offer I couldn't refuse. Giving up kgb.com and adopting kgbreport.com created a significant problem, however. I had acquired the kgb.com domain name in 1993, and had since that time used email@example.com as my sole e-mail address. How to let people know that firstname.lastname@example.org was no longer email@example.com but rather firstname.lastname@example.org which is longer than email@example.com and more letters to type than firstname.lastname@example.org and somehow less aesthetically pleasing than email@example.com but actually just as functional as firstname.lastname@example.org? I sent e-mails from the email@example.com address to just about everybody I knew who had used firstname.lastname@example.org in the past decade and a half but noticed that some people just didn't seem to get the word about the email@example.com change. So it occurred to me that if I were generate some literate, valid text in which firstname.lastname@example.org was repeated numerous times and posted it on a bunch of different pages- say, a blog indexed by Google- that someone looking for email@example.com would notice this paragraph repeated in hundreds of locations, would read it, and figure out that firstname.lastname@example.org no longer is the email@example.com they thought it was. That's the theory, anyway. firstname.lastname@example.org. Ok, I'm done. Move along. Nothing to see here...
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get kgb krap!